| Nags's Life Right Now |
| November 1, 2002 Hey. What's Happening? Well things went on right after the last site update that almost ended my life and have drastically changed it. Oh yeah and just like last time, don't tell my parents about all this shit. My sister already told them too much and I don't want to have to deal with their shit. Just piles on and I don't need anymore piling. Oh and one other thing, this site update was written from August 31 - October 31 so there might be some confusion with dates but hopefully not too much. Ok well let me go back and cover my birthday and close my 17th year of life and list my goals for the 18th year. Ok well first let me just sum up my regrets of my 17th year. 1. "The Beast" 2. Not being in shape for high school soccer 3. Being a dumbass when first meeting Nicole 4. Not asking Jenny to Prom because I would have probably had a better time with her because I would have been myself 5. Not being in shape for college soccer 6. Those God Damn 3 words 7. All the pain I've caused my friends & family Ok next are my goals for this next year 1. Don't be such a dumbass 2. Don't hurt my close friends 3. Get a girlfriend 4. Finally get over my depression for good 5. Get in better shape and stay in it 6. Go back and help the DHS soccer team 7. Not fuck up in school 8. To make sure that certain people in my life become/stay happy 9. Not to worry about everything that goes wrong in life That just about does it for my 17th year. Now onto the other stuff, the stuff you came to read. Now some of you have heard about my near-death experience from my away message. About 10 people in this world know what happened. Now everyone who wants to know can and will know. This is the honest run down of the night that made me almost end it all and my feelings about the events and people that were involved in the night. Now it may seem that I'm going down too hard on some people and too soft on others but this is what I feel and don't tell me why I should feel different because I won't. Well Sunday started off just like any other day. I had posted "the novel" site update the night before so I was just waiting for the hits to my website to start piling up (it reached 18, second highest single day total for me). Everything was cool till the nighttime. First, Nicole got a little pissed off because as she was reading, she was noticing that she came up a lot and didn't want to be in it that much. She also felt that I told too many of her secrets in the update. I just took that criticism in stride because I knew Nicole would probably be pissed at some things I had to say in the update, which is why I made her promise me that she would still talk to me after the update was posted. I kind of felt like a little bit of a hypocrite though because I was bitching about Happy betraying my trust and how I hate people betraying my trust while somewhat betraying Nicole's trust by putting a lot of her life and personal shit on my site. So I felt a little like an asshole. OK, A LOT like an asshole. But I was on the phone with Jeremy & Mike and I noticed that Happy was offline (a rarity. kind of like me offline). I asked Jeremy where Happy was at and he said Happy was out driving because he was upset about stuff in my update. I asked Jer what he was upset about and he said that Happy was upset about the part with Mari and that Happy thinks that I did push Nicole away from him and basically blaming the reason that they didn't get together on me. Well he eventually got home and got online. I was not emotionally ready for the words that were about to appear on my computer screen and I went from having a good day and playing games with my friends, to probably the single lowest point in my life. He started out saying that I have hurt Nicole so much and that she is fucking pissed at me and blah blah blah. I already knew she was upset at me but I can tell the difference between her being pissed and her being upset. If she were pissed, I would have gotten yelled at so much more. So I really just brushed that off. But it would be impossible to brush off his next comment and was one of the two comments he would make that would permanently end our friendship. He said that he had made no mistakes with everything and that I made all the mistakes. This differed from earlier and basically told me that he thinks he should be guilt-free and everything he did was right. Well that means that he thinks jeopardizing our friendship was right. I asked him next, "So you were willing to take a chance with our relationship for Nicole?" His words flat out hurt me more than any other in my entire life. His reply was: "i did it, didn�t I?" That said to me that our friendship, the 2 years or more that we had been friends, was nothing more than a convince to him, and that in the big scheme of things, didn't mean too much to him and was less important to him than a girl. But no matter what those words did to me, I had no right to do what I was about to do next. What I was about to do is probably the most irrational thing I could do at the time and really was fucking stupid and not called for. I put a lot of people in bad position with my words and I feel bad for my actions. I am being punished for it, don't worry I am. After those words I kind of started to say that I didn't want to live and that I was going to act on that on those feelings. In truth, I think maybe there was a 5% chance at most that I was going to act on those