Naked: …Big talk, Neo. But it looks like you are out numbered 4 to 2. Your own numbers game has caught up to you. You should have never dismissed those Neolytes. Because now the Nakedlytes are in control! Oh yeah… and one more thing. I’m naked.

 

Neoprene: Oh really? I did nein notice, douchen bag.

 

The wind starts to pick up.

 

Naked: Nakedlytes… lets take him down!

 

The Girls: Yes, sir!

 

At this point, Davros and the Gothic Warriors begin to comment over the action. Why weren’t they before? I don’t know. Do I look like Count Justice to you?

 

Davros: WHOA Nakedman’s three hot, but unfortunately clothed, sisters are going after Neoprene and Anya.

 

VK: In the while, it doth seem that Sir Naked be trying to head up the tree.

 

CJ: HA! He shalt never succeedeth!

 

Naked: Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Bark hurts balls… bark hurts balls…

 

Davros: Nakedman has begun his ascent! 

 

Neo dodges an attack from Half-Naked Honey, who falls to the ground.

 

Half-Naked Honey: UGH! I broke a NAIL! Nooo!

 

She runs off crying. (She certainly doesn’t run off to get a shovel. *WINK*)

 

VK: And now the odds be even… with the wench of little clothing in flight and Sir Naked climbing… it be Anya and Neoprene against Clothed Chic and Robed Girl! HUZZAH!

 

CJ: I doth love a good wench fight. Thou canst see the cleavage bounce in the bodices most well!

 

Davros: OH! But the fight is hardly even or in Nakedman’s favor anymore! Neo and Anya are winning! It’s an uphill battle for the sisters…

 

Robed Girl tries to grab some of the rocks that Anya and Neo collected and left on a food court table. But Anya grabs on her braids and RG loses her grip. The rocks in her hand spill back to the ground.

 

Davros: And Naked is still climbing! Or at least trying to.

 

Naked: Just one more branch… almost got it… and…

 

*slip*

 

THUNKthunkTHUNKthunkTHUNKthunk.

 

Naked: OWowOWowOWow!

 

With each thunk and ow, Nakedman falls another branch down in crotch-colliding fashion.

 

VK: At least the jester will ne’er be able to reproduce children as foolish as he now! HUZZAH!

 

The wind picks up and blows even harder as Nakedman lay on the ground. He picks himself up slowly.

 

Naked: Okay, I’m not going to try that again.

 

Looking over to the fight, his face turns to shock. He sees Robed Girl and Clothed Chic laying on the ground beaten, and HNH is nowhere in sight.

 

Neoprene: Vell, it looks like your “Nakedlytes” did not do no vell, nein?

 

Naked: I guess not. But that doesn’t change the fact that you will never get your hands on that gauntlet. That thing is immobile. It’s like the rock of Gibraltar. I was shaking branches and: nothing! No way that thing is coming dow-

 

*CLANK*

 

The iron gauntlet falls out of the tree and crashes into Nakedman’s head.

 

*THUD*

 

Davros: Nakedman is down!

 

VK: Ha! That be most droll indeed!

 

CJ: And now the savage Hun doth travel over to pick up the gauntlet!

 

Neo walks over and scoops it up. He looks at his reflection against the polished iron and smiles.

 

Then he puts the gauntlet on.

 

Neoprene: LOOKEN! LOOKEN! I haven won! I haven the gauntlet und Nakedman ist out!

 

CJ: This be true. Be the Hun victorious in battle?

 

Davros: No! The rules specifically say that a competitor has to be knocked out with the gauntlet by his opponent for a 10 count!

 

VK: Then how canst the barbarian win if Naked be already knockethed out? Thou canst nay make him more knockethed out!

 

Davros: I guess Neo is going to have to wake Nakedman up… and then knock him out again!

 

Neoprene: Oh damnit! Zhis ist no gut. I… uhh… I meanen… uh…

 

Neo grabs Nakedman’s jaw.

 

“Nakedman:” Looken at me. I am avake. Ja, ich bin Naked und avake!

