Subject: Moles Bros Band - Sat 8/9 - Sweet
Greetings from your favorite entertainment director!
Judging by all the "thank you " emails I got back this week - seems that many of you took up my suggestion to check out the Funk Fhilharmonik concert in Huntington Village last Thursday. See - I told you they'd be fantastic. That nice Finkelstein boy who plays drums for them, in turn, thanks you for coming. For those of you who saw the Moles Bros along with "Sidewinder" at Jimmy Myers party on Saturday - on behalf of both bands - thank you for the ovations!
So once again - we learn the lesson ... listen to me when I tell you about an upcoming show! ... and have I got suggestions for you this weekend! (Teaser: Little Wilson Band Fri night at Viva Juan in Huntington.) Yes, I have a sweet show for you to check out this Saturday ... assuming I don't fly out to California to join the flash trendy (and NY Marathon sized) Gubernatorial race. Doubt I can terminate Arnold - but the celebrity status afforded me by the Moles Bros and the Paper Bag should garner me more votes than Gallagher or Gary Coleman.
Jeez - the political world. Still can't get over those images of Saddam's kids on the news. I know the world sees them as sadistic, brutal monsters - but back in the 80's our bass player Richie and I were on tour in the Middle East. One night we were playing a hash bar in Baghdad and actually opened up for the boys. They had started a Beatles cover band called "Uday Goodbye - Qusay Hello." Not bad really and you'd be surprised how effective AK47 armed tummlers are at eliciting uproarious applause.
That reminds me - can you believe how crowds were applauding Kobe today at his court appearance? And can you believe this guy? Even if he is innocent - he buys his wife a 4 carat diamond - as what? Best case - it's a constant reminder to her of his affair. What a twit!
Anyway, as a celebrity, the whole thing has me freaked out. Imagine getting accused of something like that? Man - I'd hate to lose all my band related endorsement deals. Typical example ... found this great Microphone tech guy (quick shout out -"Hey Mrmic!") in Kansas City. Ordered a custom mic and had him work on my other mics. Was gonna run me like $500. Then I tell him I'm in the Moles Bros Band. Sends me a free T-shirt after he gets my check. Stuff like that happens to us celebrities all the time. Sweet.
Sweet, sweet, sweet - yes, I did sometime back promise you the info on a sweet show this Saturday (8/9 at 10pm for those of you keeping score at home). Well, that would be the sweet sounds of the Luscious Moles Bros Band appearing at that home of mellifluous music, Rock-A-Fellas on Larkfield Road in East Northport.
As always, directions to the club are available at our beloved little website. For your viewing pleasure, there is also a savory new Elvgren PinUp girl to promote the show. Nice little summer ice cream motif - check it out:
http://geocities.com/molesbros
As always - thanks for supporting live music ... now with all the sugar references - how about ...
Cloyingly yours ~ Joe
PS: You can, of course, get off this mailing list by replying to this email with the words "Please, I'm begging you - stop already" in the subject line. However, since I did an "Arnold" joke without resorting to an "I'll be back" punchline - I think that such a reply would be very shallow of you at this time.
PSS: Harp players. Mr. Mic, aka Dennis, is the real deal. Check out his website:
http://www.mrmicrophone.com
Sent: Wednesday, August 20, 2003 8:54 PM
Subject: Moles Bros Band - Fri 8/22 - God Save the Grid
Greetings from the darkside -
Well - the still fragile East coast power grid gets its first major test this weekend as the Moles Bros Band plug in for 2, count em 2 gigs this weekend. Our amps will be drawing major amps at one public and one private show and I'm just hoping the opening chords to " Communications Breakdown" don't become prophetic and cause another catastrophic cascade of gloom, doom and darkness.
So did we all make it through okay? I bolted work shortly after the 4:11 fiasco (numerologists can't be thinking good thoughts about the number 11 these days) and made it home okay - scoffed down some of my more precarious perishables and settled down by candlelight to listen to my 30 year old $14 transistor radio while thousands of dollars of entertainment and computer equipment took the night off.
Bless their little IC's. Anyway, for the benefit of you out of area readers, things returned to normal rather quickly. No looting to clean up - although I heard one pundit claim that looting is actually a sign of optimism in a populous - as in "Gee - the power's going to come on eventually - and when it does - I'll be glad I have this new DVD player."
New York gave itself many pats on the back for behaving so well. The power was off for a few hours and we didn't resort to cannibalism. Yeah us! Think we might be setting the bar a little low for ourselves? Personally - I was thinking 4 days of this and it's 'The Lord of the Flies." Maybe I'm just a pessimist - as evidenced by my lack of a new DVD player.
But as I said, life here returned to normal - I restocked some emergency supplies - batteries, bottled water and unscented candles for a friend of mine. During the blackout, I went to check on someone and found her sitting in her apartment - all aglow with candles - and the place smelling like the entrance of Macy's at Christmas after a multi pronged spritzer girl assault.
So I hope this helped you out of towners catch up on the mood of your former home - although those of you now out in California have your own troubles - I'm quite sure the people of Iraq watching the CNN reports of the upcoming election are just quivering in anticipation for the glories of their coming democracy.
