Author's notes and warning: Thank you for your reviews and encouragement, minna! (SpikeandFaye4eva, Hitari (When will you finish Irony of Desire?), Suiren-chan (hmmm..what happened to the Duck?), Dragonfly, Shadow Priestess, Kawaii, Xallas M (I absolutely love solace and Needs Must Be), Shinigami, Katie-chan (you haven't forgotten Aishiteru.Zutto, have you?), Kay, Sirrah, Hikari Shadokijo ( I love many of your fics, please finish them, onegai?), Bunny, Lilearthchild, Kye, Sakata ri Houjun (You must finish For Real, I am hanging on my seats, Ashes Fades Away and Scars of Kismet! I love your stories!!!!!) If I don't have your name here, in my gratitude 'speech', you may have written the review after I start writing this chapter.

I guess practice makes perfect, ne? And with your support, I'll continue with Chichiri's point of view. My Strength, My Love was much easier to write mostly because I'm a lot like Tasuki: Hot headed and totally in love with Chichiri. Writing as a more mature and organized monk will be a challenge to me. I really do hope you like it. VERY sappy at the end.

Centers around Chichiri's thoughts concerning a certain irrepressible bandit. Chichiri-sama will not be using his customary 'no da' in his thoughts, it may crop up now and then but not very often. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE IT (is there anything I don't love about Chichiri?...not likely!), but it may become too redundant in this type of context. Be prepared for his thoughts to be wandering a lot. As we know, our mind do hop to and fro.

I've put in a LOT more lemon. **Blush** I read so many yaoi lemon this past few days to give me courage; I'm still flushed. Yaoi lemon is so much harder to write.

Please let me know how you like it. Um.not only the lemon part, the whole thing. ~.~

Disclaimers: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi or it's characters.



The Return of Life

By Moonraven



I've never known anyone like him.

Through all the years of my life, through all the places that I've wandered, and of all the people that I've encountered, none was remotely like him. It was as if a gust of wind had blown into my quiet and solitary world, then swept away the stale and monotonous air...to be replaced by a whirlwind of exciting emotions, bright colors and lively sounds that I had forgotten existed.

No. Not forgotten. They were closed away by choice. My choice. I did not have the right to feel them. They were reserved for people who were not vain and evil like myself. People who didn't let their friends down. People who didn't turn deaf ears to cries from a loved one. Was I so foolish and proud that I didn't even listen to reason? Regrettably, I was. And I've lived since then only to atone for my sins. I held the memories of my friend and fiancé in my heart to remind myself of the things I do not deserve. I held on tight to the knowledge that it was I who killed my family. I was too consumed by my own petty and shallow thoughts that I did not think to help them escape. Because of my horrible, selfish act, I could only use my worthless life now to help and serve others. Since I so shamelessly took lives, my life was no longer mine to live. It was to be dedicated to helping and serving others.

Meeting Tasuki had taught me something that is entirely alien to me. He taught me to let go.

The first time I saw him, I thought he was quite rude and I made a stern mental note to stay away. The look on his face and the alarm in his voice as he pointed to me and said "What the hell is that?" disconcerted me. As if my life did not have enough mockeries and pain...did I need this enticing young fool to add to them?

But I was already caught up in the whirlwind that was Tasuki. With that sentence, he had already changed my life. I had already felt that refreshing gust of wind that would forever change my world. I found that single dose of radiance to be addictive and I began to crave for more.

Seventeen years old. DAAAAA! What was I getting myself into? He was a mere kid. But I could see in his eyes that he's beginning to feel something for me as well. That was not alright, no da. I told myself quite firmly. We must finish our seishi business first and then after that, if it's Suzaku's will, then we'll see.

