Spry: (looking relieved) Hello all my lovely little friends! I do hope you have enjoyed your journey thus far!
(We see Spry sitting, but not on her usual yellow stool. She is sitting in an orange bean-bag chair�..still in the voids of space and time�..or whatever.)
Spry: Yes, I had to get rid of the stool. My arse was starting to hurt. So, what better relief from the pain of the stool than the oh-so-comfy bean-bag chair? There is nothing else!
(Spry leans back into the oh-so-comfy chair and takes a sip of some Pepsi that appears out of nowhere.)
Spry: When last you left us our heroines were entering the dark and dangerous Mines of Moria. Now go and have some fun with them!
(With a poof and that obnoxious light we see a long line of thirteen individuals walking in the creepyness of a cave with stairs and stuff.)
Pippin: (whispering) I�m hungry, Merry.
Merry: I know. That�s the thousandth time you�ve said that. Now be quiet!
Pippin: Why do we have to be quiet again?
Merry: So that whoever, or whatever, it is that is living here doesn�t notice us.
Pippin: What do you think lives here?
Merry: I don�t know�..but I think it�s something bad.
Legolas: Keep your voices down.
Kit: (sneezes) Achooo!
Van: What was that?
Kit: It was a sneeze you idiot!
Aragorn: Shhh! Don�t be so loud! Do you want whatever lives here to notice us?
Kit: Well sorr-y! I can�t help the fact that I�m allergic to something in here.
(They keep walking and stuff. All is quiet on the western front for a few minutes until Kit sneezes once again. Stevie smacks Kit upside the back of her head.)
Stevie: (whispering) Shut up!
Kit: I�m sorry, okay? I can�t help it!
Aragorn: (turns and glares) Both of you be quiet. Kit, try and contain your sneezes.
Kit: Don�t you think I am trying?
Aragorn: Well, try harder.
Kit: Shut up! Why don�t you be the one with the allergies and I�ll tell you to try harder not to sneeze. See how well you do!
Frodo: (upset) Please don�t argue over this. It isn�t worth it.
Aragorn: Frodo�..
Harper: All of you be quiet. Frodo, go up and talk with Gandalf.
(Frodo stares at them all for a moment and then turns slowly away. He climbs a ways up the stairs and starts walking near Gandalf, who, after noticing Frodo�s presence, starts a quiet exchange of words.)
Aragorn: This is wonderful. Now you�ve gone and upset Frodo.
Kit: I did not. It was your fault!
Harper: I don�t remember giving you permission to speak.
Aragorn: (angry) You don�t give me permission to do anything.
Harper: Right now I don�t care. This is ridiculous. What matters now is getting out of this hellhole in one piece, and by you two arguing over sneezes isn�t going to help.
Legolas: (grabbing Aragorn by the forearm) I agree. Come, Aragorn, and walk with me for a while.
Aragorn: Fine.
(The two walk off in front and are now standing behind Merry and Pippin. Legolas appears to be reassuring Aragorn that everything is fine.)
Kit: This isn�t working. None of us can get along. Not you and Boromir, Aragorn hates me, Gimli and Legolas are always fighting�..why can�t we all just get along?
Harper: Because we�re all a bunch of clowns, that�s why. (turns around to look at a less-than-pleased Sam) Come with me Sam. I wanna to talk to you.
(Sam scurries over, leaving Kit, Van, and Stevie to their own devices. Boromir and Gimli are walking behind them silently. Harper beckons him to walk along side of him.)
Sam: Is there something I can help you with, Miss Harper?
Harper: (rolls her eyes) No, Mr. Gamgee. I just wanted to talk with someone who needs talking to.
Sam: I don�t understand�..I don�t need talking to.
Harper: (chuckles) Yeah, Sam, you do. You follow Frodo around like a little lost puppy. It�s like you�re freaking stalking him or something.
Sam: I would never do Mr. Frodo no harm if that�s what you�re saying.
Harper: I don�t doubt that. You seem ready to use your trusty frying pan to beat the bloody hell out of anyone who gets within arms length of him!
Sam: Well, it�s my job to protect and take care of him.
Harper: That�s a job that we all share, Sam. So you can chill sometimes, ya know? You can have fun and engage in conversations with people!
Sam: I couldn�t do that. I wouldn�t want to bother anyone.
Harper: Sam, nobody here is any better than you. In fact, I hold you in higher regard than I do Aragorn, Legolas, or any of the others.
Sam: (blushing) Oh, you shouldn�t say that.
Harper: I already did. It doesn�t matter that Aragorn is the heir of a royal bloodline, or that Legolas is a prince, or that you are a gardener, Sam. You are a great guy, so don�t let anyone push you around because you think you aren�t worthy of better treatment.
Sam: I don�t understand what would make you think any of that.
Harper: It�s the truth, so don�t question it. Just do what I said, you silly little hobbit!
