“I need to go back to L.A.,” Spike said.

“Do what you gotta do.”

She shrugged and straightened the sheet, wanting even more to be out of the hospital.  The room was starting to feel smaller and she was feeling even more trapped.

He dragged a chair closer to her bed.  “Faith, I don’t want to go back.  I need to go back.  Angel’s been complaining about some thorn he has in his bleeding side.  His timing is awful, as usual, but I need to help him with that and then I’ll come back.  It shouldn’t take long.”

“Like I said, do what you gotta do.”  Faith reached for the television remote, but Spike took it out of her hand before she could turn it on.

“Damn it, Faith.”  Spike stood up, dropped the remote on her bed and began to pace.  “I am not leaving you.  Do you understand that?”

“You’re not leaving me?  Why should I care what you do?  You’re not mine.  You don’t belong to me.  I don’t even know why you’re telling me any of this.  Do what you got to do.  It’s not like I’ll be going anywhere anytime soon.”

Spike sat back down.  “That’s the thing, isn’t it?  You can’t leave.  You can’t run away and hide from me.  Not this time.”

“It has nothing to do with you.  I don’t like being in one place long.  Never have.  Never will.”

He looked pained for a moment.  “Faith, I think I’m-”

“Don’t,” she said.  “Whatever it is you’re going to say, don’t fucking say it."

“- in love with you.”

“Why don’t you ever listen?”  Faith threw the sheet back and tried to get out of bed.  She felt a sharp pain in her stomach and her breath caught in her throat.  Bad idea, Faith. She leaned back.

“Faith…”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

''‘Doing what’?  You know exactly what you’re doing.”

“I’m about to leave.  Wanted you to know how I felt before I left.  Not even you can think that’s a bad thing.”

Faith turned away from him.  “You expect it to change everything.  That word doesn’t mean shit.  People use it all the time.  They say they love you right before they leave for days on end.”  She turned and glared at him.  “They say they love you when they touch you, even when you keep telling them, no, and that it’s wrong, but they insist its right because they love you.  Love doesn’t mean much to me, so when you say it…”

“Faith-”

“And don’t start with the pity.  My life sucked.  So.  Fucking.  What.  ‘Poor, Faith’.  I knew what people said about me, that I never had a chance.  Mom was a drinker.  ‘Faith doesn’t know who her dad is.’  ‘She was left alone too much.’  And when mom was home, it didn’t take her long to pass out.  Shit, all the guys had a little too much time on their hands when that happened.  ‘Jeez, I wonder what they can do to pass the time’?”  Her voice reeked with sarcasm.  “Mom always apologized and cried the next day.  Promising she’d change.  That it wouldn’t happen again.  Guess what?  It happened again--too many fucking times for me to even count.  I dealt.  I will always deal.”  Her voice broke.  “And you saying you love me isn’t going to change any of that.  So who gives a shit what you say?” 

Where in the hell had all that come from?  She must’ve been more drugged-up then she thought she was.

He took her hands in his.  “I am in love with you.” 

She yanked her hands away.  “I hate you.”  And in that moment, she meant it.

He looked at her like he understood what she had gone through.  Like he understood what it was like being her.  There was no way for him to know.  No way.

She couldn’t help but look back at him.  She had hurt him; there was no doubt about it.  It was his fault, not hers.  She had pushed him away more times than she could count, and here he was.  He wouldn’t let her go.  Why wouldn’t he let her go?  She didn’t deserve any of this. 

He’s a vampire, for shit’s sake.  Maybe this was just what she deserved.  She could stay with him and grow old, if she even lived that long.  Eventually her looks and body would go, and he’d still look like he did at this very moment.  Maybe this was exactly what she deserved. 

“It won’t last,” she said.

“What won’t last?”

“What is it with you and this love thing?  You always think you’re in love until someone else comes along.  And then surprise, ‘Spike’s in love with somebody else.’  What makes this time any different?”

Spike stood up.  “Bloody hell, woman.  Because I know it’s different.  That’s why.”  He sighed heavily.  “I have to go to L.A.  Call it a sense of duty.  But when I come back to you, I’ll prove it then and make you believe.”  He turned toward the door and then stopped, never looking at her.  “I’ll be back, Faith.  You can be sure of it.”

XXXXX

“I can go with you,” Andrew said.

“Oh, because when we hung out the last time it worked out so well?” Emma said, putting her shoes on.

“I’m sorry.”  He sighed.  “Some Watcher I’ll be.”