But do I deserve such a life force? For with Tasuki, that's the only way I could describe him. Everything about him is so full of life. So much feeling goes into everything he does. There is hardly ever a halfway point for Tasuki. When Tasuki gives, he holds nothing back. He doesn't just give you all of himself, he fairly hurls it at you. I remember that horrible time in Kuotu, when he fought Tamahome for the sake of Miaka who he barely knew. I was so torn between letting Suzaku's will play out and dashing in there and save him. In the end, the obedient servant side of me won and I had to watch him be beaten to within an inch of his life. I did not like those feelings. Did I not lock them away?

Could I FEEL again? Do I dare?

I fear that my tainted and damaged soul would douse that brightness that shone from him. Me and my colorless life. I would ruin him and he would no longer be that unpredictable swirl of radiance but would diminish into my grayscale world and be lost.

He asked me what took me so long. I told him I wanted him to be ready. That was only half the truth. I was forever struggling with my self-worth and could not convince myself until recently that I may indeed deserve some peace.

Looking down at Tasuki sleeping peacefully in my arms, I am yet again filled with such happiness. Happiness I'm not sure I deserve. Had I been forgiven my sins? Is Tasuki then, my reward? My peace? Life returning to me?

"Ne, Chiri." Tasuki's voice is soft, lightly muffled by my chest. He's awake.

"Hai, Tasuki." I pull him closer to me, reveling in the heat he projects.

"What are you thinking about?" Curious by the seriousness of my tone, he looks up from his repose.

I meet his warm and honest gaze with my own. I can now hide nothing from him. "I am thinking about how very lucky I am. I had thought that love was something forbidden to me, that I would never feel the loving embrace of another. But you, Tasuki, have proved that wrong, no da." I trace his jaw line lightly with my fingertip. He's so beautiful.

"Aw, chucks, Chiri. I don't know anyone who deserves more love and happiness than you. You give way too much of yourself. For - too - damn - long. It's about fuckin' time you get some back." He rubs himself suggestively on my leg to emphasize the meaning of his last sentence.

"Tasuki!" I feign shock. "Aren't you sore, no da? We were at it all night." The continual friction is giving me delicious sensations.

"Ta make ya happy, Chiri, I'll walk through fire on a bed of broken glass." He nuzzles my neck, licking and nipping the sensitive skin there.

That brings tears to my eye. I do not deserve Tasuki. All I could manage is a small breathless whisper, "Tasuki."

A vibrant, warm and giving soul, that's Tasuki. I have closed myself off to the idea of taking for so long, I have a hard time receiving his love. But could I do less for him? Does he not deserve all of me as well? Last night when he came to me, he gave himself willingly even when it's not in his nature to be so submissive. But he'd shown me that his love could transcend the physical planes and my heart and soul rejoiced at our joining. Could I show him anything less than the depths of my grateful soul?

Our lips meet in a tender kiss. He's so gentle, so caring. His tongue probes gently, nudging my lips open. My own tongue eager to be caressed and stroked by his, is fervently reciprocating. He's lying on top of me, his lean body stretch out on mine, rubbing, and tantalizing. Our harden groins sensually grinding together, sending our senses reeling with indescribable pleasures. The pace intensifies and I have to put a stop to it before we both reach our completion. I want to give him what he gave me. I want him to claim me as well.

"Tasuki." I whispered between heavy breaths. "I want you to make me yours, no da."

I could hear Tasuki catching his breath and looks at me. "Chiri."

"Please, Tasuki. I want to feel you.inside." I squirm and rock my arousal against him. "Please."

With a tortured grunt, my beautiful bandit slowly moves down my body, leaving trails of hot kisses in his wake. Suzaku! How he can make me FEEL. I arch my back, trying to get closer to his lips and his tongue as they suck and swirl around my nipple. Lower, must go lower. I silently will him towards the part of me that needs attention most. Tasuki has other ideas.

He continues to lick down my body slowly. I part my legs wider to get him comfortably settled. I can feel his tongue licking it's way closer to the ache between my legs. Closer. I buck my hips up, rubbing my throbbing member on his cheek.

