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| BARNEY RUBBLE � BEHIND THE LAUGHTER The kind-hearted laugh. The good-natured buffoonery. Best buddy, close friend and life - long pal to an unappreciative, loud, loutish neighbor. Devoted husband and father to an adopted son. He is all of these things, but what brought the man to this point? Who is the man behind the laughter? Just who is�BARNEY RUBBLE? Born to circus freak midget parents, Bartholomew J. Rubble came into existence in a 3 ft by 6 ft tent. The parents, Lillo and Myrna, had no money so the bearded lady acted as a midwife. Weighing a scant 3 lbs. 6 oz., Barney was at death�s door for 3 weeks. His mother helped him with his labored breathing by blowing in his anus. (It was later discovered that this in fact had nothing to do with keeping Barney alive; circus freaks aren�t very smart.) Childhood was especially difficult for Mr. Rubble � he was always the shortest kid in his class, and his post-natal trauma left him afflicted with a lung condition that produces a rather stupid sound when he laughs. This led to many, many beatings, taunting and group molestation by the school faculty (Barney would require years of intensive psychotherapy to recover from the latter). It was high school where he would meet his future wife, Betty Yablonski. Betty was a popular cheerleader, and one day her team members created a sadistic game called Screw The Freak. The girls would draw straws and the one with the short one has sex with a loser of the other girls� choosing. Betty ended up with the short straw, and the girls giggled as they chose Barney to be her �lover�. Little did Betty know that Barney was blessed with a HUMUNGOUS member, normally saved for black basketball players. So, when Betty got around to having sex with him, the yelps and screams emitted broke several mirrors and glasses around the neighborhood. They were married one week later. |
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