Ahh - but while they may be a tad nervous about a new form of government - they've got to be looking forward to the freedom to rock and roll - the kind of gloriously wild, power grid stressing, rock and roll you can see twice this weekend - once at a Saturday pool party - (sorry - closed set - invitees only - and we have no guest list to work with - okay - so the Iraqis can look forward to limited freedom to rock and roll) and also at that hip little club where freedom and the Moles Bros reign - Rock-A-Fellas on Larkfield Road in East Northport - Friday night - 10 PM showtime.
Directions to the show - along with a timely Elvgren PinUp girl to promote the weekend - are available at our very EC ("energy-ly" correct) low wattage website:
http://www.geocities.com/molesbros
Hope to see you at there - if your lights are aglow - the show is a go.
~ Joe
Sent: Wednesday, September 03, 2003 9:52 PM
Subject: Moles Bros Band - Sat 9/6 - Summertime Blues
Hey -
So Labor Day has come and gone and with it the summer season. Some summer huh. I'm not even going to bother to string out all the adjectives. That'd just be piling on and I really don't think you need to be reminded. Ain't no cure for this summertime's blues. This is now at least 3 awful seasons in a row - and I believe that does fit the government's definition of a Climatic Recession.
Pretty much goes along with the economy - where the news gets glummer and glummer and the BDI has hit a new high. That, of course, would be the "Broken Dream Index" - which, if I remember from economics class, is calculated thusly:
Packages of Ramen Noodles Purchased x Pints of Blood Sold
Number of Weeks of Unemployment Insurance Remaining
But as performers - we know that it is our sworn to duty to entertain no matter how bad things get - all the more important in bad times - and the Moles Bros Band is poised to put on a great show for you.
With almost miraculous timing - my custom made vintage Shure harmonica mic will be arriving just before showtime. Mr. Mic, aka ToneZilla of Kansas City, finished up the vocal mics he was working on for the upcoming ZZ Top Tour and laboriously labored right through Labor Day to get mine done. I am chomping at the bit to take it our for a public wailing.
One slight downer - I tried to get the band into the spirit for a special show. Thought it would be a good idea to relive that magic MTV moment - the now infamous Madonna/Spears kiss. Mark and Kevin won't go for it. Back up plan is to try to get some of our audience members to join us onstage for a little girl on girl smooch.
May cost me a few drinks - but with some of our regulars - I gotta feelin' it'll happen.
So take a few hours off to escape the dreary weather, the dreary economy, the dreary war and come on out to indulge your aural pleasures and sapphic fantasies with the Fabulous Moles Bros Band - this coming Saturday night (9/6 10PM) at the always rockin' Rock-A-Fellas on Larkfield Road in East Northport.
Directions to the club - as well as a photo of those trampy gal pals to promote the gig - are available at this kinky little website:
http://www.geocities.com/molesbros
Hope to see you at the show.
~ Joe
Sent: Tuesday, September 16, 2003 11:21 PM
Subject: Moles Bros Band - Fri 9/19 - Batten Down the Hatches
Hey Ho Let's Go -
So just before starting this little rant, I naturally did a quick check of my email ... and in came this hour's flood of spam. All the usual suspects - which I won't name here - not for any reasons of taste and decorum - but rather not to set off a host of spam filters, set on your end, to block "those words" and inadvertently prevent you from receiving this week's tale of music and woe.
One of these (actually 14 identical copies) recurring email got me thinking though. You know the one - offering to ... again, how do I say this without triggering the filters - well - let's give this a whack (pun intended) "increase the size of my peeper." I'm begining to understand how Olympic athletes feel about steroids - if everyone else is using - will they have to start doing them just to compete?
But I digress from the task at hand (pun not intended) ... I'm sending this early as our saga of nasty horrid weather continues. Now it's hurricane from hell, aka Isabel, bearing down on us. Pushing tides to dangerous heights and pushing a whole gaggle of jokes back a gig or two. I want to get this email out while electricity and internet nodes around the country remain high, dry and on ... cause after the clean up you'll be looking to cut loose - and what's more fun than an evening with the Moles Bros? So I gotta let you know now you know ...
Ahhh - this week's postponed bits. I had a nifty little Iraqi war gag worked up around the phrase 'Mess-O-Potamia;" some whining about estimated quarterly tax payments and the new IRS instructions to make the check directly out to "Halliburton;" and how the band's schedule is now completely up in the air trying to keep a date open to be able to play the on again, off again, "Bennifer" wedding.
But Mama Nature decides to freak out again end the summer season with yet more wind and rain - rushing me to e-press. So if Isabel doesn't blow the roof off Rock-A-Fellas - the Fabulous Moles Bros Band will take a shot at doing the same with a few new tunes and a slammin new harp mic this Friday night (9/19) starting at 10pm. Rock-A-Fellas - as you all know by now, is located on Larkfield Road in East Northport - assuming the storm hasn't blown it into Commack.
