| Background Since Murren's birth, we've struggled again with infertility. My period returned the day before her first birthday and we thought surely this time things would be different and I'd soon be pregnant. We were wrong. After struggling for a year with very obviously wacked-out hormones, we turned first to my CF doc. He prescribed an anti-depressant that I'd been on years before. We didn't think it was what I needed, but agreed to give it a try. Not only did it not help, first I was a zombie on a high dose and then I was an insomniac on each of the lower doses I tried. Next I went to see an OB/GYN, who suggested anti-depressants or birth control. When I re-explained what I had just told him about anti-depressants not working, being open and eager for pregnancy, and my sypmtoms being directly tied to hormones, he asked me what I wanted him to do. I was a little frustrated and flummoxed that he had only two ideas of how to help me. Then I suggested blood work (before I learned that bloodwork is much less reliable than saliva testing) - to see if my hormones were working properly. He said that bloodwork would tell him nothing and refused to order it, but didn't offer any suggestions of better ideas. He said that I was probably just stressed out from being the mother of a toddler. It was clear that he was not there to help me, so I left - frustrated and having made no progress. A few months later, we scheduled an appointment with a different OB/GYN at a different clinic (one with whom my midwife has a good working relationship). I had gone alone with Murren to the appointment with the first OB/GYN. We decided, sadly, that perhaps my situation would be taken more seriously if John came along to verify my symptoms and experience. For whatever reason, this doctor listened better and agreed that it sounded as though my hormones were floundering. He ordered bloodwork, but unfortunately, other than very slightly elevated prolactin levels (which were easily explained by the fact that Murren was still nursing), everything looked fine. We went home frustrated again. We knew my body was not working properly, but couldn't figure out what specifically was wrong. To us, it was and is very clearly hormones. Up to the day my period returned, I was relaxed and unflappable. I fell asleep easily and slept well. My skin was mostly clear and I had nice long, strong fingernails. Almost immediately following my first period, I became anxious and began biting my fingernails to the point of bleeding. I began having trouble falling and staying asleep. My skin started having strange, random breakouts. Before becoming pregnant with Murren, these symptoms would occur in coordination and to a more moderate degree right before the onset of a period. Now they happened randomly and no periods resulted. All of these things I told to the OB/GYNs, my CF doc, and midwife. My midwife, Pie, recommended Chastetree Berry extract (Vitex). This was seconded by our family practitioner (a D.O. - doctor of osteopathy). I tried it for several months, but it didn't seem to make a difference at that time. We thought perhaps I was super-sensitive to prolactin or the stimulation of nursing and just needed some time after Murren weaned. So, a year after Murren finished weaning - two and a half years after my first period following her birth, our family practitioner drew hormone levels (blood) again. Still nothing appeared out of the ordinary. This Spring (2006) I found a CNM (certified nurse-midwife) who practices in my area and accepts my insurance (one of the perks, in some regions, of using a CNM over a direct-entry midwife) who has agreed to help evaluate my situation. Though we want terribly to become pregnant again, we have decided that our goal is just to get my body working properly. Our hope is that in working properly, my body will become fertile and I will become pregnant naturally. But, as was the case when I was diagnosed infertile before conceiving Murren, we just don't believe that forcing pregnancy on my body is a wise idea. Perhaps there is a protective reason why we are unable to conceive currently. We are not opposed to seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist (fertility specialist), but want to make sure that whatever course of action we take, if any, will be for the purpose of treating my physiological problem(s), not just causing a pregnancy. One of the reasons we hesitate to cause a pregnancy through assisted means, aside from the one mentioned above, is that we feel we wouldn't be solving anything. Perhaps I wouldn't even be able to carry the baby because the underlying problem was left untreated. Not only this, but if the pregnancy was healthy, it still would only bypass the root problem for a short period of time and then we'd be right back here again. I must admit to you that some of this decision not to go to a fertility specialist and just cause a pregnancy is pragmatic, but some of it is conviction. We firmly believe that there is only one source of life. Only our Father in heaven can grant the gift of life in conception. We just don't feel that it is our place to force it in a lab, though we totally support our friends and family that have chosen this option. 