impulses. I've always considered suicide a selfish thing and the act of a weak human being but at that point I was at my weakest. In retrospect I should have just kept to myself and laid in bed with my thoughts. But no, not me. I started saying what I was feeling. Actually I was only saying it to Nicole & Happy but soon enough about 5 people knew as Grant was told by Happy, Mike kind of sensed it on the phone and Jeremy was urged by both Nicole & Happy to talk to me because I wasn't responding to them. In reality anything that Happy said meant nothing to men because i had lost all respect for him. He could have said everything that i needed to be said but it wouldn't have mattered to me. Nicole on the other hand really had an impact on me. Tears come to my eyes thinking about the love coming from her words and in reality, I couldn't have done a damn thing after talking with her, just wouldn't be right. So that 5% went way down, but yet I still was talking negatively. This was really bothering Nicole (as she was crying) & Jeremy. Jeremy basically forced me to go out with him & Hallie. They took me to Denny's and all I had was a Sprite. Then we drove around for like an hour. I got home and put up the away message that I had wrote before I left with Jeremy and climbed into bed to think about all my shit and maybe, just maybe, fall asleep. Well I was about half asleep around 2:30 when all of the sudden I hear this tapping at my window. I get up and who was it? Well it was Grant and Jeremy. I guess they had seen my away message and it bothered them (looking at the away message, I see how they would be bothered). Well my dad then comes into my room and Jeremy & Grant duck. My dad starts asking who�s there and I tell him no one. He then leaves my room and goes into his room (to get the gun and investigate of course. Right as he closes the door I told them to book it. They get over the fence and drive away just in time. All my dad saw was the back of Jeremy (didn't recognize him) and his car (I told him Jer drives a silver Honda but my dad says it wasn't Jer). I then went to bed, knowing that the next day could be better... *Here's a copy of that away message I wrote on AOL* Don't know if morning will come for me. If it doesn't, I have some last things to say. Jeremy- Thanks for always being a true friend. You are the best thing that happened to me in high school Hallie - I love you with all my heart, even if you are a member of the cult. Nicole - Please keep fighting and I know you'll be in Eugene in no time. Happy - Well, you are the Llama King now. Don't disgrace the position like I did. Grant - Take care of Becca. Give her a big hug for me. Z - Sorry to disrupt your life in Zona, just send your spirit, not your body. Mark - Thanks for always being there and trying to cheer me up. Don't stop until you find your Kerrigan. Kaylee - I luv you sweetie. I just wish I could have seen you. Yeah pretty crappy, eh? Well the next day I went to class (tired as hell). One good thing came out of that day. I found out the name of a really cute girl in my Health class. Her name is Stacy. The fact that she doesn't even know my name (I'm willing to bet on that) and that I haven't said a word to her since that group thing means that, odds are, you'll never see her under the friends section (which has been updated. You might notice a few changes). I went over to Nicole's with the usual gift of a milkshake & fries. She seemed kinda harsh toward me (she had every right to be) and I apologized to her. She then asked for me to send the conversation I had with Happy the night before. When I went home I did. Later that day Happy, of all people, told me some really bad news (seems he's good at that, maybe he should be a news reporter in Isreal). I guess Nicole's mom found the conversation I had with him the night before on her computer and she now thinks that I'm seriously crazy and that I need professional help. I didn't know what to say. As I will detail in a later section, I would later find out just how crazy she thinks I am (and how crazy I think she is). 6 Months (No, not the drivers license thing) Hard to believe it but during the course of this site update, September 20th came and went. Ok so most of you are saying big deal, who cares? Well if you will remember that on March 20th of this year, 6 months to the day before September 20th, I reached a boiling point with my feelings for Nicole and things like prom and life in general (over the last couple days my past had been brought up in my mind) and I decided that i needed to get things off my chest. I also felt that people needed to know the truth about the events so that rumors wouldn't be going around school. I decided that I would start a website to let people know about things in my life. I never thought it would be as popular as it did. Through the first 6 months the website had 671 hits. That's over 100 a month. Now to a big time website that gets a million hits a day, its not, but to Adam Nagy, it is. I mean my other website (that I haven't updated since June 2001) has almost 6500 hits on it but that site has been open since February of 1999 (only 47 hits over the last 6 months) and the site isn't about me, its about a whole subject matter. Honestly, I think this site has helped me in a lot of ways. So many times I have been overly frustrated by life and just writing has helped me. I mean damn, look at the last site update. Everybody knew how frustrated