Chapter Thirty Two: Acquaintances of the Dour and the Mysterious
(We still find ourselves in the familiar setting that is Dunharrow. Though, unlike last time, it is now getting dark. We find ourselves in a tent with, who other than, Halbarad and Van�..by themselves. Are things really moving along this quickly? Not really. Stevie and Kit were with them but they conveniently had to go and make sure that Eomer had been thoroughly annoyed for the day. Which leaves us back to Halbarad and Van�..together�..alone�..in a tent.)
Van: So�..um, you like being a stinky ranger guy?
Halbarad: (laughs) I suppose I do, though I really don�t think of it as stinky. It�s more of a rugged manly thing.
Van: So I�ve been told.
Halbarad: And you? You are not from anywhere in Middle-earth that I can distinguish by your looks, though Aragorn already offered a brief explanation of that. What is it that you do?
Van: I tag along. Be stupid. Get dumped by an Elf who I thought loved me. The usual.
Halbarad: (surprised) Dumped the Elf you thought loved you? (takes her hand) I do not see how any creature in their right mind could do that to you!
Van: You know, if you�re trying to be subtle with your flirtatiousness, it isn�t working.
Halbarad: Oh, so then I can go right out and say it?
Van: If you want.
Halbarad: Van, I have known you for all of half a day, and yet I find myself strangely attracted to you.
Van: (blushes) Well, gee, Halbarad, when you put it that way�..
(Suddenly, Kit and Stevie burst into the tent. Halbarad groans and Van looks slightly relieved. Stevie motions for Van to follow her outside which she does, leaving Kit and Halbarad to sit and stare at each other in an uncomfortable silence.)
Van: Were you eavesdropping, Stephanie?
Stevie: (looks shocked) I wasn�t dropping no eaves, Miss Vanessa, honest!
Van: (rolls her eyes) Stop pulling a Sam on me and tell me what you want to tell me already.
Stevie: He really likes you, you know.
Van: (surprised) Really? I thought he was just being an uber-flirt in there!
Stevie: No, I talked to Aragorn. He said that when he was talking to Halbarad alone he asked about you and stuff. He said Halbarad seemed interested in you.
Van: Oh yay! Ruggedly handsome ranger guy likes me!
Stevie: I know you�re going to be angry at me for this, but�..can I threaten him about doing something stupid to hurt you?
Van: (thinks for a moment) Sure, why not? I need someone to.
Stevie: Yeah, I know this is the Harper thing. She wouldn�t have even bothered to ask.
Van: Well, go ahead. Make her proud!
Stevie: Well, I should.
Van: Yeah, because the next time we see her she�ll do it again anyway�..just for the fun of it. (giggles) You know how she is.
Stevie: (laughs) I do, we all do, and so should your new manly friend.
(So, Stevie sends Van outside and Van sends Halbarad out because Stevie wants to talk with him for a moment. He steps out of the tent and Stevie promptly knocks him flat on his back and pins him to the ground.)
Stevie: Tell me, Halbarad, what are your intentions with my friend Van?
Halbarad: (trying to regain his breath) Nothing but the best!
Stevie: And will you hurt her like that Valar forsaken Elf did?
Halbarad: I would never do such a thing! Van is a sweet girl and I would not ruin that by causing her heartbreak once more!
Stevie: Good. (pulls him to his feet) She�s just seventeen-years-old, Halbarad. You take it slow with her, or I swear that I will hurt you so bad that it won�t matter what your sexual preference is, you got me?
Halbarad: (nodding nervously) Yes, yes! I understand! I won�t hurt her! I�ll never hurt her!
Stevie: And?
Halbarad: We�ll take it slow! I won�t force her into anything�..and I�ll take care of her. I swear it!
Stevie: Good. You can go back in the tent now.
Halbarad: (nodding vigorously) Yes, My Lady.
(And with that, Halbarad rushed back inside the tent and Kit comes back out. The minute she does they both start laughing hysterically.)
Kit: I can�t believe you threatened him like that!
Stevie: What? The sexual preference thing?
Kit: Yeah!
Stevie: I was serious! If he hurts her I shall rip off his privates and feed them to some orcs. I don�t care!
Kit: Nice. Well, not for him. What now?
Stevie: Let�s get some dinner, and then hope that a person of the Sprite-ish variety shows up with a very big sword.
(Back at the Gladden River, Harper and Boromir are having some fun, also known as a thumb war. Bet you never expected to see our noble man of Gondor having a thumb war with his seventeen-year-old girlfriend�..more like fianc�e, did you? Didn�t think so.)
Boromir: (pinning Harper�s thumb down) One two three A B C! I win!
Harper: (sighs) That isn�t fair!
Boromir: Yes it is. I pinned your thumb down fair and square!
Harper: Boromir, love, your hands are nearly twice as big as mine.
Boromir: I know, but I still won!
Harper: (laughs) You are such a kid.
Boromir: (crosses his arms over his chest) Maybe I like being a kid�..for once, if only for a little while.
Harper: I didn�t mean that in a bad way.
Boromir: You didn�t?
