POOL
By special guest author
Laura
As
summer approached and the days grew longer and
hotter, Jim Valenti decided to splurge and treat himself
to the inground pool that he had always wanted.
Tess was thrilled at the thought of having pool parties,
tanning herself to a golden color that would perfectly
match her beautiful, naturally blond locks, and enticing
the boys with her skimpy suits. She rushed out to the
mall as soon as it opened and bought the tiniest little
size 2 bikini, complete with a push-up style top. She
briefly thought that the sales girl looked somewhat like
her, except with brown hair. 'Nah! No one looks like
me!' She looked at the girl's name badge.
"Atl? Atl? What kind of weird name is Atl?" Tess
demanded. The girl just smiled broadly and told Tess
that the suit looked stunning.
Pushing the odd incident from her mind (not a hard task)
she rushed back to the Valenti home (*her* home, as she
liked to call it, even though no one else did), threw on
the new suit, and plopped herself down on an inflatable
raft in the pool.
Kyle woke up hot and sweaty, his t-shirt clinging to
him. 'Ahhhh...,' he thought, forgoing his usual
pushups, ' we have a pool now! That's it, I am going
out there like this and just falling into...' He
stopped short upon looking out the window and seeing
Tess in the pool. The rolls of fat hung over the edges
of the thong, all but obscuring the fabric. And the way
the top fit would have gotten her arrested in a public
place. He shuddered and headed to the bathroom for a
long shower that he hoped would wash away the imaged
that was emblazened on his brain.
Tess paddled around on the raft while she practiced
posing and looking aloof. 'Boys always prefer girls who
seem disinterested. I have to hide my eyes with these
dark glasses so Max can't see that I am actually staring
at him. Whoa, I can't see a thing now. Oh well.' As
she continued her attempt to appear disinterested, she
kept getting overheated (from all that thinking she had
to do) and so she simply splashed water on herself
repeatedly to cool down. This was exhausting and she
soon fell asleep.
As Kyle stepped from his spiritually cleansing shower,
he heard a car door slam. He looked out the window and
saw Max heading straght for the back yard, where Tess
had insisted he meet her. 'AHHHHHH!!! I have to warn
him!' thought Kyle. He screamed a warning to Max, but a
passing garbage truck drown out his voice and Max
continued to walk innocently toward certain death (or at
least severe corneal damage). Kyle threw on a towel and
rushed to the back of the house, hoping to cut him off
before he got to Tess. But he was too late....
Max stood at the edge of the pool, staring down at a
very red and blistered Tess.
"Um, Tess....? Uh... doncha think maybe you should have
used a sunblock?"
The sound of his voice awoke her. "Oh, hi Max," she
said in her best aloof voice.
"You're kinda red, there, Tess."
Tess ripped off the sunglasses (which had obscured her
view of even her own repugnant body) and looked in
horror at the blistered skin. At that moment, she fell
off the raft and the chlorine in the pool began to burn
her skin.
"Help me Max! Heal me! Heal me! Max! What
should I
do?" she whined.
Just as Kyle reached the the patio, steam began rising
from the pool and Tess let out the worst shiek ever
(which you know was earsplitting, since her shrieks are
always pretty bad). Kyle and Max stood next to the
pool, bewildered looks on their beautiful faces, as Tess
rapidly desolved in the chlorinated water.
"Cool," Kyle said, high fiving Max. "She looked like a
giant Alka Seltzer."
Summoned by the horrific sound in his yard, Jim walked
onto the patio in time to see a tiny bikini floating in
a mass of foam. He smiled appreciatively.
"I knew getting a pool was a great idea."
The end