| Nags's Life Right Now |
| January 21, 2004 Hey, what's happening? Oh yes it is site update time. Been about two months so I decided to close out 2004 with a site update, how generous of me, I know. 2004 has been the usual 12 months of mixed emotions, from total elation to total depression and just about everything else in between. Met a lot of people, some became friends, some became non-friends and others were just forgotten (so mean to say). But enough about the whole year for now and on to the last 2 months. I do apologize for the length....really sorry. November was a pretty boring month (hence no site update) but I guess some important things happened. Let�s see. 1/2 Birthdays Well I did celebrate Sarah�s half birthday. I love half birthdays. Not only is it an excuse to make one of my friends feel special but I mean honestly, I don�t have to try to be remembered for it. Think about it: on a real birthday you have to try kinda hard to stand out from the dozens of other people who are saying happy birthday. On half birthdays you just have to acknowledge them. I mean honestly, most people don�t even have a fucking clue when their half birthday is. It works out. As for Sarah it was the first time I had hung out with her since March. So at least I got something out of it by being able to hang out with her (in the Borders parking lot, hella hardcore).. Conscience Clearing Probably the most significant thing that happened in November was basically the clearing of my conscience. Basically I just didn�t want to have anything in me that I wanted to say and didn�t. Sometimes this works out, other times it didn�t. First example would be me coming clean to Renata with the truth that she already knew, and that would be that I was still crazy about her�actually very very crazy about her. Ok I told her that I loved her. She said she already knew by the way I look at her but still. I mean she didn�t like reject me like I kinda expected but it basically changed nothing between us at all. I wasn�t growing detached form her at all till it all went down in a fiery wreck (which you�ll read about later). A second example is with my friend Dani. We met in like mid-June and we had a fun night together. But for some reason (my summer mindset I think), I kinda like brushed her aside. Like on the night of \m/the party\m/ (rock and roll quotes courtesy of Dane Cook) I said she could come but I wasn�t going to guarantee that I was going to spend a lot of time with her. WHO SAYS THAT? Also I pissed her off on my birthday by showing up drunk around 1AM. I announced to her online that I was coming to get a hug and dammit, I was. Of course her dogs started barking when I got close and woke the whole family up. But I apologized to her for all of that and now we�re all g (even though we still haven�t hung out in some time). Yet another great example is Brandie. Although we were never like super close, we were friends and at one point was kinda crushing on her. Well anywayz back in August we were hanging out and like something happened to her (nothing horrible) and I talked way too much, like sometimes I think aloud or just don�t show the compassion I�m actually feeling. Well that�s what happened and like we didn�t talk for months. It just ended up being that way. Well I had been wanting to like write her an apology note for a while and it just took me like 3 months to do it and take it to her. I don�t know why it did but it did. I also had her $10 bill that I held on for her that night and I forgot to give back. I had it sitting on my board so that I wouldn�t spend it and for three months I didn�t. So we actually talked for a while and we�ve been talking again ever since. It�s nice because she is a great girl and a good conversation. Hopefully we�ll be hanging out soon. The last example is Josh. As most of you know we hated each other in high school, became really good friends after high school and then didn�t talk to each other after some retarded incident in early August. Well he unblocked me in mid-late October but we didn�t talk forever. I guess I just decided to be the bigger man and message him first (also known as being the most bored first). So in early November we started talking again. He was actually one of the first people I told a big secret to and he paid me back by telling me one of his big secrets as well. It was basically as if nothing had happened between us. New Old Friends Another thing that I�m really glad happened was that I started talking to old friends again that I maybe feared I wouldn�t talk to much anymore. Besides the afrorementioned Dani, Brandie & Josh, I also started to talking again for a brief time with Calisse and she was actually my �date� to the Dane Cook show with Sean & his wife. More on that later. I also started to talk to Becca again. This would be the Bitterglitter Becca, not the San Leandro one. We used to talk for hours every day during the summer but recently we weren�t talking like at all due to the fact that well, mainly she was busy with some guy. It happens I guess. But