| Background Among those we know in the adoption community, we are part of a small, but growing minority. We have ALWAYS wanted to adopt. For us, especially me, it was not an alternative choice after infertility. My husband and I talked about children before we were even engaged. We both wanted at least five. And though we definitely wanted to have biological children of our own and wouldn�t try to avoid it, we were totally open to adopting and building our family either exclusively or additionally though adoption. I believe there are a number of reasons why we have always been so open to adoption specifically, and to children in general. First, we both grew up around adopted people. My husband�s mother was adopted by her step-father and when John was in college, his family �adopted� a foreign exchange student from Nepal. We have always called Satish "brother." In my family, I have several adopted cousins: two of my mother�s siblings adopted children and one of my father�s sisters adopted her oldest daughter�s son. My own parents tried to adopt a little boy, but the adoption fell through. It seems as though I always have had adopted friends. One girl with whom I played violin in the youth symphony was adopted and so was her mother. My ENT and good friend, Dr. Tuggle, and his wife adopted a little boy. My Pedi GI, Dr. Daniels, and his wife, adopted all 8 of their children, mostly non-infants from abusive situations. Not only this, but I grew up seeing families that didn�t look conventional: parents of different races or cultures with mixed-race children and siblings that were different races or cultures from each other. Several of my friends with CF were adopted as well. Even more than that, I grew up knowing that because of genetic testing, ultrasound, and abortion, there are a lot of people with CF or other issues that never have a chance to even be born because their families only want �normal� or �healthy� children. I knew that I was blessed to be born into a family that not only chose to have me, but to keep me and to give me a biological sister. I grew up seeing the Pumpkin Patch babies (babies with severe or chronic illnesses who were abandoned in the NICU) when I was in the hospital. There they sat in their cribs alone all day every day. No one ever came to visit them and though the nurses cared, they were much too busy to spend any significant length of time with one infant. I looked at them and knew that it could have been me. I could have been abandoned or given up for adoption by less mature parents. I knew I was loved, even though I brought extra struggles to the family. And I knew in my heart that I wanted to give children like that, like me, a home someday. But, there is yet another reason, perhaps the most powerful of all. Both my husband and I have been adopted into our Heavenly Father�s family. Now we are heirs with Christ to the kingdom of heaven. Our Heavenly Father saw us in our need and chose to do whatever it took to make us His own. Because of this, we have the privilege of sharing adoption with other children who need a family. So, all of that to say, that we have been hoping for this for a long time and now, we are finally here! 22-March-07 We went on Monday to our first adoption class, called GPS (Group Preparation and Selection). Since we are pursuing adoption through the foster care system, the process and requirements are different than they might be for a private domestic or international adoption. This particular arrangement is 3 hours one night a week for 10 weeks. This time will be used to learn about the special needs of children coming from the foster care system and how we can meet them. We will also fill out the applications, paperwork, complete our medical examinations and background check, write our autobiographies, put together a photo album, and complete our homestudies (2) and interviews. 10 weeks seemed like a long time until we saw how much there would be to do. Understandably, the questions and paperwork are very thorough and probing. We've already filled out the packet about the issues and special needs children in the foster care system might have. It was a little intimidating to see a 4-page list of all the things a child could have or need. But, it was also comforting to mark each thing as either "acceptable," "willing to discuss" or "unacceptable." It was hard for me to say that there are kids with certain issues that I just cannot consider parenting. The list included everything from family history of allergies, slow learner, and mixed races to cystic fibrosis, terminal blood disorder, and autism. Our next meeting is on Monday the 26th. At that time, we'll need to turn in a bunch of the paperwork we got last week and we'll start on some of the projects as well as schedule our first homestudy. There's really no telling when we could bring our children home, but the idea is that by the time the class is completed in the latter half of May, we will have done everything necessary to be evaluated for approval as an "adoptive resource". After that the wait begins. Depending on what children are in the system and what we can provide, we could be matched quickly or it could take months. We learned of a pair of brothers that we would love to adopt, but we can't move on anything until we are approved. After we are matched and decide we want to move forward, we start the pre-placement visits (like supervised dating) to get to know the children and see if we think we can be a family for them. If we say yes, then the committee convenes to approve their placement in our home. Once they are placed in our home, we have a minimum of three months of living together and evaluation to see if we are a good match for a permanent family. If so, we go to court to legally adopt our children. Upon that determination, we then gain all the rights and responsibilites of birth parents and birth children. It is SO exciting! I'm really going to have to pace myself or I'll be emotionally exhausted before we even bring the children to our house! 