Entering the mansion, Hank was stunned by it's opulance...Italian marble flooring in the foyer, genuine hardwood flooring in the halls and the other rooms...master works of art on the walls and ornately handcarved scrollwork on all the trim and mantles.  Following the manservant to the sitting room where everyone was gathered, Hank couldn't yhelp but think that what was spent on decorating just one room of this place could have fed his whole family for five years back when he was growing up as one of six children to a mill worker back in Leeds.

 

Manuel the Manservant:  Ladies and gentleman, Hank Hooligan.

 

Faces looked up from what they were doing as Hank was announced.  Some of them he recognized, others he didn't, and none he knew firsthand, although he knew by the time this little party was over with, that would change.  He recognized Doctor Abortion, as he immediately looked right back down into a book on autopsies of medical anomalies.  Stormtrooper was hard to miss in his white armor.  Was that Virtue Knight or Count Justice looking over that suit of armor in the corner?  He could never tell them apart.  And the goth chick with the corpse biker looking guy could only be Demonica Vile and Deadman Inc, respectively.  The rest were totally new to him, but that didn't matter to him, he spotted booze!

 

Filling a glass with scotch and ice, Hank was wishing it was his favorite liquor, Jagermeister.  Turning around and taking a look at the room, he was dreading to have to try to start a conversation with these people...after all, at any point in the near future, he was probably going to have to bash one or all of them, and there's no point in making nice with someone who you were just going to have to beat up later.  Then a shadow filled the doorway of the room and Hank looked up.

 

Manuel:  Ladies and Gentlemen, Belzovia.

 

Finally, someone Hank actually knew.  Sure there was no love lost between them, as they've battled not once but twice for the TWF's Guts and Glory Championship, but they respected each other after the beatings they've given and taken from each other, and truth be told, they could, at the very least, get along.

 

Hank:  Oi, 'Zovia...so....'ow was your trip?

 

Belzovia:  At least you don't try calling me Belz, and it was fine...hey, isn't that the same thing you were wearing the last time I saw you?

 

Hank:  Yeah...long story.

 

Belzovia:  Smells like it!

 

Before Hank can say something pithy in retort, a man flanked by a butler looking guy and a woman in a maid's outfit cleared his throat in that way that only says, "Can I have your attention please" But when everyone looked up, it was the butler that spoke.

 

Butler:  Everyone....Mr. Boddy.

 

Boddy:  Welcome everyone to my humble abode!  I have been a wrassling fan ever since I was a child, and I always dreamed that when I became rich, I would have a party and invite all of my favorite wrasslers to attend.  So, when I hit it big with my internet IPO, then got out before the bubble burst, I found that I had the means to make that dream come true, hence all of you being gathered here today!

 

Now, try as I might to share my love of wrassling with my staff, they look down their noses at it...still hung up on once being servants for those of old money, but whatever.  It's because they aren't into wrassling that they really have no idea who you are or why you're great...but they still need to know who I mean when I tell them to get something for one of you, so I have given all of you a color-based code name.

 

Demonica:  Oh, doesn't this beat all...now we're all reduced to being Clue pieces!

 

This bitchy comment garners some snickers from the room, and Mr. Boddy takes it all in stride.  Seems like the guy may be of the good-natured sort.  Hank just might have to rethink his plan on killing the guy for the sign at the airport....nah!

 

Boddy:  Yes, I can see where the reference can be drawn from that...Coach Crimson!

 

Dr. Abortion:  Well, we know what time of the month it is then, now don't we!

 

Dem-Coach Crimson:  I told you that in confidence, I'll kill you, you little worm!

 

Dr. A:  Settle down, Coach!

 

Boddy:  Yes, please follow Mrs. Scarlett's advice and settle down!

 

Dr. A:  Yes, do as I say...wait, I'm Mrs. Scarlett?  Meh, no big whup, I'm used to red and all it's shades.

 

Boddy:  That's the spirit!  Now, Amp, you're Professor Plum.

 

Amp:  At least I got a man's name.

 

Boddy:  Belzovia, you're Senorita Silver.

 

Belzovia:  Does it have to be Senorita?

 

Boddy:  Yes, just be a good sport about it, everyone.  Deadman Inc., you're Lady Lavender

 

Deadman just shakes his head and the small snickers that were going on around the room at these names has stopped as the realization that they could get a messed up name sinks in.

 

Boddy:  Hank Hooligan, you're Princess Peach

 

Hank:  Great, bleedin' royalty...yew know that they kept the blue blood blue through inbreedin' roight?

 

Boddy:  And on this side of the pond, they'd be living in trailer parks...I know!

 

This gets a laugh out of the room and Hank grimaces at the thought of all the future redneck jokes that might be made at his homeland's leader's expense later on.

 

Boddy: James Randall, you're Mr. Green.  Law Martin, you're Mrs. Peacock.  Payton, you're Mr. Brown.  Stormtrooper, you could only be Mrs. White.

 

Stromtrooper:  Let me guess, it's the armor, right?

 

Boddy:  Right in one! And TheBMan187, you're Officer Orange.

 

TheBMan187:  Yo, man, I ain't no narc!

 

Boddy:  And Deadman's no lady either, it's just a codename for the staff's benefit.

 

While Mr. Boddy was giving out the codenames for the wrasslers, more of the staff had gathered at the open doorway of the sitting room.

 

Boddy:  Now, my staff will show you all to your rooms, where you can rest and freshen up before we have dinner in two hours, so once again, I say welcome, and I'll see you all at dinner in two hours!

 

With that, Mr. Boddy and his two servants leave the room, and those in the room begin pairing off with various staff who have their codenames written on a nametag on their chest.  Once they find their wrassler, they give them a similar tag to wear as they lead them off to various areas of the house where their individual rooms are located.

 

Hank, erm, Princess Peach

 

You're gettin' a kick out of this ain't ya?

 

Damn right I am!  Anyways, Princess Peach's guy, a dour looking old man, leads him off to his room and opens the door for him.

 

Nameless servant guy:  Here is your room, Peach, dinner will be in two hours, and you may want to bath and change before hand.

 

Ha=Princess Peach:  I came wif whot you see roight 'ere, and that's all I got.

 

NSG:  Yes, it smells like it.

 

Hank gives his pits a sniff and realizes that yes, it does smell like it.

 

Peach:  Ya think that maybe ya could find me somethin' in roughly me size?  A bloke wif as much cash as Mr. Boddy should 'ave some othah clothes...

 

NSG:  I'll see if I can find something for you, Princess.

 

Peach:  And don't call me Princess!!! If ya gots ta call me anythin', call me Peach, ferchristsakes!

 

NSG:  Fine then, Peach, I'll see if I can find you something to wear.

 

Peach:  Thank you very much, bloke!

 

And with a muffled "hrrmmmm", the Nameless Servant Guy leaves, closing the door behind him, leaving Princess Peach alone in his room.

 

Do ya 'ave to call me that, even in tha narration?

 

Well, no, I don't have to, but I'm going to anyways!

 

Aw, bollocks!

 

CONTINUED