| Real State Laws These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Alabama: 1. It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California: 1. Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water. Connecticut: 1. You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour. 2. You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands. Florida: 1. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. 2. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. 3. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. 4. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. 5. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. Illinois: 1. It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets. Iowa: 1. Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes. Kentucky: 1. By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground." 2. It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket. Louisiana: 1. It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. 2. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault." Massachusetts: 1. Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches. 2. Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked. 3. An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public. 4. Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts. Nebraska: 1. A parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service. New Mexico: 1. Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public. New York: 1. A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll. North Dakota: 1. Beer & pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant. Ohio: 1. Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public. Oklahoma: 1. Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog. 2. Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state. 3. Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property. Pennsylvania: 1. A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. 2. No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife. Rhode Island: 1. It is illegal to throw pickle juice at a trolley. Texas: 1. A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit. 2. It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. Vermont: 1. Lawmakers made it obligatory for everybody to take at least one bath each week -- on Saturday night. Washington: 1. All lollipops are banned. 2. A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town. Things girls think guys should know 1. Don't ever lie to us, we always find out. 2. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening. 3. Don't say you understand when you don't. 4. Girls are petty, get over it. 5. You don't have PMS; don't act like you know what it's like. 6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook. 7. If you talk about having a big dick, we know you don't. 8. Size does matter. 9. We don't like it when you act like Mr Big; we like it when you are Mr Big. 10. A system in your car only impresses your homeboys. 11. No matter what you say, your ex girlfriend is a hoe. 12. It's good to be sensitive, sometimes. 13. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't apologize. 14. Be spontaneous, dinner and a movie won't always cut it. 15. We are self-conscious by nature, we can't help it. 16. We are drama queens. 17 Fashion police do exist. 18. Don't ask us to give head; if you are nice you just might get it. 19. We absolutely do not care about monster trucks, car systems, paintball or anything else you and your friends talk about. 20. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times. 21. We don't shave our legs every day, get over it. 22. Don't make bets about us, we always find out. 23. Shave- no matter how cool you think it looks, we hate it. 24. Even is you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emitt other strange gases from your body, it is not. 25. Don't compare our breasts with Pamela Anderson's, hers are fake. 26. It is not cool to shoot snot rockets. 27. We are beautiful, but make-up helps. 28. We will always think we are fat so humor us and tell us we aren't. 29. You can shoot hoops, score a goal, knock down big fat guys, and hit a little baseball with a stick so why the hell can't you piss in the toilet and not on it. 30. Most importantly- we are always right- so don't forget it. Six Shots of Jagermeister!? A young man sits down at a bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires. "I want six shots of Jagermeister," responds the young man. "Six shots!?" says the bartender, "Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob," replies the young man. "Well, in that case," says the bartender, slapping him on the back, "let me give you a seventh on the house." The man holds up his hand, "No offense, sir. But if six shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will." |