I was and every time I got frustrated I wrote and it ended up that I wrote a lot. I'm thinking about upgrading this site a lot and including a lot more things. The problem is, I don't know if I should put in the money (yes it would cost money) because I feel that most of you just come here to read the site update and that�s it. Nothing wrong with that, I just don't think the extra parts would matter that much. Let me know if I am wrong. The Faith of Nags Well if you know me, and I'm banking on the fact that most of you do, you know I'm not a religious type of guy. I mean not counting the cult meetings I went to with Julie in May, I haven't been to church regularly since I was about 9 or 10. Basically since I've been given a choice on if I should go or not. From what I've heard form most religious people is that through church, and whoever they believe in, they gain their strength and they put their faith in it. I was walking outside of Toys R Us, getting carts, when I realized something. I have my own faith. My faith, from here on out called "The Faith of Nags" are my friends. Think about it. My friends are the ones that give me focus, guidance and strength. They are the ones I talk to when I feel like I'm all alone and I need help. The only difference is that my friends talk to me while the main figure of other religions (God, Allah, Muhammad, Budda, Jabu (watch Major League) or whoever else) don't really talk to them, and in history, when somebody is talked to, something bad usually happens (like Noah and his damn Ark). The problem is I've been putting too much faith into my friends and allowing too many friends to have my faith. Too borrow a phrase from Mike, everybody and their mother has had my faith and that was way too many people. Because when something goes wrong with one of my friends, my focus & my strength dissipate. So I've decided from now on to make sure that only about 20 people are in my group of friends that have my faith. Yes I rambled on about nothing but it all made sense in my head when I first thought of it so bite me. We All Go A Little Crazy Sometimes I think I prove that above statement to be so true. I had been living at edge of a cliff for about a month before that night. That night Happy's words combined with my all too fragile emotional statement made me jump off of it. Luckily I had a parachute, my friends. But the fallout from that night is something that still fallows me to this day. Because of his comments to me, I've made some decisions about Happy that you can read about in the next to last section. But the bigger thing seems to be Nicole's mom thinking that I should wear a straight jacket and my room should be padded. Like I said before, I know what I did was wrong and I feel as though I've apologized to everyone involved and I should be able to put it behind me. But I'm not able to, at least not until I can openly see Nicole again. When I first found out about her mom flipping out, I was honestly pissed. I knew that Nicole's mom never liked me (well I think that whole Irwin family, save Nicole, hates me) and I could sense that she was just looking for a reason to get really mad at me but I didn't, and still don't, feel as if it's any of her business as to how I live my life. It seems that all she sees are the negative things. She never saw how I went and got donuts for Nicole & Kat in the morning, or drove Nicole to practice when she was going to be late, or help teach her how to drive or be there for her when others weren't and showed her that someone cared when she thought no one did (much as she did for me). But then I saw this as my punishment for my stupid ass mistake. And I went with that mindset for a little bit. But not anymore. I mean I've already missed Nicole's birthday (although I was able to get her something) and she couldn't be there for me when I needed friends the most because that would mean I'd have to go to court to defend myself so I don't get a restraining order against me). It's just a whole lot of BS. And she was talking to one of my friends that works with her and somehow I came up and I guess she couldn't believe that I told my friends that she wouldn't let me see Nicole until I got mental help. Well if there is one good thing out of all of this, Nicole's dad actually came to my defense (kind of). I guess when she flipped out her mom was screaming that "that Psycho can't be around my daughter!" Nicole says her dad said something to the effect of "He's psycho, big deal," meaning that he didn't care if I still saw her. To me that means that he has actually accepted me as being friends with his daughter, even if he doesn't like me. That's all I'm asking that her mom does. But right now it doesn't seem like its going to happen anytime soon but maybe that'll change. Also there is a possibility of hell freezing over and someone considering my sexy but lets be realistic, that's a VERY outside possibility. As Always: The Shoutouts Grant - Simple. Everyday he makes sure he contacts me somehow. We have school together 3 days a week and sometimes go out to lunch after that and just about every other day he'll IM me just say what�s up or whatever. He's now the most dependable one I have in my life. Him coming to my house that night was a surprise because, as far as I can remember, I don't think I was talking to him that night. Yet he showed up just to make sure that his friend was still alive. I was and he is one of the reasons I will still