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Bar Room Brawl XIII:
Jordanzombie vs. Nakedman
OUTSIDE of a convenience store we see a mild crowd has built up.
There are a few Camera Crews around and a few trailers set up in the parking lot.
People have gathered to see the sight of one of the many Convenience Stores
that is about to be totally wrecked for Bar Room Brawl 13. Set on spreading
Cyberslam news- whether or not we like it, stands Robbie Everton *cringe*
outside.
Robbie: Hey There fans, Robbie Everton here, we’ll take you back to the studios to Jim Dale and Chip Young in just a few minutes, but first I’d like to have a round of questions with both slammers in this second round of Grimm’s Bar Room Brawl. Behind me you see the trailer of Nakedman, who received a first round bye. Apparently he has invited his entire stable from all around Cyberslam to come and watch him fight…
Now, as some of you may have seen,
Nakedman’s stable leader in the Army of Darkness, Holyevil, advanced all the
way to the finals of the Bar Room Brawl last month. Has Mr. Evil mentored this
‘Nakedman’ fellow to get ready? I’m about to ask them…
He walks up the stairways of a
temporary trailer, a sign taped to the door reads: “Army of Darkness Only.”
Robbie knocks.
~~Knock, Knock, Knock.~~
Robbie: Don’t worry fans, we’ll have words with this Nakedman guy
in just a moment.
~~Knock, Knock, Knock.~~
-------------------------------------------
Minutes Later, inside the AoD
Trailer:
Nakedman: Hahahahaha, this is
so damn funny. Is he still out there trying to get in?
~~Knock, Knock, Knock.~~
Stormfire: Yeah. They just don’t
give up, yarr!
Dark Angel [speaking for
FallenOne]: So, what is it Naked, you just don’t want an interview?
Nakedman: Oh, it’s not that. I want an interview; it’s just that I’m not ready. You see… *snicker*… I’m just not dressed yet.
The AoD begins laughing,
knowing that Nakedman never wears clothes.
Nakedman: Seriously, every slammer tries to prove how important they are by being interviewed. Well you know what- its too clichéd for the Nakedman. I am an original; I’ve got the Naked Heat that allows me to be the best. Nakedman is just too damn good to have an interview.
Holyevil: But by writing that you have a man begging to interview you, but you ignore him- doesn’t that make you beg for attention in a pathetic attempt to show how good you are EVEN MORE then the other slammers who just have interviews.
Nakedman: Umm… I don’t kn?ow what yo?ur talking about.
SLAP!! …Nakedman gets punched in the face.
Nakedman: What was that for?!
Psychomantis: Pull yourself
together man, this is the Bar Room Brawl, a defining make-or-break event. You
don’t have time to put unnecessary question marks in the middle of your
sentence.
Voice from Outside: FINE THEN! If that’s how you want to be then I’m going to
leave an interview Jordanzombie!
A man can be heard marching
down the steps, the AoD doesn’t pay attention.
EricZombie: Yeah Nakedman, if
you want to beat my brother then you’ve got to focus. I know all about Jordan.
Just listen to the advice I told you about how he slams and take advantage.
Remember his weak spots.
Nakedman: Well damn, I hope his weak spot is rewriting- that would make it a lot easier for me.
Holyevil: You know, I think it’s so convenient that the slammer you are facing in this match just happens to be one of our stablemate’s brothers. Eric, you’ve done a good job of stabbing your brother in the back so far.
EricZombie: Thank You.
Nakedman: Yep, yep, yep. I don’t need to train, practice or anything. I’ve already won. I am just too nude and just too good. Jordanzombie is weak and is held back by unnecessary clothing. This is going to be one hardcore brawl, and trust me… no one knows Hardcore like a nude man.
Stormfire: HEY! Was that you
in that movie I saw?
Nakedman: SHH! I don’t like to talk about my pre-slamming career that much. Keep quiet about that movie, huh? I was young, irresponsible. That old man offered me a lot of money.
Stormfire: Umm… that’s not the movie
I was talking about.
Nakedman: Huh? I was… err… just kidding with you guys. You know that, right? Hehe. Lies! Lies I tell you!
