Valentine's Day Special

Scene Selection
1) Wanderers (scroll down)
2) Naraku's Castle
3) Argument Between Friends
4) Man Behind the Mask
5) Jaken's Comeuppance

The setting is feudal Japan. The time is the late morning, close to noon. The place is the middle of the forest where a trio of travelers (and their two headed dragon) walk. They are Jaken, Rin and Sesshomaru.

Jaken: M'Lord, I just noticed something.

Sesshomaru: Yes?

Jaken: We walk around like this, but never really go anywhere.

Sesshomaru: And?

Jaken: If you don�t mind my asking, what is the point?

Sesshomaru: Are you questioning my methods?

Jaken: Methods? For what? Where are we going?

Rin: Yes, Lord Sesshomaru. Are we going anywhere in particular?

Sesshomaru: Um, not really.

Sesshomaru picks up a scent. It is similar to Naraku, but not quite the same. Kagura flies above them on her feather.

Sesshomaru: Oh no...not her again.

Kagura lands.

Kagura: Yo.

Jaken: Begone, witch! Can't you see that m'Lord is annoyed with your presence?

Rin: He's also annoyed with your presence, Master Jaken.

Jaken: Shut up, you munchkin!

Rin: But I'm taller than you.

Jaken: ARGH!

Sesshomaru: Enough. Kagura, what business do you have with me?

Kagura: Well...we are a couple and all, but we never do anything together anymore... *
(*see episode #2 - Sesshomaru Appears on the Jerry Springer Show)

Sesshomaru: Oh yes. About that...that was only to get rid of some rumors about me. Now that the rumors have ceased, I have no use for you anymore.

Kagura: What? You're...breaking up with me?

Jaken: You weren't a real couple! The relationship wasn't even consummated!

Kagura blushes and looks away nervously. Sesshomaru whistles and looks at the sky.

Jaken: What? M'Lord, how could you lower your standards? She's not even a real demon!

Kagura (tearing up): YOU HEARTLESS LITTLE FREAK!

Jaken: My heart is beating in my chest. How about you?

Rin: Master Jaken! That's mean!

Jaken: Mean? I'm not the one who's using her heart like it's a stress reliever!

Kagura stands with her head down.

Sesshomaru: Jaken, Rin, let's go.

Jaken: Okay...but where are we going again?

Sesshomaru: I don't know! Just walk, damn it!

They move ahead and Rin stays behind with Kagura.

Rin: I'm sorry. Please forgive Master Jaken. He's in a bad mood because he's a bed-wetter.

Kagura (wiping tears): Your words fail to comfort me. Farewell.

She gets on her feather and leaves. Rin watches and then follows after her two companions.

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Kagura returns to Naraku's castle. There, the villain of villains is yelling at Kanna and Kohaku.

Naraku: YOU IDIOTS! How could you get suckered into buying twenty cases of love potion?

Kohaku: Hayakage is a very persuasive man.

Kanna: ...and he gave us a free golf club with our purchase.

Naraku: Do you even have a golf ball?

Kanna: No.

Naraku: THEN WHAT GOOD IS IT?

Kagura listens from nearby.

Kagura (thinking): Love potion...interesting. Perhaps I can use that to help me find a man...one better than Sesshomaru! One that can free me from Naraku! One that doesn�t leave the seat up!

She enters the room.

Kagura: Naraku, I will gladly dispose of the potion for you.

Naraku: That isn't necessary. These two are going to return it for a full refund.

Kohaku: We can't. All sales are final with Hayakage.

Naraku: Damn that ninja! Fine. Kagura, get rid of it. Kanna, give me the golf club.

Kagura pushes the boxes of potion out of the room. Kanna hands the club to Naraku.

Naraku: I believe that I've found a use for it...

He repeatedly whacks Kanna and Kohaku over the head with it.

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Kagura reads the directions on one of the bottles as she rides on her feather.

Kagura: "Directions: spray mist on the person you want to fall in love with you. Effects last for 24 hours. Avoid contact with eyes and mouth. Chikara Inc. will not be held responsible for any misuse. Please recycle bottle when finished to help keep feudal Japan a clean place. Wow, this print is really tiny, isn�t it?"

In a clearing are Inuyasha and Miroku. They appear to be talking about something. Kagura lands at a safe distance and hides behind a tree.

Kagura: They're probably discussing a plot to get rid of Naraku or get some jewel shards...

Miroku: No way! Godzilla would beat the crap out of Ultraman.

Inuyasha: FEH! I saw those movies at Kagome's place! Ultraman would win!

Miroku: Keep dreaming, dog boy. I saw those movies too. Ultraman is weak!

Inuyasha: BAH! Godzilla sucks!

Kagura: Um...okay. I'll just spray this mist and use my wind to guide it over to them.

She does just that and watches. The odorless red liquid floats over and hits Miroku in the face.

Miroku: Wha---?

Inuyasha: Huh? Are you okay?

Miroku (smiling): Anyone ever tell you how cute you are?

Inuyasha: WHAT?!

