(Before watching a movie, she sees that Emily and I have taken up the two couches.) Mom: I, like, need a place to go. I need a place to live for this movie.
*****
Mom: You get the best of me in the morning. You're going to wanna wake up early EVERY morning to see me like this.
*****
(To the tune of "Outrageous" by Britney Spears) Emily: Outrageous, when I move my body. Outrageous, when I'm on the potty.
*****
Sammy: I'd loan you the money if you needed it, ya know, if you had to have a tooth pulled or something.
*****
Shannon:Yeah, when they're wasted beyond bolivion.
*****
Dr. Lynch: By the way, next week I�m showing off my belly button too.
*****
Dr. Lynch: Our 13 yr. old daughter wants to dress as much as a prostitute as we will allow.
*****
Random guy outside: Yeah! Wooooo! I don�t know what I�m yelling about!!!
*****
(On AIM) Mom: i got called for jury duty again....i feel so important
hellooooo.....stop talking 2 your friends and talk to your MOM, i am more important
i am in a stupid mood...can u tell?
*****
Auto response from DefyGravity0925:
A song...
Played on a solo saxophone
A crazy sound
A lonely sound
A cry that tells us
Love goes on and on
Played on a solo saxophone
Its telling me to hold you tight
And dance like its the last night of the world.
TiggerJag1: im pretty sure that song in your away message is not "in the mood" lol
*****
Carolyn: Flava Flav says, "Keep your food freshie fresh, so you can taste the Flava Flav!"
*****
(Sung) Rookie: Fuck me in the gonads!
*****
T-Roy: They�re having a problem with the toilet. Rookie: Well, girls don�t poop, so what�s the problem?
*****
(During a random discussion on anal sex) Jill: No, no, no up the butt. I think I�d feel like I had to poop. He�d be like, �oh yeaaa� and I�d be like �Get out! I have to poop!�
*****
(Drunk and with headphones on) Dworak: Name this tune! (snaps fingers)
*****
Rookie: I'm starving, d'you think Golden Crust will deliver to Boston?
*****
Crazy Liz: I like poop. Me: So did Mozart, he liked to play with it. Crazy Liz: Whoa, did he like, make stuff with it? Like mold it like it was play-dough?
*****
Michelle: I had a tickle in my throat last night. Shannon: That tickle was Eric�s tongue.
*****
MysterMorpheus: can i just say that 5 out of 8 people in these two rooms are getting lots of ass...and im not one of them. MysterMorpheus: i just heard my friend having- what sounded like, the most amazing sex ever. or a kidney removed. MysterMorpheus: THROUGH MY WINDOW!
*****
Auto response from DefyGravity0925: aasdflkjasdgl;khgoaiure!! i LOATHE ear training MysterMorpheus: loathing, yes im loathing. MysterMorpheus: its like im bloating MysterMorpheus: poor PMS! MysterMorpheus: its such a mess!~ MysterMorpheus: im loathing
and bloating
im not promoting
bloating and loathing
now im quoting. MysterMorpheus: you should be voting MysterMorpheus: im a good lyricists MysterMorpheus: i know
*****
Me: This is where we move the bed. Deanna: Oh yeah, and the cot. Me: Wait...
*****
D.Harp: Troy! Straighten up and fly right!
*****
D.Harp: Well, that had about as much energy as a gnat farting.
*****
Shannon: I need something sweet, and by sweet, I mean a man.
*****
Me: I don't think homos usually have large penises. Carolyn: Well, check homos off the list!
*****
Marcus: All muscle baby�uh, disregard the man boobs. Dan Lee: (To me) Take off your shirt, let�s see who has better boobs.
*****
Dan Lee: You're about as cool as a bucket full of AIDS.
*****
Cris: I�m sure if you were with a boy you liked, there�d be plenty of things to eat.
*****
Dr. GS: The countess of Dia was�a countess, okay?!
*****
Deanna: Musical theater, where homosexuality flows like wine.
*****
Dr. Reid: Bridge and Russian novels, great, that was my youth.
*****
(On breathing low) D.Harp: Draw from the cooch, Laura K.!