Directions to the club's presumed location, along with a clever little ad to promote the show featuring a yet another Gil Elvgren Pinup girl (and a personal favorite) are available at this boarded, duct taped and hopefully hurricane proof website:
http://www.geocities.com/molesbros
Signing off on behalf of the now "bigger than ever" Moles Bros Band ... the tropically depressed,
~ Joe
PS: If you're looking for something to do this Wed night (9/15 - 10pm) - I'll be sitting in for a few songs with the always entertaining "Deno Blues Gang" at Chesterfield's in Huntington Village. Come on up for a set - should be a good show. Last chance to blow your blues away before Isabel does.
Sent: Thursday, October 02, 2003 10:22 PM
Subject: Moles Bros - Sat 10/4 - Outing and Selling Out
Happy Rock-tober!
Always one to jump ugly on a trend - we've got a fun one this week - outing CIA operatives!
With our band's extensive world touring - it's would only be natural for the Fed's spook division to approach one of us to do a little "foreign research." That's my working assumption anyway - and I'm starting to think it a tad suspicious that whenever pick up a date - our bass player has to check his "book" to see if he has another "gig." hmmmmmm ....
But you didn't hear that from me.
We are proud of the accomplishments of another of our band mates though. Our drummer was honored with an Emmy last week. The "Best Performance In A Surveillance Video" award went to Mitch for a piece titled "Hitting On A 7-11 Clerk."
So we had the pleasure of the Democratic and California Recall debates last week. I watched. Came down with a cold right after them. I'm pretty much better - but I can't help but think there was a connection there. Any of you out there who also saw them probably won't think that idea too far fetched.
While I was sick - I listened to a few baseball games on the radio. For those of you who still don't think the world has gotten way too commercial - how's about this one. The announcer does the standard bit, "blah blah pictures, descriptions and accounts of this game without the express written consent of major league baseball is prohibited." When he's done, he goes on to tell us that "the preceding copyright disclaimer was brought to you by ... (some company I can't remember)."
The disclaimer had a sponsor! How ridiculous is that?!?!?!?!?!
If you're shocked and appalled by "crass consumerism gone wild" - never fear. You'll never get that kind of nonsense at a Moles Bros Show. No cover, no sponsors to pander to - nothing but straight ahead rock and roll all night long - just for the sheer enjoyment of playing. (All right - we almost caved recently - soon to be Dad Kevin was close to selling the naming rights to the kid - but wisely, Debbie wouldn't go for "Little Baby Visa.") Your next chance to see and hear some music in it's pure, unadulterated form will be this Saturday night (10/4 - 10pm) when the Uncorrupted Moles Bros Band rock in Rock-tober at Rock-A-Fellas on Larkfield Road in East Northport.
Directions to the club along are available at this unspoiled, pure as the driven snow website (where the "Corporate Sponsors" section ads are all fake):
http://www.geocities.com/molesbros
While we're not sell-outs - we hope the show will be. See you there.
~ Joe
Sent: Wednesday, October 15, 2003 11:39 PM
Subject: Moles "Uncles" Band - Fri 10/17
Greeting from the brink -
So as I sit to write this - our singer Kevie Love and his Lovely Lady Deb are in the hospital delivering the aforementioned and almost named "Little Baby Visa." Guess that's gonna make the rest of us Moles Bros uncles to this soon to join the wacky world little lad.
... and perhaps fortunately for all of us - it seems there may still be a world for the little fellow to join. Again as I write - seems the Cubbies are getting their little bottoms whooped. As we all know, according to scripture, a Red Sox v. Cubs World Series is one of the signs of the apocalypse. The now infamous "Eight in the Eighth" was bad news for Chicago - but good news for the Moles Bros new nephew!
However, we wouldn't been on the brink of cataclysm tonight had the damn Yankees held on to win today. They'd better win game seven - or on Friday I'll be crankier than Kev and Deb's little one with a wet diaper. Won't make for a happy show ...
Oh right - that's right - haven't mentioned that yet - we've got a show this weekend. Hope there won't be trouble. Ever since Arnold "The Gropinator" won in a landslide out in Callie-Forn-yah, the band's been worried. If groping is now acceptable - how are we ever going to be able to compete a set without a constant barrage of fans coming up on stage for a little twiddle. With instruments in hand - we're virtually defenseless. Oh well - guess we'll just open up with "Hard To Handle" and hope for the best.
Now let's see how many synonyms for "grope" I can "squeeze" into this last paragraph ...
So, if you "feel up" to a bit of inspired mayhem this World Series Eve (Friday - 10/17) - "poke" your head out the door, start the car, "put it in" first, release the "clutch" and make your way to Rock-A-Fellas on Larkfield Road in East Northport. At the "stroke" of 10 - we'll "nuzzle" our way through the crowd, "press" our way onto the stage - "grasp" our instruments, start to "explore" the musical realm and "squeeze" out some rock and roll tunes for you ... maybe even a "touching" ballad or two.
Hope to see you "frisky" cats "snuggling" up and "caressing" each other on the dance floor.
"Fondle"-ly,
~ Joe
Sent: Thursday, October 30, 2003 11:38 PM
Subject: Moles Bros Band - Sat 11/1 - All Saints Day
Boo -
Twas the night before Halloween
And all around my house
Not a hideous creature was stirring
Not even an egg-armed teenage louse.
So believe it or not - those scary boys - the Moles Bros - are not playing Halloween night. Damn - and the one night where our name kinda works ...
