IT’S NOT EASY
Kelly
[email protected]
Disclaimer: None of the Anitaverse characters are mine
. . . really, they aren’t. I don’t have any money
anyway, so it would be pointless to sue, especially
since what little money I have is taken away by the
pit of hell that likes to call itself a college. Even
though . . . but I’m rambling. On with the story.
Summary: Not a songfic. Seems like it, though.
Ruminations of a Vampire Hunter, and finally a
decision.
A/N: ALL OF THESE CHAPTERS HAVE BEEN REVISED. This is
A/E. Okay, so it gave away the ending, but I had to
warn you. If you don’t like the idea of Anita and
Edward together then read no further. I really don’t
like flames, but constructive criticism is perfectly
welcome, especially if I messed up with a piece of
information or two. Please R/R. I can’t believe that
Laurell K Hamilton kicked us off of fanfiction.net.
Anyway, there are some things about the timeline you
should know. First, Anita, Jean-Claude, and Richard
NEVER married the marks (what was she thinking?).
Next, she did meet Micah and he did become Nimir-raj
but they are not *drawn* to each other and they are
not sleeping together. The wereleopards are living
with her until they can become a more stable unit.
CHAPTER 1:
Right now I’m sitting in my living room in an old
T-shirt and underwear with Sigmund next to me,
seriously debating getting a glass of warm milk.
Tonight is one of those rare nights off that I had to
threaten Burt to get. Of course the “I’m going to
quit” angle is starting to get old now that Larry is
with us. I’m still the best, but Burt is starting to
get uptight about all the vacations I’m taking. I
can’t help it, I’ve had a rough couple of years and
with filling in as Edward’s backup the last couple of
weeks, I needed a break. So sue me. And I can’t sleep.
I’ve been here for two hours because, of all things,
my bed seems so empty. I’m lonely. Me. Heap big
vampire hunter misses a warm body to cuddle up to.
It’s weird, but the pard just isn’t enough. Does it
sound as ridiculous to you as it does to me?
I look around the house. All the windows and the door
are locked. The curtains are open, but they usually
are at night. Everyone left to give me some peace and
quiet, and they promised not to tell. No one would
know I was home unless Burt told them, and who would
come looking?
I went to the kitchen, and looked in my
hiding spot (a small hidden drawer under the sink). I
don’t know why I kept it here, it just seems illicit.
I don’t know why I have it. I don’t even know why a
bottle of wine seems so wrong. I bought it a while
ago, but I never drank it. I have this aversion to
loosing control, and alcohol tends to do that to you.
But I really don’t like the taste of warm milk. And
maybe I want to relax. I poured myself a glass and
prepared to go run myself a nice hot bubble bath. Just
because I’m a necromancer, vampire executioner, alpha,
nimir-ra, and I forget what else, doesn’t mean I can’t
relax like any other woman my age. On my way to the
bathroom, though, I look out my window and stop in my
tracks.
It’s funny how when you see the same things
every day (or in my case night) you can stop realizing
how beautiful they are. That’s how it is with the
stars. I haven’t taken the time to just look at them
in a while. They truly are beautiful. Maybe tonight
will be a night to enjoy the simple pleasures. A
bubble bath, some wine, maybe I’ll call the boys. Nah.
They might spoil the fun by asking me to decide. Truth
is, I like them both. Hell, I love them both. But I’m
beginning to wonder how much they love me.
By now I’ve aborted my stargazing for the evening and
have made it into my bathroom. I start to fill the tub
and add the bath crystals Ronnie got for me a while
back. I walk the few steps into my bedroom and get my
stereo.
If I’m going to relax, I might as well have
some music. I put in one of my favorite CD’s, Five for
Fighting’s America Town, it will suit my mood right
now. I press the button for random play, that way I
never know what song is coming up next. I put the wine
on the rim of the tub and put up my hair so it doesn’t
get wet before I step into the warm water. My tub is
surprisingly large, given the size of the bathroom, so
I sink right in up to my neck.
Now where was I? Oh yeah, them loving me. I have no
question they both love me, just how much? What would
happen if I did choose? One of them would probably end
up dead. It would probably be Richard. I am not
inclined to believe that Jean-Claude would keep his
end of the bargain. He says all he wants is my
happiness, but he just seems to like having me too
much.
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me
And if Jean-Claude killed Richard, would it kill me?
It might. How am I supposed to choose when one or all
of us could end up dead? How can I choose when I’m
scared to death of loosing them. I want them both. So,
what to do? If I could choose one without fear of
death, it would be Richard. Why? Simple, I can see
spending the rest of my life with him. I just can’t
see that with Jean-Claude.
Of course it helps that Richard has a nice safe job that doesn’t involve
risking his life.
I’m more than a bird
I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me
Edward wants me to kill them both. I don’t remember
him ever saying as much, but I can see it in his eyes.
Those cold, hard eyes that never show anything; and
yet, they’ve shown me things I’d never hoped or never
wanted to see. In the end, Edward can judge all he
wants, but he still goes home to his very own new age
widow and her munchkins. He doesn’t lye in bed at
night wishing there were someone to snuggle up to, a
hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on. No, Edward’s
just Edward.
And yet, he’s a part of my life now, whether I like it or not. He’s one of the
closest friends I have.
