Author's notes and warnings: This story is very different from my 2 previous stories....it's yaoi **GASP**, it's not Dragonball Z and I'm writing from a man's point of view.

What drew me to Fushigi Yuugi of course was the fact that practically all the character were so beautifully drawn (except Ashitare and Taiitsukun...eeew). Since the first time I saw Chichiri, semi-chibi and yelping "Itai, no da", I fell in love. **drool** Honestly, I didn't see the silly character that he was suppose to be but right away saw his wisdom and strength.

The story takes place not long after the OAV focusing on Tasuki's thoughts about Chichiri, beginning with the first time they met. It's written in the first person, as if he's telling a story, so his thoughts will pretty much be all over the place. This is the first time I've written in this style....I hope I did okay. I only saw the subtitled VHS version and in those, Tasuki's language is not all that bad. But from what I've read on the net, I can only assume that the Subtitled version is very mild. I'll try my best to live up to all the 'Tasuki foul mouth fan club', please be tolerant. The story contains sexual situations but not very graphic or in abundance, I'm not THAT brave yet.

SPOILERS for pretty much the whole series and OAVs.

Disclaimer: I do not (although desperately wish that I do) own Fushigi Yuugi and it's characters (especially Chichiri-sama). I make no money from this and only live on the feedback I get. (hint, hint).

Please (on hands and knees) let me know what you think....as a writer, I can only grow with feedbacks. Hugs!



My strength, my love
By Moonraven


The first time I saw him, he scared the shit out of me. I mean, WHAT the hell is he? What the HELL is he wearing? What the hell kind of word is 'DA'? Come to think of it...what the HELL did I get myself into? I'm surrounded by weirdoes: first it was that self-loving narcissus, then the crossing dressing muscle man, not to mention the disaster prone girl I was born to protect, now I'm faced with a geek who has no eyes, well two slits don't count, with a weird hair-do. And what the fuck are those 'bubbles' around his neck? I FUCKIN' WANNA GO HOME!

I swear to Suzaku, those were the exact thoughts going through my messed up mind and pretty much in that order. Those feelings changed as we spend more time together and by the time we were in Kuotu, I found that I actually feel safer with him around.

I know, THAT didn't take long, did it?

What is it about Chichiri that can make me feel....peace? I hadn't felt that for as long as I can remember and it took me a while to put a name to it. Peace and something else I still have a hard time naming. It makes my chest feel tight (as well as my pants) and there's a knot in my stomach. I don't like it...but I know I can't live without it. I don't wanna go there now.

The first time I saw him without his mask I nearly fell off the fuckin' tree we were on. The only thing that saved me was the fact that I was so stunned, I froze. Made a lot of fucking sense, huh? Hell, half the things I feel make no sense at all. But that didn't matter. I wouldn't trade that for all of Tama's money, hehehe, even if it would be worth A LOT to see him squirm.

At that time, I didn't know why he had a mask on and every time the subject came up, he just sorta look at you with that itty bitty eyes and smile. No fuckin' answer. Okay, okay, so maybe he's self conscious about his scar, but shit, I think it made him look fuckin' hot. Yeah, yeah, I said it. What? I can't admit that another guy is hot without actually having the hots for him? And NO! Chiri and I ain't like that. He's so fuckin' pure I think the sun will rise in the west if I ever fuck with him. I meant 'messed with him'. Not that I want to, fuck him, that is. HELL no...of course not...he's a guy......and I'm a guy......and I don't wanna go there now. Chiriko would say that it's counter productive. Whatever the fuck that means.

Just because it felt damn good to be held by him don't mean nothin', right? Hell, I was half DEAD! It would have felt good to have Hotohori's old advisor hold me. That fuckin' Tama! Every time I think about it, I wanna 'Rekka Shienen' him to a crisp. He stayed with me all of that night, you know. NOT Tamahome! Chichiri. Stay with the program, will ya? That fuckin' Tama.

Anyway, Mits couldn't use his healing powers on me yet cuz he's just healed Miaka so after he patched me up, Chiri sat with me all night. That's just the way he is. I woke up in the middle of the night and found him dozing in the chair next to the bed. No mask. Fuck, I didn't wanna sleep after that. You don't get ta see him without that mask very often so why waste the opportunity? So I stared. Pretty much the whole damn night.

