Spry: (seeming disturbingly happy) My dear friends, how nice of you to join us here, again!
(Spry is once again sitting on the yellow stool in the black room�..voids of space and time�..thingy�..whatever.)
Spry: I am still here, for my own personal safety and due to the fact that I find watching events from here amusing. When last you left, the Fellowship was packing up to head over the Pass of Caradhras. I will now allow you to see things as they have progressed. Do enjoy.
(With a poof and a flash of light you see several figures climbing up a mountain side in shin-deep snow.)
Stevie: You have got to be freaking kidding me, dudes!
Gandalf: I never kid, Stevie.
Kit: Who ever came up with that was a weirdo. I mean, how many people know what a �kid� is really a baby goat?
Van: I like goats! They�re shiny!
Kit: (shaking her head) I don�t know what goat�s you�ve been looking at.
Stevie: There is snow�..it�s everywhere!
Gandalf: Generally, this is what you get when you climb a mountain.
Harper: Would someone care to explain to me why we�re doing this again?
Aragorn: We know the passage south is being watched, so we come this way.
Harper: (muttering) Yeah, like Saruman doesn�t know where we are.
Legolas: (turns around and looks at her suspiciously) How did you know about Saruman�s betrayal? We never spoke to you of it.
Stevie: Curse the Elvish hearing. Well, if you must know, Aragorn mutters in his sleep.
Aragorn: (turning red) I do not!
Stevie: You do too, Mr. Kinglypants.
Gandalf: Stop bickering, all of you.
Harper: (mock saluting) Yes, sir!
Stevie: I�m bored.
Harper: I need mouthwash!
Stevie: For what?
Harper: I bit Boromir. I need mouthwash. Gack!
Boromir: You shouldn�t have bitten me, then.
Harper: You shouldn�t have touched me!
Van: I am traumatized. The bug touched me. It was icky!
Aragorn: Not this. Not again. All of you keep quiet and keep walking. We�ve got a long way to go.
Stevie: Why do we get yelled at? Gimli keeps whining and the hobbits complain about needing food every second and we get yelled at?
Harper: It�s discrimination, I tell you! We�re female, we�re young, we�re smart�..sort of�..we�re of average height, we don�t smell like something out of a sewer, and we don�t have mass amounts of body hair.
Stevie: So we would have to be exactly like the rest of the buddyship here to not be yelled at?
Harper: Yep.
Frodo: (stumbles and starts rolling back down the mountain) Ahgg!
Aragorn: (grabs him and helps him up) Steady there, Frodo. You alright?
(Frodo sticks a hand into his shirt and starts feeling for the ring. He begins to breathe harder when he notices it�s not on the chain around his neck. Just then, naturally, Boromir picks it up off the snow.)
Boromir: (staring at the ring and muttering to himself) It�s so strange that one should suffer so much fear and doubt for so small a thing�..just a little thing�..
Harper: (throws a snowball at the back of Boromir�s head) Yo, Cap�n Crunch! Give Frodo the ring.
(Naturally, this snaps Boromir out of his little weird thing and he looks at Frodo, who is looking like he�s going to hyperventilate. He steps forward and Frodo snatches it back. Boromir chuckles and ruffles Frodo�s hair)
Boromir: (still chuckling) I care not.
(Boromir turns and starts to walk back up while everyone else is just sort of wondering what just happened and if it was really as bad a thing as they thought it was. Kit is glaring at him because she has that stupid little thing for hobbits. Van, once again, looks passively confused.)
Van: (turning to Legolas) What just happened?
Legolas: (shakes his head) Nothing for you to worry about now.
Van: I�m not worried. I can�t be worried. I have no idea what�s going on.
Legolas: (rolls his eyes) There�s something new. Come on, let us go.
(We are a little further up the mountain now, and it appears to be colder and the winds are starting to pick up. By now it must be at least mid to late afternoon judged by how the hobbits are complaining about food.)
Merry: I�m hungry.
Pippin: I�m hungry too!
Frodo: (shaking his head) You two are always hungry.