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see
And what comes after the decision? Marriage, family,
a home? With Richard, yes. Jean-Claude and I are both
too jaded to believe in happily ever after, so that
isn’t what I would find with him. I would find
eternity for as long as he lived. I would find lust,
and maybe after time, love. But I also would loose
most of my closest friends: Ronnie, Dolf, Edward, and
maybe even Catherine. I guess I never realized how
much their opinions mattered to me until they gave
them, and they weren’t what I’d been hoping to hear.
Eternity for a few close friends isn’t such a large
price to pay. After all, they’ll die in a few decades.
Riiight. I’m thinking like Edward, and I’m starting to
sound like Jean-Claude. Somehow the former scares me
less than the latter. I couldn’t live forever or even
for a hundred years. What would I do with my time?
Jean-Claude would have some ideas, but there’s only so
much a girl can take. No, I don’t think I’d like
living for that long.
It may sound absurd
But dont be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
Maybe I should piss them both of and choose someone
else. Maybe Olaf. Tall, dark, and homicidal. We could
hunt together. Yeah, that’ll happen. Damn, nearly
forgot about Olaf. He’s still out there somewhere,
waiting for the day when he gets to come after me, and
I have no idea when that day will come. This is one of
the many reasons I could never date a “normal” guy.
How would I tell him these things?
“Honey, I went to Santa Fe to slay a vampire, and a
homicidal maniac that I was working with (well one of
them anyway) developed a crush on me. He might be
dropping by one of these days to go hunting.”
Riiight. I don’t think so. I may be able to take care
of myself, but I could use some backup. Backup that I
wouldn’t have to worry about. So it’s back to the
boys. The wolf or the vamp? Fang-face or furball?
How’s a girl supposed to choose?
I may be disturbed
But won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me
I wish I could have the perfect life. It’s kinda
weird to admit that all I want is to have a husband,
2.4 kids, a normal job, a dog, and even a white picket
fence. Ye gods. But I am a necromancer. I can’t change
that, and I’ll never have a normal life. But maybe I
can start fresh, like the past two years never
happened. Maybe move to California and join another
firm.
I can feel a void deep inside myself start to
open up. In order to start over I would have to break
up with both of them, and my heart practically breaks
at the thought. I love them, I know I do. But it has
to end somewhere, and I have to be the one to end it.
Tonight. Wow, months of indecision and all it took was
a bubble bath. Yay for me.
Up, up and away
Away from me
It’s all right
You can all sleep sound tonight
I have the phone right next to me in case someone
calls, and I can’t find the courage to pick it up. I
simply can’t believe that I’m going to break it off
with both of them. I look over at my still full
wineglass and realize that I can’t be drunk, I still
haven’t taken a drink. I have to build up the courage
to call my boyfriends and break up with them. Some
bad ass I am.
Why am I doing this again? Oh yeah, new
life, start over, etc.
I’m not crazy
Or anything
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naďve
I turned off the radio. If I’m going to call them at
two o’clock in the morning it’s the least I can do.
The silence fills the room and I can hear the little
voices in my head telling me not to do this. Lucky for
me I have a lot of practice ignoring annoying little
voices. But I’m stalling. I pick up the phone and dial
Jean-Claude’s private number. After all, he’s the most
likely to be up at this hour. Heck, it’s probably his
lunchtime. As the phone rings, I ask myself again what
the hell I’m doing, but when he picks up my voice is
steady.
“I’ve chosen.”
“Ah, wonderful ma petite. I will meet you tonight.” He
sounds sarcastic, and cocky. Like he knows I’m going
to come crawling back to him for forgiveness. Good ol’
Jean- Claude. Arrogant as hell.
“No, tomorrow night. We meet tomorrow night. Richard
should be there, too. He’s asleep right now.”
“Very well.” A little less cocky. Hmm . . .
I hung up and sank a little deeper into the tub. Now
for the hard part. Richard picked up the phone with a
distinct growl.
“Stephen, I told you if you ever called . . .”
“Richard, it’s me.”
“Anita?! Are you alright?” I could tell he was
worried.
“I’m fine. Tomorrow night, at the circus. I’ve
chosen.”
“Okay, what time?”
“Full dark. I don’t think any of us can wait much
longer than that.”
“Okay, goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Richard.”
“Anita?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.” I could feel my throat tighten.
“I love you too, Richard.”
The silence is no longer annoying, now it’s oppressive
and suffocating. I can feel tears running down my
cheeks. I’m not even strong enough to pretend they’re
sweat from the steam in the bathroom. They’re tears,
and I’m crying. I need this. I also need someone to
tell me I did the right thing.
Almost without realizing it I’ve picked up the phone
and am dialing a number I know by heart. As Edward’s
answering service picks up I realize I have nothing to
say. I only want to cry into the receiver. Somehow, I
don’t think Edward would appreciate that much.
“Hi, Edward. Uh, this is Anita.” I pause, like I
expect him to pick up. Damn, say something!
“I’ve made my decision.” I all but slam my finger on
the off button. What was I thinking?! That was the
stupidest phone message ever! He doesn’t care unless
he gets to kill something, and I’m not letting him
kill either of them. I look at the hand that was
holding the phone.
