On my fifth celery stick I decided to do a favourite party trick � pretending I�d been to a place I�d never been. One guest was talking about his time in Hong Kong and I inserted myself into the conversation: �Yes, I�ve been to Hong Hong too � such a busy, noisy, smelly city!� I was so good at being a fake tourist that he said in astonishment, �You�ve seen those Hong Kong TV ads to!� But eventually I grew bored and settled back into the dip.
On my fifteenth celery stick I noticed a new guest walk into the room. He was a tall, slim, and handsome Asian man who was beautifully dressed in white shirt and white pants. He looked as bored and restless as me. As he passed by on his way to the balcony I asked him if he would like to talk. He seemed delighted that someone had been friendly enough to say hello. But instead of sitting next to me he sat behind me � which meant I had to twist ninety degrees � but it was better than eating more dip.
Almost immediately there was an intellectual spark between us. Our conversation topics leapt from common everyday events to more weighty matters like psychology, philosophy and even the meaning of being. I couldn�t believe I was actually having a stimulating intellectual conversation. I asked him if he could come and sit on the couch next to me and he did. Mistake number two. As we chatted amiably we touched each other on the arm and leg to make a point. Mistake number three. For, little did we realise that we were being watched by other party guests and that when the intellectually stimulating guest started to touch my arm to make a point, these same signals were being reinterpreted as something totally different.
Putting the phone down I felt like the captain of the Titanic, watching my relationship sink before my very eyes.
At one stage, between helping with the culinary preparations, Kevin sat down next to myself and the tall, handsome, man in white and said, �You seem to be getting on well.� I couldn't quite understand what was behind his cryptic comment. He went back to the kitchen and the next time I heard from him it was the Captain handing me his phone with Kevin on the other end saying, angrily, "Everyone�s talking about you." I didn't understand what he was talking about but I said it was ridiculous for him to suggest I was behaving improperly simply because I was having an enjoyable conversation with a total stranger. He said: "Don't come home!� And hung up. I was stunned and very hurt. Putting the phone down I felt like the captain of the Titanic, watching my relationship sink before my very eyes.
A moment later Gopher One and Two called me over to where they were sitting. They asked where Kevin was. I said that he'd gone home and that I didn't know why. They seemed sympathetic and I felt as if someone had thrown me a life raft. When he asked me what star sign Kevin was he said that Kevin was fiery and that our individual star signs did not always mix.
The conversation was turning out to be less comforting and more confronting particularly when Gopher One asked how stable our relationship was. I took offence when he said that sometimes a partner lets himself go in a relationship but that if we both wanted to make things work we should get counselling. It was almost as if Gopher One was trying to ferret out any weaknesses in the structure of our relationship.