(We see that the whole of the Buddyship is sitting around while Gandalf is perched upon a rock.)
Pippin: Merry?
Merry: What?
Pippin: I�m hungry.
Van: I�m hungry too. Can we eat something?
Gimli: Young lass, that is the seventh time in the past few moments that you have asked that question. The answer remains the same.
Van: (looks at Stevie) Does that mean no?
Stevie: Yep.
Van: But I�m starving!
Stevie: So am I. I suppose we could always eat hobbit. I heard it�s pretty good.
Merry: (eyes widen) You can�t eat us!
Stevie: Of course I can.
Pippin: (looks scared) You don�t want to eat us! We don�t taste good. We�re all skin and bones!
Van: Are you sure? You look really yummy.
(Pippin and Merry jump up and run between Aragorn and Boromir who are sitting on a steo near a small fire. Merry grabs Boromir�s hand.)
Merry: Boromir, you have to save us!
Boromir: From what?
Pippin: Stevie and Van said they want to eat us!
Boromir: (glances back at the two girls for a moment) I don�t think they really wanted to eat you.
Pippin: Than why would they scare us like that?
Merry: Do you think they were just joking?
Boromir: I�m certain of it. They don�t seem like the hobbit-eating type.
Pippin: (eyes widen more) What exactly does a hobbit-eating type seem like?
Boromir: I think you�ll know when you meet one.
Merry: It won�t make a difference then because they�ll be cooking us!
Boromir: Do not trouble yourselves over it. Stevie and Van will not eat you, nor will any of you die from hunger.
Pippin: If you say so.
Merry: Thanks, Boromir. Come on, Pip, let�s go back and wait.
(The two hobbits go to their spots near Stevie and Van and sit down. Kit and Harper seem to be dozing off against a rock near Legolas, who is toying with his bow. Gimli is just sitting around and Boromir and Aragorn exchange a few words here and there. Sam is sitting and watching Frodo, while Frodo is staring off at the bottom of the mine, with some pointy rocks and such. He gasps and goes over to Gandalf, who is still perched upon his rock.)
Frodo: (breathing heavily) There�s something down there.
Gandalf: It�s Gollum.
Frodo: Gollum?
(Frodo turns and looks back neat the ledge of the rocks. There appears the top of this head and these big round creepy eyes. The creature makes this slight rasping noise when it breathes.)
Gandalf: Yes, he�s been following us for three days.
(Gandalf is quiet for a moment and Frodo just stares at him. Though the silence we here a loud �ewwwwwwwww!�.)
Kit: What do you mean it�s Gollum?
Harper: I mean its Gollum. You asked me what that raspy-hissy breathing noise was, so I told you.
Kit: Legolas, make him go away.
Legolas: Ignore him, he isn�t doing anything.
Kit: But he�s creepy!
Gandalf: (gets up) Ho!
Merry: He�s remembered!
Stevie: That was all somewhat random.
Harper: That is a definite understatement.
Gandalf: It�s this way?
Merry: How can you tell?
Gandalf: The air doesn�t smell so foul down here. When in doubt, Meriadoc, always follow your nose!
Van: That is a stupid piece of advice.
Aragorn: And you have something better? �When in doubt stare at shiny objects?�
Stevie: Ranger-dude, that was a good one.
Van: I�m hurt.
Harper: We know. Come on, let�s go.
(The Buddyship walks down the steps, following Gandalf, but that is all we see, because with another annoying poof and a flash of light we find ourselves looking at Spry again.)
Spry: Hey there everyone. I do hope that you enjoyed that.
Voice: I didn�t.
Spry: What? Who is this?
Voice: You know who I am.
Spry: I do? Bloody hell, I do! Dawdle, what in blue blazes are you doing here?
Dawdle: (poofs into the room and sits in a magically appearing bean bag chair next to Spry) The same thing I�m always doing here. Ruining your good fun and messing with these silly little projects of yours.
Spry: Oh man. Why did you have to show up now? Ugh!
Dawdle: I know, I�m so difficult. Now, are you going to pout all day, or all you going to introduce me to our little friends here?
Spry: (sounds annoyed) Of course I am. Alright, everyone. This is Dawdle. He is my twin brother�..and my antithesis.
Dawdle: (chuckles evilly) I wouldn�t say antithesis, dear, sweet, sister mine. We�re more alike than you care to admit. I am just you�re dark side in another body.
Spry: Whatever. Why did you have to show up now?
Dawdle: So I can mess with your plans�..and because I have a little something planned.
Spry: Oh no. What is it?
Dawdle: That is for me to know and you to find out�..he he he�..
Spry: Oh bloody hell! Well, tune in next time for some more fun and games, here where Insanity Abounds�..
Dawdle: Oh, yes, please do. I have much planned for your�..personal enjoyment�..
