| 101 Things Not To Say During Sex continued 51. Do you know the definition of statutory rape? 52. Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes? 53. You look younger than you feel. 54. Perhaps you're just out of practice. 55. You sweat more than a galloping stallion! 56. They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash. 57. Now I know why he/she dumped you... 58. Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun? 59. You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated. 60. I hope my stomach doesn't look too puffy - I haven't shat in weeks. 61. Have you ever considered liposuction? 62. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner! 63. What are you planning to make for breakfast? 64. I have a sickening confession... 65. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home! 66. Are those real or am I just behind the times? 67. Were you by any chance repressed as a child? 68. Is that a hanging sculpture? 69. You'll still vote for me, won't you? 70. Did I mention my transsexual operation? 71. I really hate women who actually think sex means something! 72. Did you come yet, dear? Did I? 73. I'll tell you who I'm fantasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about... 74. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time! 75. Does this count as a date? 76. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you! 77. Hic! I need another beer for this please. 78. I think purple nurples are romantic - don't you? 79. You can cook, too right? 80. When would you like to meet my parents? 81. Have you ever tried it in the nose? 82. Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"? 83. Sorry about the nametags, They're to avoid any embarrassment later. 84. Don't mind me� I always file my nails in bed. 85. (In a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls? 86. I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light? 87. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman. 88. Sorry but I don't do toes! 89. You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it! 90. Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO! 91. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper... 92. I'll bet you didn't know I work for ''The Enquirer''. 93. So that's why they call you Mr. Flash! 94. My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer! 95. Is this a sin too? 96. I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain! 97. Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn? 98. Long kisses clog my sinuses... 99. Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise... 100. How long do you plan to be ''almost there''? 101. You mean you're NOT my blind date? An elderly gent was invited to his old friend's home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms -- "Honey," "My Love," "Darling," "Sweetheart," "Pumpkin," etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love. While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names." The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said. "I forgot her name about 10 years ago." The Top 16 *Other* Rejected Children's Books 16> Charlotte's Website 15> The Cat That Shat in the Hat: A Kid's Guide to Scatology 14> Chicken Soup for the Kitchen Floor 13> Jacking and Jilling: The Dummy's Guide to Masturbation 12> What The Hell Is Mommy's Problem, Anyway? 11> The Mouse, the Motorcycle, and the Organ Donor Card 10> You're Different -- And All the Other Kids Hate You! 9> The Big Book of Things to Put in Your Ear 8> How to Write With Your Wee-Wee 7> What's That Bag For, Grandpa? 6> Tobacco Man vs. the FDA Gang 5> What Lucy Needs is Some Hot Monkey Love, Charlie Brown 4> Harry Potter and the Allegations of Plagiarism 3> Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Ms. LeTourneau's Class 2> Horton Hires A Ho 1> Where the Curly Red Fur Grows |