 

The BRB ref comes running over to look at the situation and shakes his head with a negative.

 

Neoprene: AGH! VAKE UP, JU STUPID FOOL!

 

Davros: Neo could try his Uberdosis pin or his Koeniggecrabbe submission move… but it won’t do him any good. He’s got to knock Naked out with the iron gauntlet!

 

Neoprene: Anya… finden me some vater to throw in zhis stupid man’s face.

 

Anya: Here, herr.

 

She tosses him a bottled water from a food court stand. It is bottled water on a stick. Neo takes off the cap and starts to pour it on Nakedman.

 

Neoprene: VAKE UP!

 

Naked: Ugh… uhh…

 

Davros: Nakedman is conscious!

 

CJ: Aye! But perhaps nay for long!

 

Neoprene: Gut! Now un-vaken up!

 

He leans back and swings right for Nakedman’s face.

 

Naked: WHOA!

 

Davros: Naked rolls out of the way just it time! Neo gets nothing but air!

 

Neoprene: Do not run. All I vish to do ist pummel your facen.

 

Nakedman jumps up and runs to use Anya as a human shield.

 

Naked: Back off!

 

Anya: AGH! Vhat ist zhat rubbing against my hinterteile?!!!

 

Naked: Oh, sorry about that. Heh.

 

Neoprene: Get avay from her, ju covard.

 

Naked: Drop the gauntlet or else…

 

Neoprene: Nein! I vill not.

 

Naked: I’m varning… I mean “warning” you. Don’t step any closer.

 

Davros: Is this a standoff? Neoprene has got the glove and Naked has got Anya!

 

CJ: But doth Neo really care for Anya? For he doth see himself above all!

 

VK: Aye. And be a maiden worth a loss in battle? Wenches be only useful for the pleasuring of loins!

 

The Gothic Warriors, both being from the 1200s, agree on that reasonable sounding moral standard. Now, for all the other guys nodding their head to that statement, well…

 

Davros: What is Neo going to do? Come to think of it – what is Nakedman going to do?

 

Naked: I warned you Neo. Don’t come any closer.

 

Neoprene: Or vhat?

 

He steps forward.

 

Naked: Or… THIS!

 

Nakedman twirls Anya around and gets her in position.

 

Davros: OH NO! It’s THE BARE BOTTOM! BARE BOTTOM! BARE BOTTOM!

 

Davros cannot help but morph into Jim Ross as he screams the finishing move. Chaos erupts at the nearby German announcers’ table. Steins of beer and lederhosen go flying everywhere.

 

CJ: Anya be taken out! It now just be Neoprene and Naked left to battle!

 

Davros: One on one… man to man. This is how the fight is going to end!

 

Half-Naked Honey runs up from behind and strikes the back of Neoprene’s calves with a shovel.

 

*WHAM*

 

Davros: Or maybe not. Who knows.

 

Neoprene: AGH!!! Mein legs! MEIN BEINE!

 

Half-Naked Honey: That’s totally for breaking my nail. Totally.

 

Naked: If you don’t mind, I’ll be taking this.

 

Nakedman grabs onto the gauntlet and yanks it right off of Neo’s hand.

 

Davros: Nakedman has taken the Iron Gauntlet! He’s putting it on!

 

Neoprene: Vell, actually I did mind, but-

 

Naked: Man, I wish I had some mailed fist of the just joke to make here as I am about to punch you in the face. But I got nothing.

 

Neoprene: Vell ju better give the gauntlet back zhen so zhat I can-

 

*BAM*

 

Davros: PUNCH TO THE FACE! OH MY! The Iron Gauntlet goes right to the jaw of the German Superstar! Neo has got to be out of it! Now here comes the ref, Karl Perkins, to count the time Neo is down!

 

Ref: 1… 2… 3…

 

Anxiously, everyone watches.

 

Ref: 4… 5… 6…

 

Neoprene doesn’t budge an inch. It’s not looking good for him.

 

Ref: 7… 8… 9…

 

Dunn Dunn DUNN!

 

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