Even when he slept he projected this.... strength. It made ME feel stronger somehow. Maybe I don't even need Mits. Hell, do I even know what the fuck I'm talking about? All I know is that I felt safe. I felt like every thing will turn out just fine. And I'm half dead, remember? Did I mention that he looks damn good without his mask?

Strength. First glance at Chichiri and you'll never connect him with that word. He's a couple of inches shorter than me and sure as hell build smaller. I'm talking about his skeletal frame, not other more hentai attribute.

Although I have to admit that I would really love to explore ...*ahem*...., where was I?

Oh yeah, strength.

With Chiri, you can't just look at him though, you gotta feel him. (Shit, if only I could.... )

What I meant was if I have ta go up against some bad ass demon, I'd rather have just Chiri with me than all of Hotohori's army...any day. I ain't saying he's invincible, hell no! But he sure as hell can make YOU feel pretty damn confident. I remember going up against Nakago in Miaka's world. We had no fucking seishi powers but with Chichiri by my side, I felt I could take on even Seiryuu himself. Shit! That may not be all that good after all. I mean, what if I did. Go up against Seiryuu I mean. I would have been more crispy that I've ever made Tama to be. Heh, heh, good thing it didn't come to that, eh?

I don't think it's just me, though. I see others coming to talk to him all the time. Even Hotohori, the great Emperor of Konan asked for his advise. I see Hotohori giving orders and leading the troops but I know who was behind those orders, I know who was giving strength to the Emperor. Just like he was giving it to the rest of us.

That's his true power, you know. Not that he can teleport, not his chi blasts, not his magic shit. His true power is what he can bring out in all of us. The shit he'll endure alone so we can always be the best that we can be. Some how that came out like one of Hotohori's recruiting campaign for his army. I couldn't help thinking that if Chichiri was a Seiryuu warrior, they wouldn't be as fucked up as they were. Hell, he can probably help Nakago to be a better person if he had enough time. I have that much faith in him.

He told me once I'm hot-headed. Shit, scratch that. He tells me that ALL the time. But it's the first time he told me that I can't forget. It was something in his beautiful eye that told me we're different but he don't care. It told me that he'll always be there for me, he'll always be the calm in my storm if I ever needed him. I can't even recall the times when I don't need him anymore. That look in his eye gave me hope that this feeling I have may one day be returned. But I don't wanna go there yet less I'm disappointed.

Hope. When Tama and Miaka had that problem with 'no sex or we can't summon Suzaku' thing, he actually fuckin' suggest 'other alternatives'. Nuriko and I choked on the sake we were drinking. He told us that Suzaku is the God of love and fire and that his servants are required to know a few things. Nuriko, in his bad ass way, asked how does Chichiri know and who did he practice with. Chichiri's staff smacked down on Nuriko so fast I didn't even see it move. Our ever-surprising monk blushed a few shades of pink and said 'no one', then mumbled something about reading an ancient text and not actually practicing. Nuriko, not learning from the fuckin' bump on his head asked if Chichiri wanted some practical lessons. Before the staff came down this time though, he offered me as the learning partner. The staff never came down but that look on Chiri's face, I would never forget. Do I dare hope?

So I'm hot-headed. Like ya can't tell. I got a fuckin' fan that spew fire, for Suzaku's sake? My hair is fuckin' orange, pretty much like the flames I shoot. With all that heat, did cha ever wonder why there ain't that much damage around me? I'll tell you why. Chichiri. All he has to do is touch me and I can feel the peace slowly flow into me. If he's not within touching distance, his voice alone can take the edge off of my fiercest tantrums. Although I would much prefer that he touch me.

I did NOT just say that. Didn't I say I don't wanna go there?

There was a time, though, when I didn't think too much of Chichiri. That was when Nuriko died. I sure as hell thought that he was one cold bastard. Well, I guess compared to a bawling kid like me, even Miaka would look cold. It hurted. It hurted real bad to loose a friend and I couldn't see pass my own damn feelings. I couldn't see that he was hurting too, maybe more so than any of us. I got a glimpse of it that night though, when I couldn't stop crying. He took me in his arms and held me all night. We slept like that, with his body curled up protectively around mine. I had never felt safer, or warmer. There was no sexual over tone, we were both exhausted and filled with grief, but we did find comfort in each other's embrace.