4-April-07 We had our third meeting on Monday. It dealt with losses and grief and how to help our children through and to turn what we can into gains for them. I am very glad they have these classes set up and don't just throw you together with no skills. We turned in even more paperwork. This week we'll be taking and turning in pictures of our home and family that will be used to prepare our children for coming to us. We're working hard to rearrange our apartment to accommodate 2 new people. Murren and I went and set up a baby registry and hopefully we'll get everything we need in time. Our first homestudy will be in a week or two. That one will consist of ensuring that our home can accommodate the new children, instructing us on any changes we need to make for health and safety, and conducting our interviews. I'm excited about it. It used to be really scary and nerve-wracking to think about, but now I'm ready. We've contacted all our friends and family to let them know what's going on and we've received very positive, enthusiastic responses. Some people I'm sure still have concerns and fears for us--they do anytime something is about to change--but that is one of the reasons we are sending out detailed emails frequently. This way, they can know what we're doing and have a chance to ask questions, and of course, see how they can help. 29-April-07 We've now comleted six of the ten required meetings and had our first homestudy. The homestudy went well. Our social worker looked around the property to see if there were any hazards that needed to be addressed and looked at the layout of the house and how we had things arranged to see if it was going to work for the number of children we are hoping for. She also went through some of the minimum standards that we will have to make some changes to meet. We need a larger fire extinguisher, a lock-box for our chemicals and medications, and a rope ladder for the second floor window. Our approval at the end of May will partially depend on whether or not we've met these standards and made the appropriate changes. We spent a lot of the time talking about our profiles. She had questions about some of the things we'd written and needed clarification. There didn't seem to be any problems with anything, though. We've done most of the paperwork now. I just turned in my medical examination form but we'd already turned in John's and Murren's. I didn't see anything that looked like it might be problematic. We still have to get our CPR and First Aid certifications before we can be approved, so hopefully we'll get to do that soon. Things keep rolling along. There is an international adoption seminar in a neighboring city a few weeks from now. Several families from our church are planning to attend and I think we may also. Though we are currently pursuing foster care adoption, we hope to adopt from Liberia, West Africa in the future. 2-May-07 We completed our seventh of the ten meetings on Monday. It was a really good meeting about how to prevent and reverse adoption distruptions. John and I had been wondering why we were spending so much time on Foster care when we were solely interested in adoption, but one of the case workers explained to us that this is necessary so that we fully understand where our children are coming from and the roles different people have had in their lives. That explanation was very helpful and we appreciate it. These people really are wonderful. We are almost ready to turn in our letter to the birth parents. This letter may or may not be seen by them. In many cases, by the time an adoptive family is chosen for the children their parents have been out of the picture for quite some time, but this is not always the case. We found out at the last meeting that the next CPR/First Aid class isn't going to be until July. I was even more disappointed to learn that this will not be a problem in our approval because we wouldn't get it back from the State office before that time anyway. I didn't realize that it was going to take so long to receive our approval, but it does make sense considering that adoption approvals cannot be given by the county office with which we are working. They have to be sent to the State office, examined by the case workers there and any questions or concerns have to be addressed with them before our approval will come down. This is our first experience with a hiccup in the process, but I was warned by everyone who has taken part in adoptions that they are inevitable. Fortunately, it is actually quite minor in the sceme of things. It doesn't change what we have to do or when we have to have it done by, so I suppose that is good. We have continued to pursue my "female" health and the progress we've made is detailed in my Fertility Journal. It is possible that I may become pregnant during our adoption process, but for us that does not change our plans. It may, however, affect our timing or specifics. For now, we are continuing to press forward. |
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| For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father." The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God. Romans 8:15-16 |