*****
D.Harp: Would you keep your chest up please?! Ya got boobies, keep 'em up! (pause) isn't it terrible that I, as a gay man, have to spend so much time talking about (look of absolute disgust) a woman's breasts?
*****
(Holding a pen) Dr. Cichy: How do you work this thing?!
*****
(On castrati) Dr. GS: They don't have ammo in their guns.
*****
(In Farinelli, a movie about castrati) Woman: I do believe you just gave me my first...musical orgasm.
*****
Dr. GS: Essentially, you could pump your own organ�that sounds terrible, doesn�t it?!?
*****
Troy: Look at Fulvio, what a good looking bridge mover. Ruben, well�what can you say?
*****
Ruben: Laura K, are you always this awesome? Me: Yes.
*****
(After being hit with a raindrop) Jeanette: Oh! I just got shot!
*****
(About our Italy bus driver Tonino) Laura D.: I wonder if he�s from Rome. Emily S.: No, but he�s definitely Italian. Laura D.: Yeah, but I wonder if he�s from Rome. Emily S.: But he�s DEFINITELY from Italy. Laura D.: But he doesn�t have to be from Rome. Emily S.: But he�s definitely from Italy. (This goes on for 10 minutes.)
*****
Jeanette: I was in a man sandwich on the metro�It was like the birth of Jeanette all over again when I got out.
*****
Emily S.: Sometimes I forget how to use the microwave.
*****
Emily S.: I don�t like to chew.
*****
(While walking upstairs in the hotel) Jeanette: So where are we going?(meaning tomorrow) Emily S.: Upstairs.
*****
Me: What is your favorite flavor gelato? Gusto Leo waiter: TiramiSU, tiraMIsu�look at this belly. (does a little jig)
*****
Me: what are you doing up so early? Mom: i am in work, and u? Mom: i had to come in to work early, been here since 5:15 Me: i'm going to bed Mom: omg Mom: good night
*****
(On Valentine's Day) MysterMorpheus: Happy Single's Awareness Day Laura!! Nothing like a good reminder that you're completely alone!
*****
MysterMorpheus: help, im gay. make it stop SmarterChild: Who cares? MysterMorpheus: lol......my.........mom.
*****
MysterMorpheus: god i have to pee DefyGravity0925: GO! for christ's sak DefyGravity0925: hahaha!! MysterMorpheus: i should not go for christ's sak im screwed already
*****
TiggerJag1: how straight is my hair TiggerJag1: theres no gay in it whatsoever
*****
(On the rhythm method of birth control) Dr. Dinunzio: It�s become more accurate than it used to be. But there are a lot of people around because it didn�t work.
*****
Me: I can�t believe the pope died. Shannon: I can�t believe this girl friended me!
*****
(On the seersucker) Dr. Duffy: It was a dude's outfit.
*****
Mike Mc: Why couldn't Bach have just been a lawyer?
*****
Dr. DiNunzio: A man named Strom Thurmond who died a few years ago at 142. Actually he died 10 yrs. ago, but they cranked him up and sent him into the Senate.
*****
D.Harp: Breathe below the belt!! Me: I'm trying! D.Harp: Maybe you'd be more in touch with what's below your belt if we got you a boyfriend.
*****
MysterMorpheus: its how i like my laura k's. lazy. critical and cynical and single.
*****
Shannon: Pick a letter. Me: Four.
*****
MysterMorpheus: lower your fucking standards! just look for a penis and hope something decent is attached.
*****
Lindsay VH's away msg: so i saw hide and seek...which scared me a lot.
then im driving home, and i swear on my life i saw a black cat run across the road out of the corner of my eye, and pat saw nothing.
then my radio stops working. just static on every station. i figured it was the area. i get to campus, my radio still doesn't work. just static...
...if anything happens to me, i want nicole kidman to play me in the "based on a true story" movie.
*****
T-roy: I�m all spry and wiry, like a fox terrier!
*****
(After elbowing her in the boob) Me: Oh, sorry! Colleen: It�s ok, it�s all padding.
*****
Mrs Zaibert: Now we�re going tap the beat using our fingers. Pre-K boy: I LOVE vinegar!