It’s got that prune look that skin
gets when it soaks up too much water. I need to get
out. The temperature difference between the lukewarm
water and the room was greater than it should have
been. I shivered. Great, I left the air conditioning
on. I reach quickly for a towel and wrap the first one
around my hair in the turban-like style I’m so fond
of, and the second one around my body. I was just
switching off the air conditioner when I heard the
phone ring. Oh God, please let it be one of the boys.
CHAPTER 2:
I slowly made my way toward the phone. I really,
really, didn’t want to answer it. I knew who it was. I
still have the urge to cry into the receiver, but the
complete and utter embarrassment I’m feeling overrides
that at the moment. The phone felt like a lead weight
when I picked it up.
“Hello?” Good, my voice is steady.
“Are you okay? You sound strange.” Okay, maybe not.
Luckily, Edward can’t smell fear, not over the phone
anyway.
“I told you, Edward. I’ve made a decision.”
“Which one do I get to kill?”
“Neither.” Ooh, he’s not going to like that.
“What?!” Told ya.
“I don’t want them dead, Edward.”
“Then why’d you call me?” Good question.
“I thought you might want to know.” Yeah, that sounds
convincing.
“Fine, I’ll play along. Which was it?”
“I didn’t choose either one of them.”
“Okay . . . my patience is wearing real thin, Anita.”
His patience.
“It’s long and complicated and I thought you might
want to know. I guess I was wrong. Goodbye.” I didn’t
give him a chance to say anything before I hung up.
Okay, I was being petty. He probably wouldn’t like me
hanging up on him. Come to think of it, that probably
wasn’t a good idea. But I was angry. Edward was
supposed to be my friend and right now I just wanted
to hear that I’d done the right thing. Then why’d I
call Edward? Good question.
I was so lost in my thoughts that it startled me when someone knocked on
the door. I picked up the Browning and went to open
the door. By the time I got into the room, however, my
intruder had already picked the lock and was sitting
with his shoes propped up on my nice white couch. He’s
carrying a gun in his pocket. Either that or he’s
really happy to see me. Somehow I don’t think that’s
it.
“You got a new lock.” Yep, it was Edward. Why’d he
bother knocking if he was just going to ruin my lock?
“Why’d you bother knocking if you were just going to
pick it?”
“Why do you bother getting new locks when I keep
picking them?”
“What do you want, Edward?” He got up and slowly
walked up to me, invading my personal space. I
probably could have leaned up and kissed him. Lucky
for us that would never happen. Three men in my life
would be too complicated. Oh, but wait. I was getting
rid of two of them tomorrow night. I shook my head,
mustn’t start thinking those kinds of thoughts. I
wasn’t afraid, but sometimes I think Edward can smell
a lot more than fear.
“Don’t ever hang up on me.” His breath was still cool
from the outside air. How long had he been standing
out there? The hint of anger in his voice was not as
distracting as the fact that he was wearing cologne,
expensive cologne. I felt like being difficult. Bring
it on.
“Or what?” Oh no. What was wrong with me? I knew
better than to utter those words within five miles of
Edward. Odds were I didn’t want to know the answer.
Then he laughed. Granted, I would rather hear that
than the sound of a gunshot, but it still startled me.
Edward doesn’t laugh that much, although now I might
have to use two hands instead of one to count the
number of times he’s done it.
“Don’t laugh at me.”
“Only you, Anita. Only you, knowing me, would still
dare to ask me that.” Suddenly his face was serious,
with no trace of the smile it had shown seconds ago. I
was in deep shit.
He said, “Do you want to get hurt?”
“Hey, if it would save me having to break the news to
the boys . . .” The corners of his mouth turned up in
an almost invisible smile. I actually meant it. In
fact, now I think I’ve found a viable excuse to give
Edward.
“Is there a reason you called me at Two o’clock in
the morning?”
“Actually, I wanted to hire you for a job.”
“I thought you said you didn’t want them dead.”
“Not as hired killer, as bodyguard.”
“I’m not a bodyguard.”
“I remember you acting as bodyguard for me a while
back. Hey, there won’t even be a ladies room involved
in this job.” Something flashed behind his eyes, but
only for a moment. Guilt?
“Why don’t I call Bernardo.”
“I want you.” Okay, maybe that didn’t come out right.
“You couldn’t afford me.” A smile tugged at his lips.
Suddenly a conversation from our recent mission
flashed into memory. If it weren’t Edward standing
here, I might say he was making an illicit reference
to his paying for sex. But it was Edward. Edward
doesn’t make illicit comments, to me anyway. Hell, for
all I knew he could be the king of locker room
conversations around Bernardo and Olaf.
The thought of those three talking about sex was enough to bring me
back to reality.
“How do you know how much I make?”
“Actually, I don’t.” Amazingly, I believed him. But I
had a feeling he could find out.
“Just because I don’t drive around in a hummer, or
live in a five bedroom house doesn’t mean I don’t have
money. I’m the best and strongest animator in the US,
at least. And especially with all the press I’ve been
getting lately, I name my own price.”
“Okay, so you want to hire me. Assuming you can
afford my fee, are you really afraid they’re a danger
to you?”
“I don’t know, but I do know that they’re mad at me.
After six months, I don’t know how angry they are, or
what they might do.”
