Sitting

What a silly and obvious notion, that of sitting in chairs. Yet many, MANY children don't seem to know the first thing about this common activity. Why is sitting in chairs an important thing when it comes to receiving a free, public education? Well, for starters, the free, public education is paid for by taxes, which so many folks prefer not to have to pay. The result is that the floors of schools tend to be concrete. OK, they fork out a few bucks to cover the concrete with thin carpet, vinyl, or linoleum, but the fact remains that the floors are CONCRETE. Your child's head, knees, elbows, and wrists are made of skin and bone. Concrete is decidedly stronger than skin and bone. If something happens to your child in my classroom with regards to body parts hitting the concrete floor, you won't like it. Suddenly the free public education is in jeopardy because someone happens to have a lawyer and wants to hold me responsible for the fact that their precious darling
can't keep his precious *ss in the ***kin' chair!!

Below are rules for sitting that every child should know:

1. Sit your *ss down in that **mn chair with your back against the ***kin' back support
and your legs hanging off the ****am edge.

2. Keep your **tt on the flat part of the chair that is designed for your **tt.

3. Keep your stinky feet out of the ***kin' chair.

4. Quit with the damn cheek hang routine and get your *ss in that chair.

5. If your feet reach the floor, keep 'em there, ***mit.

Below is the rule the way I'm allowed to write it:

1. Remain in your seat at all times.

I'm sure you can see how ambiguous the "proper" rule is. There is so much room for interpretation, and your child is brilliant enough to think of a thousand ways to remain in his or her seat at all times precariously close to death. Now, I'm not going to curse at your precious darling. I am, however, going to have to either nurse the wound or take time to write a report, or "redirect" your child to the proper seating, shall we say 'style'?. This takes precious time away from the subject at hand, which is whatever I'm trying to teach your child. Perhaps you could take a minute, RIGHT NOW, and do a bit of coaching with your child. Practice technique, form, and stamina, OK?

Thanks!!