be alive for some time. Nicole - She stuck by me that whole night, cried as I cried and wouldn't let me give up. She wouldn't let me end our friendship and she tried as hard as any human being can possibly try to keep another alive. I mean yeah, odds are I never would have done a damn thing because of my feelings on suicide being selfish, but it helped seeing that someone cared as much as she did. So I'm going to do the same exact thing that she has been doing since I've known her, I'm going to ignore what my some of the people around me say, and keep talking to her and keep being her friend as long as she'll keep me around. Hallie - This was not easy for her. At Denny's that night I know it was killing her seeing me how I was. She would ask a question and I would just sit there, stone cold, like she wasn't there. It wasn't that I was trying to hurt her, it was the fact that I couldn't talk without my emotion coming out and I just didn't want that. She is now my only link left with Jeremy and I know in the coming months we will be seeing each other a lot as we both find comfort in each others company. Tammy - Although she wasn't around during that night, I went out to lunch with her about a week after or so. It was good to see her again and I can honestly say that I hadn't been that happy for a while. We've tried to hook up and do it again, but being "Ms. Popular" like she is, we've had difficulties but we will find time soon. Jeremy - What can I say? Wouldn't let it go when I told him not to worry, wouldn't let me be alone when I told him to let me be, wouldn't let me stay home when I didn't want to leave, wouldn't let me go home when I wanted and wouldn't let me sleep when he thought I might be doing something else. There's nothing else left to say, but thanks. The Greatest Compliment *PERSON*: *NAME* should forget him, and go out with you Dah2325: ok like that is going to happen *PERSON*: well it should Dah2325: tell her that *PERSON*: well you got the good heart What is above has got to be the greatest compliment I have ever received. I mean me, a good heart? And deserving of her? Now maybe I thought that I should but that was just hopeless optimism that was telling me that. He (it was a he who said it) just said it out of the blue and honestly, I thought he was joking at first but he was serious. This was extra special to me because a few months back he would have never said it but with my actions, I have proved to him, and a few other people (probably), that I do have a good heart and I never had a bad intention. Does this matter in the long run? No. But sometimes the small compliments in life help sort out reasons for living life. I didn't put the complimentor�s name or "her" name because that's not the important part. He knows who he is and he just deserved the recognition for being a great friend. What's Depressing Me Now 1) Soccer - Last year just gave me my passion back for soccer and its just been so hard to adjust to not having it. I mean I'm playing league soccer, but its not even close to being the same. I'm used to going after school for hours every weekday and just playing. It was even that way with college, we had summer sessions everyday. But now with league its three days a week and most of the people on the team could give two shits about soccer. I actually pushed one of my teammates into a fence and he hit his head on a pole because I just got so frustrated by his lack of caring (he is also a piece of shit that I've had to put up with for 4 years). I mean I've given up over 20 hours of work a week so I can play soccer. Sure the games are fun, but there's only one a week and ten overall. And the skill level is just so down from varsity & college that I'm having problems staying interested. My team is 2-4-1 and I have 2 assists & 1 goal along with about 40 saves in 2 games when I had to play goalie because my foot got jacked and I couldn't run (ok I can never "run" but you know what I'm saying). I've decided to play field to get more in shape and to let the other goalie practice for high school (because he needs all the help he can get if he wants to play varsity). 2) My Looks - I am just so sick of my fucking acne. I mean I've used everything and anything for it but it just won't go away. The only thing I haven't done is go on Acutine because that requires you to get hell of blood drawn and I'm honestly scared of needles. I don't know what it is about them but I can't stand them. But I'm at the point where I just want to get rid of them. Hell, recently I found out that two of my friends have a nickname for me, Shrek. SO yeah that felt good that even my friends will make fun of how I look behind my back. 3) Girls - As of this writing I've been alive for 6614 days, 3 hours, 1 minute, 32 seconds (no, I didn't add them up) and I've had one girl attracted to me and she was eliminated about 5 sec after I found out she was attracted to me (because of who she was to me). I mean I'm not as close minded as I was in middle school. I mean my perfect women (the only women that was good enough) was a blonde hair, blue eyed girl who liked having her hair in a ponytail and hanging around in sweats. Oh and she liked sitting Indian style. Don't ask me why but that's just what I liked (and still like). I mean that�s what I wanted and really I was never attracted to a non-blonde for years. Now I really don't give a fuck about the hair color, the eye color or shit like that. I mean if