“Fine. What do you expect me to do?”
“It’s at the circus, so you already know the layout.
Just guard me.”
“Without a plan, that’s the same as asking me to take
a bullet for you. Or get torn to pieces, considering
the company you keep.”
“Look, I don’t think either of them are going to try
anything, but I want someone there just in case.”
“Being this transparent isn’t good for your health.”
“Excuse me?”
“You don’t want a bodyguard, you want moral support.”
I had a witty comeback in line when I realized he was
right. The fact that I was hiding it so badly tells
you how distracted I was. Probably because we were
still standing with our lips barely touching. I’ve
never been this aware of Edward before, so it must be
the celibacy talking. I must have unconsciously
glanced at his lips, because something passed behind
his eyes. It was kind of like the way you can see a
shapeshifter’s beast pass behind their eyes, but I
knew Edward wasn’t were- anything so it couldn’t be
his beast. It was strange, I’d never seen anything
like that in his eyes. I’d never really seen anything
at all in his eyes. My heart jumped into my throat,
and I could barely breathe. Definitely the celibacy.
“I’m that transparent?”
“Yeah. Why call me for moral support?”
“What would Ronnie do if Jean-Claude tried to take a
bite out of me, or if Richard tried to make me his
lupa for real?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know Ronnie very well.”
“You know what I mean.”
“No I don’t.”
“Stop being difficult, Edward.” He smiled again. He
had a nice smile, but it was starting to get creepy. I
couldn’t back down, but I was sure hoping he would.
Unfortunately, Edward and I both knew the rules of
fighting, and rule number one is to never be the first
to back down.
“Funny, I thought you liked your men difficult.”
“Look, it’s getting late and I would like to get some
sleep tonight. I called you because you’re my friend.
Do you want the job or not?”
“Fine. If I get to kill one of them you don’t owe me
anything. If not, we’ll discuss the fee later.”
“Is this how you deal with all your clients? Cash,
credit, or number of dead bodies?”
“I don’t usually meet any of my clients face to face.
Besides, I know where you live.” That, and probably
the fact that I was getting a bit slaphappy, made me
laugh. I fell forward with my forehead landing on
Edward’s chest. I was laughing so hard I barely
noticed his hands grab my arms. Maybe he thought I
would collapse.
“Anita are you alright?”
I had to stop laughing before I could respond. “It
just seems a little too cliché for you.” He smiled at
that. Not the smiles that he’s been giving me all
night, not Ted’s good ol” boy smile, but a real smile.
He looked younger when he smiled, even human. He
really did have a great smile. It made my stomach
flutter. It’s been too long since I’ve had butterflies
in my stomach. Why didn’t it feel wrong that Edward
was the one causing them? I don’t have any romantic
feelings for Edward, and even if I did, he wouldn’t
feel the same. He wouldn’t be able to. As I looked up
into his eyes, I wasn’t so sure anymore.
I knew the second I stopped smiling because he did
too. Wonderful, leave it to me to ruin the mood. I
could see the mask slipping back into place. It was
the face Edward had been wearing for so long. I’d
always thought it was who he was, but now I know
that’s not true. How long had he lived behind that
mask? At that moment I’d do anything to see the real
Edward again. That, along with the fact that I’d gone
nearly 24 hours without sleep, was
my only excuse for what I did next. I kissed him.
CHAPTER 3:
Kissing Edward was quite possibly the stupidest thing
I’ve ever done. And that’s saying a lot. It was nice,
though. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to
kiss Edward. I mean, I’m only human, and refreshingly,
so is he. Of course, the fact that he had expressed in
no uncertain terms that he didn’t think of me that way
might have given me reason to rethink this particular
decision. The embarrassment that had faded with
friendly banter came back with a fury. I’m sure my
face flushed five different shades of red before I
realized that my lips were still touching his. Right
at that moment I would have given anything to be
somewhere else. I pulled away with my eyes still
tightly shut. A second ago I had kissed him so that he
would finally show some emotion, now I could only hope
for that familiar blank stare.
“Anita?” Oh God, I don’t think I could speak if my
life depended on it. Come to think of it, it might.
Since I couldn’t talk, I responded by nodding my head
once. My eyes were still shut. Afraid, me? Hell yes.
“What did you do that for?” The idealistic part of me
was still hoping that this was all a dream. The rest
of me was laughing and making fun of that part.
“Please Anita, tell me why you did that.” His voice
was softer now, more probing than accusatory. I had to
face him sometime. I lowered my head so I would not be
looking directly at his face when I opened my eyes.
Baby steps. I finally opened my eyes, but they had
been shut so tightly that I now had white spots across
my vision. I felt his fingers grab my chin and I
didn’t fight as he forced me to look at him. His face
wasn’t angry, but it wasn’t blank either. His emotions
were playing across his face and I realized I couldn’t
read the expressions fast enough. Or I didn’t want to.
The only things I could read were his eyes. But the
look I saw in them could shatter our friendship
forever.
“Answer me Anita.”
“I’m sorry Edward. That was the stupidest idea I’ve
ever had. I don't know what came over me. I was so
very wrong. I-I-I wasn’t thinking.” No, I wasn’t
thinking. I was, in fact, babbling. Edward didn’t seem
to care, though. His face had slipped back into that
practiced mask. I’d learned my lesson a few minutes
ago. I wasn’t going to kiss him again, but I might
beg.