we�re talking more often now so that�s a good thing. Also out of the blue I started to talk with Ashton again. Ok we really didn�t� talk that much to begin with but when I was inviting people for the firepit I just called everyone and she�s one of everyone and low and behold she actually came. It was good. She�s actually going to be going down to SoCal the same time as us in a few weeks so that should be fun. Add Ali, Amy, Kristen and Sarah to that same group of people I started talking with again. I�m glad I was able to get back in touch with these friends of mine and hopefully I�ll get in touch with a couple more during the next couple months. If only getting back in touch with every friend was this easy� Aren�t we friends? So we're @ Rob, Grant & Nate's house celebrating Josh's bday while he�s back for Thanksgiving Break. I get to see a bunch of people I haven't seen in a while (like Ali, Amy, Jenny, Chrissy, Nicole S, Danielle, Taylor & Heather) and it's a good 'ol time as most of my friends are drunk and I'm not which makes it funnier. So I go to leave since I'm tired and I just felt like headin to bed. So I'm givin everyone handshakes or hugs (depending on their sex) and I get to Rob's room and I give one to Josh & Sean and I put my hand out there for Rob. He just like looks at it and I was like "you're aren't even going to shake my hand" and he shook his head. I honestly almost started crying. I rushed the rest of my handshakes and hugs and just fucking bounced. I was trying my best to keep my tears in because it hurt so bad. I went home and then saw Renata online so I went over there and hung out with her and that was good. I had someone to talk to and calm down with. We picked up her drunk friend, which was interesting. But at least my mind was off this shit. She did lie to me about some shit which was ghey but eh, I guess it happens. Now the reason Rob is still upset is because on my bday I called him to come hang out with us for my birthday at some house we were at and like he had this gf he was with for like 3 weeks at the time, maybe not even that. Now he's Mexican but we don�t' hold that against him (lol jk) and we have always just called him Black Rob, probably because he's the only colored guy in the group, I personally don't know cuz I didn't start it. Well his gf is white and it doesn't matter to me. So being in the weird mood I was in (having just had a bad experience with some girl....) I left a voicemail that said "Black Rob, when your done with your white chick come kick it or call me" something to that effect. Well like the next day I had a message on my away from him saying "hey don�t leave messages like that on my phone again" and then he called me and said the same thing and I was like "I'm sorry dude it was just a bad joke." Honestly that's all it was. I have nothing against her as I met her one time and I liked her so I mean no hostility there. But I guess she heard the voicemail and got mad at him so he got mad at me. He's been mad at me ever since. That was FOUR MONTHS AGO! It's just so gay. I mean I was never super close to him but I mean we were still hella cool with each other being in the same group and I considered him to be a good friend and for something stupid like that to happen. And for that to just hit me it's like damn. If a girl ever gets in between my friend and me like that again for something that stupid (ignore the Nicole situation from years ago) I honestly need to have the printed out and one of you should staple it to my forehead. It's just so gay. Like I mean I shake the hands of people I don't even know or don�t' care about. And that just hurt so fucking much. And the worst part is I don�t think he even cares. He gave some weird excuse to me later about not putting up a front and just telling me like it was. Also something about how I didn�t apologize to her or anything. Kinda hard to apologize to someone you never see but oh well. I guess I�ll have to wait until they break up to have a chance to be friends with him again. But then again maybe not because during the last firepit they both came over and she said that she forgave me that day. I don�t know if she just realized it was stupid and 5 months in the past or if Rob said anything but I guess that�s a step in the right direction. It�s not only him that�s acted that way; unfortunately Grant has done the same thing. I really haven�t hung out with Grant more than twice over the last few months. And it�s for the typical reason, he�s with a girl he loves. I know that when that happens you see your friends less but there�s a difference between less and not at all. And Grant was/is so well liked and hearing people say that it�s gay how he�s acting kinda bothers me so as the voice of the group (meaning that I�m the one that will actually always say what people are thinking) I emailed him about it. I just said that I�ll always be friends with him because he told me that he knew he had been ignoring me and that he was always there for me if needed. I simply said that you might want to