4-May-06 Today, Murren and I went to see the CNM, Kathleen. I saw her in the fall for an unrelated issue and really liked her. She had her toddler daughter with her, so I was especially glad that Murren had come along. They played pretty well while we talked. She took lots of background information. My general health, gynecological/menstrual health, and pregnancy/birth experience. I had noticed some knots in both breasts that were sometimes tender. She did a breast exam and concluded that they were very normal fibrous changes due to hormones (I had something similar about 5 years ago, but not since then, so I wanted to make sure they were still the same thing). She also did my annual PAP smear (which I always look forward to, of course). She said that from my description, it sounded as though my cycles are anovulatory (without ovulation). That was my diagnosis 5 years ago, before we became pregnant with Murren. Kathleen said she'd like me to keep detailed charts for the next three months (I've been keeping track of some things generally, but have lapsed in charting details regularly) so we can get a better idea of what is or is not happening. She checked the bloodwork that I had drawn on 11-3-05 by our Family Practitioner. Everything looked good to her, too. Since my last period was a short one (from March 23-25), she said that if I don't start by May 15, she wants me to take Provera. Provera, a form of progesterone in a pill, should initiate a period, barring conception between now and then. (I took a round of Provera in December 2000, which kick-started my body. I had regular, 30-day cycles for six months.) Hopefully, this will jump-start things again. But, even if not, I still benefit from helping my body to flush out the old endometrium which contains lots of old estrogen. It isn't good to keep it around longer than it is supposed to be. Kathleen also suggested taking Red Raspberry (in whatever form I choose) and Evening Primrose Oil to work synergistically with my hormones. I set up an account with www.MyMonthlyCycles.com this afternoon and will start with that tomorrow. I guess I better go find my basal thermometer! We'll pray again tonight, like every night, that God will bless us with babies. I have decided that I want twins :) Though John isn't praying for twins, he agrees that it would be a wonderful adventure that he would gladly welcome. We know God knows best and we're open to whatever He gives or doesn't give us, but we're sure it doesn't hurt to ask. 7-May-06 I have been taking my BBT (basal body temperature - temperature upon waking after 3 hours of sleep and before any activity to the 1/10 of a degree) and started my period today spontaneously, so I won't be using Provera this month. I hope this period actually does something. I've also cut back on my caffeine and refined sugar intake. I'm adding more raw foods into my diet (mainly with in-season fruit with breakfast and for snacks and salads with dinner so far). A couple of months ago I began making the house and bedroom as dark as possible for sleeping at night. These changes are in response to what I'm learning from Marilyn M. Shannon's Fertility, Cycles & Nutrition: How Your Diet Affects Your Menstrual Cycles & Fertility. This has been a very helpful little book. 7-June-06 My period in May lasted until the 12th! Thank goodness. But, I didn't feel the relief from tension and anxiety that I had hoped it would bring. What is up!? It has been a month since my last period started and since I've not started spontaneously, Kathleen encouraged me to go ahead and start the Provera. 10mg a day for 10 days or until I start. So, today is Day 1. I've continued to record my BBTs pretty regularly - though I have missed a few days. I hope that won't affect my ability to follow the trends. I haven't been taking Red Raspberry or Evening Primrose Oil, but I am starting today. 20-June-06 I took 10mg of Provera (medroxyprogesterone) once daily for 10 days, but didn't start. I did have some increased PMS-like symptoms, though. Kathleen told me to go ahead and stop on Day 10 and just wait and see what happened. She said that sometimes, the withdrawal from the progesterone will stimulate the period. I noticed that my BBTs went from 97.5-ish to 98.2-ish (Fahrenheit) while I was on the progesterone. After a couple of days off it, my BBTs started to drop back down again and I started my period today. 26-June-06 My June period lasted until the 24th and I feel it was a good one. My temperature has stayed low (in the mid 97s). I know that ovulation causes the BBT to rise and it usually stays elevated until a couple of days before a period starts (unless one becomes pregnant, in which case the BBT stays high well into the next month). So, I don't know it my body actually succeeded in ovulating, thus causing the elevated BBTs, or if that was a response to the progesterone. Kathleen has said to watch for signs of ovulation around Day 14 (counting the 1st day of my last period as Day 1) and if I don't start on my own to start the Provera again on Day 28. The goal is to try to push my body back into a normal cycle. Hopefully, it will then get the clues and maintain normal cycles on its own. I am still taking Red Raspberry and Evening Primrose Oil (EPO). I chose Red Raspberry capsules that I empty into my Reliv shakes. I am not a tea drinker, so I figure this is the next most effective way to get the herb into my system with liquid. (For more about