“Edward, please. I just . . .” I didn’t know what to
say. The truth sounded stupid even to me.
“You just what?? He sounded impatient, which probably
meant that he was getting angry. I had always thought
that Edward was a patient man, in everything, but now
I was thinking I might’ve been wrong about some parts
of him. I was going to have to talk sooner or later.
If I didn’t do it willingly, odds are Edward might get
impatient enough to try and make me.
“I just wanted to see you smile.” I said it so softly
I wasn’t even sure he heard me. It sounded stupid, but
it kept me from having to tell him that a part of me
had always wondered what it would be like to kiss him.
Telling him that would have been really embarrassing.
“You what?”
“Look, I know it’s silly and . . . wrong. I mean you
have a fiancée and . . .” That, however was as far as
I got. Something I said seemed to have struck Edward
as funny because he was laughing . . . again. This
just had to be a dream. In fact, since I was still in
a towel, it was a nightmare, a horrible nightmare that
I was going to wake up from any minute. Well, if it’s
a dream, I might as well make the best of it. He’s
laughing at me. I don’t think it could get any worse
if he tried to kill me. I adjusted the towel and
prepared for the weirdest conversation of my life. And
coming from someone who raises the dead for a living
and was at one point sleeping with both a werewolf and
a vampire, that’s saying a lot.
“So what’s so funny?” Hey, I had to start the
conversation somewhere.
“You.” He smiled down at me like that explained
everything.
“That really doesn’t give me anything Edward. What
were you laughing at?”
“You.” Okay, now this was getting annoying.
“If you’re not going to give me a straight answer you
can leave, and I’ll see you tomorrow, when I’ve had
enough sleep and can deal with you.” I got up and
turned to walk away. All I can think is that I was
even more distracted than usual because it wasn’t
until he grabbed my arms that I realized turning my
back on him was an even bigger mistake than kissing
him. He turned me around facing him and invaded my
personal space, again. I guess I was lucky that the
towel didn’t fall. Of course, if he decided to kill
me, then the towel probably would fall and it wouldn’t
matter. But somehow, I don’t think he’d kill me.
“You won’t get rid of me that easily, Anita, not
now.”
“Look, when I called you, I wasn’t even expecting you
to get the message until tomorrow. I certainly wasn’t
expecting you to be in town or to come running to my
doorstep. I’m sorry I called.’
“I’m not.”
“What?”
“I’m not sorry you called.”
“You’re playing games with me, Edward.”
“I’m not playing games. I’m telling you I’m glad you
thought to call me.”
“I didn’t really think, I just did it.” He smiled
slightly.
“Even better.” This was a completely new side of
Edward. I wasn’t quite sure what to say. So, I didn’t
say anything. He took a deep breath, like he was going
to say something, but it was another minute before he
talked.
“I only meant that I was glad you felt like you could
call me for moral support. I’m not such an ogre
Anita.” I started to protest, I never said what kind
of monster he was, but he spoke first. “Get to bed
Anita. You need the sleep.”
I walked him to the door, which was strange because I
never walked him too the door, and because I was still
in a towel.
“Goodbye, Edward.”
“Goodbye.” He started to leave then turned. One hand
was on the doorframe when he leaned in, took hold of
my chin, and kissed me goodbye. It was more forceful
than mine, but just as chaste. Just a typical goodbye
kiss. Yeah right. I was still standing shocked at the
open door when he drove out of the driveway. Tomorrow
was going to be an interesting day.
CHAPTER 4:
I woke up at 11:00 the next morning in complete and
utter denial. I did not kiss Edward, he did not kiss
me, and he certainly wasn’t going to accompany me
tomorrow night when I broke up with the boys. I had
actually managed to convince myself that everything
was the same as yesterday morning for the whole five
minutes it took me to stumble out of bed and into the
kitchen. Most of the pard had jobs that required them
to leave in the morning, and the few that didn’t had
gone with Micah on a small vacation early this
morning. So imagine my surprise when, upon reaching
the kitchen with my eyes still firmly shut against the
morning light, I was handed a cup of coffee. Now, who,
I wondered, would be in my kitchen this morning making
coffee?
In my current state of denial I was sure that
if I opened my eyes at that moment that I would find
that the coffee pot had turned on by itself and the
coffee had magically floated into the cup and into my
hands. Alas, that was not the case. When I opened my
eyes I saw the last person in the world I ever wanted
to see . . . Edward. As annoying as it was, it was not
a surprise. The most shocking part was that Edward was
naked from the waist up, and from the waist down, he
was wearing dark blue silk pajama pants.
If it were anyone else, I would have wondered how he
or she had gotten in without me hearing. This was
Edward, so I wasn’t going to patronize him by asking
silly questions. I sat down at the table and watched
him flipping pancakes over the brim of my coffee mug.
He had chosen to brew the chocolate raspberry. I
bought it on a whim about a week ago, but hadn’t had a
chance to taste it yet. It sort of made me wonder why
he had chosen to brew it this morning, seeing as it
was more the kind of coffee you had after dinner. It
occurred to me that we would have to start a
conversation sooner or later. Might as well be sooner.