It was after that very night that I finally admit to myself that I wanted more than friendship from Chichiri. I found myself wishing I could plunge my tongue deep inside him, swirl it around him and taste all that is Chichiri. I wanted him to screw me until we have no strength left. Fuck, I wanted to feel him inside me so bad sometimes I can't breath. Would Chiri turn me into a better person? Or will I make him as fucked up as I am? I can only hope that Suzaku knows what he's doing when he made me fall for another of his seishi.

But I can't be selfish and think of only my needs. Chichiri is NEVER like that. I have never heard him comment on his 'wants and needs'. Others' needs were always ahead of his own. That's the man I love. Yes, I can name it now...but will I ever tell him? Not fuckin' likely. He'll most likely blame himself for how I feel. Why?

Ya gotta know Chichiri. He takes everyone's problems and responsibilities onto himself. I - don't - fucking' - know - why. Maybe he thinks that since he's the oldest, he's gotta take care of us. Maybe it's because he felt bad about his past. He's too damn hard on himself for that. Hard on....shit, I gotta get my mind out of the gutter. Ever since he let Hikou's hand go and lost his friend, he would work extra hard to not let anyone down. Ya ever see him botherin' anyone with his shit? Naw! That ain't him. He'll rather run off by himself to take care of it and maybe die in the process. But he'd never come and get you mix up in it. Not willingly anyway.

I beat him to it, you know. I know him well enough since we've been traveling together for almost 2 years. I knew he would try to run off and deal with that demon of a friend named Hikou. It hurt like hell to know that he would leave me behind but I know him. He was trying to protect us. Again. Well this time I won't let him. It was my turn to protect him. He's weak, my Chiri, when it came to Hikou. Even when his friend's dead, Chichiri would still try to safe his soul. At the cost of his own life and by my own hands no less, if he had his ways. What a damn lousy thing to ask me to do. Had he fuckin' forgotten Chiriko?

Fuck that! Hikou had already ruined 8 years of Chichiri's life, I wasn't about to let him take it away completely. Not when we still need him. Not when I still need him. Not when I haven't.....we haven't ..... fuck...do I really wanna go there?

Needless to say, we beat the shit out of that demon. Me, Chiri and Tama. Or should I say Taka. Hell, they're the same. I don't wanna hurt my head thinking about THAT turn of event.

No one is gonna take Chichiri from me. Unless of course Chiri himself decide to leave me. I don't doubt that he will if my train of thought kept wandering below the belt. Did I mention how hot he looks without that damn mask?

Lately he hasn't been wearing it, you know. Ever since he made peace with Hikou, he wore it less and less, usually only when we're in town around people. That made it even harder for me not to stare. Harder for me to keep my fuckin' hands to myself. I can't even go to the hot spring with him anymore. Just the thought of him naked got me hard so fast, my head spin.

I think he might suspect something. He's been giving me strange looks. But the look is more like he thinks I'm coming down with something.

Shit! He's looking at me again.

"Tasuki, no da." He frowns at me and puts his hand on my forehead. "You're all flushed, na no da. Are you feeling ill?"

"Nah, Chiri." I barely croak. "It's just hot and we've been walking all morning. Can't we rest yet?" I whine a little. Just like I always do.

He laughs and gives me a look that clearly say he's not buying it. "You don't have a fever, no da, and you're still very young. You can handle a little more walking, na no da." He looks ahead of us along the paths and I can see his gaze slightly unfocused. When he looks back at me he winks and says "There's a little lake up ahead, maybe half an hour walk, no da. You'll be able to cool off there."

Shit! That's all I need. Water. Not only do I fuckin' hate water, how will I handle Chichiri without clothes on? Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I should REALLY stop saying that since it's really NOT what I'm getting. Now or in any near future.

"Tasuki."

Shit! Where's the no da? "Yeah?"

"Do you think you can tell me what been bothering you, no da?" His voice is very quiet.

I let out a relieve breath, there's the no da. But I know that I have to tell him my feelings soon. It's getting to a point where I can't concentrate on anything any more. I should get a fuckin' medal for keeping it to myself this long.

"Yeah, Chiri, real soon. I promise." I look at him then and he's looking back at me. Quite intently too. Then he nods and turn his attention back to the road.

I notice then that he's not wearing his kasa. His broad shoulder and chest is outline by the shirt he's wearing and I'm damn shock to find that my hand is already moving half way there. He turns to me and gives me a quizzical look.

I swat at an imaginary fly and almost die of embarrassment. He raises an eyebrow at me but remains silent. We walk like that until we get to the little lake Chichiri mentioned. He looks at the lake and gives a happy little sigh. What he does next got me hard instantly.

