| One Special Rooster This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell. The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've got this great rooster, named Kenny. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem." Well, Kenny the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny. The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barnyard, first, giving the rooster a pep talk. "I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said, with a chuckle. Kenny seemed to understand, so the farmer pointed toward the Hen house and Kenny took off like a shot. WHAM! Kenny nails every hen in the hen house -- three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked.. After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Kenny is in there. Later, the farmer sees Kenny after a flock of geese, down by the lake.. Once again WHAM! He gets all the geese. By sunset he sees Kenny out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours. Sure enough, the farmer wakens the next morning only to find Kenny on his back, stone cold in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead. The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, "Oh, Kenny, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself". Kenny opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, "Shh, they're getting closer." A little knowledge A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?" The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redbird for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pit for a million dollars, and ask your brother if he'd sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that." So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Robert Redbird for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! I wouldn't pass up an opportunity like that." The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pit for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I would just love to do that! I would be nuts to pass up that opportunity!" The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million could buy?" The boy pondered that for a few days, then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?" The boy replied, "Yes, sir. Potentially, we're sitting on three million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two sluts and a fag. Dying Wishes A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees. They make love. About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more Time?" Of course, the wife agrees, they do it again. Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only eight hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder, asks: "Honey, please just one more time before I die." She says, "Of course, dear." They make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep. The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to four more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could. at this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!" DINNER STORY Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing. Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly. "MOMMY,, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND." Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story. So Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy." At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight." At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, "then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army." |