“So to what so I owe this honor?” He looked at me and
he smiled. This smile wasn’t a Ted smile, though. This
smile went all the way to his eyes, and I had only
seen it for the first time last night.
“I just figured I’d make you breakfast.” The smile was
still there and I was starting to think things that I
shouldn’t be thinking. Like that I could get used to
him making breakfast, to watching him make breakfast.
To watching him make breakfast in just his pj’s . . .
“Okay, why are you dressed only in pajama bottoms?”
“Because the top is still in my suitcase.” It was
apparent I was not going to get a straight answer, I
was simply asking the wrong questions.
“And where exactly is your suitcase?” Although I had a
pretty good idea already. I didn’t think Edward had
driven from his hotel to my house in his PJ’s.
“By your bed. I chose to sleep in the chair in your
room,” So that’s what I’d stubbed my toe on. “I
figured I wouldn’t be welcome in your guest room
unless I was willing to abide by the dress code,” My
cats slept in the nude, pile of puppies formation.
“And having the leopards see me asleep on your couch
wouldn’t exactly have been the recipe for a surprise.
I knew you wouldn’t be up early.”
“And why did you choose to stay here instead of a
hotel?”
“Cheaper.”
“I thought you were rich.”
“I am.”
“Edward . . . assassin, bodyguard, penny-pincher.” He
smiled at that and I thought to ask something else.
“Will Donna like the fact that you are making me
breakfast . . . after spending the night at my house?”
“Even if she doesn’t she really shouldn’t complain.
Once she got over the initial shock of me saving Becca
and Peter she became furious that I had ever put any
of them into that kind of position. She left me.”
I didn’t know what to say. This was what I had wanted.
And yet, when he said it, he sounded genuinely
unhappy. I didn’t like the thought of Edward not being
happy. Of course, nobody who knew him would like the
idea of him not being happy.
“I’m so sorry, Edward.”
“No, you’re not.” Yes, I was!
“Yes . . . I am.” I insisted. His face registered
shock, barely, but enough for me to see it was there.
“I know you care for them.” The silence that ensued
was almost unbearable. Edward went back to his
pancakes and I went back to watching him. He was
tense, I could tell. His shoulders barely moved as he
flipped the pancakes. Part of me was surprised that he
seemed to give as much dedication to flipping pancakes
as he did to tracking and killing. I wondered if he
gave as much to other tasks as well. I wanted to
follow that train of thought, but I still wasn’t quite
sure of why he had kissed me last night. We’ve known
each other for so long, and he had never expressed any
feelings toward me whatsoever. And I had made the
first move. What if this was Edward’s sadistic idea of
a practical joke? What if this was his way of giving
me an “uncomplicated fuck?” What if I’m just paranoid?
The kisses were just on the line between friendly and
something more, even on the friendly side of the line
for more touchy-feely people. Somehow Edward didn’t
strike me as that kind of person, but then again, I
know practically nothing about him. The logical side
of my brain was screaming that something about this
didn’t make sense. I knew Edward well enough that I
was positive that one kiss, or even two, would not
affect him like that. So what was really going on?
They say curiosity killed the cat, luckily I’m not of
the feline variety.
“What’s really going on here?”
“Excuse me?”
“Don’t play dumb. Why the sudden change of attitude?”
I had stood up and gone over to him, effectively
blocking his movement . . . cornering him. As you may
have guessed this is not a smart move to pull. I can
do this because I’m a professional, but don’t try this
at home.
“You kissed me.” As simple as that would be to accept,
I didn?t think he was telling me the whole truth.
“And you kissed me. Why does that have to change the
way you act around me?”
“Because I liked it.” Uh-oh.
“Uh . . . oh . . . well . . . um . . .” I went on
like that for a minute or so before I figured out, I
had absolutely no way to respond to that. He smiled
again at my confusion.
“I told you once that our lives would be a lot less
complicated if we could love each other. I still think
that”
“So what are you saying Edward, you’re willing to
give it a shot? I think that’s the least romantic way
of asking someone out that I have ever heard!” I was
confused, and that made me feel vulnerable, and that
made me feel angry. Not a good thing for either of us.
“I didn’t think you liked the mushy stuff.”
“Well, you have a lot to learn then, don’t you?” By
this point I had given up the hope that I might know
what he was going to do next. He had neglected the
pancakes during our conversation so I walked over and
took them off the griddle. Once they started burning,
I wouldn’t be able to get rid of the smell for days. I
then put on some bacon. I felt Edward come up behind
me and begin scrambling eggs. I had one of those large
griddles that was built right into the stove. When I
bought the house it seemed like a great idea, a real
time saver. Now, with Edward inches behind me, his
breath hotter than the steam on my neck, I was
starting to rethink the idea. His lips pressed softly
against my ear as he whispered into it.
“You’re right. I don’t know you as well as I thought
I did. But I would like the chance to learn. Let me.”
Pressed against my body the way he was you would think
he was asking for more than a date. Throughout all of
this I had held my calm, I wasn’t even trembling. I
knew I would be soon though if I didn’t get away from
his body. But I didn’t want to. I wanted to stay where
I was and let him learn whatever he wanted about me.