get in touch with your other friends and make sure they know the same because if/when your relationship ends you�re going to need and want us there for you. Don�t hope they�ll be there, make sure that they never left. Happy did the same thing too but his kinda disgusted me more. He was back for 10 days during the holidays, the last 10 days he would be home before going to Afghanistan in a few months. He brought along this girl he had met like a month ago. You can see where this is going. Out of 10 days he hung out with me and everyone else�..about 15 minutes. So he was online one night and I just kinda bluntly told him that that was bullshit. Luckily for me I caught him on a drunken night. He was very emotional and apologized and all that shit and we talked for a while. I know that since I haven�t been in a serious relationship that I don�t know what it�s like, but more often than not, even when I�m hanging out with a girl, I�ll try to see my friends after or incorporate them into whatever we�re doing. Hell the first firepit cut in on my night with Renata but the guys wanted it so I just had her join the firepit. Maybe that�s just me though, I don�t know. New Friends Yes it�s true, I can still make friends. I have made quite a few in the last couple months. From work I would now call Reno and Angelina friends. Reno (a.k.a. Chris) is actually my senior in my department but he�s the one that suggested to my boss that I go back to computers. That was something he didn�t have to do but he did. And also like if I�m having a shitty day and he can see it on my face then he always tries to find out what�s wrong. Little shit like that is what I need. Angelina I just started randomly talking to one day and I always joke with her and shit. I also talk with her online when she�s on. So I mean, we talk about things a lot so it�s cool. And then you have the new Livermore friends. First off are the three I met through Sarah. Those would be Katie, Kristie and Tara. Katie is a cool girl; one of those girls that like is just like on of the guys but looks better than a guy. She hangs out with me and my friends a lot. Kristie is a great girl. Good looking, great personality, lots in common and very close to my personality but we�re just friends and that�s how it�s probably going to stay. Can�t say I didn�t try though but sometimes it just happens this way. Still rather be friends with someone like her than go back to not knowing her. Tara is another cool girl but sometimes a bit immature. Maybe it�s just around me but she�s very shy and sometimes it just gets me all ROAR. But she�s cool to talk to online. And the last one is Tara�s friend Haley who I met through Tara. She�s also very cool but more outgoing which is nice. But again all four of these girls are only friends but hell, the more the better. I�ll take 6 new friends every two months. House Lighting Night As most of you now and/or have seen, my house has a million and one lights on during Christmas. Every year we have a lighting ceremony and people come over and watch them turned on for the first time and then eat and drink. I invited a lot of friends and lots of people said they were going to show up. Not so much. The only one of my friends who showed up was Renata (who left about 45 minutes later to go hang out with some other guy, which made me so very happy). So I was pretty just upset about almost all my friends bailing. It was cool that Sarah wanted to go but couldn't and that a few other people at least thought about coming that I didn't think would. So I mean there's the silver lining I guess. So I went to Josh's and then Amy, Ali, Jenny and some other chick came by. That was alright as I got to see them all again. After they left Josh & I went to go play Madden at my house. That's when the night got good. He saw the firepit outside so we decided sitting by that would be a better thing to do. Sean & Joey joined a little after. We were just BSing around the fire for a bit. Sean drank a beer or two as did Joey. Then Jon came and went off with Sean for some JD. Then Chrissy & Danielle showed up. Then Shawna showed up. So it was pretty cool. Chrissy and Danielle left around 1 and we all just bullshitted for about 2 hours. It was the greatest time I've had lately. Drunk Jon is so fucking funny. We listened to Konstantine by Something Corporate about 5 times (which is saying something since it's a 9:35 song in duration). I mean u have to be there and know my friends to honestly get how great this night was. Needless to say it was one hell of a great night andjust what I needed. The Ball and Chain (a.k.a. school and work) School...well it went decent this semester. The classes that I tried in I actually did pretty good in. Now if only I can try in all my classes, that�s the key. Hopefully this semester I�ll do that (be a wise move since now I�m paying for school). Work�.it�s pissing me off. When a job becomes just a way to collect a paycheck and nothing else, something�s wrong. I used to like going to work�hell up until a couple weeks ago I did. But