The Purpose of Marriage

In the previous chapter we discussed the nature of marriage: what it is. We must now turn our attention to its purpose: what it is for. The canon law of the Church states quite clearly that the primary purpose of marriage is the procreation and education of children. The word "primary" means "first in order of importance;" it does not mean "only." The procreation and education of children, though the primary purpose, is not the only purpose of marriage. There are other secondary purposes, which Pope Pius XI, in his encyclical on Christian Marriage, enumerated as "mutual help, the fostering of reciprocal love, and the abatement of concupiscence."

The quieting of concupiscence simply means that in marriage the man and woman can find a proper utilization of the sexual attraction which exists between the sexes. This may be not only by means of sexual intercourse. The fact that they forsake all others and devote themselves to each other disciplines sexual feelings, which tend to be indiscriminate in their goals unless kept in check. Moreover, at times when intercourse may not be advisable or possible, the loyalty and love they owe to each other is of great help in maintaining continence. These, then, are the purposes for which God instituted marriage.

It may seem self-evident to many people that the primary aim of marriage is the production and raising of children; yet, as with most other self-evident statements, there are those who deny it. Some have said that marriage need not be concerned with the production of children; that two people can marry solely because they want one another, that they need not intend to have any children; that they may indeed specifically intend not to have any children, or at least one of the parties may so intend, and may persuade the other to agree.

The absurdity of this view can readily be seen. Human beings are clearly divided into two groups, men and women. Though men and women differ in a thousand ways, some inborn, some acquired by education and convention, the essential difference between them is in the sexual sphere. A man produces the male seed, or sperm cells, and is so constructed that he can convey them to a woman. A woman produces the female egg, or ovum, and she is so constructed that she can receive the male sperm cells, and if one should unite with the ovum, can cherish the new life which is thereby conceived. The act of sexual intercourse enables the male spermatozoa to be conveyed to the female vagina, thus providing the opportunity for sperm and ovum to meet. Intercourse is, therefore, designed to supply the conditions under which new life may come about.

In our discussion about the nature of marriage, we saw that the essence of the matrimonial contract is the exchange of the right to sexual intercourse between the parties. Intercourse has many effects and serves many purposes, but the primary effect and purpose, as we have seen, is to convey the male sperm cells into the female vagina. It is certainly true that the act symbolizes much more in human terms, but whatever is symbolized or conveyed by the act must depend upon the performance of the act, as it has been described.

It is, therefore, abundantly clear that although this act gives pleasure, fosters love and relieves tension, it is not primarily designed for these ends. It is not necessary, for example, in order that love may be encouraged, for the male sperm cells to be deposited in the female vagina. Though the effects described are real, and of great importance, they are nevertheless side-effects of an act whose primary purpose is to provide opportunity for the male and female sex cells to meet under conditions favorable to the conception of new life. When people declare that children are not the primary purpose of marriage, they are refusing to face an obvious biological fact, the truth of which has been attested by the declaration of the Church.

But to say that the procreation of children is the primary purpose of marriage, is not to say that it is the sole purpose. Our initial statement of purpose of marriage makes it clear that there are purposes other than the procreation of children, and our analysis of the act of intercourse shows that it has other effects, which may be sought by the partners. A purpose that is primary need not be the only purpose of any act; nor is it in marriage. But later we shall discuss the other purposes of marriage in more detail.

The statement in canon law about the primary purpose of marriage employs the words "procreation and education." The introduction of the word "education" is of great importance. The conception of a child, and its birth, are but the beginning of a process which must continue for many years before the child can maintain an independent existence. The minimum requirements are for food, shelter from the elements, protection from danger and training in speech, walking, feeding, behavior, and so on. Even in a primitive society these things are essential, if a child is to survive and grow to adult life. In a more complex society, like our own, there are many more requirements. Schooling, training for a job, security, love and affection are but a few of these.

