Loosing everything in Stonewall:
Its weird forgetting everything. Like punk and morals, even typing
“punk�? now or saying it in my head, it’s just a word and not the
smile on my face that it used to be. Listening to FUGAZI and just
remembering how this used to reminds me of Kerstin. Each time I
used to listen to the FUGAZI, it always reminded me of her, that
time of my life when we first became friends (Dec 03), because I
was madly crushing on her and she was edge too and knew all
these bands like LEFTOVER CRACK, AK-47, and the ‘guazi. We
would adventure all over in the heart of the Victoria winter, almost
freezing to death at -1(if that). Then I was getting really depressed
and just sort of didn't call her as much. She broke edge and started
having boyfriends and started working at randy river to pay for her
schooling.
And I sit here hung-over, trying to make it all out. Sitting in this nice
house in the 'berbs, which I consider upper-class, but hearing the
stories of how hard this family has worked to get here and the lot.
Its weird. Its a life I don’t want and hope I never have. The normal
dream of owning a house and raising kids and going on trips. And
how most people I knew didn’t want this either. Thinking of Kerstin
working at a shit mall job for how many years just to pay for school.
Its hard being surrounded by people who all that shit matters: the
buying the house and being stable and the whole “Settling down�?
bullshit. And it’s hard to remember why this didn't matter before.
And this is why at times I feel like I am forgetting. The constant
surroundings of a way of life I cant understand. The Normal way of life.
We went to some adult birthday party of sorts. The house was on
some chunk of property with accrue -age; I've lost track with all
this considering I think an accrue is probably enough. The house
was huge and had a castle turret to boot. The lady who lived there
had just gotten back from an icebreaker up north studying fish
and global warming. I tried to poke and ask why are we still
studying this when its obvious, when she said while up there,
there was indeed no ice to be broken by said boat. Why not
actually start implementing laws and trying to as OI POLLOI said,
take back the land. She replied we need proof before people will
start acting. I said we don't act because we think we don't count,
much like Voting or No Parking signs refers to everyone else but
us, but it was obvious that I had forgotten everything that
mattered to me and wouldn't be able to back up my arguments
much longer. She then offered me free range on the counter bar.
Its was weird drinking when you haven’t for so long. Especially
drinking white russians with 40 year old parents in a house that
would claim $1.2 million in Victoria. The night went on and the
drunker I got, the more foot was inserted into my mouth, Openingly
saying I would never want to come back to stonewall in my life.
The entire room was pissed. I could have at least lied about staying
in touch. But I didn’t care and I didn’t want to lie. And with that I
almost smiled reminding myself that everything wasn't all gone.
Just some parts.