now that they�ve cut hours (like 16 hours on a 2-week paycheck) I find myself hating being there. And it�s not that the environment has changed. I mean I still like working there and I have some great seniors for my department, people that actually care if I�m doing alright and pull me aside when they see that I�m upset (which I was a day or two during some drama). But I just can�t take working no hours because then I can�t get the money I need to get to live my life and pay my bills. It�s not so good. Firepits Ah yes, firepits, the only thing we really did all break. The firepit the day after Thanksgiving was only the first of what would turn out to be many. I think overall we had about 4 or 5 different firepits. So many different people showed up to them. I honestly couldn�t name everybody if I had to. The main people were Joey, Sean, Este, the Red Snapper Allison, Adam and Josh. I mean there were like 15-20 other people who were there one or two times but these were the main people. They were always filled with good times with jokes, beer, smores and more jokes. If you weren�t there for any of them it sucks for you because u missed out on some great times. I never had a bad time during one of them and it was a great way for all of us to actually hang out together. Goodbye Renata As most of you know, there�s this girl named Renata who was kind of a big deal to me since about July. If you�ve read the site updates from before you would know that I�ve dedicated a lot of pages to her over the last few updates. I�m going to dedicate a few last ones now. Why the last ones? Well read on to find out. When I last updated we were kinda just getting used to each other again and with our limitations. We were off and on kissing and at the time we were in an off phase. We were mainly off until early December when I took her to San Francisco to be her date for some scholarship thing. That night we kissed again for the first time in ages and we started doing it on a regular basis. Also around that time I had passed out super early because I was tired and I woke up around 11:30 because my phone was ringing. It was her but it took me a while to realize that she was crying. I went from dead asleep to her house in 10 minutes. Don�t think I wouldn�t do it for any of you either�..I would. But anywayz there was a lot of crying, mostly hers and a lot of good talking. I honestly thought that we had solidified our relationship with our conversation that night. And for a while it did. We had a lot of fun nights and she actually started hanging out with my friends when we were all around the firepit. But it was one thing that I learned a week before Xmas that changed everything and basically led to our not being close anymore. She went in late November to visit her friend Derek and help him move into his house in Reno. Well we were talking while we were driving over to some Xmas party on the 18th and she ended up telling me that Derek was her boyfriend. Oops. So yeah, she had sure cheated on him with me and some other guy that she was actually kind of dating for about a month that she had just ended. I was like damn. Did that stop us from kissing at all? No. In fact we actually hung out a lot and kissed a lot from that day forward. Weird huh? We actually had our �6-month meeting� and her � birthday during that following week so we saw each other a few times. Yea and we had a great Christmas together as we spent a few hours of it together. Honestly it made it seem special to me because I actually had someone special in my life during a special time of year. That�s not often an occurrence in my life. In fact that�s actually a first to have someone special who I�m actually close with in an emotional and physical way on either Christmas, Valentine�s or my birthday. So yea it seemed special. But the next day we had a long talk and I knew things would changed as she was about to visit Derek in Reno in a few days. It was actually our last night together. The last time I saw her after that was in the morning on the 28th to drive her to the airport. And yes I did kiss her as she got out of the car�twice. I didn�t say anything to her the entire ride though. I was just hurting too bad. That would be the story of my life. Every time she was brought up I would just feel kinda sick to my stomach and I already mentioned New Year�s. Well things just felt weird, like it wasn�t the same anymore. All it took was a little alcohol to make sure things weren�t the same anymore. When I was drunk in Davis in early January I decided to call Josh. Then I decided it would be a good idea to 3-way call Renata. Of course right as I get on the phone with her (the first time I�ve talked to her since New Years) she gets a call from Derek who I then call a faggot. I then kinda mentioned to Josh that Derek is on MySpace and that you could find him through Renata who was a friend of mine on MySpace. I would be lying to you if I told you that I didn�t know what was going to happen. I would also be lying to you if I told you that I didn�t encourage