7/13/00
If responding to a certain entry, please remember to include the name of that entry in your response.
BENDER
My name is Morgan. I am 17 years old and I live in a small, wealthy, predominantly white town in Connecticut. I spend my days hanging out with friends, writing, reading books, and just loafing about. I spend my nights in much the same fashion. On the outside, I am a normal, intelligent, well-adjusted member of society.
On the inside, however . . .
I am a monster. I'm not a werewolf or a vampire or any such fictional creature, I am a real-life, human monster. I am a compilation of everything you have ever been afraid of. I represent the darkest incarnation of human emotions miscarried. You don't think monsters are real? Believe me, they are.
I read about serial killers and mass murderers. I know the intimate details of such figures as Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer, Ed Gein, Andrei Chikatilo, Pedro Lopez, and Jack the Ripper. These are my people. Reading about them, I feel part of a community. Their crimes inspire me, as well as excite me.
Let me tell you about my particular brand of evil. I am a necrophile, a defiler of the dead, with a special fondness for children. When I see them, walking in the mall or down the street, looking beautiful and adorable, all I can think of is what I would do to their dead bodies. Every waking moment, I am dreaming and fantasizing about these vile, depraved acts. Someday, I hope to emulate my heroes.
True, I have never killed anyone or descecrated a body. However, I am coming dangerously close. I am leaning over the precipice of derangement. Soon, I believe, I will lose control of my dark side and my temptations will run rampant.
I do not feel guilty for my thoughts or what I will do. To me, these things are perfectly natural and will serve only to satisfy the cravings within me.
Yes, monsters are real. I am one. I am a monster who preys upon little girls and dead bodies. You konw what the worst part is? I am just like you or anyone else. I blend in with a crowd like a true predator, stalking my quarry, completely invisible. I strike without warning and vanish like a whisp of smoke. Read my diary if you want to be scared. Read it if you want to mock me for the sick, demented freak I am. Read it if you are interested in abnormal psychology. Read it if you are a monster. Just do me one favor: believe everything you read.
True Evil
My friend Mike Harris (aka Don Juan) and I have started a little mailing list. It is designed to be a place where truly evil people can connect and talk about their murderous fantasies with one another. Don Juan is the leader, since he's the one running it. He's an interesting guy. His fantasies involve torturing people (mostly women) in physical and psychological ways. He talks about forcing girls to live in verticle coffins of excrement, burning their genitals with torches, making them watch their families die, etc etc.
I'm not really into torture. I have nothing against it, though. In fact, I encourage Don Juan's sadism. I love the idea of girls being tortured and humiliating. I just don't think I could do it very well. As I've mentioned, I don't have much interest in living girls, tortured or otherwise.
In our little group, Don Juan and I vary drastically. Whereas he is interested in older girls, I am interested mostly in children. To him, the idea of having sex with a dead body is disgusting. To me, it would be Heaven. The sources of our insanity are different as well. Mine derives from my fear/hatred of women. We have yet to discover the root of his.
Anyone who is interested in finding out more about our little group and filling out our "application" can either write to me at [email protected] or post a note in Don Juan's diary (you can find a link on the main page of my site.)
Don Juan and I are debating an issue, however. He thinks that we should allow girls in if they meet our standards. I don't think that any girl can ever be as truly evil as Don Juan and me. Still, girls are welcome to seek more information if they so desire. Please keep in mind that this is not a joke. We are not just making this list for chuckles. Don Juan and I are seriously deranged and we seek only the same.