... we are however, much to the joy of all, playing the following night ... All Saints Day. Which evidently has inspired Alanis Morissette to release an updated version of "Ironic," with a new verse devoted just to us!
Potential dilemma here. Some of you may be obligated to go out to some lame party on Friday - draining you of much needed energy to make the Saturday event you really want to be up for. Here's a perfect solution for you. Don't go. Call the hosts like next Tuesday and ask them if they liked your costume ... you were a Home Improvement Contractor ... didn't show - didn't call !!!
Speaking of costumes - or lack thereof - how about that photographer - Spencer Tunick. You must have read about him - he got 450 women to pose nude in Grand Central Station. Man, you gotta admire that dude - I have enough trouble talking one woman into taking off her clothes for me. Four freakin' fittie - whew.
Which brings us back to Saturday night - still part of the great Halloween weekend - all of you up with a sugar rush from devouring the extra "just in case lots of kids come this year" candy you bought! Put your costume back on - or better yet - go wild and pretend you're headed out to Grand Central Station - Destination: Rock-A-Fellas - Saturday Night (11/1 - 10pm) on Larkfield Road in East Transylvania - for a real horror show - The Bewitching Moles Bros Band - layin' down some supernatural rock and roll for a spooky little girl like you.
Directions to our ghoul fest - along with a seasonally appropriate Gil Elvgren PinUp girl to help promote the gig - are available at our macabre little website:
http://geocities.com/molesbros
Extra Holiday Bonus - while at the site - check out your special Halloween Moles Bros Horror-scope by special guest psychic - The Great and Mystical Seer - Liana.
Eerily yours,
~ Joe
Sent: Wednesday, November 12, 2003 10:20 PM
Subject: Moles Bros Band - Fri 11/14 - Scandalous
In the words of Scotto Savitt: "Gah Goo"
Our own little lead singer Kevin has been heavy into the goo goos and gah gahs these days as he adjusts to dadhood. So far he seems to be coping pretty well - and while the band has been pretty supportive - so far we've resisted his overtures to add some new material - we're thinking that you guys will not want to hear us cover Raffi and The Wiggles.
But while the band has been successfully resisting overtures - the same can't be said for our friends, the Royals, across the Atlantic (no, it's not a freakin "pond" - enough with that already). Yes, it looks like they are at it again. Haven't heard? Rumors are ye olde Prince Charlie had a palace manservant apply a bit of "spit and polish to the crown jewels." The media has been speculating as to what effect this will have on the monarchy -- but come on - there will be none - lets face it - the Royals are basically just an expensive tourist trap at this point.
Speaking of the media (and I will 4 times in one sentence) - while media bashing is very popular in the media these days - I've got what I think is a legitimate complaint about the media's handling of a juicy scandal right here in the good ole USA. In the past week, I must have read or seen at least 50 reports on the steaming streaming internet sex video starring celebrity ubertramp Paris Hilton. On and on they go about it and nary a one of them has supplied a working web address to download the damn thing. Mighty flighty reporting I'd say ...
So if that's the sort of entertainment you're looking for this weekend - sorry, I can't help you. But for a moment at least, let me pretend that my reading audience doesn't consist mainly of perverts and deviants, and that you might be seeking some slightly more wholesome entertainment. Well then, as long as we focus on "slightly" - you're all in luck! For the Moles Bros Band - those paragons of virtue - are again taking the stage of the world renowned Rock palace, Rock-A-Fellas, on Larkfield Road in East Northport, 11pm this Friday night (11/14).
Directions to the club, along with one of the all time best Gil Elvgren PinUp girls to promote the show, are available at own bawdy little website:
http://geocities.com/molesbros
Hope to see you streaming in for the show.
~ Joe
PS: Coming Soon! Moles Bros at a new venue! Sat 11/22 @ The New Fordham Road - oddly enough NOT on Fordham Road - rather on Laurel Road in East Northport. More about that next week.
Sent: Wednesday, November 19, 2003 10:31 PM
Subject: Moles Bros Band - New Venue - Sat 11/22
Hello fans old and new -
At long last a new room to play in! Outside of a few parties and some fictitious USO gigs I made up for these emails - its been a long time since the Moles plied our trade in a new room. This due in large part to the tough market conditions for live music - and also perhaps in some small part to our utter lameness in getting a demo cd together.
Ahhh but a new room. Fitting - it's been a week for new things. Got a new car. Lease was up. Got another Nissan. Getting harder and harder to find a car with a 5 speed manual. They had to drive it down from Kingston, NY - so it took a few extra days to get my little hands around the wheel. Finally came in on the Saturday after our last show. Strolled into the dealership - strode up to my salesman and extolled: "You know, I never though I'd say these words. 'Dude, where's my car?'"
California's got a new governor. No jokes left to do there. All been done. One thought though - I did see some of the inauguration speeches. New state 1st Lady Maria Shriver read some poetry and looked god awful doing it. Like a vampire 1/2 way through the "exposed to the sun" scene. So sad when good plastic surgery goes bad.
