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More stupidity, as if I hadn't had enough yet

2/09/03 In a letter from my place of work:

This is Tamika from the Enrichment Centers inc and i had a student that live some what near you he was study skills and organzation skills for his child he lives in thurmont md and we will be will to pay you more to go to this one if you could give this guy a call and she maybe he can meet you half way.

THESE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO EMPLOY ME! Anybody else notice that the entire e-mail exists as ONE sentence? Where was Bush's "Leave No Child Behind" program when this bitch was in school? If you've got any idea as to what she's trying to say, please send me an explanation. "He was study skills", ah, I see, I was study skills at one time myself. What's the last portion trying to say anyhow, "give this guy a call and she maybe he", WHOA! I strictly outlined, in my job description, that I would NOT work for transexuals! Damn it. What exactly is it that I do? I tutor young people, in the beginning it was mostly high school age, but I realize that the stupidity engrained in them can now not possibly be overcome. Of course, this isn't always the case, some times I felt as if I was the one who should be getting tutored, BY THEM! This usually makes me feel good about myself, seeing as how I am a college sophomore, and they're, um, high schoolers? Ugh. So now I primarily focus my tutoring powers on children young, who still have the opportunity to circumvent the dumbening effect of American public schools. Tutoring reading is the best. Here's my foolproof method, pick a book that consists mostly of very simply constructed syllables, I recommend an alphabet book. This way I can just sit back and think about how miserable my fucking life has become while the poor kid struggles to rattle off the letters of the alphabet. What a life.
 

Here, a Stupid Woman

Eleanor Clift

1/26/03 Let's unravel the frontal-lobe inactivity that is Eleanor Clift. For those of you who don't know, she's a political correspondent who's on the payrolls of many upper-echelon cable news networks (including Fox). She's often found offering up her asinine blabbering on the McLaughlin group. She provides the unreasonable, radical liberal perspective that keeps people entertained, and irritated. This how stupid she is: she gives Bush an "F" for his job as President so far, while Clinton moves to the top of the class in her book (Bi-partisan politics, anyone?); she proposes we "leave the inspectors in Iraq" and "practice a policy of containment" because she reasons that while they're present, Saddam won't be able to produce weapons of mass destruction--What a great idea, I'm sure he won't catch on to that brilliant plan. Why don't you run for president, Eleanor? Oh wait, because you're a moron, and noticeably intoxicated during most--if not all of your public appearances. This is a woman who incessantly resolves to using air quotes with only ONE FINGER. If that's not drinking, it's brain damage. Either way, she needs to be off the air. I'd rather listen to Alf discuss politics. Put Alf on McLaughlin.

Alf on Medicare Reform

Wal-Mart: A Solid Argument for Retaining the Death Penalty

1/26/03 So I went to Wal-Mart today to shop for new audio equipment, they've always got the best stuff. What I saw walking through the garden center, though, astounded me. Two black women (one with a very young son) had broken into argument over some or other piece of dirt to which they'd both staked their claim. What happens next was the most astonishing; in her rage, the one woman hurls a handfull of dirt into the face of her burly competitor in a childish display of primal indignation. This, of course, would cause any rational human being to respond in only one way: hit the woman in the head with a brick. This is basically how she did respond, meanwhile erupting with a stream of vicious expletives and pulling the other woman's hair, all the while her young son looked on, crying and weeping in confusion. Wal-Mart security rushed to halt the scuffle before noticeable amounts of blood had been shed. No other time in my life have I seen Hobbes' description of life during the state of nature so reinforced, "solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short." Government exists to quell such civilian unrest as exhibited by the two women. If this were truly the case, first of all, I should propose that the child of the woman be immediately taken away by social services. Then, I say, both women be stricken dead for their offenses. In these cases, the death penalty is very aptly instituted. See, there were both plenty of witnesses, security camera footage; all of the necessary evidence is present. Not only would the death penalty act as a deterrent--keeping others from acting so out of line, it would also provide retribution. Retribution to society for having to live alongside two such irrational wastes of metabolic facilities. Retribution to me for having to witness such moronic disputes, and then commenting on them.

My Superbowel Predictions

1/26/03 Here I will manifest my incredible ability to foresee the future in an effort to predict the outcome of the Superbowel: crappy commercials will be shown, celebrities and sports figures will be placed undeservingly on pedestals, and disproportinately larger amount of people will drive drunk. Usually, I wouldn't be viewing the Superbowl with such cynicism, but this year's match-up bothers me such that I have no choice but to. The Battle of the (Butt) Pirates shows how two teams that get absolutely no points in the sportsmanship department can soar above the rest. Two teams that demonstrate how, if you stack your team with trash-talking Pro-Bowlers, even you can achieve Superbowl stardom. What's more, the halftime show, packed with female performers, is supposed to highlight the profound role of women in society today. Hooray, then to the Miller Lite commercial that will air with the two lesbian chicks mud wrestling over whether the beer is great tasting or less-filling. IT'S NEITHER! Miller Lite sucks, who doesn't know that?
Well, I won't spend 4 hours of my life today on this waste of airtime. Who do I think will lose? Everyone who wastes their time watching. As far as the game is concerned, I hope both teams lose.

Dating Shows?

1/25/03 I usually take a couple hours out of my busy schedule each day to sit down and watch the show "Blind Date", in an effort to try and convince myself how much worse off I'd be if I actually went on dates. The dates usually end with the young couple swearing and exchanging insults, with the quick-witted host Roger Lodge providing commentary afterwards. This entertains me. Here's what DOESN'T: after Blind Date, I'm sometimes compelled (by my own stupidity) to continue watching the show that airs subsequently: Elimidate. Here's basically the premise of the show: four males/females compete over their 'dream date'. This is usually someone they've just met, but are convinced that this person is the man or woman, of their dreams (for at least one night). They each try to impress upon this person that they would make the ideal date by continuously putting down the other contestants (e.g. Your boobs are stupid!). As you could imagine, the collective IQs of the five participants is usually not more than that of a manhole cover. Again, this show usually makes me glad I'm not dating. Last night's episode was especially disturbing: one horny 22 year old, going on 13, with an unhealthy preoccupation with lesbians. In the first "round", he makes a modern-day convenant with two of the women that if they volunteer some lesbian action, they'll be guaranteed not to be "Elimidated" (hmm...I smell a fix). Nonetheless, this guy proceeds to passionately make out with all three remaining women (one had been cut for not resorting to petty bickering, a staple part of the show). Ultimately, it doesn't matter who won, one of the two annoying lesbians. I may decide to elaborate later on. The point I'm trying to make is that these people serve no purpose in our society. They should be "Elimidated" themselves, Elimidated from the face of the Earth. How they manage to maintain normal lives and have jobs leaves me completely confounded. Nonetheless, the show is interesting in that it provides an accurate depiction of a cross-section of the dating population: all the people I never want to meet in my life. This makes for interesting analysis by social scientists. The way the contestants connive and alternately cooperate or conspire against one another is like watching mice in a maze (with no great deal of difference in intelligence).

have come before you for enlightenment.