First year of Sébastien's life (and prologue!):

   It all started on June 4th 1995... I was hospitalized for what felt like a severe asthma attack, but turned out to be an anxiety attack. (You know how emotional pregnant women can get!) The emergency room doctor feared that he had a case of phlebitis or pulmonary embolism on his hands so he put me on Heparin which is a blood thinning agent. I was also dopplered and scintigraphied, whatever those mean! About a week after this first disaster came the beginning of a nightmare; I woke up in the middle of the night in a puddle of hot liquid. I woke my husband up thinking my water must have broke. When he turned on the lights, we discovered that I was, in fact, sitting in a large puddle of blood.

   What followed, were four hospitalizations for hemorrhaging and early labor. I was given several drugs to stop labor and sleeping pills which I now feel immensely guilty for taking. I can't help but wonder if it may have somehow worsened my son's developmental problems. I will never know...

   Sébastien was born July 19th 1995; I woke up at 1:00 am in violent labor pain and bleeding profusely. I was in so much pain that I was swearing like a sailor. We drove to the hospital where I writhed in agony while I had ONE two hour contraction. What I mean by that is that the contraction started but never stopped. After two hours of this I announced that I wanted to push! I was given a pelvic exam which caused a blood cloth the size of a grapefruit to pop out and blood to start literally gushing out. The E.R. doctor came made me sign a consent form for an emergency c-section and I was taken down to the operating room. I remember saying a silent prayer to God while they were taking me down, asking him to please spare my baby... I tought for certain that my hour had come. Lights out...

   Lights on! The first thing I saw when I woke up, was my husband. He leaned in and asked: "Do you want to see him?". I knew he meant my son. I smiled and said yes. I remember feeling happy and somewhat surprised to still be among the living. I closed my eyes. When I opened them again, there he was! My angel! My baby! My son! At that moment, I was at peace with the universe. I didn't know that such love existed. I wouldn't have been able to verbalise it back then, but I felt a great sense of purpose and hope, as if that child held within him the key to my future.

    The first year of my son's life was mostly uneventful... He was overweight as an infant but nothing to worry about, he learned to walk at one, he babbled and laughed and played just like every baby does. The only difference was that he was not talking. My husband and I were having a busy and difficult life during that year... mostly money problems (my husband and I were both students). This caused us to move in with my mother which was difficult but better than poverty! I quit school and decided to stay home and raise my son. I got pregnant again when Sébastien was 10 months old. I was very ill during that pregnancy. Morning sickness (more like all day sickness!) made for light meals and a weak mom!