I love to laugh 2!

I love to Laugh 2!

This page is for my friend Karen!

I've put stars by my favorites in each list.* = Funny, ** = Very funny, *** = Hillarious.

I would enjoy any comments so feel free to sign my guest book which can be found at the bottom of this page My home page. There is also alot of other stuff you can find there. Cool pics my boyfriend took, my dream journal,fantasy and more.


42 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator


1. Make race car noises when people get on and off.
2. Grimace painfully while slapping your forehead and muttering, "Shut up dammit, all of you just SHUT UP!"
3. Whistle the first 7 notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
4. Sell Girl Scout Cookies.
5. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
6. Shave.
**7. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask, "Got enough air in there?"
8. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear your upside-down.
*9. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
10. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
*11. Lean over to another passenger and whisper, "Ever had a Wet Willy?"
**12. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral."
13. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
14. Do Tai Chi exercises.
***15. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on."
16. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
17. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
18. Meow occasionally.
19. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
20. Frown and mutter, "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say, "oops!"
21. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
22. Sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" while continuously pushing buttons.
23. Holler, "Chutes away!!" whenever the elevator descends.
*24. Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
***25. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
26. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
***27. Wear a hand puppet and talk to the other passengers "through" it.
28. Start a sing-along.
29. Shadow box.
30. Say, "Ding!" at each floor.
31. Lean against the button panel.
32. Say, "I wonder what all these do?" and then push ALL the red buttons.
***33. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
***34. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
35. Bring a chair along.
36. Blow spit bubbles.
37. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
*38. Carry a blanket a clutch it protectively.
39. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
40. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
*41. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting bigger."
***42. If anyone brushes against you, recoil fiercely and scream, "BAD TOUCH!"



53 Fun things to do in Walmart.


1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
*6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off and turn the volume up to full blast.
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!"
15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are taking it for a test drive.
17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. Do this until they leave the store.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!"
20. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and when they say you didn't buy it there say "Hmmmm....I thought the customer was always right!"
21. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
**22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
***25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
**29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and say, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover."
31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)
**32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.
**33. Take bets on the battle from above.
34. Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.
***35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
**37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible.
**38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
**40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies."
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: Marco Polo.
43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet section, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's.
45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels.
46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
***48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to your knees and assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no, its those voices again."
49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax.
51. Go to the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
*BONUS*
1. Attempt to do all of the above in the same visit, without getting kicked out.
2. Try to hold up customers with the toy guns. See how much you can make.



In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer products:


1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
5. On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (makes sence, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
7. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END.
8. On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
9. On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)
10. On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be how?)
11. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) - DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Woop's Too late!)
*12. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's try it.)
13. On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
14. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?)
15. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I'm curious.)
*16. On Sainsbury's peanuts - WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS. (Wow! I never knew that)
**17. On an American Airlines packet of nuts INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)
***18. On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)
19. On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
20. On some frozen dinners: SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.
21. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: FITS ONE HEAD.
**22. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
23. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine: DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
*24. On Nightly sleep aid: WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. (Gee ya think?)




Some actual signs and bumper stickers spotted around the country. enjoy...


*1 On a Plumbers truck : "We repair what your husband fixed."
2 Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
3 At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."
*4 At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**5 In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
**6 On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."
*7 At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
***8 On a fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
9 In a veterinarian's waiting room : "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
10 At the electric company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
***11 In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."
***12.Please do not throw your cigarette butts on the ground, the turtles crawl out of the ponds and smoke them and we are trying to get them to quit. (seen next to a turtle pond on Paradise Island)
**13. Seen on a subway wall in New York: Life is one contradiction after another. Written below it: No it's not!







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