---------

 

Neoprene kneels down and hides behind a bush alongside Anya. They look into the nearby food court area. It’s like a mall food court area, except outdoors and renaissance themed. And by renaissance themed I mean that every food item has “on a stick” written after it.

 

They whisper.

 

Neoprene: Ja… I see… eine, zwei, drei, vier!  Vier cameramen!

 

Anya: Vhere is the gauntlet zhough?

 

Neoprene: I do not see it. It must be here somevhere. I vill look.

 

Bush: *rustle*bush noises*rustle*

 

He gets up and starts to stroll into the food court. All the cameramen get excited and suddenly turn to him.

 

Neoprene: Now vhere ist it?!

 

He looks under a table.

 

Neoprene: Nein.

 

He looks in a garbage can.

 

Neoprene: Nein.

 

He walks over to one of the food stands and peaks to see if it landed on the ground there.

 

Neoprene: NEIN! Vhere could it be? It ist nicht on zhe ground anyvhere! Damnit!

 

Cameraman: *whistle*

 

Neoprene: Vhat vast zhat?

 

Cameraman: Oh. Nothing.

 

He looks up into the air and scratches his head innocently.

 

Neoprene: Vhat? Are ju looking up at somezhing?

 

Cameraman: …

 

Neo looks up. He sees nothing but the sky and trees. And a tree with the gauntlet stuck in the branches.

 

Neoprene: Vell, zhere is nozhing up zhere but the sky und trees und the gauntlet stuck in zhe tree branches. I vill move on because zhere is obviously nothing here for me to- ZHE GAUNTLET!!!

 

He suddenly shouts.

 

Neoprene: CRAPEN! Vhy did it have to be in zhe tree? How vill I get it from down here? ANYA!!!!

 

He calls her over and she comes. Now the time for him hiding his helpers is over and we’ve moved into the blatant cheating phase.

 

Anya: Wie kann ich helfen? [How can I help?]

 

Neoprene: Collecten zhese rocks on zhe ground. Ve will take zhem and throw zhem up into the tree to knock mein gauntlet down!

 

Anya: Ja.

 

And the two start to gather rocks to throw up at the tree-trapped gauntlet.

 

Neo throws a first rock up and it hits right on the iron and ricochets. Despite the direct hit… the gauntlet doesn’t budge.

 

---------

 

Robed Girl and Half-Naked Honey walk along the Chancery Lane.

 

Robed Girl: So, you think Naked and CC went to… you know…

 

Half-Naked Honey: I don’t want to think about it. Your side of the family is so totally weird.

 

Robed Girl: Hey wait… someone is coming.

 

Half-Naked Honey: Let’s hide!

 

They totally do. And then comes walking by…

 

Katya: Hallo Monika. Did ju get zhe message?

 

Monika nods her head.

 

Katya: I haven not seen the gauntlet anywhere. So it probably is vhere Anya und Neo zhink it is. Ve vill head zhat vay now.

 

Monika nods again and the two turn together to head over to the food court, having talked with Anya by walkie-talkie just before she and Neo actually found the gauntlet in the tree.

 

Robed Girl: NOT SO FAST, Überhos!

 

Half-Naked Honey: Yeah. You’re not going anvhere… ugh, I mean, “anywhere.”

 

They jump out and stand in their way.

 

Katya: Und wie schlagen Sie vor, uns zu stoppen?

 

Half-Naked Honey: Huh?

 

Robed Girl: She said, “and how do you propose to stop us?”

 

She smiles to herself proudly.

 

Robed Girl: I took 4 years of German in high school!

 

Half-Naked Honey: *cough*AltaVistaTranslator*cough*

 

Robed Girl: So. It looks like we’ve got a little catfight on our hands, huh?

 

And right then, Monika’s walkie-talkie gets a message.

 

Anya: *FUZZ* Zhis is Anya. Comen in. Ve have founden the gauntlet but it ist in a tree. Ju must help us get it downen!

 

Half-Naked Honey: Ha! I guess we know where the gauntlet is now too. And we’ll get to it first!

 

Robed Girl: Yeah! Unless you two kick our asses! Hehe!

 

Katya and Monika charge at them and knock them down. The little catfight begins…

 

---------

 

Meanwhile, Nakedman and Clothed Chic are hanging out around the mock Globe Theatre stage, looking through the rows of seats.

 

Clothed Chic: Nope. Nothing here.

 

Naked: And I’ve got nothing over here either.