She had meant it as a joke, but from the look on his face, he wasn’t taking it that way.  “I was kidding.  Wasn’t your fault.  Wasn’t anyone’s fault.  And you figured out the secret of the goo.”

He chuckled.  “Sounds like a Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew mystery.”

“Who?”

“Classic TV.  They were teenagers that solved mysteries.”

Emma had no idea what he was talking about.

“Never mind.”  He rolled his eyes.

She figured she might as well level with him, not like she had a choice.  If she didn’t, he would take it personally and not believe her when she said it wasn’t his fault.

She leaned against the front door.  “I need to do this.”

“Need?”

“I’m a little weirded out about going there alone.  Only one way to ditch the fear.  You know?”

A look of understanding flashed across his face.  “Oh.  You need to conquer the Meijer store-fear.”

“I used to go there alone all the time and didn’t think anything of it.  I need to get to do it again.  It’s stupid to be scared.”

“Sometimes, I guess.”

“Sometimes,” she agreed.  “Now I’m off to get Faith more stuff.  She’s going to have a heck of a time getting it all back here.”

“If she brings it back.”

“Good point.”

XXXXX

Spike had been gone for over a week.  Faith kept telling herself that she didn’t care.  She just wanted to blow this place.  Fucking hospital.  She hated them.  Hated them even more when she was the patient.  Patient?  She was anything but.

Buffy came in as she was putting the last of her things into her bag.  "Need any help?” she asked.

“Nope,” she said as she zipped up her bag. 

“Where’s all the balloons and stuff?”

Faith slung her bag over her shoulder and glanced around the room.  “I told the nurse to take them to the children’s ward.  Not like I need them.”

“How do you feel?” Buffy asked as her brow creased in concern.

Faith turned to her.  “Doc said I’ll be okay.  Gonna have a scar.  Not a big deal, it’ll keep the other one company.”  She saw the guilt creep into Buffy’s face.  She sighed--hard.  Stupid thing to say.  “I’ll be fine.  Let’s go.”

Faith was surprised to see the van waiting for them outside the visitor’s entrance.  She was even more surprised to see Emma driving it.

“Faith!” Emma yelled, getting out of the van and running up to her.  “Let me take that.”  She grabbed Faith’s bag out of her hand.

“I got it,” Faith said, trying to pull it back, but that made her stitches pull again.  God, she couldn’t wait to get those things out. 

“I knew you needed help.”  Emma strode over to the passenger door of the van and opened it.  “Get in.”

Faith turned and looked at Buffy.  “What is it with the young ones being all bossy nowadays?  I don’t get it.”

Buffy laughed.  “Oh, like you weren’t bossy when you were younger... or older... or now.  Nice try.  Now, get in the van before she tries to pick you up and put you in.”

Faith wouldn’t put is past the younger Slayer.  “I’m getting in,” she told Emma.  “Back off.”

Emma gave her a sideways glance and then jumped into the van.  They rode home in silence.
 
“We moved your stuff back upstairs,” Buffy said as she opened the front door. 

“Why’d you do that?”

Buffy cocked her head slightly to one side.  “Why do you think?”

Faith tried to avoid looking at her.  This was one discussion she didn’t feel like getting in to.  Why couldn’t people just drop stuff?  One thing she’d never understand.

“I’m tired,” Faith said as she grabbed her bag from Emma.  “I’m taking a nap.”  She threw the bag over her shoulder and willed herself not to wince at the pain it caused.  She’d be damned if she’d let somebody help her again.

As soon as she got to her room, she closed the door and locked it, dropping the bag to the floor.  Getting stabbed in the stomach once, bad.  Falling into a coma that wasn’t drug-induced, worse.  She tried to convince herself that she was better off this time.

“Faith?” Dawn called through the closed door.

Faith shook her head.  She knew this would be coming, she was hoping that it wouldn’t be so soon.

“Faith?” Dawn repeated.  “You still awake?”

Faith ambled toward the door and opened it.  “Haven’t been up here long enough to fall asleep.”

“Can I talk to you a second?”  Dawn slumped against the doorframe.  “It’ll only take a minute.”

Faith managed a weak smile.  “Why not?”

Dawn pitched herself forward and sat on the bed.  Faith leaned on the same spot Dawn had just vacated.

“Thank you,” Dawn said.  “You tried to save my life.”  She pointed toward the bandage that peeked out from underneath Faith’s shirt.  “You got that trying to save me.  That’s not something I’ll forget.  I was hoping we could start over.  Bygones and all.  If it’s okay with you?”