Which of course brings us to the new child molestation charges against "the gloved one." Seems the Jackson fellow will soon be taking off that glove to do a little finger painting session for the boys in blue. No jokes left to do here either - I just wish Paul and Ringo would buy the rights back to their music so I wouldn't have to feel bad about sending money to that creep for buying some Beatles records.
Finally saw the new video release by that girl named after some hotel in Europe. A loyal Moles email reader sent me the file after I complained last week about the media writing all those stories about it and then not supplying the web address. So now I've seen it. If there are any amateur exhibitionists out there amongst our fans - here's some advice: Invest in some lighting.
But lighting won't be a problem this Saturday night - stage lights will be beaming down on your favorite little rock and roll combo - the Moles Bros Band at the aforementioned new venue - The New Fordham Road in East Northport. Nice room for music - which I know from having sat in there on harp a few weeks ago with Sidewinder. Be there Saturday and you'll know it too!
As an added bonus - the always fetching Casey will be behind the bar for your drinking pleasure.
Oddly enough - the New Fordham Road - and its pervious incarnation - Fordham Road - is NOT on Fordham Road - but rather on Laurel Road. So basically, they had a second chance to get the name thing right and whiffed. Although as I think about it - considering the name of our band - perhaps I'm not one to pass judgement ...
Directions to the club - important considering this name problem - as well as a new Gil Elvgren PinUp girl to promote the show, are available at our new and improved website:
http://geocities.com/molesbros
For the web and/or atlas impaired - from 25A - turn south on Laurel Rd - Drunken Donuts and a Mobil Station are your landmarks. Club will be on your left. From Larkfield Rd - after the train tracks - take the left fork. Club will be on your right.
11/22 - historically a big day for change - hope to see you at the new club - always helps to have a crowd there ... we'd really appreciate it ... okay, I'm working the guilt angle here. Hey - it's almost Thanksgiving - been thinkin' family - and hey - Mom schooled me well!
Thanks for supporting live music - old and new!
~ Joe
Sent: Thursday, December 04, 2003 9:37 PM
Subject: Moles Bros Band - Sat 12/6 - It's Chrismukkah
Seasons Greetings!
First off - thanks to all of you who came down to see our premier show at The New Fordham Road. Good sounding room, good crowd, good time. Next show there later in Dec. Another splendid time is guaranteed for all!
Hope you all had as wonderful a Thanksgiving as I did. Significant one for me - Dad passed me the knife and under his tutelage I did a credible job of carving up the bird - extended fam was happy and looks like I got the gig for the next few years.
Seems the nation's retailers had a great Thanksgiving weekend as well - record sales. Keep in mind however that the Thanksgiving weekend tally only accounts for about 10% of total Chrismakkah spending - so it will be some time yet before we know if we've consumed enough to please Jesus.
Yes - it's "Chrismakkah" once again - that big happy merger of those joyous and credit card crashing holidays - Christmas and Hanukkah. Great word huh? But as much as I'd like to - I can't take credit for it. First appearance, to my limited knowledge, was last night on a show called "The OC." If you've never seen it -check it out - if only to see Mischa Barton perform.
Couldn't be a lovelier looking girl. Just adorable. She also couldn't be a worse actor. I've never seen anyone overact facial expressions like her - and I studied silent movies in college. Give it a few minutes for a laugh next week on your local Fox affiliate and you'll see what I mean - but I do mean just a few minutes.
Also worth just a few minutes of flipping time is "The Simple Life" - the new Paris Hilton reality show. A few minutes is all you'll need to concur with this review: "More Obscene Than Her Video."
However, these two little snippets of fun just won't be enough to relieve the stress of the holiday season. I've found over the years that the key to getting through them with some semblance of sanity remaining is to take frequent breaks from holiday parties, shopping, decorating and the like - and the real key is to start those breaks way before you freak.
So take that first stress break this Saturday (12/6 - 10pm) - with a night of good ole rock and roll (sans xmas songs) with the Moles Bros Band - aka Kevie and the Carolers - at that jolly ole club, Rock-A-Fellas on Larkfield Road in merry ole East Northport.
Directions to the club, along with a seasonally appropriate Gil Elvgren PinUp girl AND - to make your shopping easier - my gift registry (complete with clothing sizes) - are all available on our festive little website:
http://geocities.com/molesbros
Ho Ho Ho - see you at the show.
~ Joe
PS - Also new to the site - a little "Comic Sendoff." Real live comic strips reprinted completely without permission
Sent: Wednesday, December 17, 2003 10:33 PM
Subject: Moles Bros Band - Fri 12/19 and Sat 12/27
Ho Ho Ho
So unless you've been living in .... well, a hole I guess - you've heard we got Saddam - looking like the head of the Need-a-Bath Party. Whew! Good timing. What a tragic waste it would have been had they caught em during a week when The Daily Show and Letterman were in reruns. A holiday miracle I'd say. Wadda ya say we all celebrate with some 7UP and Mars Bars!
Yes, free Mars Bars and 7 Up for everyone at our 2 upcoming shows! The least we could for our minions who told me tales of woe - trudging out in the snow 2 weeks ago, only to find that we were cancelled due to the big blizzard. Hey - stick to your story - who'll know?