it. Ok it was my idea. Well I laid the foundation and Josh ran with it. All I intended for Josh to do was kinda msg him and say that his girl was unloyal hping that he would question her and she would tell the truth. Didn�t work out that way. What did happen was Derek thinking that Josh was an ex of hers and just making it up. Then he insulted Josh. If you know Josh you don�t do that. After he exchanged like 10 emails with him it was about done with. Oh no�.not Derek and Renata�..me and Renata. See she told him that everything Josh said was a lie and to ignore it all. I was talking to her being like wow you must not have a conscience to be lying to this guy. Apparently they now �love� each other after a month together (like 6 days actually with each other) and that�s all that matters to him so he believed her. He then emailed me and even though I proved to him that I had no gain out of lying to him (which is true because if I had broke them up because I told lies she would never talk to me) and that I kissed her before he did that one day he was like when she says I love you that�s all that matters and I told her to kiss you and blah blah blah. I�m like damn�..boy is whipped. But I was thoroughly disgusted with her though. The fact that she could just lie that easily. Cheat and lie like that. She�s a habitual liar, I know she lied to me a bit and apparently I�m not that only one. It was because of that fact that led me to write her a final letter that night. I�m one of those people who can�t sleep when they have something on my mind. I didn�t really have it on my mind till my friend Ashton called and we talked about it. Then I realized how disgusted I really was. So instead of sleeping I decided to write her a goodbye letter, saying thanks for the memories but I can�t talk to you for the time being. I gave her back her hairclip that was hangin in my car, her nametag that was in my car and the key to her house that I had. The key was the hardest because it symbolized the trust that we had with each other. But you know, I knew this was all for the better. I didn�t even shed a year writing the note. I also asked for the ring I gave her for Xmas back (I bought it before I knew about the whole bf thing). I did give one last trust thing to her and that was at the end when I typed my name I actually typed my middle name. That�s a big deal for me since I think she�s the only friend I�ve ever told my middle name over the last 5 years. All the others just ask my sister since she�s a trick and will tell them (just kidding Mo�kinda). The next day I dropped it off and the only conversations I�ve had with her since then is basically me asking when I was going to get my ring back. She gave it back a few days later and the store actually gave me all my money back for it. I was pumped. Now before I move on and close this long and weird chapter of my life I have a few last parting shots. I did love her. It was hard for me to come to grips with it when I realized it (October 15th to be exact) and it was harder for me to tell it (sometime in late November). Now I�m of the belief that you never stop loving someone, you just stop chasing that love. And that�s what has happened here. I love her for the memories we had, for the lessons I learned and even the tears I cried. But it took me a while to realize that she�s just not it for me right now. It was never about the sex between us as we never had it even if I could have (which I could have but she was drunk so it wasn�t right). It was about an emotional bond. We don�t have that anymore and I have no interest to pursue having one with her again. She got me through some rough times (created even more rough times but that�s another story) and all and all I had a lot of good times with her. But the fact is it�s not that I�m happier without her, I�m just not nearly as sad. She became replaceable and when a girl becomes replaceable that girl is no longer special. And that�s what happened. And to be honest I haven�t hurt since I�ve wrote that letter and I honest to God don�t miss her at all, I just sometimes miss the feeling of another beside me. But right now that couldn�t be her as it wouldn�t feel anything resembling right. I told her that I would always be here for her if she truly needed me and I am, it�s hard not to be when u live 2 blocks away. But I�m here for everyone as long as I don�t hate them. But like I wrote on my away message one time �For one to be truly sad one had to have been truly happy. For that I hate you and for that I love you.