"Aaahhh.T-Tasuki.please!" I don't think I've ever begged so much within a short time but he's driving me insane.

In my delirium, Tasuki takes pity on me and engulfs me completely. I scream. The wet heat and the caressing tongue is almost my undoing. Uncontrollably I thrust up into his mouth, seeking release. He holds me down gently, always gently, and continues to make love to me with his lips and tongue. I don't think I can hold It much longer, he is so talented with his mouth. He licks the underside of my shaft up to the tip, and then dips the tip of his tongue in the slit, licking off the pool of moisture there. I buck up almost violently as he sucks vigorously on the head while his hand kneads the base.

"TASUKI.I.I can't hold it" I cry out. The incredible feelings coursing through my body are threatening to overwhelm me. I'm beginning to see white, as I'm thrashing under my skilled lover. Sensing my urgency, Tasuki increases his sucking as one slim finger probes gently at my opening. I yell out my climax as he slips the finger further inside of me. I have never felt anything so intense.

Panting hard, I'm slowly coming to my senses when I continue to feel Tasuki's finger moving inside me. Earlier, I was so caught up in the throes of my orgasm; I didn't feel the pain or discomfort of the intrusion. Tasuki collects some of my semen and slowly works another finger into my opening. I bite down on my lip. Without the distractions I was feeling earlier, I could now feel the discomfort. But Tasuki is always mindful of that. He scissors his two fingers inside me, stretching me, preparing me. The strange sensation I am feeling is now quite pleasurable. Was this what he felt? Was I this gentle? I'd like to think so. As he moves his fingers in and out of me, I lose my coherent thoughts. I could only feel. Within a few moments, I'm thrusting into his hand and panting hard once again.

"Now! Tasuki, now." I want more than his fingers. I feel the need in the pit of my stomach; I want more, need more. I whimper at the loss as he pulls out of me.

"Patience, Chiri. Who was it that said I'm too hot-headed and good things come to those who wait?" He teases softly, flicking his tongue across my lips.

"Tasuki!" I growl at him and try to bite his tongue as it teases my lips. He chuckles so adorably. Pulling one of my legs over his shoulder, he positions himself at my entrance. He winks down at me and I know he's up to no good. I can feel his finger probing and teasing my opening. He moves is finger in and out, in and out, teasing me. Suzaku! It feels so damn good! I need MORE! I narrow my eyes and pull at his hand. Then I wrap my other leg around his waist and pull him towards me, effectively impaling myself. Much as he had done last night.

Tasuki gasps. "Chiri! NO!" His look of concern nearly broke my heart.

"Then don't tease me, no da and MOVE already." It did hurt, quite a bit. Had I know that, I would have done it a little differently. But it got me what I wanted and what Tasuki is doing now is worth all the pain I felt.

He slowly pulls out, almost to the tip and thrusts back in. His slow pace is sweet and torturous and I writhe beneath him, anxious for more friction. I want him deeper; I could feel him brushing something inside that send spine tingling sensations shooting through my body. But my love is taking his time, trying to drive me mad with pleasure. He continues his maddening, long slow strokes and I think I scream again. When did I become such a screamer?

"Faster, Tasuki! Harder!" I cry out, desperate.

My lover chuckles. "For you, Chiri. Anything." He grunts and increases his pace. He is now slamming into me so hard he continuously brushes that spot inside where I think I will go insane with the sensation. He grips my aching arousal in one hand and gives it quick short strokes. I think I screamed again as I come. It feels as if all the incredible feelings building up exploded at once, bathing me in endless ecstasy. My muscles clamp down and convulse deliciously during my release, pushing Tasuki over the edge as well. I could feel him tenses as he gives me a final thrust and empties himself into me. Breathing heavily he gently rolls off me as not to put his full weight on my tired body. He's so sweet. I miss the sensation of him inside me and I tell him so.

"Chiri, you.hentai!" He snickers. "Give me a little time and I'll have that cute lil' ass of your again."