Yes, the Moles Bros have 2 special holiday shows coming up - and since I might be too busy to get an email out next week - I'm going to announce both shows here. This will help you plan your holiday schedule AND solve a holiday dilemma - how and when to deliver all the wonderful xmas and birthday presents you shopped your little tails off to get me.
(Judging by all the TV and radio commercials - the trendy gift this season is a surprise Lexus! Hope I getta gray one ... )
Anyway - since I'm a winter solstice birthday boy - you can bring me all my BD presents down a few days early to our favorite little spider hole - Rock-A-Fellas on Larkfield Road in East Northport this Friday night (12/19 - 10pm) for a special spread (even more than the free Mars Bars) at the club's 5th Anniversary Party - hosted by the always festive Moles Bros Band. We've made up our set lists - (adding some new songs) checked them twice and are praying some girls will be naughty and nice.
Line up those flu shots Rita ...
Then on 12/27 (10pm) - the Saturday after national goyem day (as my friend Jerome refers to it) - load up my xmas presents into your car and "o come all ye faithful" to our newest venue to see the "Return of the Kings" of rock and roll to The New Fordham Road on Laurel Road in East Northport for some post holiday musical magic.
Rumors abound that more than a few friends "in-town from round the country" will be making an appearance that night. Tis quite possible that even the legendary Mr. Gatti (that's Gatti - not Gotti) may show at the show - and I'll do my best to fill him with rum and get him to sit in on bass for awhile. Been a long long time since I played wit dat boy ...
Directions to both clubs, along with a seasonally appropriate Gil Elvgren PinUp Girl to promote the shows are available at our all decked out in holiday regalia website:
http://geocities.com/molesbros
Well - gotta go - time for me to fight traffic, find a parking spot and finish up my shopping. You know, I've been reading science fiction since I was like 9 - its almost 2004 for gods sake - I should really have a freakin teleporter by now.
Sorry - shopping makes me cranky - I'll be better by showtime - see you there!
~ Joe
PS - Assuming this old dude has any energy left, I just might join Gus, Jimmy, Tony and Lee to blow some harp on a few songs with Sidewinder on Saturday 12/20 at No Limits - 247 South Broadway (Route 107) in Hicksville. Showtime 10pm.
PSS - Thanks to my cousin Charles for this week's "Comic Sendoff" idea for the website. Would seen inappropriate during this festive season to steal a joke form him without credit ... I'll wait till February to do that.
Sent: Thursday, January 08, 2004 11:07 PM
Subject: Moles Bros Band - Fri 1/9 - Happy Flu Year
Happy Flu Year -
So right before $mas - my folks and my sister decide to host a little birthday dinner for me. The day before, they warn me that virtually everyone coming was sick. I decide to be the tough guy - "no problem - lets go for it."
By $mas day - I'm full blown flu boy. You should have bought Kleenex stock.
Anyway - most of the holiday season is spent in bed while my version of reality becomes some odd synthesis of TV and fever induced hallucinations. Get a load of some of the crazy visions/dreams I incurred - wow - they seemed so real ...
Dreamt that NASA sent the winner of Battlebots to Mars. Got Steve "The Alligator Hunter" Irwin all confused with Michael Jackson and thought I saw him dangle his baby over a pit filled with Mad Cows to the adoring roars of his fans. Could have sworn I heard Mayor Bloomberg tell everyone to come to Times Square for New Years Eve and "leave the worrying to the professionals" even though it turns out they had agents w/portable radiation detectors out in the city cause they caught wind of a dirty bomb plot.
Then I thought I heard that Britney Spears did up a drunken Vegas wedding with George Costanza! And if that wasn't strange enough - had a delirium induced fantasy that after 14 years Pete Rose finally fessed up to gambling on baseball games - bitched that the Spears wedding was annulled before he had a chance to put a bet on the over/under and was so bummed that he that he went home to Ohio - claimed he bought - then lost - the winning lottery ticket and sued the actual winner.
The flu - what a long strange trip its been. Fortunately - I seem to be well along the road to recovery - enough so to be able to make it to this weeks Moles Bros gig. We'll be kicking off our first show of 04 this Friday night (1/9 - 10pm) at that Little White Wedding Chapel of music - Rock-A-Fellas on Larkfield Road in East Northport.
Directions to the club - along with a seasonally appropriate Gil Elvgren PinUp Girl to promote the show - are available at our fanciful little website:
http://geocites.com/molesbros
If you're not bedridden with the flu - I'll expect to see you at the show.
~ Joe
Sent: Saturday, January 17, 2004 2:21 PM
Subject: Moles Bros Band 2 nite - 1/17
Brrrr -
Woo Woo Woo - I'm over the flu. Thanks to all who emailed back with words of sympathy. Only a few lingering symptoms - fever induced hallucinations just fading into distant memory - but I am still kind of mentally frazzled and maybe even a tad depressed from being on a such bevy of cold medications for so long. Past few days I seem to be suffering from a case of Reincarnation Anxiety - I'm afraid that when I die I'm going to come back as myself.
So my cold is better - but now it seems the northeast has come down with it. Wow - that was a couple of frigid days - not quite the near Armageddon as portrayed in the ratings crazed news - but damn cold. Thank goodness we're going to get a brief respite this weekend - a veritable heat wave with temps zooming up into the 20's!