� Now I get to move on with my life and for once not actually have anything hanging over my head. Back in the hunt With my ties to Renata severed it marks the first time that I haven�t had any emotional ties to someone in almost a year. First was Ali which kinda led to Brandie for a brief couple weeks then into the summer girls which eventually turned into just Renata out of the pack of them. I don�t mind the feeling either. It�s nice. I�m not against finding anyone though as having someone is very nice. I mean I have hung out with a few new ones (Katie & Kristie�.who�s shitlist I�m on) so it�s been good to actually be out again with new people (even platonically, it may be my 2nd choice of relationship type but still a choice). And yes I�m always looking around and having my eyes on someone, it�s just I don�t know if they�ll turn out to be anything more than flashes in the pan. I hope so but we�ll see. Hell if not, summer is only 4 months away ?. What I look for in a girl Ok well I decided to write it out, not because anyone is interested but just so maybe I can figure it out. If anyone knows all the different girls I�ve gone after they would see that a lot of them have not too much in common. So first off they got to be a 14 of higher. What that means is they have to have a rating of 14 or higher on a scale of 1-20. Basically I combine the 1-10 scale of looks with the 1-10 scale on personality. So I mean someone can have the best personality in the world but if I can�t look at them and not feel bad for the parents who had to lie to her and say she was pretty then I mean it�s not going to work out. The opposite holds true. If a girl is drop dead hot but I can�t stand being around her without wanting to punch her then that�s not going to work out either. Like I said to my one friend, what�s the fun walking hand in hand with someone on the beach if you don�t want to talk to the person because you can�t stand to? I mean I�ll take just about any girl out once or twice. They don�t have to be a 14, hell most of the time I�m just trying to get a feel for them one what they might be. But after that the only girls I�ll take out lots of times (besides my platonic friends) are the girls who I believe are worth the trouble of getting to know well. I mean even then I might find personality flaws that will detract me from them. Obviously the looks don�t really change but the personality greatly influences the way that the looks affect me. A 10 won�t get to me if she has a bitchy personality the way a 7 will with a great personality. So basically here�s a list of what I�m looking for (in no particular order). -The scale of 14 -HONESTY -Sense of Humor -Ability to have a conversation about nothing last for hours -Non-whoreness -Drug usage -Very little to no smoking -Music tastes -Common interests -And it would help if they were actually single�..you know maybe The Year that was��2004 2004 was an interesting year. I think it was actually the year that I�ve changed the most in my entire life. Starting the year I was very uptight about a lot of things and very uncomfortable with expressing my feelings toward girls face to face. I was reaching the end of my shy phase that carried over from my years of depression. I changed into a very upfront and semi-aggressive guy in regards to girls. It has also changed the types of girls I�m interested in. You can see how I changed by the girls I was interested in. Ali was shyer, a bit introverted like me when she wasn�t surrounded by her friends that brought out her outgoing side. Brandie is very outgoing, very direct. Renata is just like that as well, just like very down to earth and accessible (well she was) during the beginning part of us. I mean if you trace it back to late 2003 and look at Sarah you would see an even more introverted person than Ali. 2004 was also the end of my competitive soccer life. Sure I play indoor now but I�m talking about something with actual meaning. The last tournament was held in March and we did alright but definitely nothing to write home about as they say. 2004 also saw a change in my work environment as I went from Circuit City to Best Buy. An upgrade to be sure of. 2004 saw a few firsts. Most notably my first drunk times. I gave into the temptation and just let loose about a dozen times. I�m glad to say that my major fear, the major reason I laid off drinking for so long, which is alcoholism (due to family history), has not happened to me. Several times I have gone month-long or longer spans without a drink. I also went to my first concert where I knew most of the songs. I had been to a few concerts before but none like I went to in 2004. I ended up going to about 8 concerts during the course of the year. 2004 was also the year I changed my mentality. I used to always have a way in my writing that was like �poor me, look at all this shit, what am I to do?