Pippin: So? At least we eat, Frodo.
Frodo: Shut up, Pippin. I�m fine.
Kit: Frodo, you need to eat more.
Frodo: (jumps) Kit! You startled me! Where in Valar�s name did you come from?
Kit: I do believe I came from behind you.
Frodo: Well I know that! Where�s good old Sam when I need him?
Kit: (puts her hands on her hips) I�m offended. If Sam were right here he�d smack me in the face with his frying pan!
Frodo: I know. I�m sorry, I didn�t really mean that.
Kit: Yeah, I know.
Frodo: Well, Merry, Pippin, food will have to wait a while longer I suppose.
(It�s early in the evening by now and the temperature has dropped considerably. The winds are blowing relatively hard and it looks as if it might snow any minute. The buddyship travels on!)
Aragorn: (looking concerned) I don�t like this weather, Gandalf.
Gandalf: We must continue on, Aragorn. We have no choice.
Legolas: If we�re in for a blizzard this could be a very bad idea.
Gimli: Well, Galdalf, if you ask me I think we should�ve taken the Mines.
Legolas: Well no one asked you, Dwarf.
Gandalf: This bickering is pointless. Get the hobbits and the girls moving. I don�t want to spend any more time on this dreadful mountain as I must.
Aragorn: All right, if you insist!
(Aragorn and Legolas move down to the other buddyship dudes and start urging them on.)
Stevie: This is ridiculous!
Harper: That�s an understatement.
Stevie: Want to sing a stupid song to pass the time?
Harper: Certainly.
(The buddyship travels further up the mountain while all four girls end up singing �I know a song that gets on everybody�s nerves� including the �doot doo doo� part in between. Apparently this bothers the vertically challenged, the stinky, the shaving-impaired, and the senior citizens who are traveling with them.)
(Now it is officially freezing, the winds are gusting at ridiculous speeds, and it�s snowing. What we have here folks, is a holly jolly blizzard.)
Aragorn: Everyone keep moving!
Sam: But we�re cold!
Gandalf: Keep the hobbits and the girls close by! We don�t want to lose any of them!
Stevie: Come on guys! We can do this!
Harper: Yeah, dudes! It�s just some flurries on the freaking uber-rock!
Van: The �uber-rock�?
Harper: Yep, you heard me. Come on Kit, get those hobbits moving. This is fun!
Legolas: You�re insane!
Harper: No, Gandalf is insane. It was his idea to come up here. I�m just stuck in a negative situation with a bunch of morons so I�m whipping out the sarcasm!
(Well, needless to say, our buddyship has not gone very far. I�m certain if you are reading this, you Lord of the Rings fan, you, that you are familiar with the stupid movie scene with the dudes on the ledge with the avalanche and crap. Well isn�t it a coincidence! Look at what the buddyship�s doing now!)
Legolas: There is a fell voice on the air!
Gandalf: It�s Saruman!
Kit: This sucks!
(Whoo-hoo everyone�..there�s the avalanche. Isn�t it pretty? Sure, why not?)
Boromir: We�ve got to get off the mountain! This will be the death of the hobbits!
(Boromir is seen near Merry, Pippin, Van, and Harper. They all look really, really cold. Gee, I wonder why?)
Gimli: Gandalf, why not go though the mines of Moria?
Van: I remember this part! Frodo should decide!
Frodo: (looking afraid, cold, and very indecisive) We shall go through the mines!
Gandalf: So be it!
(We see looks of relief from everyone�s faces save for Gandalf�s. Stevie and Harper are going a little victory dance.)
Stevie and Harper: We�re getting off the mountain! We�re getting off the mountain!
Aragorn: Save your celebrations for when we are actually off the mountain.
(We, again, see Spry sitting on that yellow stool in goodness knows where. Her disturbingly happy smile is now gone and she appears to be very normal.)
Spry: Well, that was another lovely adventure with our friends in the fellowship. It�s even better because while I�m here, I can�t be harmed by rabid teenage girls! Stay tuned in until next time, here, where insanity abounds�..