That thought snapped me back to reality. I was
thinking about Edward as if he were more than a mentor
and teacher and friend. I shut off the griddle with
the half-cooked breakfast still on it and turned to
face him. No small feat, since he was pressed flush
against me. I really still didn’t know what to say but
he had a look in his eyes that said if I didn’t he
would kiss me, and that would be more dangerous right
now that anything I could say or do.
“Okay, Edward, what do you want to know?” His lips
were less than an inch from mine and I knew what he
wanted. Just then I heard a loud knock on the door.
Edward and I both grabbed for out weapons and pointed
them to the door, which was now opening.
My stepmother, Judith, stepped through the door and
for a moment a look of shock and fear crossed her
face. I don’t think she’s ever gotten over the fact
that I carry a gun. I wondered briefly where she had
gotten the key, then she spotted Edward and her face
broke into the widest grin I have ever seen. This
cannot be good.
A/N: I gave Anita?s father the name Andrew, because I
couldn?t remember if LKH had ever given him one. If
she has let me know and I?ll change it.
CHAPTER 5:
Ordinarily having Judith just walk into my house
unannounced would be a nightmare come true. Having her
walk in while Edward and I were pressed against each
other and half-naked was incomprehensible. I mentally
tried to figure out what she was doing here. Had I
missed some important event? Had I called her in my
bubble bath induced frenzy last night? The answer to
both of those questions was no. So what was she doing
her? Best just to ask probably.
“Judy, what are you doing here?” She hates it when I
call her Judy. Yay, point for me.
“Well we thought it might be nice to stop in and say
hello. I know we haven’t always gotten along, but for
Josh and your father I’d hoped we could try to be a
family.”
Did she just say we? My mind was refusing to
comprehend the fact that it could get any worse when
my father and Josh walked into the house. Edward put
up his gun and I pushed him away to my arm’s length,
which wasn’t very far, but still. My father stopped
cold with a look of shock on his face. Josh grinned
broadly. He was graduating from high school this year
but he didn’t look it. He still looked like that
little boy I used to have to baby-sit when I was 16.
Jeez, I was 26 and starting to feel old. I watched
Edward’s eyes soften when he looked at Josh, obviously
remembering Peter.
“Well,” Judith said, “aren’t you going to introduce
us?” I felt like saying no just to be rude, but Josh
was there. Must set a good example for the little one.
“Dad, Josh, Judith this is Edward. A friend.” I tried
not to cringe at the implication. “Edward this is my
father Andrew, my stepmother Judith, and my brother
Josh.” Josh looked from me to Edward and back again.
He grinned again.
“So,” Josh was still grinning, “how long have you two
kids known each other?”
“Josh!” Judith looked at him and the grin disappeared.
“It was just a question.” He mumbled, but still looked
at me as if he expected an answer. So I answered.
“Almost six years.” Edward’s gun had disappeared to
somewhere while my family had been to shocked to
notice. He now walked toward them with his best
friendly smile in place; I was at the wrong angle to
tell whether or not it was false.
“Please forgive my appearance,” Edward said, “we
obviously weren’t expecting anyone. This wasn’t
exactly how I’d planned on meeting you and you
probably feel the same.” Edward had planned on meeting
my parents? Or had he just said that? Life was full of
surprises. Edward shook hands all around. Dad, Judith,
but when he got to Josh, they both held the other’s
hand just a little too long. They were testing each
other; or rather Josh was testing Edward.
I was staring at Edward’s back so I couldn’t tell how he
felt about this, but when he turned around to look at
me his eyes shone with amusement. The relief I felt
was tremendous. By now though Judith had gotten over
her initial shock and was smiling again. Edward gave
me a mischievous grin.
“I think I’d better get dressed. Let you four catch
up. I won’t be long, promise.” He gave me a peck on
the cheek and headed into the bedroom. I blushed
furiously, remembering that I was only on a long
nightshirt and Edward was only half dressed and he had
just walked into my bedroom to get dressed.
“Coffee, anyone?” It was a pathetic attempt to change
the subject but it was my only hope. Embarrassment
seemed to be a way of life for me lately.
“Anita, you didn’t tell us you had a beau. And six
years is a very long time. Maybe you should rethink
his intentions. I mean if he hasn’t asked you to marry
him yet . . .” I couldn’t stand it anymore so I
interrupted her.
“Look, we’ve known each other and worked together for
six years. What you walked in on was a new
development.” My father finally spoke.
“What kind of development?”
“I’m not sure yet and I would appreciate if you would
all lay off it for a while. If anything happens I
think you should know, I’ll tell you. Until then…” I left the rest hanging
because Edward had reappeared fully clothed. I couldn’t decide whether he
looked better in clothes or out of them. He wasn’t in
his usual all black ensemble. He was wearing a
gray-blue v-neck, long sleeved sweater and pale gray
dress slacks. My mouth had gone dry and I could barely
think to shut it. I looked away and gathered my
thoughts.
“If you can promise to behave Edward, I’ll go change
now.” He smiled and my heart leapt in my chest.
“As you wish.”