As if that's not wonderful enough - the good news keeps on coming ... we just got a call from the Lovely Rita (the bar owner - not the meter maid) asking us to play tonight! The perfect cure for your cabin fever! You've been cooped up for days and with the balmy weather rolling in - its time to don a pair of shorts and come out to see the band!
... and that'll be tonight (1/17 - 10pm) at that warm and cozy little rock club - Rock-A-Fellas on Larkfield Road in East Northport - with the lovely Jen tending bar for your liquid and visual pleasure. As always - directions to the club - as well as a Britney wedding gag to promote the show - are available at our sultry little website:
http://www.geocities.com/molesbros
Hope you take advantage of this break in the weather and come down to the show - and as always - thanks for supporting live music.
~ Joe
Sent: Thursday, February 05, 2004 11:34 PM
Subject: Moles Bros Band - Fri 2/6 - Post Super Bowl Fest
Greetings from Weather Hell -
As you've gathered by now - I try to keep abreast of things going on in the media - if only to supply fodder for these rants. So I guess we all know what well I'll be drawing from this week.
Actually, I thought I was going to be able to forego an email this week. I'd planned to spring for a subliminal ad during the Super Bowl to trick you into coming into the show. Then I did the math ...
... 30 second spots were going for $2.3 million. 30 frames per second x 30 seconds = 900. 2,300,000 divided by 900 = $2,556. That's $2,556 for a single frame of video. Given the money paid to bar bands these days - we could probably cover the tab by November.
Thus - yet another email. Sorry.
The fallout from Teatgate continues. I have to say I was personally offended. Not on the moral issue - but as a musician! What a shame that a tragic pre-ordained wardrobe malfunction deflected attention from the true outrage - how badly the lame, lip synced, musical performances sucked - especially that Nelly character - trying to look tough grabbin' his peeper. Looked more like a 4 year old boy just starting potty training!
I do kinda feel bad for poor Justin though - he's up to three now and still hasn't seen a real one!
But enough on that already. Time is steadily rollin' man toward some real music! The Moles Bros Band is performing this Friday (2/6 -10pm) - and here's a few things you can count on: At our worst - we won't be lip syncing. And when our boy Kevin flashes the crowd - you won't be disappointed by a shallow metal pastie!!! So come down to see some honest music at that superbowlesque, indoor mecca of rock and roll - Rock-A-Fellas on Larkfield Road in East Northport.
Directions to the club - along with a little promo piece with the full regalia "Janet Gone Wild" shot are available at our underexposed little website:
http://geocities.com/molesbros
Hope to see you "hanging out" at the club.
And yeah, the weather will probably be lousy ... so what else is new?
~ Joe
PS: (For those who listen to a lot of radio) In these tough economic times - many of you out there might not be able to afford the Valentine's Day gift you really want to give ... as the $54 tab demanded by the International Star Registry to name a star after your honey (that you might actually be able to see if you have full access to the Hubble telescope) is just way too high. As a more reasonable alternative - for just $3 - I'll name one of the innumerable grains of sand by my front door after them!
Name recorded in file form on my computer. Pay Pal accepted! Have a Happy VD! (eew - maybe that's not such a good abbreviation for our holiday of love.)
Sent: Thursday, February 19, 2004 7:26 PM
Subject: Moles Bros Band - Fri 2/20 - Valentine's Day Massacre
What's up?
... so I'm thinking that this is going to be a great weekend for single people to hook up with someone, as we can pretty much assume the pubs will be filled to the brim with the swollen hordes of the recently detached.
What could have brought about such a sudden massive uptick in the newly unattached you ask? Think about it. Last Saturday was Valentine's Day. At best, a holiday wrought with potential pitfalls - most relating to the complex and convoluted rituals of "gifting" as the ladies like to call it. Figure like 80-90% wait till the last minute to shop. That means millions of people bought gifts for their lovers on that unluckiest of days ... Friday the 13th. The result ...
... romantic carnage! For those of us fortunate not to have been caught up in this calendar induced vortex - we'll be provided with a weekend where we'll be virtually surrounded by the formerly unavailable - dumpers and dumpees alike - adrift - heads swirling in their newfound freedom. Think the dizzy and unbridled joys of eastern Europe when the wall fell!
So how can you even think of not being out there! And the best "there" to be will be this Friday (2/22 -10pm) at that little love shack - Rock-A-Fellas on Larkfield Road in East Northport - with the fabulous and romance inspiring Moles Bros Band to provide the score for your freshly budding relationship! A veritable live soundtrack of love!
Wait - it gets better. The cold got to Mitch. He lit off to Florida with his son for a week or so. We got us a drumming legend to fill in ... none other than Frank Nostro, aka "Timmy Nitro" to ignite the crowd (as well as the band) and to help get those engaging in new amorous adventures to explode with passion!
So people get ready for a wild Friday night - directions to the club - along with a guest appearance by Miss Piggy (look close - thanks to photoshop - not quite the same as the pix making the email rounds) to help promote the show are available at our romantic little website:
http://geocities.com/molesbros
See you singles at the show.
