Inuyasha vs. Mr. T
Scene Selection
1) Enter Mr. T (scroll down)
2) Saving Shippo
3) Wind Scar = Useless
4) Meltdown
5) Words of Wisdom
The sun sets over modern day Japan. A special concert is being held in
a building full of rabid fans. The artist sells out crowds all over
the world but does not do so well in his homeland of America. That is
because of a reputation he has for being a...well...some people say that
he likes kids a little too much. His name is Michael Jackson.
However, Mr. Jackson is not on the stage. In fact, he is being chased down
the street.
MJ: Back away, tee hee! I didn't mean to do it!
Policeman: You touched that boy! I saw you!
MJ: No, that's ignorant! My hand has a mind of its---OOF!
Jackson collides with another man. A darker man, a stronger man, a man
who stands up for what is right, for what is true. The man is the
legendary star of TV's "The A-Team", Mr. T, who is on an autograph signing
tour.
T: I pity the fool who touches little boys!
MJ: Uh...someone's touching your van!
T: NO ONE TOUCHES T'S VAN!
As Mr. T looks around, Jackson barges into the closest building: the
Higurashi family shrine.
MJ: The well...just where
he said it would be...
He gets closer but is tackled by Mr. T.
T: I got you, sucka!
MJ: Stupid! We're going to fall in!
And they do. Both men fall into the well and are transported into
feudal Japan. How can they do this? This is the 27th story in this
series. By now, you should know that rules are constantly ignored. Both men
who reached the tops of their careers in the 1980s are now in 16th
century Japan. Mr. T climbs out of the well, but Jackson is nowhere to be
found.
T: Where did that fool go?
Voice: Over here.
T: Who said that?
Mr. T looks and sees the villainous form of a man in a baboon suit.
Yes, it's Naraku. Who else would it be?
Naraku: You're Mr. T, a famous television hero who always does
the right thing and encourages children to do the same?
T: That's me, sucka! Who are you? Curious George?
Naraku: You amuse me. I'm also a hero. I'm, uh, Monkeyman.
T: Monkeyman? Yeah, I've heard of you!
Naraku (thinking): What an idiot! I made that up!
Naraku: Yes. My arch enemy goes by the name of Inuyasha.
T: Weird name, sounds like a funky STD.
Naraku: Uh, yes. Anyway, you'll find him in that village over
there. He likes to pick on children. Defeat him; he's too strong for
me.
T: Leave it to me!
Mr. T heads towards Kaede's village. Naraku smiles and turns to
Michael Jackson, who is hiding behind a tree nearby.
MJ: I did well, father?
Naraku: Indeed. You are the greatest of my incarnations by
far.
They laugh, sing "Thriller" and moonwalk together.
MJ: Let's go home! That cutie Kohaku probably misses me!
Naraku: No, no he doesn't. And don't stand so close to me.
You're creepy as hell.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shippo: OW! QUIT IT!
Inuyasha is repeatedly bouncing a basketball off of Shippo�s head.
Inuyasha: You made me lose count! Where was I? Oh yeah!
Twelveteen hundred and one! Twelveteen hundred and two! Twelveteen hundred
and three!
Shippo: There is no such number as twelveteen!
Inuyasha: There is too! And you won't live to see your
twelveteenth birthday if you don't shut up!
T (approaching them): I don't like bullies! Leave that kid
alone, sucka!
Inuyasha: Huh? Who in the hell are you?
T: I'm Mr. T, fool!
Inuyasha: Nice hair. Did the barber forget to finish it?
T: Take that back!
Inuyasha: How about no? Now get lost. That ugly jewelry is,
well, ugly.
T: NO ONE DISRESPECTS T'S GOLD!
Mr. T grabs Inuyasha and throws him through Kaede's house with little
effort.
Shippo: Wow! You're strong!
T: That's right. Drink your milk, eat your vegetables, and
don't do drugs.
Shippo (salutes): Yes sir!
Kaede and the others all exit the house and see Mr. T being praised by
Shippo.
Kaede: Who are ye to destroyeth my dwelling?
T: You sound like the Old Testament.
Kagome: Wow! It's Mr. T from the 1980s hit, "The A-Team!" Can
I have your autograph?
T: Anything for a fan. Stay in school.
Miroku: *ahem* Forget that. Just exactly how did you get here,
sir?
T: Who's that fool jibba-jabbering over there? Brush your
teeth.
Miroku: What?
Inuyasha comes back with Tetsusaiga in his hands.
Inuyasha: BASTARD! I'll slice you in two!
T: Don't play with sharp objects.
Kagome: Inuyasha! Don't hurt him!
T: Inuyasha?! He's Monkeyman's arch nemesis!
Inuyasha: WHO THE %$#@ IS MONKEYMAN?!
T: Swearing? T doesn't like swearing! Take this!
Mr. T punches Inuyasha and he flies back and creates another hole in
the house.
Kaede: I fear the repair bill.
Sango: This guy is tough!
T: That's right. Wash your hands, get eight hours of sleep, and
comb your hair.
Sango: Uh...
Inuyasha bounces back with Tetsusaiga clutched tightly in his
hands.