 

Clothed Chic: So wait. Did we do anything in that bathroom?

 

Naked: Maybe. I’ll explain later.

 

Clothed Chic: Do you think the gauntlet could have crumbled into little bits when it was shot?

 

Naked: Naa. I saw it fly out. It’s got to be over here somewhere.

 

Clothed Chic: Well I’m bored. Lets forget about it and go to the food court.

 

Naked: No! You can eat later. I only have once chance to win this thing. I don’t need to job the BRB.

 

Clothed Chic: You mean like you did to Vulcan Raven?

 

Naked: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

 

Clothed Chic: Come on! The food court is only like 30 feet away!

 

Naked: I said no! You’ve got to help me!

 

Clothed Chic: Oh please. It’s not like Neoprene is looking for the gauntlet. See. He’s in the food court with that blonde chick.

 

Naked: WHAT?! Where?

 

Clothed Chic: Duh. I said 30 feet away.

 

Naked: What are they doing?

 

Clothed Chic: Throwing rocks into a tree or something. I don’t know. Look for yourself, you have a set of eyes.

 

Naked: Actually, this one is glass. But that’s a long story that involves Captain Stormbeard, his hook, poop in the eye and Chompy the parrot.

 

Clothed Chic: Ooo! That reminds me of a joke! Okay… so this pirate walks into a bar and has a steering wheel on his codpiece. And this other guy is like, “Why do you have a steering wheel on your codpiece?” And the pirate is like, “Arr. I don’t know… but it’s drivin’ me nuts!” …Haha… Get it?

 

She turns to see that Nakedman is running over to the food court, with his stuff flapping in the wind.

 

Clothed Chic: Yay. Food court. I don’t know what I want… but it better be on a stick!

 

She follows.

 

Naked: NEO!!!

 

Neoprene: Vhat? …

 

He looks down from the tree after throwing a rock and sees, in all his royal nudity, Nakedman.

 

Neoprene: NEIN! It ist herr Naked! How did ju finden me?!

 

Naked: Happenstance, Neoprene.

 

Neoprene: Vhat? Fozzy’s new album? Ve Germans love crappy metal music. Und Hasselhoff.

 

Anya: JA!

 

Naked: I see you found the gauntlet. Nice work. But that doesn’t mean you’re ever going to get it.

 

Neoprene: Oh really now? And ju plan on stopping me? OH! Look who is vith ju! Es ist your slutty sister.

 

Clothed Chic: *giggle*… Hi!

 

Naked: As it happens, I am an excellent tree climber. Though going up a tree does actually hurt me quite a lot. You know, what with the no clothes and all. Bark is itchy.

 

Neoprene: Ah, das it hurt as bad as rocks being zhrown at ju?

 

Naked: Well actually, I’m not quite- *ow*… OW! Hey stop…

 

Neo starts pelting him with the little pebbles and stones.

 

Neoprene: Soon, mein two other valets vill be here und ve vill be victorious. Ju do nein standen a chance!

 

And how fortuitous that he mentions that. Because turning around the corner at that very moment comes:

 

Katya: Ve are here-en, sir-en.

 

Monika: Ich bin totally Asian!

 

Neoprene: Jaaaa, gut! Now help me eliminate zhese two!

 

Katya: Vith pleasure-en, Neoprene-en!

 

Monika: Ich bin glad to take them out… uh…en.

 

Neoprene: Vhat is wrong vith you two?

 

Katya: Nothing-en.

 

Monika: Ich bin fine!

 

Katya and Monika head over to Nakedman; Anya eyes them suspiciously.

 

Anya: Das ist nicht sie! Das ist nicht sie! [That is not them!]

 

Neoprene: Ja!

 

“Katya” pulls off her brown wig and excessive clothing to reveal a blonde, bathing suited honey.

 

Half-Naked Honey: HA! We totally kicked those Eurotrash girls in their Heinekens!

 

Robed Girl rips off Monkia’s clothing to reveal her true, Indian-braid haired self.

 

Robed Girl: Yeah! Then we stole their clothes and dressed up as them! It was all so clever.

 

Half-Naked Honey: They are totally laying naked, tied up to a May Pole with ribbons!

 

Robed Girl: Could you please stop saying totally?

 

Half-Naked Honey: I will totally stop saying that.

 

Neoprene: Ju may have gotten past zhem… but zhis gauntlet ist mein! Ju vill never beat me!

 

NEXT