| much doa about nothing page 3 |
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| 10. the joshua spree Josh, he was not fatherless, though he was the son of Nun--the servant of Moses, who raised him like a son. He led the Hebrew people when Moses' life was done, and even asked the Lord who stopped the setting of the sun. It was a massive game of merry-go-round that ended with a great big sound. It was a massive game of merry-go-round-and-round that sent the walls a-tumbling down--that sent the walls a-tumbling down. Counted on one finger were the saints who lived in Jericho-standing out among the town: a lonely good guy like Serpico. She was no guy--the hero here had two X chromosomes. She asked the spies to spare her life when they destroyed her home. Chorus She hid the spies in stalks of flax that she laid upon the roof. She told the king the spies had left even though it weren't the truth. "We've heard how God had dried the Sea; it doesn't take a sleuth to see the Lord is God in heaven: there's neverending proof." Chorus "Rahab, we don't want to judge or have you think that we are God. But now it might just be the time to up and quit your daytime job. We've come to raze your village, yes, to tear it down to sod. So hand this scarlet ribbon so your kin we won't maraud." Chorus The gates of Jericho were shut; no one got in or out. Once a day for six days--2 Pi R measured their route. The seventh day for seven times they went on round-about. The walls came down at trumpet blast and with a great big shout. Chorus We don't need no excavation. We don't need no wrecking ball. No dark orange tractor to smash our classrooms. Israel, leave us kids alone. Hey, Israel, leave us kids alone. All in all, there goes another brick from our wall. (3x) All in all, it's just another brick in the wall. (2x) Note 1: Frank Serpico was a New York City police officer who, in the 1970's, stood up against the rampant corruption in the NYPD--basically on his own. Note 2: 2 Pi R (2 times Pi times the radius) is the measurement of the circumference of (the distance around) a circle. Note 3: Anna Dove, Andrew Dove, Hannah Loftus, and Noah Loftus sing the Pink Floyd "Brick in the Wall" send-up. Joshua 2; 6; 10:13 |
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| 11. no, no, noah Hi, my name is Noah, and I'm an animalholic. I must collect the beasts that walk and all the beasts that frolic. I must collect the beasts that fly and all that romp and frolic. No, no, Noah, not another pig. It already stinks too much in this floating rig. You're not only the captain of this floating hovel. You're the waste removal engineer, so go and grab a shovel. Hi, my name is Noah. I'm famous, but I'm not braggin'. I'm just looking for the two last beasts: the unicorn and dragon. Can't seem to find that bonehead horse or Puff the AWOL dragon. No, no, Noah, not another hippo. There is no more space to put it in this floating shippo. You're not only the captain of this floating zoo. You're the desk clerk, skycap, and the bellboy, so go find it a room. Hi, my name is Noah. My task has made me blue. The SPCA sent a rep and said they're gonna sue. The SPCA's teaming up with the ACLU. No, no Noah, not another termite. They chewed a hole right through the poopdeck: we're no longer watertight. You're not only the captain of this wooden yacht. You're the Orkin Man, you're pest control, so exterminate the lot. No, no, Noah, not another housefly. I think mankind would not blame you if you would let it die. You're not only the captain of this ark in water. You let that pesky thing in here so that makes you the swatter. No, no, Noah, Gilligan cannot go. Your real name isn't Alan Hale; this ain't the SS Minnow. So refund them their ticket price; they should throw in their towel. Their money cannot buy two seats for Lovey and Thurston Howell. No, no, Noah, not another chorus. Don't bring that equine in here, either: my voice is getting..."horus". Note 1: I worked on this song off and on for about sixteen months. I did my best to preserve the topical symmetry from chorus to chorus (it started slipping away in the fourth and fifth choruses) and to create rhyme. Note 2: SPCA really equals The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. Here it equals The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Arkimals. The ACLU really equals The American Civil Liberties Union (it should really stand for The Anti-Christian Legislative Union). In this song, it equals The Animal Civil Liberties Union. Note 3: Gilligan et al. are from the TV show Gilligan's Island. |
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| 12. the tennis song I play both sides of the net. You might think it's work, but it's no sweat. I play both sides of the net. That I serve myself is a sure bet. That I serve myself is a sure bet. I play the butler and I play the duke. You might think I'm stressed but I'm Cool Hand Luke. I play the butler and I play the duke. That I serve myself--it is no fluke. That I serve myself--it is no fluke. I play the marshall and I play the crook. You might think I can't; take another look. I play the marshall and I play the crook. That I serve myself--it's in The Book. That I serve myself--it's in The Book. I play Corky Carroll and I play the wave. You might doubt, but it's how I behave. I play Corky Carroll and I play the wave. That I surf myself--it's what I crave. That I surf myself--it's what I crave. Note 1: This song is a confession of impure motives in every thought and action, through increasingly worse and more arcane metaphors. It's about serving myself, like a tennis player who plays both sides of the net would serve him/herself. If a butler was also the duke, the butler would serve himself (dinner, etc.) A marshall serves a crook a summons to appear in court. Corky Carroll was a famous surfer (whom I had never heard of until I typed "famous surfer" into the Yahoo search engine as I was trying to write this song.) If Corky Carroll is also the wave, then he surfs himself. Note 2: Cool Hand Luke was the nickname of a Paul Newman character in a movie of the same name. Aside from one sexually suggestive scene (no nudity) and some language, it's a decent story and movie. Movies with a loner hero (or anti-hero)--especially one who's trying to break out of jail--have always appealed to me greatly: The Shawshank Redemption is by far the best (very foul language--only watch the TV version), Escape from Alcatraz (I've only ever seen the TV version), and others. |
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