I practically ran into the bedroom and began to just
throw on some jeans, but Edward had dressed up and I
felt compelled to do the same. I ran into the bathroom
and took what must have been the quickest shower in
history. I smeared gel on my hair and threw on some
lipstick, eye shadow, eyeliner, and mascara. Since I
wasn’t wearing base, the blush I tried to brush on
wouldn’t stay. Still, I looked good. I went to my
closet and pulled out the one thing sure to please
Judith. It was a bright yellow, spaghetti strap
sundress. It fitted at the top, flared at the waist,
and went down to my ankles. I normally return anything
she gets me, but I looked so good in this I couldn’t
help but want it in my closet.
The only time I had
worn it was to try it on and ascertain that there was
no way I could wear this with a weapon except by using
an inner thigh holster. I hated doing that; hence I
had never worn it. But I wanted to look fabulous,
because Edward did and he knew it. It had pockets, and
I cut open the right one at the seam. I flipped the
thigh holster so that I could draw my Browning simply
by reaching into my pocket. The skirt of the dress
flared enough to disguise the gun, and you wouldn’t
notice the discoloration unless you were looking. It
was difficult and thus slower this way, but I was
armed. I took one last look in the mirror. I looked
damn good. The scars were in plain view, but everyone
in the other room had seen the show.
I looked at the
clock. I had only taken 15 minutes, but I didn’t want
to think of how much damage Edward could have done in
that amount of time.
As I walked back into my living room I heard a very
frightening sound: laughter. I knew I had to be the
object of some cosmic joke. My life was too
complicated already; I did not need Edward to get
along with my family. Edward smiled at me as I walked
into the room.
“We were just trading stories. You look amazing. Why
have I never seen you wear that?”
“Well ‘?m glad to see you kept one of the gifts I’ve
gotten you over the years. It does look splendid on
you, I knew it would.” This obviously from Judith. My
father and Josh nodded in agreement. They were never
really good with compliments. I accepted all of this
with a smile when the realization of Edward’s comment
hit me.
“Trading stories of what?” Edward smiled again. Josh
spoke first.
“We were telling him about the time in high school you
left your pot in the kiln too long and started a fire
in your pottery class.” I mentally slapped my
forehead. That had not been my finest moment.
“And I was telling them about how when I first saw
you, you were tying your shoelace in front of the pond
and you lost your balance and fell in.” Also not my
finest moment. In all fairness, Ronnie had pushed me .
. . sort of. And that had been about a week before I
officially met him, which meant he had been in the
same park as I was days before he said he took the job
that brought him out there. Could be harmless, might
not be. Something to keep in mind and ask him about
later. “I want to take all of us out to lunch. It
seems you all have a lot of catching up to do. And I
personally would love to get to know all of you.”
“Well Edward, I don’t know what to say. That’s really
too much, I mean . . .?
“I won’t take no for an answer. I’m not from around
here, anyone have any suggestions?”
We finally decided on a hole in the wall Italian
restaurant that, in my opinion, had the best food I’d
ever tasted. Over lunch we mostly discussed Edward. I
wasn’t surprised that he told them mostly about Ted
Forrester, I mean, telling them that he was a
sociopath and an assassin probably wouldn’t endear him
to them. He liked football and Clint Eastwood movies,
and he hated all seafood except for shrimp.
Surprisingly, my father was the first to bring up the
subject of money.
“So, I see that you drive one of those Humvees. Bounty
hunting must pay fairly well Edward.”
“Much more so for Lycanthropes, because of the danger
involved. I myself have never been scratched or
bitten.”
“Lucky for you, too. I hear Lycanthropy is very
infectious.”
“Only for wolves. Much less so for the other forms.”
“Fascinating.” My father smiled at Edward and I knew
they were getting along. Strange, the ways men bond.
“Well, I for one never approved of that wolf that
Anita was seeing a while back, what was his name?”
Uh-oh, Judith had started in on Richard. She had loved
him before she found out about him being terminally
furry. “Richard, that was it! Did you ever meet him
Ted?”
“Once or twice. I never really got to know him but I
could tell there was something off about him.” Judith
nodded like she knew exactly what he was talking
about. I was glad lunch was about finished, because
Edward was playing games with us, and that meant he
was bored.
Josh was the next one to speak, and he clearly wasn’t
giving Edward a break. “So, if you’ve known each other
for six years, why just now. I mean why didn’t you get
together sooner?” I was, of course mortified at the
question. It was clear that both of us had let
everyone think this was more serious than it was.
Edward spoke as I was still sitting with my mouth
hanging open.
“Well, at first I didn’t want to compromise our
working relationship. And then I began seeing someone,
and so did she, and it never came up until now.
However, I can say that I have loved Anita since the
moment I saw her.” This seemed to please everyone,
even Josh, who smiled and blushed a little. I however,
had trouble breathing. I smiled and hoped no one
noticed. Then I began having sharp pains in my chest I
was sure were due to a heart attack. Luckily, that was
the end of the relationship portion of the discussion,
and we moved on to football seeing as my father was
also an avid fan. The waitress brought the check and
we all headed out of the restaurant.
“Well, Ted it was lovely to meet you.”
“Thank you Judith, it was my pleasure.” We shook hands
and exchanged hugs, and finally agreed that we would
get together again soon. As we got into Edward’s
Hummer and headed home I thought about today. If
Edward and I had been able to spend three hours with
my family, I was pretty sure that we could handle
Jean-Claude and
Richard.