Red Raspberry and Evening Primrose Oil go to Health and Wellness and see Remedies under "Perinatal, Hormonal Imbalance, Menstrual".) My friend, who does not have CF, who has been struggling with very similar problems has also been charting and inducing periods with progesterone. Hers has a different name, so we are keeping accounts of our experiences to compare the two medications. She recently had a spontaneous period and went in a few days ago for an ultrasound to see what her uterus and ovaries were doing. Her OB/GYN saw water behind her uterus (a sign of ovulation) and signs of activity in one ovary. Her conclusion was that ovulation had probably taken place naturally. She and her husband have decided after many long, hard discussions to induce ovulation if it does not continue to occur naturally. The reasons she said they had decided this was that they knew the risks of a woman's body not functioning properly over the long-term. They knew that things usually compound and other more difficult problems result. They also believe that God made a woman's body to ovulate once each cycle of the moon and thus it was the proper goal (along with regular menstruation). She offered that it wasn't really any different than my taking enzymes to cause my body to do what it cannot do on its own. It isn't taking the creation of life into their hands as much as it is using the means they have been given to help her body do what it was created and intended to do. Inducing ovulation does not guarantee a pregnancy and doesn't force conception. I hadn't really considered much beyond the steps we've taken so far. But, my friend is wise and I respect her greatly. She has been dealing with her fertility problems much longer than I have and she also knows well the workings of a woman's body. This gives me a lot to think about. 28-June-06 I received my issues of Above Rubies Magazine (June 2006 Issue No.67) yesterday and was excited to see my article "Trusting God in Infertility" included. I've also received several very kind emails that the article was timely and much needed. I told John last night that it was neat because I wrote the article thinking how much I needed to share it, but I hadn't really given much thought to other people needing to read it. I am blessed that our story can encourage them. (For a copy of the article please email me.) 11-July-06 The last week has been really hard. I had started to get really hopeful because we are finally doing something. But, that has made it even harder emotionally to see that my body isn't responding yet. I'm trying to be patient. I know that my body didn't get into this place in just a couple of months and so I shouldn't expect it to just pop out of it so quickly. John says I should call Kathleen, but I haven't because I don't know what I'd tell her and I don't really want to hear that I should wait and see what the next weeks hold. I know we want more children and have since Murren was born, but it still surprises me sometimes how passionate I can feel - how intense. I am up listening to "Soothe Me" by Serene & Pearl which is one of the most incredible CDs I own. I love the song "Joyful Mother". It is my prayer. I just can't make myself go to bed tonight. I just want to stay up and cry, grieve. I am so thankful that my God hears my prayers and sees my tears and remembers them. I am so thankful that He knows the ache in my heart and cares deeply. I am so thankful that He is not distant and aloof or vindictive and fallible. I can rest in knowing that He knows what He is doing even when I don't understand. (Go to http://aboverubies.org and see Serene & Pearl under "Ordering Books and Tapes".) 25-July-06 I realized last Monday (the 17th) that I've been struggling with actual depression. It's now been about 3 weeks since I noticed a different sort of struggle. I talked to Kathleen on the 18th and told her what I thought I was dealing with. I also told her that I had had no signs of ovulation this cycle and that after reviewing my previous cycle, I do not think I ovulated then either. She recommended B vitamins, B Fruitful (a Shonda Parker - she wrote Mommy Diagnostics and The Naturally Healthy Pregnancy - formula from www.InHisHands.com), increasing my intake of fats from nuts, seeds, and salmon, and checking out Step-By-Step Yoga For Pregnancy: Essential Exercises for the Childbearing Year by Wendy Teasdill. She wants me to focus on the fertile asanas. Kathleen also encouraged me to make sure I kept talking with understanding and supportive people about what I am feeling and what is going on. We made an appointment for late next month and between now and then she is going to consult with her physicians for suggestions. She also asked me to chart everything I can think of so we can look over it all. I am now on Day 9 of Provera to start my period. I have received numerous emails from women who read my artcile in Above Rubies. Many told me their stories, but some offered suggestions. The name NaProTechnology keeps coming up. One kind woman sent me the book In Their Own Words: Women Healed edited by Jean Blair Packard and some pamphlets: "Comprehensive Planning for the Treatment of Infertility", "The Emotional Roller Coaster of Infertility", "Premenstrual Syndrome", and "Infertility" all from www.naprotechnology.com. NaProTechnology is short for Natural