Faith shrugged.  “I’m a Slayer.  That’s what I do.”

Dawn stood up and walked over to her.  “I don’t care if that’s what you do.  You tried to save my life.” 

Faith stood up and shrugged.  “Fine.  Whatever-”

“I just wanted you to know that it was appreciated.  It’s all going to work out,” Dawn said and then she smiled.  “I just know it.”

Faith couldn’t prove it, but she suspected that the new and improved version of Dawn had something to do with Emma or maybe even B.  She’d never know for sure, but she wasn’t going to be looking no gift-horse in the mouth either.

XXXXX

Faith rolled over and rubbed her eyes, the movement pulling on her stitches.  She winced and pulled herself up slowly.  She must’ve slept for awhile because she was starving..

She stood at her bedroom door and listened.  Silence.  Good.  She wasn’t in the mood for anymore one-on-one, heart-to-heart talks.  She just wanted to eat.

She made her way down the stairs slowly.  Despite the odd twinges here and there, her side didn’t hurt so much anymore, but it still wasn’t all that great of a feeling.

She grabbed a bowl out of the refrigerator and inspected the contents.  It’d do.  She shoved it into the microwave.  Not wanting to wait, she glared at the time indicator and willed it to count down a little faster. 

“Dawn made the spaghetti,” Xander said.

Her shoulders slumped.  So much for being alone.  “Any good?”

“Surprisingly, yes,” he said, a note of amazement in his voice.  “She’s been doing a lot of cooking lately.”

“Guess everyone needs a hobby.”  The microwave dinged.  Faith opened the door, grabbed the bowl and sat down at the kitchen table.  “Where is everybody?”

Xander sat down across from her.  “I’m not sure.  Hard to keep track.  Everyone’s got a lot of time on their hands with no current big bad to fight.”

“I guess that’s a good thing,” she said as she shoved a forkful of spaghetti into her mouth.

She ate in silence and had almost finished when Xander asked, “How are you feeling?”

“Fine.”  She shrugged her shoulders.  “I should be golden in no time.”

“Not what I meant.”

She dropped her fork into the bowl.  “Just stop.”

“Am I pushing it?”

“Not just you.  It’s everybody.  I didn’t die.  Enough of the nicey-nice.”

“I don’t think that’s it.”  He reached for the bowl and pulled it toward him.  He ate a bite of spaghetti.  “Not bad.  Tastes better the second time around.”

“Oh, go ahead.  I was done.”

He smiled.  “I kinda got that when you dropped your fork.”

“There’s more in the fridge.”

“This is good.”  He finished the spaghetti and pushed the empty bowl back in front of her.

Faith couldn’t help it.  She yawned.  “Damn.  Feel like I haven’t slept in a month and that’s all I’ve been doing.”

“And that surprises you?”

“I guess not.”

“You should rest.  Get ready for whatever’s coming.”

“What’s coming?”

“Who knows,” he said as he stood up.  “There’s always something.”

XXXXX

“Faith?”

“What?”

“How can I be dreaming this?  I’m not sleeping, am I?” Buffy asked.

“How in the hell am I supposed to know what you’re doing, B.  Last thing I knew I was upstairs taking a nap... again.”

“Oh!  I fell asleep on the couch.  The nap thing sounded pretty good to me, too.  Too much sugar from all the cookies Dawnie baked.”

“Now that we got that settled, where in the hell are you?”  Faith squinted into the bright light, surprised that she had forgotten all about these.

“I’m here.”

Faith jumped, Buffy was standing right behind her.  “Warn me next time.” 

“You jumped and didn’t grimace.  That’s new.”

Faith reached down and hiked up her shirt.  There were no bandages, no scars.  “Dreams are kinda cool in that way I guess,” she said, pulling her shirt back down.  “So why are we here, B?”

Buffy sighed.  “I don’t know.”

A feminine voice in front of them called out, “You know it’s got to be pret-ty important for me to be here.”

“Cordelia?” Buffy asked, not able to keep the complete surprise out of her voice.

“You were expecting Oprah?”

“What are you doing here?” Faith asked. 

“Are you the one who’s been causing these things?” Buffy added. 

Cordelia nodded her head.  “It’s a Powers That Be thing.  Just because I’m dead doesn’t mean I still don’t have stuff to do.  I’m kind of important nowadays.”

“The higher being thing.”  Buffy looked at Faith.  “I never really got that.”

“Hey!” Cordelia said, “Standing right here.”

