Davros: …OH! Massive clothesline by the German ÜberGod! You know, I really like guys who claim to be all powerful. But that’s not important. What is important is the fact that the Iron Gauntlet just went flying off of Nakedman’s right or perhaps left hand!

 

CJ: That shalt be a vicious assault that Nakedman shalt ne’er forget!

 

Naked: Ugh… what just happened? I can’t remember.

 

Davros: And Neoprene is now stomping Nakedman! At last a good old fight has broken out! Enough of that boring chitchat!

 

Neoprene: Jaaa! Now I vill taken this carpet und staple gun und I vill cover your crotchen.

 

Naked: Hey! Staple gun? Where did you ge- AGH!!!!

 

Davros: That’ll leave a mark!

 

Neoprene lifts Nakedman up and knees him in the gut.

 

Davros: And now he goes to the back side…

 

Everyone snickers.

 

Neoprene: Halt die schnauze!!! [Shut up]

 

Davros: Waistlock… he’s lifting up Nakedman with a belly to back… OH! GERMAN SUPLEX!

 

CJ: Nay, that doth be the Holy Roman Empire Suplex.

 

VK: Aye. The suplex of Huns!

 

Davros: The German with a German suplex! And Nakedman is hurting! But that doesn’t mean anything because no pin counts. Neo has got to get that glove, put it on, and knock Naked out!… wha… wait… wait just one second. Nakedman is getting up. How did he do that?

 

Nakedman hops to his feet and delivers a slap to the chest of Neoprene. Out of nowhere a band of people run up and scream “woooo.” Then they run away.

 

Davros: Nakedman hooks on a front face lock… now he’s lifting Neo… OH! AMERICAN SUPLEX! The only move that can possibly top the German Suplex is the Good ol’ American Suplex! What a move by Nakedman! That’s exactly how Truman beat the Germans!

 

CJ: What be this America he doth speak of?

 

VK: I think it be a province in Spain.

 

Davros: Viewers at home – it looks like we’re locked in a suplex battle! There is only one way this could possibly get better!

 

Joe: HEY! Watch it! This thing is fragile.

 

Tom: Sorry man. Sheesh.

 

Joe and Tom, two employees of the Trillingham Glass Window Moving Company, are casually walking by. They carry a glass window.

 

Davros: I can see where this is going!

 

Nakedman picks Neo up from the ground and begins to lift him again.

 

Davros: OH MY! Here it comes! Nakedman with a …

 

Nakedman then changes his mind and hits Neoprene with a frying pan.

 

Davros: Well, I didn’t see that coming. I thought for sure Neo would crash into the glass.

 

Joe: *whoops*… butterfingers.

 

*SHATTER*

 

He drops the window on the ground and it breaks to shards everywhere.

 

Tom: No… no, I’m pretty sure that was an almond joy.

 

Joe: My mistake.

 

Davros: And now Nakedman is running over to pick up that gauntlet again! It’s back on his hand. Neo is diving at him! OH!!!! Nakedman punched him right in the face! Neoprene is down!

 

VK: Here commeth Squire Referee Karl Perkins, to counteth to 10 and see if Neo doth fall!

 

Karl Perkins: 1… 2… uhm… no wait… don’t tell me. 3… yeah. 3… 4…

 

Neo easily picks himself back up after just a few seconds. His face still has a bruise mark… but he’s certainly not unconscious.

 

Davros: Neo is back up with alacrity! He’s grabbing for Nakedman’s arm! He’s trying to get that gauntlet off!

 

CJ: It now be in his grasp!

 

Neoprene: Hahaha… JA! It ist mein now! Der Gauntlet gehört jetzt mir!

 

Davros: Neo has pulled it away!

 

*SMACK*

 

Davros: OH! And Nakedman smacks it out of Neoprene’s hand! It flies through the air! Almost as if in slow motion! Look at it! Still flying!… still… even now as I speak… wow… look at it go… it…

 

*KLANK*

 

The gauntlet lands right into the cannon that was fired to begin the match.

 

Gunner: Huh?!

 

Davros: NOW MAN, NOW!!!

 

*BOOM*

 

A burst of flame and smoke comes from the cannon as the Iron Gauntlet is shot hundreds of feet away to the other side of the Ontario Renaissance Festival.

 

Neoprene: NEIN! NEIN! Comen back! I vill-

 

Naked: Man. That sucks.

 

The two dust themselves off from their scuffling.

 

Davros: And now no one knows where the gauntlet is! Nakedman and Neoprene will have to go out and search for it! Hahahaha!

 

VK: Now if it doth be like that from the beginning…

 

Neoprene: Oh vell Nakedman. Ve vill have to find it now, ja?

 

Naked: Yeah. Last man there is a-

 

While he tries to think of something witty to say…

 

*CLIP*

 

Naked: AGH!!

 

CJ: The Hun doth trip Sir Naked’s legs! Hahaha! T’was most merry!

 

VK: FIE! I didst just realizeth. Sir Naked be in our stable! We shouldst slayeth the Hun like he be a common Hun!

 

CJ: Aye. It doth work out well that the term we useth for a low thing be “Hun.” Then we canst say we shalt slayeth the Hun like he be a Hun.

