Mary walks down the street, dressed in her usual, modest get-up. Grey wool skirt and a brown cardigan with a starched white button down blouse. Her dirty blond hair pulled back so tightly into a bun that there�s not a wrinkle on her bare face. Her eyes are pulled back along with the hair to take on an Asian look to them. In her right hand she is clutching her most prized possession: her leather-bound, heirloom Holy Bible.
She slowly turns the corner, with her smooth stride and there he is. Sitting in filth and sin. Clutching a bottle of liquid sin in his left hand and a sins stick dangling from his mouth. In front of him is his dirty cap, filled with various pieces of change. She quickly reaches for her gold cross and whispers a small prayer: �Lord, please guide me through this mission You have presented me with.� She than slowly and cautiously approaches the troubled man.
�Good day and how do you do?� she politely says with a slight nod.
�Hey, you got me any of that spare change hum? Hum dee dum hum hum!� he slurs.
�Sir, you seem to be slightly intoxicated. Come with me and I will show you the way of eternal life! The way of true happiness and free of sin! T�is the way of our savior the Lord Jesus Christ Almighty!�
The bum pauses for awhile. Contemplating what he has just heard. Finally he looks up at the woman and says: �This Lord you speak of, is he a tall man?�
�He is whatever you want him to be. Just so long as he�s white!�
�He ain�t Irish is he?�
�No. I do not believe he is.�
�Well than I�m in.� With that, the grungy old man gets up and throws his bottle of liquid sin to the ground and mashes his sin stick into the cement. He takes in a deep cleansing breath and proclaims: �From this day on, I am no longer Billy Joe Bob! I am Sir Jesus Christ!�
�No no dear. You cannot be Jesus, Jesus lived and died and lived again a very long time ago. And he is still alive in in my heart and yours.�
�You mean I�m not Jesus?�
�No, but Jesus loves you and will show you the way of salvation!�
�Okay. Where do I go than?�
�Just follow me!�
�You mean you�re Jesus? How come you can be Jesus and I can�t? Huh! Besides, Jesus wasn�t a woman! Explain that!�
�Oh no. You silly man. I�m going to show you to Jesus.�
�Oh, okay.�
Together they walk up the steps, arm in arm. She opens one of the big wooden doors which creaks and moans from age. The sound echoes down the long aisle leading to the altar. The bum, obviously awed by the sight of this immense building exclaims:
�Holy crap...�
Mary gasps and clasps her hand over her mouth. �Sin number one! No cursing or using the Lord�s name in vain! Especially in such a holy place!�
�Sorry. I promise not to sin again.�
�I certainly hope not! My goodness!�
�Sorry m�am.�
�It�s okay. That happens to be one of the many lessons Jesus has taught: forgiveness.�
�Okay.�
They descend to the churches basement where he gets his first shower and shave in months and a new pair of clothes. He is clothed in a white button down with a jet black jacket with matching pants with a crease ironed into them. His shoes are also black and are polished to a beautiful shine. He steps out all nice and squeaky clean. He looks like a brand new man! Mary claps her hands together and smiles a big smile.
�My aren�t we looking handsome! And you know what, we�re just on time for the evening service!�
�Okay, but these pants are itchy.�
�Oh, you�ll get used to it.