Inuyasha: DIE!!! WIND SCAR!!!
Kagome: NO!!
The Wind Scar hits Mr. T in an explosion of power. The dust and smoke
settle and he stands without a scratch.
Miroku: Ah! Those thick gold chains and necklaces protected him
from the Wind Scar!
Inuyasha: Damn!
T: My turn, sucka!
Mr. T picks up Inuyasha and slams him like a pro-wrestler. He pummels
the dog demon while he lays on the ground.
Kagome: Mr. T! Stop!
T: No way! He's evil! I saw him picking on that boy!
Monkeyman was right!
Sango: Who is Monkeyman?
Mr. T stops with the beating to answer Sango's question.
T: He has a blue face and his fur is all white.
Everyone: Naraku!
T: Huh?
Kagome: He fooled you. Inuyasha is actually one of the good
guys.
T: Oh.
Inuyasha: OH? You damn near killed me!
T: I apologize. Take your vitamins.
Inuyasha: What?!
Miroku: Now, tell us how did you get here?
T: I was chasing the "alleged" child molester, Michael Jackson,
and we fell down a well.
Kagome: Strange. Only Inuyasha and I can travel through the
well. Wait a second! How do the rest of you guys make it to the modern
era?
Kaede: We go through something called a "plot hole".
Kagome: Oh, that makes sense. I think. Does that mean that
Michael Jackson is here? I want his autograph too!
T: He's dangerous! Wait...you're a female. You'll be okay.
Miroku: It is possible that Naraku had Michael Jackson lead Mr.
T here to use as a weapon against Inuyasha.
Sango: Let's bring him out of hiding. WOW! LOOK AT THIS CUTE
LITTLE BOY!
Shippo: What are you doing?
Sango (whispering): Mr. T says that he likes children. That'll
draw his attention.
Shippo: Are you sure?
Michael Jackson shows up lickety-split.
Kagome: Michael! WOW! It's really you!
T: YOU!!!
Inuyasha: That's a man?
Miroku: Must be. Either that or the world's ugliest woman.
MJ: Hee hee! Wow, look at my fans! All here to see me!
Mr. T grabs Shippo.
T: Stop that jibba-jabba! Don't you dare touch this little
boy!
MJ: That's stupid! I'd never do that...with people around.
Inuyasha: You reek of Naraku! You must be an incarnation!
MJ: Not me! I'm an entertainer! I want to make children happy
and make them smile! That's why I have a theme park in my backyard!
It�s not a trap to lure small children to my home! Where would you get
that idea? Heh heh!
There is a 30-second pause for silence. Michael looks at Shippo.
MJ: I can't resist! Give me that boy!
Jackson releases a cloud of miasma much like his "father" Naraku would.
As everyone coughs, he grabs Shippo.
MJ: Now you're mine, hee hee!
Shippo: I don't think so! FOXFIRE!
Shippo throws a fireball into Michael Jackson's face. Since his face
is made of plastic, it melts. All that remains is his skull
underneath.
T: AH! SKELETOR! TAKE THIS, FOOL!
Mr. T punches Jackson and Inuyasha slashes him with his claws. Michael
falls to the ground.
Inuyasha: Give it up, Mitchell Jackoff! It's over!
Kagome: Michael JackSON!
Inuyasha: Whatever.
MJ: Man...and I would have gotten away with it too if not for
you meddling kids and your dog.
Inuyasha: SCOOBY DOOBY DOO!
Everyone looks at him. He sweats nervously and lowers his head.
Jackson stands up.
MJ: You won't kill me! I cannot die! I'M MICHAEL JACKSON!!
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
BANG!!!
A shotgun blasts Michael from behind. He falls over dead.
Inuyasha: What happened?
A bald man wearing eyeglasses in his 60s appears. He is holding a
rifle.
Dick Cheney: Sorry. I was trying to hit a quail.
He leaves. There is nothing but more silence from everyone for the
next five minutes.
T: Yeah...now that he's finished, I need to get home,
suckas.
Kagome: To get home, just go back through the well.
T: Thanks, young lady. And everyone remember to say your
prayers, shower everyday, eat breakfast. listen to your parents, stay away
from alcohol and tobacco, look both ways before crossing the street,
color inside the lines, save your money, go to college to get a good paying
job, avoid the wrong crowd, trim your finger and toenails, clean the
aquarium, do your homework, signal before changing lanes, volunteer for
community service, eat from the four food groups, use an umbrella when
it rains, and yakkity yak don�t talk back.
Everyone: ......
Mr. T waves and jumps back into the well to return to the Higurashi
Shrine. Minutes later, the following can be heard:
Sota: Mom! There's a strange man in the shrine who won't stop
telling me to drink my milk!
THE END
NEXT TIME: After the results of the fanfic contest are posted, a new
epic saga begins! The word "epic" is used because I cannot think of a
better word. A wealthy and sadistic princess is holding a fighting
tournament and only 16 of Japan�s most elite fighters have been invited.
The winner will receive anything that they want from her personal
sorcerer who can create anything! Who will be in this tournament? Who will
win? What will the winner choose as their prize? Next time..."The
Supreme Championship Tournament part one!"