“What?” Faith said as she looked at her.  “I mean, come on.  What is this?  Why are you here?  And why are we here?”

She floated to them.  “Neat trick, huh?” 

The brightness lessened, but a swirl of fog still blocked the view of their surroundings.  The only thing Faith could see was the three of them.  Cordelia, wearing all white, almost blended completely into the cottony atmosphere.

The joking tone disappeared from Cordelia’s voice.  “I don’t know how else to say it, so here goes.”  Her voice broke as she continued, “Spike went back to L.A. to help Angel fight the Circle of the Black Thorn.  Wes and Gunn are dead.”

“Oh, God,” Buffy cried.

“I want to wake up now,” Faith said.  “I’ve had enough fun for one day.”  Wesley was dead?  Wes?  It couldn’t be possible.  Faith was supposed to die before he did.  He was the good guy.  “I want to wake up,” she repeated.

“Keep it together, you two,” Cordelia said.  “Spike and Angel are… they need you.  I’ve told you all I’m allowed.”  She turned to go; glancing back over her shoulder she added, “You need to go to L.A.--The Hyperion.”

“When?” Faith and Buffy asked in unison.

“Now."

Faith didn’t think it was possible, but the brightness became even more radiant before disappearing altogether, Cordelia along with it. 

Faith and Buffy were standing in the street outside the Hyperion; the hotel Angel used to call home.

From what Faith could tell, there wasn’t much left of the old building’s structure.  Part of her expected to see smoke rising from the ruins; that didn’t happen.

“Are we dreaming?” Buffy asked.

“Not anymore.”

Faith knew how realistic Slayer dreams could be sometimes, but this was different.  She didn’t have any doubts.  It was real.

“We’re really in L.A., aren’t we?” Buffy asked.

Faith took a step forward.

Buffy reached out and tugged on her elbow.  “Are you ready for this?”

“Do we have a choice?”

Buffy sighed.  “I think I want to wake up, too.  What if they’re-?”

“We won’t know if we keep standing out here,” Faith said.  “Let’s just get this over with.”

“Too bad Cordelia couldn’t have loaded us up with a weapon or two,” Buffy said.
 
Faith yanked on the front door, and jumped back as it came crashing down to the ground.  “This’ll be fun.”

“We have sunlight on our side.”

“Yeah, if we stumble across any uglies, we’ll ask them to follow us outside.”  Faith said as she stepped across the threshold and into the rubble that used to be main lobby.

“Don’t snap at me!”  Buffy said, following her in.

“Sorry.  Little on edge, B.”

“Which way?”

“How am I supposed to know?”

“Hey, snappy.”  Buffy glared at her.  “Where would you go if you were a wounded vampire?”

“Basement.”

“Let’s go.”

The light leading downstairs wasn’t good.  Add that to the fact that there weren’t many stairs left.  They’d be lucky if didn’t end up a twisted pile of broken limbs at the bottom of the steps.

“Shit.”

“Where’s good vampire senses when you need them?” Buffy asked.

“Hiding somewhere with the good vampires.”

“I can’t see anything.”

“Me neither.”

“This is pointless”

“Just be quiet and listen.  Do I need to draw you two a map?” Cordelia said.

“Where the hell are you?” Faith asked.

“I’m gone.  Just like Angel’s soul when he’s got a happy.”  There was no escaping the sigh that echoed through the abandoned basement.  “Go to your left.  All the way to the back.”

“Why didn’t you just say so in the first place?” Buffy asked.

“You’re welcome.  Now I’m outta here... for real this time.” 

“You heard her,” Buffy said.  “Let’s go to the left.”

“Right behind you, B.”

Faith wasn’t sure if it was her eyes getting used to the dark or if it was getting lighter, but it was getting easier to see down here.

“There!” Buffy called, pointing.

Faith’s gaze followed her finger.  There was no mistaking the two shadowy figures slumped against the wall.

“What’s wrong with them?”

“Let’s go find out,” Faith said tentatively.  This was getting to be too much.  Even for her.

Not having a lot of light to work with, she couldn’t see much, but there was no mistaking the still forms of Spike and Angel.  “They’re not dead,” she said.  “They’d be dust and we wouldn’t be looking at them right now.”

“Good point.”

Buffy bent down in between the two.  Faith would’ve been blind not to see the shock that spread across her face.

“What?”

“They’re alive.”

“We already knew that.”

“No,” Buffy said, the meager light reflecting the unshed tears that glistened in her eyelashes.  “They’re alive, Faith.”