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MY GUESTBOOK
Ten years ago I would have been angry at him. Richard Webber, the moral tent-pole in my life, was a cheater, a liar, and the reason that I didn�t have a father. Ten years ago I would have been furious. But it�s not ten years ago and I have some perspective on the situation that only comes with age and experience. Age adds maturity, or so I�m told. I�ve got that part covered, assuming that the fact that I�m twenty-seven and not seventeen means that I�m more mature, which at times I�m not certain is the truth. The experience, however, I�m certain of. I now know that my father moved on, had two daughters with another woman, and is now a proud and overprotective grandfather. I know that my mother never dated after my father went away, not because she was a workaholic�though she was�or because she was hurt by my father, but because she was hurt by Richard Webber choosing Adele over him. I know that Webber was well and truly torn when he found himself in love with two women�not from my own experiences but from watching Derek struggling with Addison and me�and that staying with his wife was what was right for him, despite the fact that his decision nearly destroyed them both at the time.
I am not furious. I do, however, hate him because if staying with his wife was the right thing for him that means that it might be what is right for Derek, too, and despite the fact that I am dating Finn now, there is still a very large part of my soul that still belongs to Derek and my heart still prays that he will pick me, choose me, love me, the same way that I love him.
Because I can�t stop.
Webber chose what was safe, and even though it tore my family apart, I can respect him for that. But suddenly it�s my turn to make a choice between safety and passion. Finn could give me the life I need, with safety and love and the knowledge that there are no secrets that he�s hiding from me. But my heart is so tangled up in Derek that I�m not sure I will ever be able to escape his hold on me. And, more importantly, if I even want to.
COMPLETE - AUGUST 29, 2006