 

Davros: That’s great guys. Have another drink.

 

They nod and consume ale. Meanwhile, Nakedman picks himself up.

 

Naked: Where is that Neoprene?! I’m going to get him! Ow… let me pull this staple out too.

 

Davros: And Neo is long gone! He took off in the direction that the Iron Gauntlet was shot. Let us just hope that the image of my precious face does not have powder burns on it.

 

Naked: I better head that way too. Only I better take a totally different route, so that the story can break up into two parts so that I may have scene transitions between myself and Neoprene. That way, whenever I get myself stuck in a situation that I wish to leave, we can cut over to Neo, then back to me after a while, and I will be out of the situation using “I’ll explain later” as my only reply to questions concerning poor story development.

 

And Nakedman runs off. Only he goes to the left of a corridor of “Ye Festival Shoppes” while Neoprene had gone right.

 

Davros: The two men have left the broadcast area. Now we’ll be following them with our cameras! Any word on where the gauntlet landed yet?

 

Some technicians learn over and whisper into his ear. He nods his head.

 

Davros: Well then. Let’s see where Neoprene is in his search…

 

---------

 

Neoprene is now hiding behind a tree after briskly pacing halfway across Trillingham.

 

Neoprene: Hahaha… zhey say zhat two heads are better zhen von. Zhen obviously FOUR heads are superior!

 

Neo claps his hands twice.

 

Neoprene: Fräuleins!!!! Katya. Anya. Monika. Sofort hergekommen! [Come at once]

 

From inside a nearby gothic jewelry vendor shop walks lovely Katya, her brunette hair blowing in the wind.

 

Katya: Ich bin, Neoprene angekommen. [I am here, Neoprene]

 

And from a clothing shoppe comes the lovely blonde Anya.

 

Anya: All est ready.

 

She pulls out a cloak and puts it over Neo’s shoulders.

 

And then Monika, Neoprene’s Asian chick valet casually steps away from a cheesecake on a stick cart to stand next to Neo.

 

Monika: Hiiii-YA!

 

She chops some wood or something. Yeah. I totally do not know how to sell her.

 

Neoprene: Jaa… das is all gut. Now even zhough ve all speak German better, ve shall talk in English. Do not ask vhy.

 

They nod.

 

Neoprene: Together ve shalt find the gauntlet. Poor Nakedman does nein have a chancen! Hahahaha!

 

Katya: Try to blenden in?

 

Neoprene: Ja. Valk casually. Zhen vhen ve have founden the glove, ve will use… DAS SIGNAL!!!

 

They nod again.

 

Neoprene: Now ve will split up!!!

 

And they head in four different directions, all looking down at the ground for the gauntlet. The three valets try to blend in and look like standard Renn Fest people. When one of them finds the glove then he or she will send…

 

THE SIGNAL! *gasp*

 

Okay. That just means they’ll call each other on their walkie-talkies. It’s no big deal.

 

---------

 

Just outside of the Jousting Arena…

 

Naked: Hrm. I wonder if the gauntlet could have shot over this far. Probably not. Still, I better check. I mean even if Neo gets to it first I’ve still got a fighting chance because he has to get to me.

 

Strolling from the jousting section, Nakedman notices some familiar terrain.

 

Naked: Hey! It’s the stage that was set up by the stocks! Hahaha… they were too lazy to ever take it down! I bet that they-

 

JMan: Uh, hey dude. Could you please get me out of- NAKEDMAN!!!

 

Naked: Get you out of Nakedman? But that’s me. How did you get in…

 

JMan: It’s ME NAKEDMAN! JMAN!

 

Nakedman looks at the stocks. The stocks that UCE Rep JMan is in. He scratches his chin.

 

Naked: JMan, huh? Hrm… nope. Doesn’t ring a bell.

 

JMan: You know. You put me in here. No one ever let me out. I’ve been here for like a week and a half! Please help me! I’m starving!

 

Naked: Hrm. Well, I had heard that you were totally inactive. But I figured someone had let you out.

 

JMan: Uhh… no one did. So come on.

 

Naked: Ooo look! A shiny quarter.

 

Nakedman bends over to pick up the quarter. He sticks his butt about a foot away from JMan’s face.

 

JMan: AGH! Gross! Come on. Let me out. I’m a human being. I’m more important than that quarter.

 

Naked: Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot all about your needs and thought only of my own. Isn’t that right, George Washington?

 

JMan: Life is not about finding money.

 

Naked: Yes. It is about taking money while other people are not looking. Hahahaha! SUCKER!

 

JMan: HEY! Come back! Please… come on! What did I ever do to you?! Nooooo!!!!!!

 

Nakedman walks away.

 

Naked: Hahahaha. I am so cool. I mean it’s not like me being a total jerk will have some karmic result where I myself am-

 

Spooky Ghost: OoOooOooooo!!!

 

Naked: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

 

He falls to his knees and shakes his fists in the air.

 

Spooky Ghost: OooOoo… I am the Ghost of Mardi Gras. Much like the Ghosts of Christmas. I will throw beads at you. You know what you will do then?

 

Naked: Uhh… take my top off?

 

Spooky Ghost: No. You will die. OoooOoooo!

 

Naked: *sigh*

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