*****
Mrs. Zaibert: Great! Now what language is �ciao.� K girl: Creole! Another girl: Cancun!
*****
(About a Brigadoon lyric, �Salted meat they�re sellin� there") Director Brendan: We want a big strong salted meat.
*****
Cris: If you went camping with your friends and you woke up with Vaseline on your butt, would you tell anyone?
*****
TiggerJag1: this is totally irrelevant but guess what i found on the floor of the bathroom stall today TiggerJag1: this is what i woke up to TiggerJag1: a paper on hate crimes. the hispanic walks in and finds papers on hate crimes. who's doing this to me
*****
Dr. Duffy: Somebody let out a monstrous fart.
*****
Dr. Reid: I�m sent into battle and I�m terrified. I�m peein' my pants. What�s the virtuous thing to do? Isaac: Change your pants.
*****
Director Brendan: As long as you don�t hurt yourself, bang away!
*****
The following are from an article in the Providence Journal on the anniversary of Slinkies.
They're just like Paris Hilton. People like brainless things that move funny.
Valerie Attell recalls her sister getting her tongue stuck in the metal swirls.
Slinky just evokes warm and fuzzies.
Oh, how I used to love me some slinky.
*****
The Rock of D: is it a bad thing that it smells like carbon minoxide in my room? DefyGravity0925: um, carbon monoxide doesn't smell.
*****
(On her Tuberculosis/Birthday song at TGIFridays) TiggerJag1: i dont know but ive been told, someone here is getting old, i dont know but its been said, she has TB but shes not dead
*****
BCKat03: bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaat DefyGravity0925: hahaha was that a trumpet you just blew in my ear? BCKat03: tuba with a side of dave moulis
*****
Emily: Yea, he had a sword, one of those life saver things. Me: Wait, you mean a LIGHT SABER? Emily: Oh.
*****
My grandma: You can't wear flip flops to church! Mom: Why can't she? Jesus wore sandals!
*****
MATTKC98: anywho i'm gonna go look at gay porn and go to bed
*****
MATTKC98: anything good goin on with you lately? DefyGravity0925: just work MATTKC98: bah! me too, but I'm a high end prostitute, so I really don't mind my work
*****
ElScorcho459: today was my only day off this week.... so i spent it
watching kindergarten cop. a pretty good choice i think
*****
Me:"Sylvester Graham invented Graham Crackers in 1829. Graham was a Presbyterian minister and avid vegetarian, who promoted the use of unsifted and coarsely ground wheat flour for its high fiber content. The flour was nicknamed "graham flour" after Minister Graham, the main
ingredient in Graham Crackers." See, it WAS invented to prevent people from having sex! Me: He believed that spicy or sweet foods increased "passions", so bland foods like cornflakes or his new graham crackers would not get people all sexed up. My grandmother:Why would that stop the sex? Me:How am I supposed to know? My grandmother: I know, eating in bed makes too many crumbs and they hurt.
*****
TiggerJag1: haha i was just gonna tell kathryn a funny story TiggerJag1: and i was like kathryn, funny story TiggerJag1: and then i couldnt remember it! lmao! im a fuckin MORON!
*****
TheatreActor01: i was on the subway with my mom. and this retarded,
black, homeless man- kept on harrassing me. he was obviously out of it.
and i stood up to look at something and he read my shirt that
said "almost handsome" and he said "your hott"............laura, i can
only get retarded homeless men....
*****
DefyGravity0925: ugh, sorry, my aunt called TheatreActor01: its ok my boyfriend called TheatreActor01: i just need to say things like that to remind myself im
gay
*****
TheatreActor01: so there's this girl at my work- and she is absolutely beautiful and i couldnt hold it in, and i had to tell her i thought she was so
amazing TheatreActor01: AND THEN i realized, SHE REMINDS ME OF YOU TheatreActor01: I WAS LIKE DUH TheatreActor01: cuz whether im gay or not- i sure have good taste, ya know?
*****
Tom's away message: Lunch with Laura!!
Breaking News: After months upon months of not being kissed: Laura HAS
INFACT been kissed as of last evening. And YES it was infact a
heterosexual male.