� Now I�m not saying that I don�t ever complain about bullshit that happens, it�s not near as much as I used to. I try to now write about the good side of things. The things I learned the things that mean something to me, the things that are the reasons to be alive. I�m glad that I have changed in that regards. I�m also a lot more focused on myself and what I want than just pleasing my friends. Not that I don�t like making them happy and I will still go out of my way to help them but I actually will stand up for myself when I feel I�m being used or that I�m not being treated like I should. And here is a look back at the things on this webpage that happened in 2004, including the official 2004 Nagslife CD!. The year that is��.2005 and what my future SHOULD hold (including the last piece) Ok so now we�ve entered 2005. This is the last of my last real significant birthday until I turn 30. What else will it mark? Who knows? But I will tell you what I hope will happen and what I hope to accomplish over the next 12�.er�11 months. Well first off let�s start with school. I�ve screwed up so much over the last 5 semesters that I find myself having to pay my way through now and having to deal with doing very good this semester to be allowed to stay in school. I will. I think it�s because I have a main goal now. A defined goal that I can achieve to be exact. This is the first time I�ve actually announced this to the world, before this it�s only been to my close friends. My plan now is to get an AA in Administration of Justice and then go on to a career of Law Enforcement (a.k.a. be a cop). The only reasons I�m getting my AA is because I get paid more right away if I get an AA and also because I�m not yet ready to start having a real job. So there it is, my goal�..I hope to end this year only a semester short of reaching it. Yes I know 4 years to get an AA�.fuck u. As far as my friends go I�m planning on keeping all my close friends. I�m also planning on kind of cleaning my circle of friends up. By that I mean I have too many people that I loosely call friends that I actually don�t talk with or hang out with on a regular basis (I consider regular to be talking once a month). So I mean I hope that I don�t have to delete too many people but I�m planning on going through my phone book and deleting those people who don�t really have a purpose. I have too many people in my phone book who don�t really need to be in there. Maybe my circle of �friends� will be smaller but it will be a stronger circle with few cracks. Work? I hope to be employed all 365 days of the year and maybe get up to the $12 an hour range. If I will who knows but that�s the hope. I also hope to continue to play soccer at the pace that I�ve been playing it. That means indoor once a week, Las Po a few times a week and wherever else I can find a place to play. If I can find an adult league that would be great as well. I�m also hoping to start playing adult softball and going to a gym with Sean (Carl�s Jr Sean) as well. So to say that I�m hoping to get and stay in shape would be an understatement. And of course we have to mention girls. Well first off I hope to find one. Well one that will actually feel something other than �just friends� for me. And when I find her I�m gonna grab her and hold on to her (metaphorically speaking of course). Of course seeing as this has been my plan for quite a few years we�ll see what happens. I don�t feel sorry for how everything has turned out. I kinda expect it now. I just say it happens and add another one to the friends list. Better a friend than a one night stand. Having a girl is the last piece of my complicated puzzle of a life that will complete me. I also hope to get so extremely fucked up from August 19-21 that I can�t find where I misplaced my liver. That�s just me though. Random Thoughts/Quotes I completely updated the friends page. Everything was erased and I started over. View it here to see if you made the cut :-) Use My Reply bitches! Only two new poems. One is a traditional poem (in the sense that it looks like a poem) and the toehr one is more of a song. Your Favorite Actor & When I Say I Love You Hallie was back for about a week........a week is not enough. Yes I do play dodgeball.....you should play too, IM me to be added to the call lsit for dodgeball. Define ironic�..being called a bandwagoner for wearing the �LiveStrong� & Support Our Troops� wristbands by somebody wearing a Michael Vick jersey. There�s a train in Chico called the �Sean Express� CHOO CHOO!!! ~ Sean Trying to rationalize why the white garbage men would be picking up trash on MLK Day �You don�t see Native Americans celebrating Columbus Day� ~ Me (Speaking about a Gatorade bottle just thrown in the firepit) Shawna: �It�s going to explode all in my face� Sean: �That wouldn�t be the first time� Todd (talking to Renata�s friend on the phone): I have a 17-inch cock��what that isn�t big enough for you? �I won�t hit a women but I�ll shake the shit out of her� ~ Chris Rock �Everyone remember those smelly markers? Whenever they were brought out everyone would run for them and smell them. What did the black one smell like? >sniffs< THIS ONE SMELLS LIKE ASSHOLE!