�Oh yes,� replied Rampant-Blaggart, �what�ve you got? One of them new-fangled Eastern Europeans or a good old eye-tie or froggie left over from the war?�
�Oh no, I�ve had enough of all of that.� Spankingforth was even haughtier than before, �Damned humans aren�t the way forward, I�ve got a real alien working for me.�
�You�ve got a damned Jap working for you?� Rampant-Blaggart sat up, evidently interested, �Where did you get one of those blighters from? Their whole economy is based on hard work, you�ve hit the jackpot!�
�No, no,� said Spankingforth dismissively, �a REAL alien.�
�What do you mean?� Rampant-Blaggart was by now a little agitated at his chum�s evasion, �Not some little Taiwanese fellow, or a southern American or something, what?�
�A real alien, Rampant-Blaggart, I mean it literally you old fool.� Said Spankingforth, sure in his superiority, �He, or it I suppose, was hard to come by, but I got one nonetheless, handy little chap to have around, too.�
�As sure as I�m a Rampant-Blaggart, I don�t know what you�re on about dear Spankingforth.� Rampant-Blaggart was fairly harrumphing into his brandy by now, �Where on earth is he from then? Not one of these Africans from some Congo tribe discovered by old Livingstone or somewhat, eh? And what�s all this about �it�? You can�t be going saying things like that these days, you�ll get locked up old fellow, have you got a chap or a strumpet working for you? Make clear man!�
�Good grief Rampant-Blaggart, can�t you listen to a word I tell you? He�s an alien!� Spankingforth was rising from his chair, �Come with me back to Badde Manor, I�ll show you the damned creature if you like, you brainless folly of a human excuse!�
�Alright Spankingforth, have it your way.� Rampant-Blaggart downed the rest of his brandy and got up after his colleague, �Be obtuse all you like, this had better be something spectacular.�
Consider the drive to Badde Manor�s dining hall done.
�Badde Manor�s always been a bit rude, but this is like a slap in the face.� Rampant-Blaggart complimented Spankingforth on his house wine, �You�ve done your vineyards justice this year and no mistake, new grape is it?�
�No, it�s the maker.� Replied Spankingforth, �I got the alien to make it up this year, damned good chef he is too, always sticking his finger in and �analysing the nutrition� as he puts it, does talk a lot of nonsense, until it�s just right. It�s like he can read my mind, always knows just what I want and when, brings it straight to me, just perfect, before I�ve even asked.�
�Well, I wish he�d hurry with that supper.� Said Rampant-Blaggard, �I could murder a nice bit of salmon.�
Spankingforth chuckled, �He�s not so good at guests, but I�m a bit peckish too, so I expect he�ll be along in a jiffy. I imagine it�ll be a bit of pork though, I�m afraid, I�m in a bit of a pig mood. Though, having said that, it�s in the Spankingforth way to like a bit or pork, always has been. My old man used to swallow huge great mouthfuls of pork every night.�
�Well, be that as it may, if this pork is on it�s way I�d like to see it soon, and this alien you keep harping on about. At least tell me what colour is, come one, what is he?� Rampant-Blaggart sounded a little stiff about the matter, �It�s getting a bit silly, all this holding back, dear chap.�
�Don�t fret old bean, he�s along now, can hear his little feet flapping, I expect he�ll have your fodder too, there�s no need to fuss any more.�...