| David Wayne's Stuff |
| II'm going to write a self-help book for people that are addicted to buying self-help books. |
| II used to think I was an everyday, normal person. But then one day I was invited to a Tupperware party, it was there that I realized, I've been living like a Caveman!!! All these years I've been storing my stuff in cardboard boxes, when I could have had them in airtight, sealed, see-thru, colorful containers! I spent nine thousand dollars at this party!!! Now everything I own is in a Tupperware container. Even my Tupperware is stored in Tupperware. The best thing about Tupperware is that its stackable. That's why I think they should make cars out of Tupperware. That way, you could stack cars one on top of another. This would solve a lot of the parking problems down at the local Wal-Mart. Copyright c2003 David Wayne |
| Game shows are okay, but now we have the gameshow network, where you can watch nothing but gameshows twenty-four hours a day, three hundred and sixty-five days a year. "Alex, I'll take "How much free time is too much free time" for four hundred dollars." "What is loser?" Game show network? Next thing you know, we'll have a commercial network. All day, everyday, nothing but commercials. Which actually would be a good thing if it were all beer commercials, but it wouldn't be, would it? Nooooo, it would be twenty-four hours of nothing but tampon commericals. Hey, sign me up!!!! Copyright c2003DavidWayne |
| When I was a little boy, my legs weren't as long as they are now. Which is good, because I would have looked really weird. |
| I hate the expression, "When all is said and done." Because when all is said and done, what's left to do? And how could all have been said and done? Could you imagine? Everything in any language would have to be spoken at some point. Someone would actually have to say, "A cheeseball got caught in my giraffe, so my hemmorrhoids swelled." What? Copyright c2003DavidWayne |
| I don't like buying new underwear. I always try to buy the package that does not have a picture of some guy wearing the underwear on the front of the package. They always have a picture of some guy that looks like a super-hero, muscles rippling, hair waving in the wind. I'ts like Batman, wearing only briefs. How can I live up to this? I can't wear this underwear! That's why I buy the underwear with no picture on the package. What they need to do is at least make the picture realistic. Show some guy with a huge beer belly, holding a big bag of Doritos, a five day beard stubble on his face, a cigarrette hanging out the corner of his mouth, while wearing a dirty, three day old pair of whatever style underwear just so happens to come in this particular package. If he can make them look normal, then I can definitely pull it off! Copyright c2003DavidWayne |
 |
 |
![[Ask Earl]](http://us.yimg.com/i/ligans/cb/smerl.gif) |
| Or.. |
| Get some REAL ADVICE! ASK DAVE Dave will be extremely honest and straightforward with you. You may even have to call the authorities after you hear what he has to say. |
 |
| I live in the deep South. During hunting season, ok, actually, all the time, I see guys walking around decked out in camouflage clothing, from head to toe. Camouflage overalls, green boots, camouflage makeup on their face, and green gloves. Did you catch what I said? I said I SEE them. I always holler at them, "HEY!!" Guess what? They look at me and say, "What?" I SEE YOU!! |
 |
 |
| I believe that racism should stop!! We can keep the word, but change the meaning. I say we use the term "racism" to describe the disease or "enthusiasm" that Nascar fans get. "Hey did you see Cletus down at the track? He had more Dale Jr. flags and beer huggers than I've ever seen. He must have racism." |
| I Like Cheetos!!! |