� ~ Dane Cook What you are about to read is a bored Friday night conversation: CwbysFan15: we should just make random away messages CwbysFan15: like this one INDNFN25: like which one Auto response from CwbysFan15: im going to fuck the next girl i see INDNFN25: that works INDNFN25: how bout mine CwbysFan15: or Auto response from INDNFN25: Anyone want to spoon? INDNFN25: that works Auto response from CwbysFan15: im going to fucking kill u i hate u INDNFN25: we're not alright INDNFN25: we need like a productive hobby or something Auto response from CwbysFan15: youre a slut CwbysFan15: or INDNFN25: roar? Auto response from CwbysFan15: girls are only good for one thing.. sex CwbysFan15: that ones my favorite INDNFN25: I would think so CwbysFan15: im gonna use it Concerts I only actually went to one concert over the last two months. I wasn�t able to make the Green Day/New Found Glory/Sugarcult concert which pissed me off. I really really wanted to go. The one I did go to was Papa Roach/The Used/Taking Back Sunday/My Chemical Romance in Sacramento. It was a good show. The Donnas were also there but they were hated by everyone. All the other bands are very good live although MCR didn�t sound as good as they did when I saw them in October. But they also only did 5 songs which was gay. TBS was awesome yet again. The Used are fuckin great live too. It was during their set that I �shared a moment� (think Chasing Amy) with Renata (this was back before I knew about the whole bf thing). You can read about it on my LJ if you want but it meant something to me back then. Now it�s just another thing that happened between us. I also went to see my first comedy show. It was Dane Cook! He�s so fucking funny. I didn�t have anyone to go with for the longest time (as I had a ticket to take someone and I was going with Sean and his wife). I texted several people the day before and I actually got a call back by Calisse who I hadn�t talked to in months and seen since my 19th birthday. She said that she would go. I was like sick. Of course I had to get reminded of my luck. She was dropped off the next day at my house by her boyfriend whom she lives with (and I had no idea she was even dating someone). Killer huh? It happens. Well anywayz we went and got Chinese, got picked up by Sean and his wife and then went to the show. After the show ended my jaw hurt so much from laughing. It was the funniest thing I�ve ever been to. I can�t wait for his new CD to come out and I will see him live again during his nationwide college tour starting in April. Upcoming Concerts I�m Going To (or thinking about it) Let me know if you want to accompany me or just hitch a ride to any of these shows coming up. Feb 7 Something Corporate/Straylight Run/Armor for Sleep in SF ($25) Feb 9 Something Corporate/Straylight Run/Armor for Sleep in Sac ($15) Feb 13 Matchbook Romance/Motion City/Matches/From First to Last in SF ($18) Feb 21 Sugarcult/Hawthorne Heights in SF ($24) Mar 26 Fall Out Boy/Midtown in SF ($24) Inspiration Why do I still write all of what I write? I know it keeps the dozens of you entertained but lets be honest, most of you don�t read it all. Hell I don�t blame you as this is being written on page 13 on word (12 font bitches). But sometimes I get something that reaffirms the reasons why I continue to blabber on. This time it came from a very unlikely person. Kimi Adolph. I have a Livejournal too (and a MySpace cuz I'm a groupie) and I update that a few times a week when I get bored. Well one day she left me a comment that meant a lot to me. �Hey. I know me writing is completely out of the blue, but I peek in on your website every now and then. I have to say, I never knew you could write, but then again I never really knew you. For some reason the rawness of what you say seems sincere to me and I respect it very much. Just wanted to let you know I appreciated your writing and how you let people in to your world. And thanks for thinking of me during your party times. I just want you to know, I didn't show up because timing was bad for me, I would have loved to be there, but it wasn't a good idea. Keep writing, keep your head up and the girl of your dreams, the one you so desperately are searching for, will find you when you least expect it.� -Kimi A- Things like that mean so much to me. It inspired her to start her own LJ (even though she�s only blogged twice). But the fact that I inspired someone, touched someone with my words even means a lot to me. It means that all the time I spend writing these long ass updates, or writing a poem or venting on my LJ is worth something. If only once a year I inspire someone to do something similar than it�s worth it. I know my website inspired Sean to start his uber-popular website and now Kimi started her LJ. That is what�s important to me and I�m glad I can be of service. RECAP TIME BITCHES! Time for a recap. Breathe in and begin. >BREATHES< I <3 half birthdays, my conscience is cleared, I got back in touch with old friends, made new friends, wondered if some people were still friends, lit up the neighborhood, had a bunch of firepits, still went to school and work, did what�s best for me and said goodbye to Renata, got back in the hunt, defined what I want in a girl, looked back on 04 and ahead to 05, had some random thoughts, looked back at concerts and ahead to even more and was inspired to write because I inspired. There you go. All that and it only took me 13 pages to get it out. Well....until next time, use My Reply and don�t die. Until Further Notice, Adam My Reply Guestbook 2004 Lookback including Nagslife 2004 CD New Friends Page |