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| In early spring of 1997 I began something that changed my life forever. Before this time I was a totally different person--I was naive to believe that life was always peaches and cream and that only the old died and even then it was just like going to sleep and that there was never any pain involved. Boy was I wrong... Becoming a Mom! I was 18 years old soon to be 19 when my life changed. I had just ended a relationship with a guy who at one point I thought was 'the one' turned out, he wasn't. About a week after our ugly breakup I realized that my period was late--I was very very regular, so I was instantly worried. I did NOT want to be pregnant. I assured myself I wasn't as I figured it was just due to nerves because of the anger and emotions I had shed over breaking up with my boyfriend. Finally another week went by and I decided to take a test. It said on the box that it would take up to 3 minutes for a positive result--well it took about 20 seconds for two lines to show up. I sat in that bathroom for half an hour just thinking and freaking out. I could hear my mom upstairs making dinner, but all I wanted to do was throw up. I called Jeff and told him, of course he wasn't thrilled. Long story short he told me to 'get rid of it' and that 'it wasn't his' and all the lovely stuff men like to say when they get in trouble. I told him I was totally against abortion and that there was no way he could make me get one. He threatened me, said the would hit me in the stomach the next time we saw each other. I broke off all communication after that, because I knew he would be true to his word. He still called and threatened me--told me I would be sorry if I came after him for child support. He said awful things from "I hope you die" to "If you have this baby I'll kill it while it sleeps, and then you next."Needless to say he put a lot of stress on me, stress I didn't need at the time. And until that point he was never anything but sweet and caring in our relationship--I guess I never met his 'demon side'. My very first Doctors visit! So off I go to the Doctor. They measured me from my LMP at about 5 weeks along. It was too soon to hear the heartbeat but that would happen soon enough. The day I confirmed my pregnancy I went out and bought about 50 dollars worth of baby clothes, toys, even some diapers! I was truly excited, and I actually believed that Jeff would be too once he saw his son. I know it was too early for me to know it was a boy, but I "felt" it from day one. A week later the trouble started. I believe it was May by this time, and I was 6-7 weeks along. I woke up one morning to quite a bit of bleeding. I still hadn't told my mom about the baby yet, so I secretly made an appt. to see the doctor. By the time I went in, the bleeding had stopped and all seemed well. My HCG numbers were on the rise, and my cervix was closed. My doctor passed it off as normal early pregnancy spotting and sent me home to 'rest for the day' as my prescription. In hindsight I wish I would have (or even known to) asked about my progesterone levels...I often wonder if they even checked them. I'll go more into that later in my story. The days went by--they turned into weeks--by this point I had told my mom about the baby. Well another long story short, she about lost her mind. She absolutely REFUSED to help me. She told me I had a month to move out of HER house. It was very upsetting--here I was pregnant with a baby no one seemed to want but me! But that was fine by me, I would do it alone if I had to. I had a stable job, sure it didn't pay a whole lot, but I figured I could still make it. Also I knew my mom would come around when she laid eyes on her grandson. Little did I know that would never happen...My best friend since Jr. High and I decided to get an apt. together. She was also pregnant at the time--and no we didn't get pregnant together cause it would be 'cool'. So many people ask me that. I was due January 25, 1998 and she was due September 9th 1997. The Move On July 12, 1997 I moved out of my parents house and into my brand new place! I was so excited. I was just about 13 1/2 weeks pregnant at this time, just started my 2nd trimester and I was so anxious to feel this little guy move! Only a few days before I got to see him on the u/s screen and oh boy what a wonderful sight! I was still spotting on and off and the u/s was just for precaution. But again everything seemed to be going fine, and his heart was just beating away in there! I got a picture of him, I didn't know then, that it would be the only picture I would ever have of my little guy. The day we moved in was hot, and I wasn't allowed to do any heavy lifting so I did what I could. Throughout the day I didn't feel 'right' but just passed it on to being so busy. I went to bed early that night because I had began to feel a bit crampy. The day I stopped being the old me I woke up a few times in the middle of the night with cramps but was able to go back to sleep. By 5 am the cramps were getting very strong, but I was just so tired, I went back to sleep. At 8 am I could no longer sleep laying down, so I got up to go recline on the recliner. My friend was already awake, she was about 8 months pregnant at the time and wasn't sleeping well either. I told her what was up, and she asked if I was okay, I said yes, lying. By noon we decided to go to the grocery store as we had no food in the house. It took every ounce of strength I had to walk to the car, while at the store I would get a cramp every 3-5 minutes, and they would double me over. Little did I know then but I was in labor! Finally I begged my friend to take me home, she said okay and we left the cart right there in the aisle. Once I got home the only thing I wanted to do was take a hot bath and relax, I was sure it would help. I had to go to the bathroom and once I did, I felt a little pop, and more then just pee came out in the toilet. I was bleeding pretty bad, and yelled for my friend. We both decided it was time to go to the hospital |
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