Nakedman hops into the ‘Naked Stop’ convenience store as his entrance music and video begins to play. It is set up on the monitors behind the counters and on a big ol’ Flatscreen TV that’s been hastily put on the wall.
Yo! Click Here for the
Nakedman Entrance Video. It opens up in a new window and everything.
Dale: Here comes Nakedman, he just picked the microphone up off the microwave. I guess he wants to speak.
Chip: What’s wrong with his leg? It looks like he is hobbling.
Dale: I have no idea Chip, but I suppose some sort of injury
would be very bad at this point and time for the naked competitor.
Nakedman: Hey Everybody… I am
Naked! And if you want to know about someone that is not naked, I’ll tell you-
its Vulcan Raven. He definitely does not have the nudity that I do. Nudity is
the power that turns the world. It’s only natural that I beat him into a pulp.
Dale: So whom will you be rooting for in this competition Chip?
Both of these men are bad guys… and color commentators are required by contract
to vote for heels.
Chip: Gee… I don’t know.
Nakedman: Now Vulcan Raven… you
think that just because you are a name, at that just because you are the
ultimate champion means that you can advance in this thing? Well that’s just
not true. I may be an underdog, but I have a Naked attitude that is guaranteed
to win this one.
Suddenly, Chip Young stands up from his chair and talks to Nakedman, who stands a few feet away.
Chip: Hey… uh… Nakedman. Are you the guy the fans are supposed
to boo or is Vulcan Raven?
Nakedman: Umm… what?
Chip: You heard me!!
Nakedman: Hmm, well nobody likes
Vulcan Raven- that’s a fact. But then again everybody hates me too for being
naked and forcing them to watch me swing my mandingo in their face.
Dale: *sigh* Where have all the good guys gone?
Grimm: Hey- Chevs won this thing last month, don’t complain.
Nakedman: Hmm, now I am in a
dilemma. Maybe I should do something really horrible, and really offensive, so
that I will be totally hated by everyone. Lets think, lets think now... hmmmm.
I could endorse rape… no. Maybe I can make fun of a minority group… naa, that
ain’t my style. Hmm, I could pull my mask off to reveal that I am Stuman… eh,
no… I couldn’t make myself that hated. DARNIT! I CAN’T DO IT ANYMORE!!
Dale: What is Nakedman talking about?
Nakedman: I can’t keep up the
false personality! I am not a bad person! I am a goodie-goodie! I got a 4.0 in
school and have never done drugs. I sniff flowers because they have a wonderful
smell. I hug my mother and father whenever I see them and thank them for giving
me such a good life. I have never drank, done drugs, smoked or had unprotected
sex. I am a big wussy! I am a nice person! I can’t help it.
He starts sobbing like a baby.
Grimm: Aww, now isn’t that a sweet moment.
Dale: It sure is. Nakedman is showing his true colors- and they
aren’t bad. Nakedman has tried to be a bad guy- but it just isn’t working out
for him. He wants to act like a kind, decent, sensible human being again.
Chip: Awww man… That totally SUCKS.
Some core Nakedman fans start to cheer outside (That’s right, I have fans. I can RP whatever I want… so THERE!)
Nakedman walks over to the shelf and opens up a box of tissues and starts to wipe his eyes.
Dale: Its inspirational moments like these that keep people in
Cyberslam.
Chip: Blah. Looks like I am rooting for Vulcan Raven now.
Nakedman: Thank You… thank you
all. I really appreciate all you have done for me. It makes my nude, undressed,
naked, bare, exposed, unclothed, stripped, stark body so happy to see love.
Chip: Okay, okay… we get the picture. You’re naked. Don’t rub it
in…
ABRUPTLY, Vulcan Raven’s Music
begins to thunder and his entrance Video cuts on the monitors.
And if you want to see
that Entrance Video, Click Here.
But you don’t have to man… I didn’t put any
work into it
Dale: Here he comes… and he has Cyberslam’s Ultimate
Championship around his waist. Will Vulcan Raven be able to claim that he was
both the CSlam Champ and Bar Room Brawl Champ at the same time? What an
accomplishment that would be!
Chip: It sure would. He better knock the Naked right off of
Nakedman. Then you know what Jim?
Dale: What Chip?
Chip: His name would just me ‘man’ then… get it? HAHAHAHAHA.
Grimm: Umm, yes. Very funny.
Vulcan Raven seems unable to find a microphone, but then from behind the Newspaper stand, Triumph the insult comic dog pops up with his fake… err… real arm holding a microphone.
Triumph
– Yes, yes… Hello everyone, this is Triumph here, and I am going to say a few
words with the man that will win this match,
Vulcan Raven. Hello there Vulc, is there anything you would like to say?
Vulc
– Uhh, no. Why don’t you just ask me some questions Triumph?
Triumph
– Ah yes, that is a great idea… … … … for me to poop on! Haha, no seriously, Mr.
Raven. To what do you account all of the rampant, flamboyant, homosexuality for
in Cyberslam?
Dale: WHAT?! What is he talking about?!
Vulc
– Well Triumph, I assume you are alluding to my competitor, Nakedman.
Triumph
– Yes, yes… the queer man over there.
Nakedman’s mouth drops in shock to the comments.
Vulc
– I don’t know. I guess there are just people like that in the world. We will
have to live with them. I find it unfortunate that I have to participate in a
match with one though.
Dale: Oh come on, Nakedman isn’t gay. He just doesn’t wear
clothing.
Due to the close proximity of people in the room, Triumph can hear Jim Dale, and he turns around to talk to him.
Triumph
– Oh come on you poop-face. This guy has had more bones buried in him then a back
yard at a kennel. This man has seen more pink things then… HEY! Do I have to
explain myself? I mean just look at him!
Vulc
– Well, it is true that he is a grown man that feels compelled to take his
clothes off when he’s around big, muscular men in spandex that fight each
other.
Nakedman: You… you… you little…
Triumph
– Hey, don’t give me that girlie… you are just begging for a hump, just
begging!
Nakedman: I am straight!!!!!!
Triumph
– Oh, oh… and your stable. The Army of Darkness. That is such a wonderful
stable… I mean it is a great stable… its is the most magnificent stable in the
world… … FOR ME TO-
Nakedman: -Will someone get that
dog out of here?!
Grimm: Geez, do I have to do everything?
Grimm gets up to go take care of the profane dog as Vulc gets ready for the fight. As Triumph is removed from the store…
Triumph
– You cannot do this to me… I have powerful connections! I am on a show that
comes on at 2:30 in the morning in Houston! Conan O’Brien is a powerful man… BY
GOD I WILL HUMP YOU ALL!!!!
The Insult Comic Dog is tossed into the streets as Grimm goes back down at takes a seat.
Grimm: Sorry about that folks.
Dale: Well, it looks like it’s just Vulcan Raven and just
Nakedman in the store right now. The action is about to begin; the Third Round
of the Bar Room Brawl is underway…
The referee in the store raises his arms to the air, signaling the beginning of the match.
Dale: …Here we go…
CONTINUED