| 101 Things NOT to Say During Sex 1. But everybody looks funny naked! 2. You woke me up for that? 3. Did I mention the video camera? 4. Do you smell something burning? 5. What tampon? 6. Try breathing through your nose. 7. A little rug burn never hurt anyone. 8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant? 9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door? 10. But whipped cream gives me the shits. 11. Can you make some noises, so that hottie next door thinks I'm good? 12. Hurry up! This room rents by the hour! 13. Can you please pass me the remote control? 14. Do you accept Visa? 15. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 16. Ew - on second thought, let's turn off the lights. 17. And to think - I was really trying to pick up your friend! 18. So much for mouth-to-mouth. 19. Try not to leave any stains, okay? 20. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober... 21. (Holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo! 22. Do you get any premium movie channels? 23. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya! 24. (Preparing to incorporate peanut butter) But I just steam-cleaned this couch! 25. Got any penicillin? 26. But I just brushed my teeth... 27. Smile, you're on Candid Camera! 28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs! 29. I want a baby! 30. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies! 31. (In a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work? 32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth... 33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting? 34. I think you have it on backwards. 35. When is this supposed to feel good? 36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs! 37. You're good enough to do this for a living! 38. Is that blood on the headboard? 39. Did I remember to take my pill? 40. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere? 41. I wish you'd let me put this bag on your head... 42. That leak better be from the waterbed! 43. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries! 44. So, how's your mother? 45. Did I tell you that I found this mattress on the side of the highway? 46. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance. 47. No, really... I do this part better myself! 48. It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate! 49. This would be more fun with a few more grandparents. 50. You're almost as good as my ex! |