Chapter Thirty Eight: The Most Pathetic Rescue Attempt Ever
(We return to the familiar scene of Harper and Boromir locked under key and watchful eyes back in Lorien. Harper is taking up a familiar pastime -- staring at the ceiling, whilst Boromir is taking on the position of angst incarnate�..in place of Frodo, anyway. I�ve heard that before�.. AHH! I�m ripping off the humor from other tales unconsciously! Oops. As I was saying, Boromir is more or less pouting and looking overly worried about something or other.)
Harper: Ugh! Will you knock it off?
Boromir: Knock what off?
Harper: Looking all mopey dopey.
Boromir: Did you just say I look all �mopey dopey�?
Harper: (glares) I did.
Boromir: (laughing hysterically and then falling off the bed) Ahh haha! You said mopey dopey! Haha!
Harper: (crosses her arms over her chest) Oh yeah, you�re mature.
Boromir: (gasping for air) I�m sorry, love. I just�mopey dopey�
Harper: Okay okay, I get it. You�ve lost it, though. You are, officially, mentally unstable.
Boromir: Does that mean I get to join the club?
Harper: After someone gets us out of here, yes.
(Boromir shrugs and randomly decides to jump back up on the bed where he tackles Harper. He then proceeds in rolling her up in the blanket like it�s a funky cocoon of some sort and hugging/pinning her down to the bed.)
Harper: What the heck do you think you�re doing?
Boromir: Making sure you can�t get away.
Harper: (quirks an eyebrow) And where, pray tell, am I going to go?
Boromir: Somewhere outside the comfyness that is this nice and squishy Elvish bed?
Harper: (groans and starts trying to wriggle around) Ugh! What kind of a monster have I created? You�re kooky, you know that? Mad as a hatter, you are.
Boromir: I wouldn�t know. I�ve never met a hatter before. Hey, I have an idea!
(Boromir gets up off the bed and picks the blanket-enwrapped Harper up in his arms. He strolls over to the window of the flet, the one that conveniently has no ledge beneath it. He moves her and starts putting her, head first, through the window. Harper is currently a little less than calm.)
Harper: (practically screaming) BOROMIR?!?! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?
Boromir: I am using rather pathetic means with which I hope to trigger our escape. Don�t wriggle or you�ll fall. Keep screaming, though. Adds a nice effect.
Harper: SOMEBODY HELP ME! THIS GUY IS INSANE! AHHHHHHHH!
(Whilst this commences in the uppermost reaches of Lorien, our Brotherly Trio of Elfyness is on their way to save the aforementioned prisoners. They notice the rather loud and out of place yelling of Harper and look up to see her hanging head-first out of a flet window, with Boromir holding onto her feet.)
Rumil: Is that Harper up there hanging by her feet from a flet window?
Orophin: I would say so, brother.
Rumil: Oh dear.
Haldir: This is our chance to rescue them. Hurry now, up to that flet!
(Due to the fact that the screaming was rather noticeable, the Elves on guard of the flet found themselves in a panic. One moment all had been calm and quiet. The next, one of their prisoners was hanging head-first out the window screaming bloody murder with the other prisoner hanging on to her feet. Unsure, they more or less stood there for a moment until they decided to unlock the door and pull both the prisoners the heck away from the windows. They both got as far as unlocking the door when the Brotherly Trio of Elfyness came to the rescue. With a dramatic scene including a few well-placed punches, the guards are disposed of. The three Elves head into the flet to find Boromir pulling Harper back into the room.)
Haldir: (looking at Boromir, who is unwrapping Harper from the blanket) You are a crazy man, you know that?
Boromir: (smirks) Mad as a hatter, I�ve been told. (to Harper) Are you alright, love?
(Harper just kind of lays on the end of the bed shaking, still to startled to say or do anything after being hung by her feet out a window. She just stares at him for a few moments and he takes her hand and quietly utters a few words of comfort.)
Haldir: We�ve come to rescue you, though you seemed to be fairing rather well on your own. Come now, the Lady will know what is going on. She will not be pleased. If we hasten we might be able to get you both out of here before she locks us all away.
Boromir: (to Harper) Are you ready? This is our one and only chance, but if you aren�t we�ll have to make do.
Harper: (nods slightly) Let�s do it.
Haldir: (leaving with Rumil and Orophin, and grabbing Harper and Boromir�s stuff) Yes, let us make haste.
(And so the two former prisoners follow the Brotherly Trio of Elfyness down to the ground and through some trees, virtually unseen until they reach the familiar place where their horses are still hanging out. They quickly secure their saddle bags and mount their noble steeds. With a nod of thanks to Haldir, Orophin, and Rumil, the two ride off into the trees�..to get away from Lothlorien. Once out of sight, Galadriel appears besides them.)
Galadriel: As much I think they shall meet their doom, I now cannot help but let them leave.
Orophin: My Lady?
Galadriel: That was the sickest and most pathetic rescue and escape attempt I have watched in several long ages.
Haldir: Well, the window thing was Boromir�s idea.
Galadriel: (sighs and shakes her head) I shall never understand humans. They do the weirdest things sometimes.
Rumil: I�ll attest to that one.
Galadriel: But now, as for you three�..
Haldir: Uh-oh.
Galadriel: I believe that is an understatement. You three now are in the charge of my granddaughter, who has recently arrived from Imladris. As well as the other few lords who have come with her.
Rumil: Ugh�..anything but that! I�ll�I�ll kiss an orc!
Galadriel: I am insulted. You shall see that my dearest Arwen�s every need is met, without complaint. Is that understood?
Haldir: Yes, my lady.
Galadriel: (walking off) Good. Enjoy the rest of your day.
Brothers: (in unison) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(Briefly, at the Rohirrim camp, Stevie abruptly awakens from a dream. She appears rather startled and confused, as if she just had a really strange dream, which she did.)
Stevie: Hanging out windows and babysitting the Uber Wench? Huh?
(Huh. Yeah, that just about sums it up. Poor thing�..now she�s just so confused. Hey, what else do you expect in a land where insanity abounds?)
