The Journey Home
- First let me say that these are only my suggestions
and what I have found. What works for some will not work for others. This
is only meant to give you ideas and suggestions and help you find
your own path as the "Journey Home" is a personal journey and only the
person making it can decide what is or isn't right for them. You
will have to decide if Hospice is for you and your family and what kind
of Hospice care you need or want.
- When we found out my mother was terminal and
she talked with her doctor, she let him know what she did and didn't want.
He recommended a wonderful hospice program that would fulfill her needs.
They discussed what her needs were then and then they would adjust as her
needs increased. Because the cancer had spread to her bones and it was
dangerous for her to shower by herself and do her hair, they would someone
over to assist her. They would talk to her about her emotional feelings
and needs. They didn't just stop there. They would talk to us siblings
and find out how we felt. They were there to help us deal with our emotions
but at the time we would just say "fine" as we thought that is what we
should say since it was my mother we were dealing with and she needed our
strength. Little did we know how much we needed to discuss out feelings
till it was to late. Even though we knew she was going to leave us, in
our hearts we kept denying this and we kept our feelings bottled up. If
someone asks you how you are feeling and what you are doing to deal with
the situation, be honest with them and yourself. It will only help you
in the long run.
- If there is counseling and support groups
available to you and the family; take it. It will help everyone in the
long run and it will help everyone cope with issues that will come up.
Death happens to everyone. None of us will escape death. From the moment
we are born, we are preparing for death. How we live our lives and what
we do while we are alive is what counts. My mother was not rich materialistically,
but she was rich in love. The people she had worked with supported us,
and made visits to her the entire time she was ill. They would call and
stop by and chat with her. This was important to her as many people are
uncomfortable as they don't know what to say to someone who is dying. If
the person is up to visitors, by all means let them have visitors. They
need to talk to others even if it's just about everyday things. It keeps
them feeling like they are part of this world still.
- A month after she was gone, hospice called
to see how I was doing. Their call surprised me. They offered to come to
my house just to check on me and see how I was feeling. The others in my
family did not take them up on their offer, but I thought "What the heck".
To this day, I thank God for them because I didn't know how much anger
and loss I was feeling till they showed up at my door. All she had to say
was "How are you doing now?" and a flood of tears opened up. I could really
talk to them. Many of my friends had stop coming by because I was so busy
with my father and mother that they didn't know what to say anymore
and they didn't know how to deal with it. That is the sad part. When I
needed them most, they were not there for me. The loss of my parents, my
friends, and my siblings was and is very hard. At 1st I only had one of
my sisters to talk to and we could really lean on each other. I talk now
and then to the other sisters but we are no longer as close and we don't
really talk at least not about things that matter. I know in my heart,
that when they are ready, we will once again be a family. We know that
each person deals with loss differently and someday they will deal with
it and come around. But I hope I can help others avoid this situation.
Helping others helps me deal with my loss and grief. I still cry at nights
for my mother and father and that will never change but I can accept how
I feel and deal with it. At times I can feel them close by and I know that
they are not gone.