*****
Emily: Red rover, red rover, turn the fucking light green!
*****
(Getting into my car over the summer) Tom: Ugh, it's hotter than a crotch in here.
*****
(The following 4 quotes were spoken during Catchphrase) Tom: I'm not a princess but a....? Me: Queen!
(the word was prince :-X)
*****
Kyle: This is my...(points to throat). Katie: Adam's apple! Me: Wow, I almost said scrotum.
*****
Me: You do this before sex! Tom: Pregame! Me: Hahaha, you mean foreplay?
*****
Katie: Remember the�?! Tom: Amazon!
*****
Me: She has this dog...I wanna say Shetland, but I think that�s a pony.
*****
Mom: I used to have a can of air.
*****
Kelsey: I think I�m starting to perspirate.
*****
Kelsey: We�re like Charlie�s Angels. Me: Except I�m fat. Kelsey: I�m short. Emily: And I�m perfect!
*****
Led618: guys are just still catching up to where your frontal lobes are now...they're not as developed, poor saps.
*****
Liz: You�ve never ogled another person while you�ve been with me, right? T-Roy: Not another woman.
*****
(Imitating Rookie during a skit) SVI Camper: It�s 9 o�clock and Dr. Holt hasn�t called me yet, I hope she�s okay!
*****
(Imitating Dan Lade during a skit about the Wizard of Oz) Roman:(assorted v.p. noises) Ugh, if I only had a brain.
*****
Tiff: Listen to how drunk Christian is. Rookie takes the phone. Rookie: Wait, speak up, I can�t hear you. Tiff: Rook, it�s a voicemail.
*****
Dr. Jackson: But seriously, I shouldn�t dump on Trump.
*****
Dr. Jackson: A test in the first two weeks of class? Wow, I�m a real bastard aren�t I?
*****
DefyGravity0925: still loooove me? SalsaBaby722: more than BALLS!
*****
iDoWhatiCandan: Reggie Sprodeunt and Barry Schuschmo are heterosexual lifemates...like Shane and Fulvio
*****
(I left the room without putting up an away message and Shannon asks Monique's advice for what to write for me.) ElScorcho459: make it sexual ElScorcho459: it's what she would've wanted, i think
*****
DefyGravity0925: i'm molding young minds, how scary is that?! lol Emyil03: haha you could totally screw them up for life
*****
misspennylane685: i am sitting at my window trying to see if i can find your room hahaaa....mmm ok that sounded sketchy haha
*****
Me: I think I'd be a good lawyer, cuz I'm a wicked bitch. Amanda and Shannon (in unison): Yeah.
*****
ThomBryda: "Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it." DefyGravity0925: oh i like that ThomBryda: i know, thats why i made it up ThomBryda: well, buddha and i
*****
(Trying to write on the music dept. pumpkin) Dr. G-S (a musicologist): I should write "Musicologists Rule!" Monique and I: Yeah! Dr. G-S: Wait, how do you spell that?
*****
(In Teaching General Music, Dr. Cichy takes Erin's hand to teach us a dance.) Erin: Huh? What's going on? Dr. Cichy: We�re going for a walk.
*****
Shannon: Yay! Viva-ski Poland!!
*****
(I'm in my bra getting changed and singing.) Shannon: Oo! I love it when you sing without your shirt.
*****
Jill Palmer's away message: stuid freaking comuter, the letter that comes between o and q in the alhabet is not working so i cant check my email cause my lastname is almer. grrr
*****
xfan4ever: write about me more in your blog xfan4ever: i like looking at myself xfan4ever: u know what i mean xfan4ever: and i dont keep a blog but if i did it would be margin to margin laura k!
******
(To Shannon at 12:05 am on her birthday) Jeanette: So, are you having a good birthday?!
*****
ElScorcho459: shut down facebook for me please? k thanks. its distracting. i hate you facebook! you're evil! you're...! i love you.
*****
(On Louisiana) Dr. Flaherty: In the inner part of the state, you get what people call rednecks.
*****
Me: Ugh, this scene is so cheesy. Kramer: Yea but its good cheesy, like an aged brie.
*****
DHarp: This fly thinks I�m a pile of shit.