you want to look at the five most recent girls I've liked they are all hell of different. Darcie, Brandi, Tammy, Nicole & Julie are all different from each other and only two have blonde hair. I mean I'm looking all over the place for girls but yet girls are doing the same thing. They're looking all over the place......for a good hiding spot. Yeah I'm just rambling on but his really bugs me. People think they are in a slump when its been 6 months without a girlfriend. I think that 6 months is ok, life, on the other hand, isn't. 4) Friends & Jeremy - Well besides Happy & Nicole (it feels like I've lost her), I've lost a lot of other friends who have left to go to college. I was lucky in the fact that none of my closest friends left but it still sucks that I lost a majority of my friends. Also Jeremy is gone. The dependable one is gone. Where do I turn to now? Who do I go to when life kicks me in the balls again? Who do I call now when I get home from school everyday? Nobody has had this big of an impact on my life as he has. When I met him I had about 1 person that I called a friend who truly was. Now I have many, some of which are because of him. I mean I call his mom "Mom" because that�s what she is to us. His house is the one we all go to to chill. He was the first person I ever opened up to and his handling my feelings like he did gave me faith in other people and soon I was able to open up to other people. He will be missed and it'll be a good day when he gets home during the holidays and after boot camp. But of course he has to go back after that.... for 6 years. *SIGH* 5) Chances - OK. This IS NOT, I repeat, IS NOT, about just one girl so don't go jumping to conclusions. I'm just a little pissed that I see girls who give multiple chances to guys who are total assholes. Like my one friend gave this guy a chance, they went out for a lil bit but then she dumped him because he didn't seem to care about her more than riding bikes. Then she gives him another chance and she breaks up with him because he forgot their anniversary. They get back together a few weeks later and he goes back to bikes over her. Yet I have to shut my mouth because I don't want to insult her. I just had to swallow my pride. The same thing happened with another friend, except the fact that she gave her boyfriend about 50 chances. And trust me, he blew the first 3. Not just blew them, but blew them like a Mormon on her wedding night. THAT BAD. And then in the relationship he blew so many chances with his lies and shit but she still kept him around for a long time and gave him chance after chance until finally she realized that he wasn't worth it. But they always seem to be happy so some people are probably wondering why I'm so upset. Because it just seems like all of these people are getting chance after chance after chance while I doubt that I've ever had a chance with either of those girls or any other girl (again, not counting that damn Beast). I honestly think that everybody deserves one chance, unless that person is either related to you (because this is California, not Arkansas) or there is some other HUGE factor (big age difference, friend's ex or current girlfriend, friend's little sister....). I just get pissed off because I honestly feel that I can treat those girls hella good but my looks or something doesn't allow me to ever get that first chance. 6) School - I've always hated school but I can't stand college. I like the hours but I'm just not into it. I miss Dublin High sooooo much that you can't even start to understand. I've always gone to school just so I can be with my friends and I would end up doing work just because I didn't want to stop seeing them. Now it's like, what's the point? The whole world expects me to fail miserably, and maybe for once I won't prove them wrong. I don't know. I'm starting to get the will to do good, but I just can't get over that hump. I just can't get enough will to do it. 7) My House - Well.... ummmmm...what can I say? My dad has threatened to kick me out of the house 2 times in a week period. He says the only reason he didn't the first time was because it was nearing my mom's birthday. He says that if it comes down to me or my mom I'm out, so I see where I lay. I guess instead of bitching to me about what she wants me to do or what�s wrong she'll go off on my dad about it and then he'll give it to me 5 times worse because he loves to exaggerate. Hell 5 minutes to him is 2 to the world but don't argue with him about it. You can have the times written down yet he'll still say you're wrong or just say other dumb things. One question: has anybody ever heard that having a video game system (XBox, PS2 or GameCube) hooked up to your TV will ruin it? 8) Nicole - If you don't know by now just stop fucking reading and go to a educational center because you must have some kind of reading disorder. The People Nicole - First off, congratulations to her for passing her driver's test with only 5 mistakes (out of an allowed 15). I mean I only made 3 but hey, everybody isn't, thankfully, as "perfect" as me. I'd like to think I had a little something to do with her driving skills (read last update), but I think I'd be giving myself too much credit. Well when I first starting writing this I wrote that I honestly didn't think that our friendship was going to last much longer due to her parents and other circumstances. But recently things have changed and now I think that there is a good