He takes off his shoes. Yeah, his shoes. You gat a problem with that? And I don't have a foot fetish, either! My mind is just WAY ahead of the shoes and I'm already thinking of what he'll take off next. Fuck, I can't do this any more!

"Chiri..." My voice comes out like a whisper but he hears me. He turns towards me with his shirt half buttoned and I can see the smooth line of his chest where it's exposed. He's so fucking HOT!

"Hmmm?" But I am already there, in front of him. My symbol isn't 'wing' for nothing. I can be pretty damn fast when I want to be. I fully expect him to jump back a pace because I am definitely invading his personal space. By a whole fuckin' lot. My face is barely 2 inches from his. But he remains still, looking at me expectantly.

I am quite shocked to say the least. And he nearly floor me when he asks huskily, "Do you want something, Tasuki, no da?"

Fuck, if I don't know better, I'd say he's coming on to me. But that's probably just my fucked-up, hormonally induced, sex deprived, and overactive imagination. Right?

Fuck! I keep saying that! And since that's exactly what I want, and he DID ask, my rational mind took a long walk on a short pier and my hormonally induced and sex deprived mind took over.

I lean over and kiss him. He doesn't pull away. In fact he opens his mouth and his tongue swipes my lips gently. Who am I to deny him anything?

Within seconds our tongues are caressing each other and one of his hand comes up to hold the back of my head firmly in place while the other rests lightly on my chest. When we break off the kiss, we are both breathing pretty damn fast. He's looking at me intently again....shit! Is he mad?

"Are you sure this is what you want, Tasuki?" He asks, tracing my bottom lip with his index finger. There is no mistaking the look in his eye, he wants me too. Fuck, this is too good to be true.

Thank YOU, Suzaku.

"I've been wanting this for so long, Chiri, I almost lost hope." I take his index finger into my mouth, sucking vigorously.

He closes his eye and I swear I hear him moaning. When he opens it again, it's to take out his finger and take my face in both his hands. The kiss he gives me next leaves me to wonder where the hell does a monk learn to kiss like that. I thought he said he's never practiced with anyone. Shit, I've been kissed before, me and the guys messed around a bit. But nothing was as deep and soul searching like the one I'm experiencing now. I guess it's true about your first time with someone you really love. It can fuckin' rock your world.

When Chichiri and I finally join, it is fuckin' perfect. I swear. His movements in and out of me makes me catch my breath again and again. I'm so close to the edge. He feels so fuckin' good! Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, he wraps his hand around my aching member and pumps in time with his thrusts. Shit! I don't think I can last much longer.... Chichiri gives me one deep thrust and a final hard squeeze and I blew. Literally, I come so hard I think I see Suzaku's red light engulfing the both of us. Is it my overactive imagination again? I don't give a fuck. I'm just so damn happy Chichiri loves me too.

Wait a minute....He never DID say that he loves me.

Does it matter? Fuck, yes!

"Chiri..." I begin softly, still recovering from the intensity of his ministrations. I don't really know exactly how to ask him.

As if he can read my mind, he smiles and kisses me gently and says, "I love you, Tasuki. For a long time now. That was beautiful. Thank you."

Shit, only Chichiri would say thank you after a mind blowing sex.

"I love you too, Chiri. But why the hell did you wait so long?" My voice is somewhat indignant.

"I want to make sure you are ready, no da. It's a big step and I don't want you to have any regrets. You were so young. Besides, good things come to those who wait, na no da."

I roll him under me and begin kissing the life out of him. Rubbing my growing hardness against his I whisper in his ear, "Since I've been very patient, two fuckin' years, Chiri, I think I deserve another round."

His laughter is pure music and all he has time to say is "Hai" before I impale myself on him and we are again lost in the timeless rhythm of our love.

End ..... for now.....

***************** ****************** ***************** *****************

Arigato minna, for bearing with me and reading the whole thing....That was more lemon that I had anticipated. If I can gather up more courage, I might do another chapter and expand a little more. Should I do another chapter with Chichiri-sama's thoughts? Ooooooh...I don't know. I can so much more relate to Tasuki because I think Chichiri is the greatest....ever. I'm not sure If I can do Tasuki justice if I were to write as Chichiri...

Again...I want to than everyone for reading....please review so I know if should continue or just give up yaoi and FY completely and stick to DBZ. Ja ne!

[ Up ] [ Next ]