I don't really know what you hope to find by clicking on the link to this website. Maybe you want to know how I came to be so funny. Maybe how I came to be so arrogant. Or even maybe to know where my obsession with giant radioactive monkeys came from. Well, sorry to disappoint you but I don't have the answers to any of those questions. So I suppose what I can tell you is how I came to be the person that I am or anyway my autobiography. Well it all started in a little known county on England called Yorkshire. Now this county was very much like any other place in the world, the streams were full of water, the sky full of clouds and the streets paved with some gold-type substance. Not really the place you would expect a genius to came from. However it was in that great land that something happened that would change my life and perhaps the world of comedy for good. I was walking along minding my own business when a goldfish stopped me and demanded to see my passport. I tried to explain that I didn't have my passport with me at the time but he was having none of it. He took me to the local golfish bowl whereupon he forced me to feed him twice a day and empty his tank on Saturdays. After a few minutes of this I had had enough and wanted my freedom. So after three years I developed an escape plan but I lacked one vital piece of equipment, a thermo nuclear weapon. So I excused myself one day and went to travel the world looking for one. Luckily at a car boot sale I found a nearly new one for a bargain and started to cart it back to the goldfish bowl. However on the way I accidentally fell of a bridge and into a glacier. During my fall I panicked and inputting the code into the nuke thereby arming it but it did not explode upon impact as luckily it was made in Britain. Now I was adift in the Atlantic Ocean on an iceberg when nothing to eat, drink or read whilst on the toilet. It was hell, a very cold hell, that was until a Spanish fishing vessel pulled me on abroad thinking I was a seal. Between the various blows to my head I managed to convince them in fact I was not a seal but an Englishman. After several more blows I convinced them that Gilbrator was in fact English by divine right. I told them that I had just spoken to God and he had told me of this fact and that his mother wasn't doing to well and needed to go to the hospital for some tests. I advised him that he should go private as the NHS isn't what it used to be but he told me that he didn't have any health insurance. Well one thing led to another and I became ruler of a small Pacific island. However this wasn't as fun as I had been led to believe it was. For starters nearly one quarter of the naked women on the island didn't find me attractive, I can't think why. So after fifteen years I left and went to seek my fortune in the streets of New York. After five years I had accumulated five million dollars in small change and invested it in a small company that made swear words. After a surge in nationally broadcast shows which contained swear words I was literally rolling in dough, the baker wasn't too happy about that though. So I went to Las Vegas and spent my money the only way I knew how, on hire cars. Bankrupt again I went to Hollywood to see if I couldn't convince someone that I was worth hiring as a porn star. Unfornuately a recent law in Columbia prevented me from obtaining that job but I was offered the position of comedy writer for a top rated sitcom. A month later the sitcom was cancelled but that had started my journey on the road to comedic nirvana. I then did the obvious thing and joined an English university. And so that is where I currently am, refining my comedy skills so that one day I will be able to revolutionise the world of not just British comedy but English comedy.
� Independence Day
� Monty Python and the Holy Grail
� Monty Python's Life Of Brian
� Schindler's List
� When Harry Met Sally
My top 5 favourite tv shows (in alphabetic order) are:
� Buffy The Vampire Slayer
� Father Ted
� M*A*S*H
� Seinfeld
� The West Wing
I hope that from these you have learned a little bit about me and as such are that little better at impersonating me for the money held in my bank account.
