I love to laugh 3!
I love to Laugh 3!
I've put stars by my favorites in each list.* = Funny(or good), ** = Very funny(or very good), *** = Hillarious(or excellent).
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More bumper stickers
*1.
Optimistic apathy: things will work out, but if they don't who cares?
2.
Boldly going nowhere.
3.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
**4.
When in doubt, poke it with a stick.
5.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
6.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7.
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
*8.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
**9.
You can't have everything, where would you put it?
10.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing
well.
11.
This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me
12.
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult
**13.
If we quit voting, will they go away?
14.
Cover me, I'm changing lanes
*15.
This bumper sticker exploits illiterates
***16.
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense
17.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the
bathroom.
18.
I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn't enough anxiety in my life.
19.
Be alert - the world needs more lerts.
20.
The only tools you need in life;
WD40 to make things go
and duct tape to make them stop
*21.
I misplaced my dictionary. Now I'm at a loss for words.
22.
Two wrongs
don't make a
right...........But three lefts ...... do...
24.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a
train stops. On my desk I have a work station...
*25.
Stupidity got us into this mess--why can't it get us out?
26.
I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.
27.
It hurts to be on the cutting edge.
***28.
My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
29.
Today is the last day of your life so far.
30
The meek shall inherit the earth...if that's ok with you.
*31.
Order is for idiots, genius can handle chaos.
32.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
**33.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
34.
The ultimate reason is "because."
35
Around here, to be nuts is normal, to be sane is stupid.
36.
Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
***37.
Reality is the leading cause of stress.
***38.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
***39.
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
40.
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
41.
Hey, don't look at me! I did it, but don't look at me.
42.
I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
43.
There are easier things in life than getting up every morning....nailing Jell-o to a tree for instance.
***44.
The truth is out there? Does anyone know the URL?
Things to think about.
**1.No matter where you go, there you are.
2.Never assume. It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me".
***3.Doesn't expecting the unexpected make
the unexpected become the expected?
**4.Love your enemies. It'll make 'em crazy.
5.The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears this is true.
6.In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
***7.Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter.
**8.Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
**9.You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.
***10.Be bold in what you stand for and careful what you fall for.
***11.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
12.If 'progress' means to move forward, what does 'congress' mean?
13.The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.
14.
Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.
**15.If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
16.Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you
just sit there.
17.The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing,
at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at
the tempting moment.
***18.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old
because you stopped laughing.
***19.Life is too important to be taken seriously.
There are two rules for ultimate success in life. 1) Never tell everything you know.
20.
Whenever two men meet there are really six people present. There is each man as he sees himself, each man was the other sees him, and each man as he really is.
21.There's no such thing as nonexistence.
**22.What If there were no hypothetical questions?
*23.All generalizations are false
Quotes
1.I tried to wrestle my inner demons once... but they used too
many illegal holds. - Amanda McAllister
*2.Into every life a little rain must fall, but I think someone has
mistaken me for Noah. - Allison Raul
*3.I'm not the person your mother warned you about... her imagination isn't that good."
- Amy Gorin
*4Reality can destroy the dream; why shouldn't
the dream destroy reality?
-- George Moore
***5.Insanity is just imagination, that hasn't found its way back to reality.
~ Wayne Coyne
***6.Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.
~Russell
***7.Always keep a song in your heart
-- it's like karaoke for
the voices in your head.
(Robert Fulton Abernethy)
**8."If you're lost in the woods, start playing solitaire with a pack
of cards. Someone is sure to show up and tell you to put
the red jack on the black queen." - unknown
9.I am at two with nature.
Woody Allen
10."I'm afraid of the dark, and suspicious of the light."
- Woody Allen
*11.There is a very fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
- Oscar Levant
***12.
"Once in Africa I lost the corkscrew and we were forced to live off food and water for weeks."
- Ernest Hemingway
**13.Whenever I feel blue,
I start breathing again.
(Larry Baum)
***14.I'm a woman. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right
to be pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating
and not just a little bit scary."
~ from the movie Sliding Doors
***15.My friends tell me that I refuse to
grow up, but I know they're just jealous
because they don't have pajamas with feet.
(Tom Sims)
**16.In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground
with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in
civilized society, it is called golf.-- ?
**17.If your mind goes blank, don't forget to turn off the sound.
-- Red Green
18.Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. - Steven Wright
19."Have you ever noticed... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?" ~ George Carlin
***20."I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I
don't know the answer." -Douglas Adams
**21.Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.
-Jennifer Unlimited
***22."I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
Thomas Edison
*23."What makes me tick? I don't know, but the noise is driving
me nuts."
- Michael Hayward
24.�Around here, we put the FUN in dysFUNctional.�-- ?
***25.
�I think if I could turn my mind into some kind of amusement park ride, it would be really successful. It scares ME half the time and I know what�s in it.� ~R. M. Weiner
**26.�For sincere personal advice and the correct time: call any number at random at 3am.�-- ?
27.
"Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world" - R.D.Lang.
*28.A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you
how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: if you spend
$12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you. -- Jay Leno
**29."I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -
everyone hasn't met me yet."
Rodney Dangerfield.
**30."A true friend is one who thinks you're still a good egg
even though you're half-cracked."
*31."After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an auto accident it makes you wonder about history."
- Bits & Pieces
*32."When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."
- Hunter S. Thompson
***33.What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists? Woody Allen.
I love to laugh 4
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