Harper: Nah. I think it�s kind of cute, besides, I�m not a fan of boring old farts.
Boromir: Well, I didn�t get to act like a child much when I was one�..so, for this, I thank you.
Harper: Don�t thank me. You know it bothers me when you do that.
(Once again back at Dunharrow, we find ourselves among the tents in the shadows. There is a cloaked figure lurking there. Who could it be? We see the figure move in-between the tents without making a sound, until a certain tent is in view. This is the King of Rohan�s tent, seemingly quite and alone, save for the Elf who stands outside of it. We know this Elf to be none other than Haldir, our friend from Lothlorien. Seemingly unbothered by the presence of another in front of the tent�s only opening, approaches and comes face to face with the March warden�s arrowhead.)
Haldir: Move another step and I will shoot you. Identify yourself!
Stranger: Shoot me if you will, but be warned. I�ll shoot you back.
Haldir: (taken aback by the strangers bold words) Identify yourself!
Stranger: My name is none of your concern, nor is my business.
Haldir: I have just made it my concern, now answer me before I am forced to loose my arrow.
Stranger: I have come here with a gift for the future King of Gondor.
Haldir: What kind of gift?
Stranger: The kind that only the King needs to see. Now, please move before I am forced to move you myself.
Haldir: All I want is for you to identify yourself.
Stranger: And all I want is for you to step aside.
(And so, after standing there for several long moments, Haldir and the cloaked and hooded stranger became impatient. So, Haldir manages to gracefully push the hood back off the stranger�s head with the end of his bow, to reveal something unexpected.)
Haldir: (shocked) You�re a Sprite!
Stranger: My, you�re quite observant, Master Elf.
Haldir: Have you any relation to Spry and Dawdle?
Stranger: I do. I am their younger sister.
Haldir: (nods) And your name, my lady?
Stranger: You must be this Haldir I�ve heard about. Stubborn as an arse at times, I�m told. Much like myself. My name is Arcane.
Haldir: Arcane?
Arcane: Aye, that is my name. You�ve just spent the past several minutes asking it of me, unless my memory has suddenly gotten worse.
Haldir: Well met, Arcane. Please forgive me for my rudeness. I was only doing my duty in protecting my friend.
Arcane: Understandable. I would do the same.
Haldir: What is this gift you bring him, pray tell?
Arcane: I bring him the Shards of Narsil reforged, now called Anduril, the Flame of the West. I do this at the bidding of the Lady Stephanie.
Haldir: Stevie? So that�s what she was up to!
Arcane: And you feared some prank from a troublesome girl?
Haldir: Aye, but she is no girl to be underestimated.
Arcane: (grins) No girl is. But now that we�ve had our introduction, may I deliver my package?
Haldir: Of course you may. Follow me.
(And so Arcane follows Haldir into the tent, where she there presents Anduril. She briefly explains what she knows about how Stevie asked if Spry and Dawdle could see that it was remade and it arrived quickly to Dunharrow.)
Arcane: With this sword you can summon the armies of the dead. Take the Paths into the mountain.
Aragorn: How is it that you know all this?
Arcane: I listen to people, I talk, and I find out what I need to know. I�ve been good lately on reading my history. I know that the men of that mountain out there did, and of the oath they are still bound to.
Aragorn: And I can summon this army?
Arcane: Yes, but I do not think it will be easy. You have friends, the Grey Company. Take them with you, and your other most trusted companions. That is the advice I bring you, also from my brother and sister.
Aragorn: Thank you. Can you please leave? I need some time to think about all of this.
Haldir: Of course, come Arcane.
(The two left the tent so Aragorn would be alone to think. The Elf and the Sprite walked among the tents until they found a slowly dying fire on the outer edges of the camp. There they both sat down.)
Arcane: You want to know why I am here, but you already know that. What else?
Haldir: You are leaving, aren�t you?
Arcane: I could, but I don�t think I want to. This place is nice, even if we�re probably all going to die.
Haldir: Nice?
Arcane: In a chivalric kind of way�..I guess, anyhow. What, you want me to go now?
Haldir: No, you can stay. I have no problem with it. I was just curious as to what you were going to do.
Arcane: I don�t know. What are you going to do?
Haldir: I am going to take three girls and a Hobbit back to my home in Lorien. I am to protect them.
Arcane: Aha. Stevie, future Queen of Gondor? Two of her best friends? And a Hobbit? Sounds like fun.
Haldir: Unless I am mistaken, which I am not often, I would say that you want in on this assignment of mine.
Arcane: (shrugs) Either that or I can go kick some orc arse in Mordor. You chose.
Haldir: I�d welcome you. You�d have to seek Aragorn�s approval, and introduce yourself to those under our care.
Arcane: I think I can manage that.
Haldir: That�s what I thought�..that was before I sensed other plans brewing into the minds of our little friends.
Arcane: Other plans? Oh how I love a good adventure!
Haldir: (laughs) So do I, but it�s never adventure we�re in for. Just a giant storm of insanity and nothing makes any sense once you�re stuck in it.
Arcane: Hey, when you can�t stop the insanity, let it take you!
