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MY GUESTBOOK
�You just accused me of turning to you because I�ve known you for a long time and I think you�re safe so naturally I would have sex with you when everything starts spinning out of control,� Josh hissed. �If that were the truth�� he shook his head. �Donna, if what happened with us at the hotel were just because things were emotional and I was strung out on stress and exhaustion� my recovery after Roslyn. That Christmas. MS. Mrs. Landingham. Sam leaving. Hoynes resigning. Gaza. Leo�s first heart attack. You leaving the White House. Me leaving the White House. This entire campaign. If my wanting to be with you was just about my level of emotion it would have happened between us a long time ago.�
I tried to regulate my breathing, tried to stay calm.
Tried not to cry.
Though I had accused Josh of wanting to be with me because of emotions not of the flowers-and-candy variety, the truth was that my own emotions were running high, trampling all over me like a herd of something that stampedes in herds would, and as good as I was at taking care of Josh in times of crisis I have to admit that I really suck at taking care of myself. Maybe that�s why I focus my attention on Josh when life gets emotionally trying. If I�m worried about how he is dealing with a situation I can�t worry about how I�m going to deal with the situation myself.
Yet another layer of that infamous Donna Moss misdirection, I guess.
�Maybe this isn�t the right place to talk about this,� Josh decided.
�No, Josh, please,� I said quickly. I knew that if we put this talk off now it was likely that we would never get around to it. �I want to talk about this. And I was wrong to say what I said. I know that what we are to each other is more than what I made it out to be. I�m just� this has been coming for years and I always thought that when the time came that we were both ready to take the next step� it would be as natural as everything else between us has been. I didn�t think that it would be� like this.�
�You expected flowers and candy?� Josh asked softly.
I shook my head. �The way we came together was perfect, Josh. It wasn�t shameful, it wasn�t a mistake, and I have no regrets about that night other than when I blew you off when you wanted to talk. I just� I needed to get some distance, to figure out how being together was going to work with the changes that were coming our way.�
�So� you went for coffee,� Josh said. �You never bring me coffee,� he added softly, his fingers searching mine out yet again. I held on tight, this time refusing to let him even think about pulling away.