*****
DHarp: I have enough gas to fly around the world.
*****
Dr. G-S: Wagner was kind of a mad, arrogant asshole.
*****
ElScorcho459: not that you need to know, but i took a shower over an hour ago and have not gotten dressed since.... mwahahahhahahha! groodnight.
*****
ElScorcho459: his away message says hes home getting a hair cut and if the stupid boy would have just signed on here instead of at hom he would know that i was home too and we could be having a rendezvous in the rain ElScorcho459: honestly men just don't think things through
*****
Emily: woooppppiiieeeee youre coming home!!! i picked up the bathroom special for you since it was a disaster
*****
(After discussing the sexual inuendo of it all, while eating Paragon's "chocolate ball infused with marshmallow," I cut into the middle and marshmallow oozes out.) Me: Oh God! It's coming!
*****
(Dustin Diamond, aka Screech, entertains PC with some crude humor.) Dustin: You�re looking at me like Rosie O�Donnell staring at a penis.
*****
Dustin: Oh man, I�m sweating like R. Kelly at Chuck E. Cheese.
*****
Dustin: Let me tell you I�ve got enough hair on my bean bag to weave an Indian blanket. Trust the Dust!
*****
Dustin: Guys, if your girlfriend lets you teabag it, don�t just dip it, let it steep!
*****
Dr Cichy: Balero might be a good song for a listening lesson. Erin: Ooo! Michelle Kwan skated to that!
*****
Shannon: Ew, what is it with all this stuff? Like, stay away from the anus, people!
*****
(On her JRW Club Night shirt) Jeanette: Wait until you see my boobs, they�re soooo big!
*****
DHarp: Laura K, if you do not smile on stage, so help me God, I will get you a butt plug.
*****
Me: It�s just like what it sounds, a plug that goes in your butt. Shannon: Like an anal cork?
*****
Me: Oh! My phone is vibrating. My mom: That�s probably the biggest thrill you�ve had in a while.
*****
GoodVibrations88: hey GoodVibrations88: im sudhiurjb GoodVibrations88: *drunl
*****
Monique: He looks like he�s about to shit a tuba.
*****
(The Providence Singers sing through "We Wish You a Merry Christmas.) Conductor Andrew Clark: Tenors, you don�t sound like you really like figgy pudding.
*****
ThomBryda: she makes me wanna spoon out my eyes and make soup
*****
Jeanette: I give you so much credit for like�living.
*****
Dr. Kelton: Get in the key! Plenty of sharps to go around!
*****
John Michael: I respect a man in heels...have you met David Harper?
*****
Me: I Cuban vacuumed. Jeanette: You licked it? Me: No! I used Scotch tape.
*****
DHarp: I'm not even gonna bitch about tempos. Deanna: Well, that's a first. DHarp: I know, it must be my time, I'm going to heaven!
*****
ElScorcho: i like how teabagging has been the theme of the semester DefyGravity0925: it totally has, mainly cuz at the end, this semester was as bad of an experience as i bet teabagging is ElScorcho459: i think this is worse, cuz like........ imagine every class that had a bitch final as being a ball...... we've been like triple teabagging ElScorcho459: i feel like i lost my virginity this semester DefyGravity0925: lmao, to three balls DefyGravity0925: not even a penis! ElScorcho459: haaaaahhhahahhahahhahahaa ElScorcho459: yeaaahhhhhhhhh! okay i have an hour to do too much, trying to feel the pressure ElScorcho459: goodnight teacup ElScorcho459: HAHHAH
*****
sandals31: "balls" is my word for "fuck" DefyGravity0925: hahah i say that too! sandals31: say, if something sucks, you say "oh balls� DefyGravity0925: right DefyGravity0925: i think its more satisfying to yell than the f word sandals31: i dont know, i good fuck and really make my day sometimes sandals31: ... sandals31: haha
*****
(I belch loudly) Shan: I feel like that�s your call...I am woman, hear me roar. Me: I feel like that�s just why I don�t have a boyfriend. Shan: Yeah, I�m sure that�s it.
*****
Fran: I went to have my boobs professionally looked at.