chance that our friendship will make it through this tough period. But that doesn't mean that everything is all good. I've always advised her as to what to do but recently I've just swallowed my pride and kept my mouth shut because she seems happy and I want her to make decisions by herself but I just can't keep from getting pissed off. I don't want to stop talking to her but I just need to get those feelings I have inside me, out of me. I don't know. Maybe in a couple months her mom will cool down or something. If only I could sit down with her and talk about everything but for some reason, I don't think she'll listen or even try to understand. Well if Nicole and I are done as friends, it was a good 8 months, a 8 month period that I wouldn't trade for anything. If not, then this is just another valley we have to get through. Only time will tell. But I do believe that if our friendship can make it through this, it can make it through anything. Happy - Some people just can't take hints. Some people just can't take the truth. Some people just won't let things & people go. Happy is all those people. What he said to me that night was the death knoll for our friendship. Now I am a forgiving person and I don't hold grudges for the most part. I've found that I would have no friends if I did hold grudges. Hell, most of the friends now did something to hurt me early in our friendship. Jeremy denied to his friends that he was at my house, Hallie yelled at me saying I shouldn't comment on relationships because I don't know anything about relationships & Tammy was a straight up bitch to me years ago. But I forgave them because they never said that I was useless for meaningless to them. But Happy did. I can now say that I hold 2 grudges. The other one is against Kat. I'm more pissed at myself for letting myself be used by her when I was almost sure she was and then finding out that she was using me. I just can't deal with being used. So yeah, to say I really don't care too much about her is an understatement. Now Happy can get on his hands and knees and beg for forgiveness and I won't be around long enough to hear it because I can't stand being around him. This is beyond Nicole. This is beyond my trust being betrayed. This is me being told that I'm less important to him (my supposed best friend) than a girl. Well I ain't going to stand for that and straight up I want him out of my life. Now you think that would be easy for me to do now that Jeremy's gone. No. I can't talk to Hallie or Aaron or Jenny without it being brought up. I just want it over. I want him gone. It's hard to get mad at Hallie because of my closeness with her, but I can and it does get me mad. She just can't seem to get it through her head that nothing she says or do will convince me that I should open myself up to Happy after being hurt by him twice in a short period of time and being made to feel useless and meaningless to what I thought was one of my best friends. People ask me, "Do you miss him?" I honestly can say no because I really don't. As far as being a best friend, he's been replaced with Grant, a good trade in my book. I miss some of the things we used to do (taping and such) but I can do that with other people. And when push comes to shove, I would rather sit home than sit in a car with him. So as far as I'm concerned, Happy is no longer a friend, he's no longer someone I respect and he's nothing but a nuisance to me. I may not have a lot of friends but I'm surviving. Until that day when my last friend leaves me, I have no need for Happy in my life. The lyrics below just totally say what I feel. When I say out loud I want to get out of this I wonder is there anything I'm going to miss I wonder how it's going to be When you don't know me How's it going to be When you're sure I'm not there How's it going to be When there's no one there to talk to Between you and me Cause I don't care How's it going to be My lookout on life I hate most of life, there�s no getting around that. To me, most of life is useless and really not something I want to be in or go through. But that doesn't mean you should worry about me. I promise each and everyone of you out there that I'm not going to do a damn thing to myself that would make me non-existent. I'm going to be here, with not a whole hell of a lot to live for. I hate school, my social life is on life support at best, work is work, I'm playing on a crappy soccer team with just about no hope of advancing to a higher level of soccer and life just doesn't seem to be showing me any love over the last 4 months. So basically those lyrics underneath basically sum up how I feel. But I want you guys to read something on Teen Depression that was published in Time. I read most of it and I really was able to relate to most of it (not the drugs but other parts) like where they said depression was misdiagnosed as ADD (which teachers have sworn I have). Read the article here. Wish I was too dead to cry My self-affliction fades Stones to throw at my creator Masochists to which I cater You don't need to bother; I don't need to be I'll keep slipping farther But once I hold on, I won't let go 'til it bleeds Wish I was too dead to care If indeed I cared at all Never had a voice to protest So you fed me shit to digest I wish I had a reason; my flaws are open season For this, I gave up trying One good turn deserves my dying Adam More updates & revamps to other parts of the site coming within the next few weeks |