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Kurt Donald Cobain 1967-1994
To
Baddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who
obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee.
This note should be pretty easy to understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years,
since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved
with independence and the embracement of your community has
proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of
listening to as well as creating music along with reading and
writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about
these things.
For example when we are backstage and the lights go out and the
manic roar of the crowds begin, it doesn't affect in which the
way it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the
love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally
admire and envy. The fact is I can't fool you, any one of you. It
simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can would be to
rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100%
fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock
before I walk out on stage. I've tried every thing wthin my power
to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me I do, but it is not
enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and
entertained a lot of people. It most be one of those narcissists
who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive.
I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I
once had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I've had much better appreciation for all
the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music,
there's is good in all of us and I think I simply love people too
much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad
little, sensitive unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't
you just enjoy it? I don't know!
I have a goddess or a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a
daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of
love and joy, kissing every person see meets because everyone is
good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point
to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of
Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker
that I've become.
I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of
seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only
because it seems so easy for people to get along that have
empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for the people too
much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for
you letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an
erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so
remember, it's better to burn out than fade away.
Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!