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| December Journal |
| December 2, 2001 Feeling blue today. I think it has something to do with the rain. I find that when I feel like this my mind wanders to the kitchen (even when my body doesn't). I realized today that I've spent a good deal of my day thinking about what I can have to eat that will make me feel happy. In the "old days" (prior to surgery) my choice would've been a big glass of diet pepsi over ice and what ever was the cheesiest, gooey-est (is that even a word? LOL), most fattening thing I could get my hands on. I would share some with the kids of course because that made them happy and helped me justify my little binge. Pretty pathetic, huh? :-\ I'm finding that I'm beginning to make food choices based on what makes me feel good rather than what tastes the best. Sometimes I choose taste first and I usually feel lousy for it. When I feel like I do today, it's more about taste. What taste makes me feel happy, excited, alive?! It's so hard trying to break this pattern in my life. One day at a time...that's all I can do. There is an entry from Teri, who had surgery 9/27/01, in my guestbook. You asked me about starting a webpage and I'd like to write you back but I don't have your email addy. :-( Please send me an email (click here) and I will email you back. Thank you for taking the time to sign my guestbook. Congratulations on your surgery and I wish you all the best! December 15, 2001 Wow, it's been a while since I last updated my journal! Time can really get away from you! A lot's been going on, my husband had another bout with Pneumonia and I've had another bout with the dentist! LOL I really hate going there! Two words...root canal! Enough said! LOL I have been slacking on my walks in the last month or so and I feel really lousy about it. There have been many distractions plus the unusually cold weather and I've been a big flake. I've lost 64 lb. to date and I'm thrilled with that. However, I know it would've been more if I'd been walking my 4 miles a day. I'm definately wearing a size 18/XL now. Whooo hooo! It feels so good! It's a strange feeling to pick up a 22 or 24 and have it be too big! My self confidence has really grown with the weight loss. I hold my head up higher now, I look people in the eye more and I even speak up about things more than I used to. I feel like I've been set free! And I still have more to loose! :) In the last two weeks, people have really started to notice. A couple people at my husband's work noticed, my son's teacher noticed, the lady who cuts all our hair at Supercuts noticed. It feels great! On the down side, my hair is getting thinner. People tell me that to look at me they don't notice it, but I can feel it when I brush it or wash it. There is a noticeably smaller amount of hair. I'm not sure what to do. There is no way I'm going to pay $30 a bottle for the shampoo and conditioner that is supposed to stop hairloss. That's just ridiculous! Plus I've heard it doesn't always work. I'm really noticing thinning in my bangs. There's not a lot there to curl anymore. I know the hair will grow back, maybe I'm just being vain. Ugh... December 16, 2001 Wow! 1000 hits today! Too cool! December 18, 2001 The urge to eat is really strong. A lot of different things can bring it on...stress, the weather, definately the holidays. I'm scared of ruining my chance to loose all the weight I need to. I can't seem to stay away from fattier foods like cheeses. I pay for it the next day and I regret it, but when the drive to eat hits, it's very overwhelming and I usually cave to it. I've also noticed that I'm tollerating sugar better than I hoped I would. I still don't like how it makes me feel, headachy and all, but it's not affecting me like it does some people. *sigh*. I really need to find a way to address this compulsive overeating thing before it destroys my chance at a healthy life! December 19, 2001 I weighed today....drum roll...201 lb.! This means I'm down 69 lb. since surgery, 100 lb. from my top weight ever, I'm only 3 lb. heavier than my husband now (I've never weighed less than him ever!) and according to my BMI I am no longer on obese woman! I'm just very overweight!! Whooo hooo! I feel so happy!!! December 25, 2001 Merry Christmas! December 27, 2001 I weighed again today...I'M FINALLY UNDER 200 LB.!!! I am so happy! What an excellent birthday gift! I am now at 198 1/2 lb. One more pound and I will weigh less than my husband for the first time ever! I experienced something very encouraging last night. Mike took me to the movies for the first time since my surgery. Up until last night, movie theater seating was difficult for me. I used to have to slide in sideway and tuck my hips in under the arm rests one at a time in order to fit. Last night I sat straight down and had a ton of room to spare on both sides! :) December 31, 2001 Well, here we are at the end of another year. What a year it has been! For me personally it has been a year of discovery, emergence from a tired and painful existence, spiritual growth and profound joy. I've been blessed with the most incredible "do over" imagineable! And now as we prepare to enter a new year, I am filled with anticipation and optimism about my health and appearance. I'd like to wish anyone reading this a very Happy New Year! To all my friends and family, thank you for being here for me, for supporting me, for encouraging me. I love you all so much. (((HUGS))) And I just have to say it as goofy as it is...uhh hemmm...see ya next year!!!!! Love, Lorie :) |
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