Thoughts 6
the meds ain't helping anymore, i need somthing else March 04, 2005, 04:06:am Why do I constantly focus on writing about being alone. I know that I'm alone and a lot of people have probally realized it to. I might act happy and act like i have lots of friends, but in the end i'm left with nothing and i realize that and i think so does every one else. I don't want to focus on being alone or being hurt and misrable, but i have nothing else to talk about. My life is a piece of shit. I'm boring. Why do i have to make myself feel worse about me when i'm alreay to depressed to go on with life. I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling, i hate emotions, fuck i hate myself. I think no onew realizes that this is the way i am, like it or not. You can't change me, you can't change yourself. Don't look at me like i'm ugly, You make me wish i was some else. Someone else who'd care, Someone who knows who i can't be. Someone who can see thru the fake smiles i wear, Some who see's through themselfs to the real me. I think that life is all a dream. Why can't you see... ... that i'm not the way i seem. I seem happy, caring, loving, but i'm none of those things, if you can't see that, then noone can. All the pain that you give to me, I can't feel. All the pain that i put myself through when i thought i was alone, was the worst pain anyone could ever feel. I'm dying every day, alone. Everyones alone, don't you realize that. No matter how you try to mask it or cover it up with relationships your always alone. Fuck now i know why i'm single, everyone must hate me for talking like this, but i don't give a crap. Damn, I need someone or something to take away this pain, take away this lonliness, make me whole again. Rip my heart out, let me die, Break my hatred for myself, so I can fianally not cry. I don't want to cry anymore, i don't want to be depressed. I don't want anything anymore, eccept to not be alone. It scares me that it will be that wat for eternity though. Eternity is a long time. Why does it have to be that way...it doesn't. Please save me from dying... Please stop this crying... I'v got news for you doc, the meds ain't helpin.
What the fuck April 01, 2005, 04:52:pm What the fuck is it about me that makes people drift away from me? I can't hold a relationship for more than 3 weeks. Why does this shit happen to me. I hate people, i'm going back to being a hermit. Don't expect me to care because i don't. Let someone else deal with your shit people. I'm out.
I don't have any more thought to scribble down so until next time....
Ja ne!
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