Miroku: I want a woman to bear my children, but I'm sure that we can have some fun anyway, hmm?

Inuyasha: GET AWAY FROM ME!

Miroku: Ooh, playing hard to get. I love that!

Inuyasha: I'm getting flashbacks from a filler episode we did a while back...not good flashbacks either! BACK OFF!

Inuyasha runs away while Miroku pounces after him, Pepe Le Pew-style.

Miroku (with French accent): You cannot escape, my precious flower!

They disappear into the forest.

Kagura: It's going to be a tough 24 hours for Inuyasha. Good. Now to find the man of my dreams! But who? He has to be a demon, handsome, young, strong, in great shape, of noble blood, nicely dressed, and loving. Is that so hard to ask?

Voice: That sounds like Sesshomaru. Except for the "loving" part.

Kagura (looking around): Who said that?

A man dressed in a white kimono with long white hair running over his shoulders stands before Kagura. He has a mask over his face that resembles a skull with devil horns. He is Kamenmaru of the Ketsugun.*
(*see the 6-part "The Next World" story to learn more about them and to see Kamenmaru�s first appearance)

Kagura: Who are you?

Kamenmaru: I am Kamenmaru of the Ketsugun. Pay attention to the narrator next time.

Kagura: One of Osoroshi's goons, eh? What do you want?

Kamenmaru: I want to be extremely rich and to have lots of hot women all around me. I also want to overthrow Osoroshi and be the leader of the Ketsugun. I want a puppy too. Puppies are so cute! And I want--

Kagura: I mean what do you want with ME?

Kamenmaru: Ohhh. You should have been more specific. As I said, I plan on overthrowing Osoroshi and becoming the leader of the Ketsugun. But I can�t. He has one of my body parts held captive.

Kagura: Really? I want to overthrow Naraku, but he has my heart. What part does Osoroshi have that belongs to you? Your heart?

Kamenmaru: No.

Kagura: Your stomach?

Kamenmaru shakes his head.

Kagura: Your lungs?

Kamenmaru: It's embarrassing.

Kagura (looking down): Wait...you don't mean that he has your...um...

Kamenmaru: Yep. He has my left big toe.

Kagura: Oh.

Kamenmaru: What did you think he had?

Kagura (sweating): Uh...that's what I was thinking, heh heh.

Kamenmaru: I love that toe and he knows it! He could have taken the pinky toe! But no! He had to take the big one!

Kagura: Yeah...so, what do you want with me?

Kamenmaru: You and I should join forces. I'll destroy Naraku and you destroy Osoroshi.

Kagura: Isn't Osoroshi a demigod?

Kamenmaru: Ah, a little thing like that won't stop you! Without your heart in your body, you can't die! You can beat him!

Kagura: I may not die, but I'm not strong enough to beat him. The fight would never end.

Kamenmaru: Hmm. Good point. Okay, I have another idea.

Kagura: What's that?

Kamenmaru: You...me...hot springs. In about 20 minutes. What do you say?

Kagura: EXCUSE ME?

Kamenmaru (snickering): A swimsuit is not required. In fact, it isn't recommended...

Kagura: YOU PERVERT!

She smacks him with her fan. He lays on the grass.

Kamenmaru: I'll take that as a "no."

Kagura gets on her feather and leaves.

Kagura: Men! Who needs them? I'm going home!

Kamenmaru (sitting up): Fly away, my beauty of the sky. You'll be mine...

He holds the love potion that she left behind while looking up into the sky.

Kamenmaru: ...one way or another. Hee. Hee hee. Ha ha. HA HA! HAHAHAHAH--! DAMN! A BIRD JUST CRAPPED IN MY EYE!

Kamenmaru wipes his eye clean. Then like a chameleon, he blends in with the forest and disappears.

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Sesshomaru, Jaken and Rin are walking with Au'un. They come across a pile of boxes. It is the love potion. Kagura decided to dump them on the side of the road. Jaken grabs a bottle.

Jaken: M'Lord? What is this?

Sesshomaru: Leave it, Jaken.

Rin looks at it.

Rin: I wish I could read. I guess I can spray it to see what it is.

She sprays Au'un. The dragon turns his attention towards Jaken. It nuzzles him from the side with affectionate care.

Jaken: What the hell? Get away, you beast!

Jaken runs away with the lovesick Au'un right behind him. He heads straight for Sesshomaru and avoids him. Au'un, on the other hand, runs him over. Sesshomaru is on the ground.

Sesshomaru: JAKEN...

He gets up and chases after the both of them. Rin stands there and watches.

Rin: They can't blame me for this. I'm just a child and I don't know any better.

Rin sings a song to herself while the sounds of Jaken's screams fill the air.

THE END

NEXT TIME: Inuyasha and the others meet an unusual person in the feudal era. He is a tough man, a man who strikes fear into the hearts of his enemies. He doesn�t take crap from anyone and beats people down while wearing a ridiculous amount of gold jewelry. And thanks to a trick from Naraku and a bizarre new foe, he's after Inuyasha and looking to hurt him severely. Next time..."Inuyasha vs. Mr. T!"