The word "education" is not being used in its narrower sense of academic training in school. It means bringing up a child in a manner that is in keeping with its dignity as a human being. This task is an integral part of the primary purpose of marriage. It would be quite unreasonable to think that the primary purpose had been fulfilled when the child was conceived. There would be little point in conceiving a child who was completely neglected after birth, for so great is the helplessness of the newborn infant, that it would assuredly die. We can see, therefore, that the education and care of the child, until it is capable of an independent existence, is an integral part of the primary purpose of marriage.

Another purpose is the proper fulfillment of our sexual desires. Many people have unusual views about sexual desire, often believing that it is a bad thing in itself. We must, therefore, make quite clear what is involved in our human nature, and what is good and what is evil. With the development in our teens of the ability to reproduce children, there appears an attraction to the opposite sex. This attraction was implanted in us by God, in order that men and women would be moved to marry and fulfill His command to "Increase and multiply and fill the earth." (Gen 1, 28). It is a normal characteristic of our human nature, designed to ensure the continuance of the race. This attraction depends in the first place upon the activity of certain products of the sex glands. These products, which are known as hormones, circulate in the blood stream. In addition to this biological basis for the attraction between the sexes, there are also psychological factors, which include the conditioning of our responses by education, environment and experience. To be attracted to the opposite sex is a normal part of our human nature, and is basically in accordance with God’s design and plan.

But in man, unlike the animal, this attraction between the sexes does not have a compelling force. Man can regulate and control his response to this attraction, according to whether he deems it right or not right to respond. He is not at the mercy of a blind instinct over which he has no control. The initial feeling of attraction is not within his control, but the response he makes to that feeling is. The feeling of attraction to a person of the opposite sex is not therefore evil. It is the refusal to regulate the response to that attraction, in accordance with God’s plan, that constitutes the evil. The discord brought about by original sin was not the appearance of sexual attraction, but was rather the difficulty experienced in regulating that attraction in accordance with God’s plan. Our Lord did not say that it was wrong to look at a woman, what He said was, "He who casts his eyes on a woman so as to lust after her, has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Matt. 5, 28). To lust is to desire inordinately, to desire in a way that is not in accordance with God’s plan.

It would, of course, be foolish to pretend that the control of this feeling of attraction to the opposite sex is always easy. In fact it is often quite difficult. But the problem is not made easier by taking the attitude that the feeling itself is wrong, by pretending that it ought not to be in human beings at all, or by deceiving oneself into thinking that it does not exist in oneself. Moreover, it we take this attitude, when the time comes to marry, we are faced with the formidable task of convincing ourselves that something that was evil is now good, that what was wrong is now right. Theology is simply the subject that teaches us how God intended us to live. Right living can only be based on a sound theology. Theology tells us that sex is God’s creation, implanted in us by Him, and is good. It is only on this basis that we can begin to lead a good life, and learn to use sex in the way it was intended by God.

The legitimate satisfaction of sexual desire is within marriage. The desire has been implanted within men and women, so that they will seek union, and so that through this union new human beings will be conceived. We have already seen that conception is but the beginning of a long process of care and education of the child, until it is able to fend for itself in the world. In order that this care and education can be provided, it is essential that there be a stable and permanent organization which we call the family. The family is the proper and best environment in which a child can be raised, giving it not only physical care, but also love and the psychological security which is essential for the healthy development of human personality. Children should , therefore, be conceived only within the family; and as we have seen that the primary purpose of sexual intercourse is the procreation and education of children, the act of intercourse should take place only within marriage. It follows that the legitimate satisfaction of the desire which leads to this act of intercourse can be found only within marriage.

This discussion has shown us that the purposes of marriage, as we have described them, accurately express the conclusions that must be drawn from a whole mass of biological, psychological and theological facts. The distortions of marriage so often advocated nowadays, such as that it need not be permanent, or that children are not the primary object, can be reached only by ignoring a whole array of facts, which are plainly there for everyone to see. The purposes of marriage, as expressed by the Church, form a rational and wholesome basis for a sound relationship and for a happy marriage. Armed with this clear sight of the purposes of the state we are contemplating, we can now go on to consider the important subject of love, which is the reason most people marry.

Love

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