Procreative Technology developed by Thomas W. Hilgers, M.D. It looks very interesting. I've read just a few of the accounts in the book I received and it sounds not only promising, but I've read some that sound like what I'm going through. It does offer some hope that I've been lacking. And the approach is something that lines up with our beliefs! What I've been experiencing lately that is different from the last several years is the increased ability to cope with day-to-day activities, increased and constant cravings, tiredness and an increased inability to sleep well, weepiness (I'm sensitive, but this is over the top :), and feeling like a failure. This is just totally new territory. I went from out-of-proportion PMS to THIS! I'm concerned because I know that hormonal imbalances left untreated can spin out of control and can compound. The compounding can lead to other organic problems and the cycle continues. I'm thankful for Kathleen - that she listens and has ideas and is willing to research for me. I'm having trouble hanging onto hope, but I'm going to try to push through and investigate NaProTechnology some more. 23-August-06 Last night John and I went to our Introductory Session on the Creighton Model FertilityCare System with an accredited local practitioner. Neither of us really knew what to expect. I must say that I thought I knew all about fertility cycles and hormones, but I learned A LOT. I was very surprised to find that this model of charting is actually quite simple, even though it is more thorough than regular Natural Family Planning (NFP) charting. We went ahead and purchased our materials (a handbook, chart for 6 cycles, and stickers to record our findings on the chart) for $35. We just found out on Monday, the 21st, that we may be moving very shortly, so I was glad to learn that the accreditation and associations ensure that the practitioners and medical consultants are all teaching and practicing in a standardized manner. I had a clinic visit last Tuesday. I've been struggling so much with depression that I was SURE this appointment would not be good. I'd been eating comfort foods WAY too much and not been exercising as regularly and had not been as diligent as I am normally with my treatments. I was pleasantly surprised to find my PFTs improved. I attribute that to the 7% Hypertonic Saline that I began using four months ago. I also discussed with them the fact that though my CF health felt and looked good, I felt it was in jeopardy because I was becoming so depressed. I had tried the usual tricks (exercise, keeping outside commitments, seeing and talking to friends, even St. John's Wort) but things were still only getting worse. I was able to sleep less and less and I was becoming unable to parent - that was unacceptable. Celexa was prescribed - 20mg for the first week and then 40mg for the duration. I was on Celexa before I became pregnant with Murren. I'm disappointed to have to take an antidepressant. Not because I'm against the idea of antidepressants in general, because I'm not. But, in my case, I'm not truly a depressed person. I am a hormonally imbalanced person. I know that my depression is a symptom of that. I guess I'm really angry because I believe that if someone had taken the time to really try to figure out what was wrong with my body 3 years ago, I wouldn't not have gotten to this point. I must admit that more and more I'm losing respect for and belief in OB/GYNs. Especially knowing that what I have experienced is more common than any of us would like to think. I've talked to many women personally who have gone through the very same thing. So anyway, we'll see if Celexa helps to stabilize things in the meantime. I meet with Kathleen (CNM) on Thursday. 19-January-07 Since the last entry, I've been using the Creighton System for charting. I wasn't sure whether or not Anything would show up because the past research has always said (as referenced on the Fertility page) that the cervical mucus of women with CF does not change in response to hormones. Well, I've been pleasantly surprised to see that what I'd been trying to tell all these professionals all along shows up on my charts. It definitely shows that I'm not ovulating and that my hormones are all doing there own thing independantly of one another. Though that may sound discouraging, really I am encouraged, because this means that I have documentation to show someone who can help me. Since we moved at the beginning of September, we are in a place where there is no Creighton Model teacher close by, so I've been working long-distance with the woman who taught our introductory session. She and I have a phone appointment next week and at that time we will compose the letter to Dr. Hilgers asking him to review my charts and offer suggestions. In the mean time I will be finding a Creighton practitioner in my vicinity that will help us follow through. I'm really excited to be on the verge of being able to do something positive about my health! |
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| He raises the poor out of the dust, and lifts the needy out of the ash heap, That He may seat him with princes--with the princes of His people. He grants the barren a home, like a joyful mother of children. Praise the LORD! Psalm 113:7-9 |
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