~ Joe
Sent: Wednesday, March 03, 2004 10:45 PM
Subject: Moles Bros Band - Sat 3/6 - Playin the Classics
Me again ...
... and just when you thought "yet another boring weekend," we pick up an extra gig! Yup - not on the regular schedule - but when the Lovely Rita needed a band to fill an open date - who did she call? You guessed it - the always fabulous Moles Bros Band!
Not really a surprise. We're a good draw at the club - the crowd always digs us -'cause we're just a good old fashioned rock band playin' classics you know and love. None of the drivel you hear being passed off as music these days.
You know what's wrong with today's music? You can understand the lyrics!
Now back in our day we never really knew what songs were about: the incomprehensible screaming of Robert Planet (lets play "name the Zappa reference"), the marble mouthed mumblings of Greg Allman, or the outright linguistic fabrications of Steve Miller (now how do I look up the spelling of "pompitous"). Bob Dylan! But the music was good - so we mostly just assumed the lyrics were deep.
Today? We can make out all the words in all their digital clarity - from the mind numbing iambic pentameter rantings of the hip hoppers right through the goofy vocal pyrotechnic gymnastics of "the divas." All pretty much just shallow and vulgar - and I don't get offended easily!
They'll get theirs though. Three plus years of republican rule now. In our post 2/1 world (that would be the date of the super bowl fiasco for those of you who smoked a bit too much listening to all those aforementioned classics way back when) and once again you can feel the tightening of the screws on freedom of speech everywhere.
Fortunately, when the whip comes down we should be okay. How's ole man Ashcroft gonna censor the Moles Bros when he can't understand what we're singing? Hell, most of the time we don't! So fear not the jackbooters this Sat night (3/6 -10pm). Be brave! Venture on out for some musical fun and a little cocktail shopping at everyone's favorite little Stupor Market - Rock-A-Fellas on Larkfield Road in East Northport.
Directions to the club - along with a seasonally appropriate Gil Elvgren PinUp girl to help promote the show are available at our politically incorrect little website (oops - Ashcroft might have something on us there):
http://geocities.com/molesbros
Hope to see you at the show. If you're nice, I may let you look in our lyric book and you can sneak a peek at what you've been listening to all these years!
~ Joe
Sent: Wednesday, March 17, 2004 11:08 PM
Subject: Moles Bros Band - Fri 3/19 - Happy St. Paddy's Day
Happy St. Patrick's Day - hope you remembered to wear an old pair of sneakers.
From my "that's not right" files. This past Sunday, Parade Magazine ran their annual "What People Earn" report. Right next to each other on the cover: Judge Judy - $25 million - Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg - $191,100. Down the page a bit: Singer Hilary Duff - $2 million.
Moles Bros Band - $ (too hideous for publication)
"Oh - the humanity!"
Onto a completely unrelated subject. I recall a joke from few years ago. Food scare of the month club had warned us about grilled hamburgers possibly being carcinogenic. Supposedly McDonalds responded to the news with relief. "All this flap about our burgers is kind of a good thing - diverts attention from what we put in our milk shakes."
The cynic in me has me thinking along those same lines as the same sex marriage debate gathers steam. Not that it isn't a legitimate issue - but from nowhere to the front pages - in an election year? Has me suspicious that maybe the Bush boyz are floating an emotional issue to divert attention from what's going on with the war and the economy ...
... hell - lets solve this whole thing right now. Legalize same sex marriage - but with it comes a constitutional amendment forever banning the use of those gruesome phrases "Life Partner" and "Significant Other." Works for me.
Actually - all this marriage business won't effect the Moles Bros much. While some bands may pick up a few extra gigs in an expanded wedding universe - we don't do weddings. We just do the kind of hard driving live rock and roll that you love to hear at a local bar ... and this Friday (3/19 - 10pm) we'll be puttin' it out there for anyone who wants to listen; married, single or civilly unionized (hmmm - we might want to add that phrase to the amendment) at that romantic little chapel of love - Rock-A-Fellas on Larkfield Road in East Northport.
Directions to the club, along with a Gil Elvgren PinUp girl to promote the show and a purloined comic that just may foreshadow an upcoming email are available at our apolitical little website:
http://geocities.com/molesbros
Mark my words though - 2 years into legal same sex marriage and some indited Mafia CEO or Corporate Don will marry a crony to avoid testimony. Remember - you read it here first.
Now Georgie Boy, Dickie, Johnny - so what is up with the war and the economy????
I'll fill you in with their answers during a break at the show.
~ Joe
PS 1: Sunday, April 4 - 7 pm - Paper Bag - the Movie! Yes that's right, you heard right, the movie of last year's amazing show premiers at The Huntington Village Tavern - 378 New York Ave (Rte 110), Huntington Village, NY ~ 631-271-4828. (Just a few doors down from the site of the former Chelsea's Square Pub.) A map to the club is available at the Moles Bros Website. Hopefully, rehearsal cds for this year's show will be ready for players.
PS 2: Quick shout out from sea to shining sea. Happy Birthday to Scotty K. up in the People's Republic of Cambridge and to the Divine Miss M out in Arnoldfornia.
Part 1