"Tasuki no BAKA!" I thump him playfully on the head and pull him close to me. "But I love you anyways. Always." I do not want to be apart from him again. Ever.

"I love you, Chichiri. Houjun. I love you. All of you, no matter when, no matter what. Forever." He tells me rather solemnly and I find unbidden tears spilling freely from my eye. I vow to make him happy for the rest of our lives. Tasuki deserves happiness and if I'm the one destined to give it to him, so be it. It's good to be loved. My thoughts drift away as peaceful and dreamless sleep claims me.



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A few days later.



"Ne, Chichiri! How far is it nowwww." Tasuki whines. THAT hasn't changed. I sigh as I look at my lover.

"Tasuki no da, you asked me that only a few minutes ago. Walk faster and we'll be there by lunch time na no da." Really! A grown man now Tasuki stills act like a baby. He's cute pouting with that fang poking out, though. I guess it couldn't hurt to motivate him a little.

"Tasuki-chan." I say in my most seductive voice. At least I think it is. It worked wonders on him this past few days. "If we get there soon, we could relax and maybe I can even give you a massage to help you feel better, na no da."

"Hontou ni?" He perks up immediately. Sometimes I wonder if he's doing this on purpose just to get the treats from me. Yep, he probably is. I smile to myself, I don't mind. I really enjoy them as much as he does. Being with him makes me alive again and I will do anything for him.

We reach our destination before noon. As I knew we would. My darling can be so predictable sometimes. We are now looking at the Shrine of Suzaku in the Hikoto Mountains. It's not much to look at really; small-wooden case with red ribbon trailing all around and a portrait of Suzaku inside, but the shrine fills our hearts with great sense of love and security. It is as if we are being envelope in the arms of Suzaku himself.

I steal a glance at Tasuki to see his reaction. He is awestruck. I can see the rapture outline his features and I know he's not grudging me the time it took to get here. This is Suzaku's will and we are rewarded ten fold for the effort.

"There is a legend about this shrine, no da." I speak very softly, eye never leaving my lover.

"Yeah?" Curious, he looks at me.

"It is said, no da, that if a couple pledge their love to Suzaku in front of the shrine, if their love is true, they will be united for eternity, na no da. They will be together in every incarnation to come." I look intently at him. What will he do? What will he say? Will he want to be with me throughout time? Will he regret his declaration of love to me? Will he see the real me and balk?

My soul mate pulls me in his arms and kisses me ardently, tongue slipping in caressing, taking, giving, promising. He pulls away to look deeply into my eye and say, "I love you for always and if Suzaku's willing, you too of course, I would love nothing more than to be yours for all of eternity."

I am such a wuss. I cry again and declare my eternal love for him. From somewhere far away, we can hear a bird cry.

Fears. I had such fears. Foolish me. I should have known that Tasuki would never be devoured by such a melancholy demon. He would breathe life into my stagnant existence and rescue me. My exile in the grayscale world is no more.

Tasuki has return life to me.



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Present day China.

The Shrine of Suzaku is surrounded by bustling tourists and stalls filled with gifts and sundries. At the front of the shrine, oblivious to all that's around them, stood two young men. Their eyes are locked onto each other in shock and recognition. One of them with short, vibrant orange hair and the other long light brown hair, tied at the nape. The latter has a scar over his left eye.



Owari.?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Wai! Wai! What did you think? What did you think? Is my Chichiri too.mopey? Did you notice the change in him after Tasuki's declaration of love? I'm sorry about the lemon. I still need more practice I guess. Should I finish the reincarnation fic? I can never write in the same league as "Mobius" by Miko no da or Sakata ri Houjun's "Spellbound" (so fucking romantic as Tasuki would say). I don't know.anyone want to take up a challenge and write the fic? Could be interesting...

Thank you for reading and writing reviews. I would be most grateful to know what you think of the story.

Love, hugs and blessings...

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