Holyevil: Nakedman, you’ve got to do what I was screwed out of- I should have been Bar Room Brawl Champ I tell you! ME! ME! Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to remain happy with the fact that we own the CWO. By the way Nakedman, have you applied the ‘secret weapon’ yet?
Nakedman: Nope, not yet. I think the Gothic Warriors were supposed to bring it. Have they arrived yet?
Dark Angel: What’s this secret
weapon?
Holyevil: Vaseline… you’ll see. Don’t worry about the Gothic Warriors- they probably got lost when I gave them directions. They still don’t seem to be able to grasp things right, they insisted coming over on horseback. I brought some back up, just in case…
Holy hands Nakedman the
Vaseline, which he begins to spread over his hot, tanned, naked, sweaty, body.
Psychomantis: Eeech, did you hear
that? I think this narrator is gay.
Nakedman: Okay, I’m all ready to win this *yaaaawn* thing. Now you guys- I love the AoD, but I want to win this on my own. Cheating is wrong and cheating is bad. For me to have any sort of pride on my own then you must let me win this on my own, got it?
Holevil: …Uhhh…. So you want us to interfere then?
Nakedman: Bingo. But only if I get into some trouble. Lets go.
Nakedman and crew begin to exit
the trailer, ready to go to the match.
Stormfire: HEY! Did anyone notice that
there was a BRB camera crew in here the whole time?!?!
-------------------------------------------
BRB Exec, Grimm stands with
Jordanzombie, fellow CGW-er and former Stablemate. He is finishing some complementary
words of encouragement as Robbie walks in…
Grimm: … You are such a damn Mookie, you moron! Jordan, you
absolutely make me sick… I told you to stop reading that “Kronus’ Big Book” to
get heat, its just stupid. If I had my way I would can your…
He suddenly notices the
reporter in the room.
Grimm: …I mean, you are an excellent slammer and this is a fair
brawl. I hope you do well and represent the CGW.
Jordanzombie: Well, thank you.
Grimm walks away to go due his
BRB duties.
Grimm: (mumbling) Mookie.
Robbie: Hello there, I am standing with Jordanzombie who defeated
Cherokee in the first round. You take credit for being a legend beater, how do
you-
Jordanzombie: -Well, that’s
because I am one. No one gave me the credit, but I triumphed over this old
school boy. I am going all the way, I may now be stable-less and friendless-
but I’ve got myself, and that’s all that really matters.
Robbie: Umm, yes. Moving on, how do you feel about having to face
‘Nakedman’… he is a character that hardly anyone knows about. But more
importantly, your brother, Eric, is Nakedman’s stable-mate.
Jordanzombie: Really? Eric’s in
the AoD?? It doesn’t say that in the stable listings.
Robbie: Yes, but you had to have known that your opponent has
close ties to your family member.
Jordanzombie: I was clueless.
Look, if your fed spent months up in outer space you’d have lost track of a few
things too. I just think that I-
Suddenly, a man walks into the room,
it is last month’s CGW Bar Room Brawl representative, Whitelight.
Jordanzombie: Whitey- what the
hell are you doing here?! Get out of my Trailer.
Whitelight: Well, I know we’ve had problems. But seeing as how you
have no friends with you I thought I’d come and give you some BRB advice.
Jordanzombie: But you were
eliminated in the first round last month.
Whitelight: Umm… silence!! You mean I ‘illuminated’ in the first
round.
Jordanzombie: No, I said it
right.
Whitelight: Well screw you then- I just came to help. Christ, I mean
you have to fight a naked guy. That’s just sick. What kind of a sick, sick
person would have a slammer that wears no clothes?
Robbie: Well, its nice to see this CGW reunion, but back to the
questions. Jordan, how do you respond to charges that you-
Jordanzombie: No- the questions
are over. I’m ready to just go into the convenience store and win this already.
Everyone out of my trailer!
Whitelight: Fine then, I’m going to go drinking.
Robbie: I guess that’s all I’m going to get remote then, back to
the studios with Jim Dale…