Things have been unusually dull here since the banquet,
and nothing has transpired worth chronicling except the visit of Mr.
Donnicliff, Inspector of Agriculture, who came immediately
after the opening of the bridge, and remaining a few days visited almost
every farm on the Myall and Crawford Rivers, inquiring into the nature of
the forms of blight and disease which have been working so much mischief
amongst the crops during the past few years.
The gentleman in question is thoroughly qualified for the
important duties he is called upon to perform, and the Department is to be
congratulated upon having secured the services of so efficient and
indefatigable an officer.
The Alum Mountain, which was noticed in your issue of the
16th inst., is in full swing, blasting and clearing out the shoot and
being pushed on with all possible rapidity. Whether the fact that is was
characterized in the article referred to as a local wonder, has brought it
home to the residents and visitors of Bullahdelah, that the mountain is
something more than a great knob of sombrous rock that towers 100Oft;
above the township, I cannot say, but that is now regarded as the most
interesting feature in the district, there can be no doubt. For instance,
a travelling photographer has paid us a visit, and several groups
of young ladies and gentlemen in the standing, sitting, and reclining
positions, with the mountain as a background have been taken with very
satisfactory results.
In addition to these, the mountain itself has been
photographed from different points of view, and the pictures obtained met
with approval of all who saw them, with the exception of one individual,
who works in the shoot, and was photographed while his mouth was in an
unbecoming position, but I'll give you his account of the matter as nearly
as I can: -
"'Well,' said he, 'I was
working in the shoot, and it war putty late in the evening whon this
hero photygraf.fin feller hove in sight, humpin something along as
looked like a cross between a barrel-organ, a surveyor's theoderlite,
and a Nordenfeldt gun. He war an innereent sort of a chap to look at,
but you can't take the appearance of these coves fur much, because its
part of their purfession to look as harmless as a lamb, while all the
time they carry more concentrated cussedness to the square inch
consealed on their person then a Sydney larrikin.
But as I war telling you,
he comes along and screwin of his face inter the most angelic smile you
ever tasted; he starts yabberin to the boss. After a few minutes he
twists up his appyratus, on three legs and levels the muzzle of the
darned thing strate at us, has if he war goin to blow us into smitherins
and then he slings a black petticoat over his head, and I thort he war
goin to take his own photer in the karakter of a bearded woman; but he
wasn't cuss him! Then the boss sings out: -
'Steady don't move
an eyelash'
and as I was angshus to
obey the govenor, I never moved a muscle, though I moren suspected there
war somethink wrong with my potater trap. There war another faller
working close to me, who rejoices in the name of Smith and thinks no
small beer of hisself, though he's uglier than Puncher Spilit's hoss,
and I war wonderin what in creashun he war sniggerin about up to the
time we knocked off work; then he ses to me: -
'You'll look splendid in
that picture, you will.'
he ses, and he
opened his mouth to that extent you could see what colored socks he
wore, and laughed until I thort he'd bust.
Then he ses,: -
'Why didn't you wind up
your mouth to its proper place before that feller got a grip of your
phizog.'
'What are you drivin at?'
ses I,' 'Warnt my mouth alright?'
'No,'
He ses: -
'You were a rollin of
that there boulder, and it war too much for you, and you kept a
strainin, and strainin, till your mouth war drawed back to your ear
and ter make things wuss.'
He ses: -
'That feller is goin to
exhibit these in the magic lantern on Thursday night, and you'll be
the laughing stock of the whole town. I wonder what Aramanitter will
say when the lantern reveals your classical mug to the
public.'
Of course I didnt believe
a word of it at the time, but it war too true. I went to see the lantern
business, and the fust view projuced was the one in which I figgered.
Well, you could have knocked me down with a pile-driver when I saw mysef
exhibited in the sheet, with my mouth slued around until it appeared as
if it war nothing but my right ear as kept it from going strate to the
back of my head. Well, Smith war there, Aramanitter, (my girl as Smith
had his eye on) war there, and the hole neighborhood, and his wife and
family war there and every cussed one of them laughin at me, and I
prayin fit to bust that the roof might fall in. Smith hollered out:
-
'Well old stick in
the mud, how do you like your picture now?'
and Aramanitter ses with a
snort: -
'Good grashus is
that your photer'
and away she goes to the
other end of the form where Smith war sittin, and everyone war shoutin
and hollerin somethink awful. I could not stand it no longer, so I made
a rush fur the door, cleating three forms every bound, wishing I war an
avalanche, a railway accident, or a volcanic eruphun, that I might send
the whole darn lot into the golden future, without a moments notice. I
waited outside to brain the photographer but he smelt a rat, and cleared
by the back way. There has been a tremenjus run on the photer, he's
sellin 'em by the score every day for whatever price he likes ter ask.
Aramanitter has never looked at me since but when ever she meets Smith,
she smiles at him as hard as she knows how and now I want ter know
whether I can sue Smith for defamation of kuracter or make the
photographer anti up a royalty on the sale of the
photers."
